Bitchin' Blog Posts
The Playboy Sheikh’s Virgin Stable Girl by Sharon Kendrick
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | September 10, 2009 | Thursday at 6:20 pm | 139 CommentsTitle: The Playboy Sheikh's Virgin Stable Girl
Author: Sharon Kendrick
Publication Info: Harlequin August 2009
ISBN: 0373128436
Genre: Contemporary Romance
I read this book because not one but two different people emailed me and said, to wit, “OMG you have to read this it is HILARIOUS. Like Pregnesia Hilarious.”
One reader said,
“I just had to draw your attention to a stunning read. It’s so bad, it transcends the line between bad and good and becomes rather excellent….
I can highly recommend Kendrick’s latest. Honestly, she’s usually one of the authors that I like - I kind of enjoy the hyper-realism of her stories, and I know what I’m getting. But, for me, this tipped over from presents into parody. It’s truly an experience.”
Then, she quoted The Line, the one line in this book that makes it a Must Read. The money quote that is so ridiculous, you can’t even believe it, and you have to read it over again to make sure you didn’t hallucinate. And THEN, it gets better from there!
How could I not read it?
Eleni Lakis is a young woman living as a virtual servant in her father’s home. Her father is known for his prized horses. Eleni is the secret to his success, as she’s the veiled horse whisperer - or horse whiner, maybe. When the Prince of Calista arrives one evening to play cards and gamble with Eleni’s father, she knows it won’t end well. Her father’s life of wealth is a masquerade; the only thing he has of worth is his horses - and his daughter, not that he treats her as such. And Prince Kaliq Al’Farisi is like the John Shaft of the desert. Witness his arrival:
Robes of pure silk clung to the hard sinews of his body and as he approached Eleni could see a face so forbidding that some deep-rooted fear made her wonder if he had the power to turn to dust all those who stood before him.
And a face so inherently beautiful that it was as if all the desert flowers had bloomed at once.
Aw, yeah.
It was then that Eleni understood the full and daunting truth. Her father’s bragging had been true for riding towards their humble abode was indeed Prince Kaliq Al’Farisi. Kaliq the daredevil, the lover of women, the playboy, the gambler and irresponsible twin son of Prince Ashraf. The man, it was said, could make women moan with pleasure simply by looking at them.
You’d think that would be enough, what with the breathless descriptions of unparalleled masculine beauty and sexual prowess. But no. It’s time for The Line, the one sentence that is so majestic, it’s almost impossible to believe that it’s real.
It’s found within the first 20 pages, but if you take this book in your hands to enjoy it, you shouldn’t stop there. It’s hilariously ridiculous and too much fun to stop. But the rule is, much like this review, you cannot take the book too seriously. If you do, you’ll hurt yourself or an inanimate object. Really.
Here it is, the reason I had to read this book:
Kaliq dismounted with the same speed and grace as he would remove himself from the body of a woman he had just made love to.
OH, my GOSH, it’s a revelation! It’s just… delicious crazy!
But wait, there’s more! This entire book is so freaking crazy, it speaks for itself.
Kaliq sees Eleni for the first time:
Kaliq glanced over at her, his antennae automatically alerted by the sound of a woman’s voice. It was soft and soothing, he thought—like cool, running water running through this oppressive and stuffy room. And it was curiously fluent for a servant. His eyes narrowed, but he could not see whether she was plain or beautiful.
Antennae? Like, he’s a hemi-pene? Wouldn’t it be just the one antenna?
Also, I love when cool running water is running. Run, water, run! Run like the wind! Run like the bosoms in Kaliq’s frustrated imagination!
Her head was covered with a veil and the clothes she wore were drab and concealing—and while they were entirely appropriate for a woman of her class and status, he would have preferred to feast his eyes on something attractive. Some buxom young thing with her breasts half spilling out, who would pleasure him with the yearning in her eyes!
It’s just like what they always say: if wishes were bosoms, sheikhs would ride.
But it’s not just wishes for bosoms and peen-antennae between them. He and Eleni have something… in common!
‘My father was displeased with his dinner,’ Eleni began, vaguely recalling the noise and the drunken shouts and the mess of lentils splattered all over the floor. ‘He sent my mother to market to buy a chicken and on the way back she stumbled, and fell.’ Eleni swallowed. ‘They think that she was bitten by a snake—but by the time they found her, she was dead and the vultures had long taken away the chicken.’
By the muscular shafts of his thighs, Kaliq’s hands clenched into two tight fists. He had been accused by women of having not a shred of compassion in his hard body but for once he found himself touched by this urchin’s plight. ‘And how old were you?’ he demanded.
‘I was…ten.’
Ten? Almost the same age as he had been when his mother died in childbirth. Kaliq turned away from her troubled and trembling face, unwilling to acknowledge another fierce spear of recognition which burned through him—because some things were better buried away, deep in the dark recesses of memory. Royal and commoner—united by a strange bond. Each and every one of them had their burdens, he recognised bitterly—it was just that some were darker than others.
Oh, the humanity.
Anyway.
Kaliq wins Eleni’s prized horse, and she surprises him by telling him she should be taken with the horse to make sure the horse is happy. And there begins the best nickname ever for a heroine:
Would he not perform better if she were taken along, too? Would not it be infinitely more preferable to spare his stable staff the trouble of having to break in a highly strung horse who might still sulk and refuse to race properly?
He turned back—seeing that this time she had not dropped her gaze, but was meeting his with a steady question in her eyes. The little lizard grew brave for the love of her horse!
It’s romance time, dare I say, BUSINESS Time, when little lizards are brought out, is all I’m sayin’. And he calls her that through most of the book, too. Rwor.
One moment she was modestly looking at the ground—and yet now she was telling her prince about washing out her most intimate garments! Kaliq felt a slow rage begin to simmer in his blood—and not simply because she had been insubordinate.
No, because that flush of pink to her cheeks had made her eyes look as green as pistachios and as bright as new leaves—and, unwittingly and inappropriately, he could feel the sudden hot stir of lust at his groin.
Uh, oh. That doesn’t sound good.
It was a familiar ache. An appetite which demanded to be fed. Desire could sometimes be all the more powerful when it was indiscriminate—and Kaliq was a highly sexed man.
Part of him wanted to throw her down onto the straw and have done with it. For there was no surer way of losing desire for a woman than to take your fill of her. But he sensed that Eleni might be slow to realise that her duty was to please her sheikh in every aspect that he demanded. His mouth curved into a smile. She would soon learn.
NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAM MINUTE HERE MR SHIEKHY PANTS.
Wait, I’m sorry, I take this too seriously. He’s a highly sexed man… and no one understands him like his woman. Except he doesn’t have one. Gosh, the poor prince must go off and jizz randomly at inopportune moments. You know, because desire is all the more powerful when it was indiscriminate, and when you just spontaneously jizz on the wall indiscriminately, then it’s extra more hot.
And he is a highly sexed man. To quote a wise sage, “It is a romance novel rule that any man named Kaliq MUST be highly sexed.”
The rough clothes favoured by her people had been replaced by a fine silk which accentuated the fine curves of her fit and youthful body. Why, his little lizard looked almost beautiful!
He shifted his position so that the ache at his groin grew slightly more bearable.
‘I believe that this is what they would call the “makeover”,’ he observed.
Yup, sure is. And when we get to the part where it’s what they call “the buttmonkey assface hero groveling for six to ten pages because he’s a complete tool,” let me know because I’m so looking forward to it.
Sadly the following is lacking from this book: “The plot.” “The character development.” “The conflict.” “The empathy for either party on the part of the reader.”
“The frustration,” “the wooden dialogue” and “the overwrought descriptions” are here in plentiful supply, though.
She was turning out to be much cleverer than he had ever anticipated—with a native cunning which could spell trouble if he was not careful. She was here simply to help him decide on a horse and to warm his bed at night—and neither of them should forget that. So whose fault was it that they now seemed to be steering towards an inappropriate debate on the openings available for women in Calista? His!
‘Make yourself ready—for we are about to land. It can be a startling experience—but there is nothing for you to fear,’ he said coolly, and began to flick through an English newspaper, knowing that his words weren’t quite true. But what purpose would there be in telling her that take-off and landing were the two most dangerous moments during a flight?
He’s all heart, that Kaliq. Well, except for the antennae and the highly sexed parts. No word yet on which parts those are.
Eleni has flown to England, where it’s very green and very odd, and the women don’t wear traditional garb. She’s taking care of the stallion (the actual horse, not Kaliq), who will race at one point or another, and she’s resisting Kaliq as much as possible, even though they’ve been (*GASP*) put into adjoining rooms.
Because THAT’S not obvious or anything. So of course - SPOILER ALERT - they end up in bed.
What, like that’s a shock? It was to me, actually. It was almost a presumptuous plot device: “This is a romance. We’ve had The Makeover. Now it is time for The Sex Relations.”
He almost lit the lamp to watch her very first orgasm but he did not want to destroy the mood. As it was, the half-light caught her joy and illuminated the tear which trickled slowly down over her cheek and he lowered his head to lick it away.
‘Do not cry,’ he said softly and then, inexplicably, he felt a sudden lurching of his heart. ‘Are you sad that I took your purity away?’
‘No, but I’m sad that you didn’t buy me a pony.’
Wait, sorry. That was me.
Somehow, her first orgasm is her purity, leaving him to dispense of her actual virginity with minimal prep work.
Parting her firm thighs, he thrust into her with one long stroke as he heard her stifle the cry as her innocence was taken from her for ever. How hot and tight she felt. Kaliq moaned. He could have spilled his seed into her right there and then—and why not? For it was the right of the sheikh to take his pleasure where he found it.
You know, with random women, on the wall, on the floor, whatever. Desire is more powerful when it’s indiscriminate. And when desire prefers the wall hangings or livestock to humans and whatnot, it’s just off the hook.
Yet strangely he found himself wanting this eager, unexpected beauty to have the time of her life. To gasp her pleasure once more beneath the onslaught of his sexual prowess. So he held back. He tantalised her with the thrust of his body and then retreated, over and over again until the body of his no-longer-a-virgin began to adjust and to acclimatise to the new sensations which were sweeping over her. How quickly she learnt, he thought in admiration as he sensed her pleasure building once more.
What a man, that Kaliq. He is highly sexed after all.
‘It’s…it’s…Oh! That thing…that thing…it’s going to happen all over again!’
‘Your orgasm,’ he purred—but this time as she convulsed around his aching flesh he joined her, letting go completely, losing himself in a sea of delight, his body juddering as it was racked with spasms which seemed to go on and on, leaving him completely dry and gasping.
The use of the word “juddering” caused a lively discussion on Twitter while I was reading this on my commute home. I was informed that it’s common in UK, Aussie and Kiwi categories. Anne Douglas told me me that instead of rumble strips or speed humps, in New Zealand they have “judder bars.” I proposed a new Olympic sport: speed humps in the judder bar. Anne says she’ll help me judge on execution, originality, and showmanship.
Truly, she was no longer a girl - she had been made into a woman by her sheikh.
I have one thing to say. And that one thing is 0.o
Let’s move on, now that we’ve all been made into women by our sheikhs.
Her eyes fluttered open to find that the early morning sun was creeping in through the muslin drapes and that Kaliq was looking down at her. Anxiously, she searched his face for a sign of what last night had meant to him. Did he still respect her?
...
‘So what did you think of your sexual awakening, lizard?’
She felt the colour stealing into her cheeks. What was she expected to say? ‘It was very…agreeable.’
‘Agreeable?’ He laughed softly, thinking how ironic it was that his little stable girl should give him such a cool response—he, who had been praised to the heavens by society beauties the world over.
If you’ve been praised to the heavens by society beauties the world over, do you respect yourself in the morning?
Pausing in the act of knotting the belt of his robe, he flicked her an impenetrable look. ‘Just two things,’ he drawled. ‘When you prepare for bed tonight, don’t braid your hair like a governess—I wish to see it spread loose over my pillow.’
Her fingers playing with one of the ribbons, Eleni looked at him, unable to deny the small spring of hope in her heart. ‘And the other?’
His smile was cruel. ‘Make sure you don’t ever call me Kaliq in public.’
I have a few ideas of what she can call him in public! Pick your favorite:
- Asshat
- Bastard
- Complete tool
- Disgusting wanker
I could keep going but there’s more fun with Kaliq who shall be nameless in public and Eleni, lady of the horsey doormats.
Eleni, it seems, is not only giving Kaliq a dose of his own brusque medicine, but she likes the sex. Likes it a LOT. After all, she has a lot of catching up to do if she wants to compete with Kaliq, who is a highly sexed man.
...she found herself moaning her impatience—lifting her bottom to help him pull them down as if she had been born to be seduced in the cramped and confined space of a sports car.
And then the gear shift penetrat- sorry, what now?
The polo field was absolutely packed with spectators—including some of the most beautiful and outrageously dressed women she had ever seen.
And every single one of them seemed to be staring at Kaliq.
‘All the women are looking at you,’ she blurted out, before she could stop herself.
He gave the flicker of an arrogant smile. ‘But of course they are,’ he said, with a careless shrug. ‘I excite the attention of women wherever I go—they are naturally drawn to my power and virility.’
Do you think his own ego gets in the way of everyday things, like taking a crap or shaving? Can you reach around your own inflated sense of self when you are that awesome in your own mind? Or does the razor shave him and the paper wipe his backside because they are naturally drawn to his power and virility?
The book continues on that vein for another few dozen pages. The arrival at Deeper and Inconvenient Feelings occurs earlier for Eleni than it does for Kaliq, and Kaliq’s descent in the fiery, sticky pits of love is preceded by wooden dialogue and danger that of course erase all the remaining conflict that wasn’t really all that conflicted, except maybe it was wondering how it got there and why it was wearing two different shoes.
This book is high entertainment. It’s so ridiculous, you can’t put it down. It is its own drinking game.
If you’re looking for a middle-eastern set romance with subtext that undermine stereotypes of monarchy in Arabic countries, or debates that raise questions about gender roles in different countries, well, this is not that book. But if you want some descriptions of a hero who is so virile, so gorgeous, so highly sexed that women flock to him and men lose the ability to sustain an erection for miles upon miles, this is the book for you. Kaliq is everything you didn’t know you wanted in a Harlequin Presents hero.
Which, of course, begs the question: Kaliq vs. Chuck Norris. Who wins?
Filed: General Bitching, Greatest Hits, Reviews, Grade D, Authors, H-K
Tagged: wtfery, virginity, sheikhs, sharon kendrick, romance, presents, harlequin, gender, breasts, awesomesauce, asshattery, asshat
Darlene Marshall said on 09.10.09 at 06:31 PM • [link]
Yes, this is why we lurve you with a lurve that’s strong as a sheikh in the night, SBs!
Robin said on 09.10.09 at 06:34 PM • [link]
Whee, I have this one, too. Need to write my review soon…
Kayleigh said on 09.10.09 at 06:36 PM • [link]
So, was he quitly highly sexed?
Great review as always, this sounds like the American Pie 4 of romance novels.
Meljean said on 09.10.09 at 06:36 PM • [link]
Chuck Norris doesn’t take a woman’s virginity. His virginity takes you!
...I’ve got nothing, except that I’m going to buy this book ASAP. I probably would have anyway, because I usually a) like Kendrick and b) that title is irresistible, but this review just made it a sure thing.
Kate Pearce said on 09.10.09 at 06:41 PM • [link]
I’m crying on my keyboard here, although I must confess as an ex-Brit I did get into trouble for juddering in my books but my editor beat it out of me, so now I just shudder and shake like the Americans do. I got in trouble for my hero tossing something as well once, but I digress…
I want to read this book so badly now.
Niveau said on 09.10.09 at 06:49 PM • [link]
Reading this book was like watching a really horribly tacky movie that you couldn’t truly enjoy because it was so bad, but that you wanted to finish just to see how much worse it could get and so that you could tell all your friends about it later. It’s terrible, but you just can’t put it down. I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing, but I do now that I’m now weary of reading anything else by Sharon Kendrick for fear of getting sucked into another grotesque yet amusing monstrosity like this one.
And now for the really important part… I think Kaliq might be able to defeat Chuck Norris, but there’s no way he could win against Mr. Rogers.
Elise Logan said on 09.10.09 at 06:53 PM • [link]
Well, Kaliq would win a match with Chuck because ... well, Chuck couldn’t be bothered with Mr. Asshatpants.
And, really, I want an alphabet naming game for the nameless one. You already gave us the first. I’ll add another.
A is for Asshat
B is for Bastard
C is for Complete Tool
D is for Disgusting Wanker
E is for Egotistical Sh!!head
someone want to do F?
Aurora Black said on 09.10.09 at 06:57 PM • [link]
Obsess over your reflection much, Kaliq? What a monumental, asshat tool. My HERO!!! LOL, kidding.
Madd said on 09.10.09 at 07:01 PM • [link]
In a fight between Kaliq and Chuck Norris, or Chucky-Baby, as my mother-in-law refers to him, there is not a single doubt in my mind that Chuck would stomp Kliq, the princely prick, in to the sand. No contest.
Madd said on 09.10.09 at 07:04 PM • [link]
F is for Fucktard
G is for Goat ... er ... groper?
I’d never make it all the way down to M, but it’s definitely for Man-whore.
Liz W. said on 09.10.09 at 07:10 PM • [link]
I am totally using the phrase “It’s its own drinking game!” from now on. Thanks, SB Sarah!
Also, Chuck Norris would kick ass. Because you’re not allowed to describe Chuck Norris as manly. Other men are Chuck Norris-y.
AgTigress said on 09.10.09 at 07:18 PM • [link]
Doesn’t the verb judder occur at all in American English, then? How interesting!
However, I do not see it as particularly appropriate in a sex-scene. It isn’t a simple synonym for shudder or shake , as it is usually used of an inanimate object. The bed might judder during a lively congress, but not the human participants.
:-)
Robin said on 09.10.09 at 07:21 PM • [link]
I tend not to like any word containing any version of “retard” (i.e. F*tard has always hit me wrong), so how about something like F*in A*hole for F? I know it’s not all that creative, but it is classic, AND it’s got a literal component to it, as well. ;)
militaryspouse said on 09.10.09 at 07:34 PM • [link]
Lizard??? He calls her LIZARD after taking her virginity.
Change that B to Bestiality
L said on 09.10.09 at 07:34 PM • [link]
I wasn’t supposed to hear By the power of Greyskull there, was I? I didn’t think so.
In other news,
H is for (Highly-Sexed) Hedgehog Humper? At least as satisfying as walls, stables, and goats, anyway.
Nicole S. said on 09.10.09 at 07:43 PM • [link]
Oh. My. Word. Crying here and trying not to wet myself.
This phrase did it:
“...but by the time they found her, she was dead and the vultures had long taken away the chicken.”
Damn but they miss that chicken…
Laura (in PA) said on 09.10.09 at 07:51 PM • [link]
I would not read this book if you paid me many dollars, but this review was totally awesome. What with the chickens and the thigh shafts and the looks of orgasm and the lizards, I’m juddering with mirth. And a touch of incredulity.
Carrie Lofty said on 09.10.09 at 08:02 PM • [link]
as her innocence was taken from her for ever
Interesting use of the passive voice there, Kaliq.
Missy Ann said on 09.10.09 at 08:03 PM • [link]
1. Hate books that force me to learn new vocab: acclimatise. Seriously, didn’t know that one, had to look it up. And IMHO it isn’t a good fit either. :shrug:
2. If I were an author it would be my goal to write a book just like this to get this review from you. This marks the second time I have to go buy a book because of the deliciously awful snarkful review you have given it.
Gina said on 09.10.09 at 08:11 PM • [link]
As I giggle at my computer, I must say…I am concerned about the horse. It sounds like the asshat and the lizard are so busy being humptastic that everyone has forgotten about the stallion. I am sending this book to PETA…I know that they will take care of this unfortunate discovery.
Oh, and Kalick needs to remember that a sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
kate r said on 09.10.09 at 08:14 PM • [link]
I’m seized by a fierce unrelenting need for this book.
Lita said on 09.10.09 at 08:15 PM • [link]
I read this last month, and if the Kindle DX wasn’t so darn expensive, I would have thrown it at the wall. Last month’s entire Presents category was simply awful, but this one happens to be the absolute worst thing I’ve ever read. Or close to it (some later Thea Devine comes to mind).
However, the cringe-inducing nature of this work has been significantly mitigated by your utterly hysterical review. Maybe I need to re-read it, to reassess its awfulness.
And to add to the Alphabet of Asshattery:
F is for F**kwad
G is for Greasy Haired Gasbag
H is for Husband from Hell with Herpes
I is for Incontinent and Impotent Idiot
J is for Justifiably Manslaughtered
Someone else can pick it with the ultra-difficult “K”
Spamword - Glass83 - 83 glass eyes later, Steve finally managed to pop Doris’ cherry
(Oh, YUCK!)
Sarah W said on 09.10.09 at 08:18 PM • [link]
And that, my children, is when Harlequin officially jumped the virgin shark.
I bought this one for the library and am delighted I didn’t spend my own money for it. While reading this, I often imagined kicking Kaliq in the bidness, despite the apparent risk of breaking my toes on his Crotch o’ the Desert.
The only reason to wade through this dreck is to see him broken and grovelling, full of guilt at his numerous transgressions. But it never happens—-his only punishment is to actually experience an honest emotion and to care for another human being. Oh, the horror.
Meh.
Robin said on 09.10.09 at 08:24 PM • [link]
Killed for cause
Kissed off knuckelhead
Knuckledragging Neaderthal
Lousy Lout
Losing IQ points as we speak
Loose change for brains
Man without a brain
Miserly meat stick
...
And Gina, I *always* worry about the animals!
SAS said on 09.10.09 at 08:25 PM • [link]
Interesting tidbit there about the word “juddering”.
My favorite “I swear they’re not actually speaking English” story is from a friend who was sent to work in the London office for a year. In a meeting he said, “OK, I’ll just toss this together…” Everyone burst out laughing hysterically. He looked around and said, “What did I say now?”, which just made them laugh harder. Finally they explained to him what “tossing” means in British English!
tabithaspike said on 09.10.09 at 08:26 PM • [link]
Ooooh god I really needed a laugh this morning too ;)
Christina said on 09.10.09 at 08:32 PM • [link]
Uh… wow. Out of curiousity, I looked up Sharon Kendrick to see if she had any connection to Middle Eastern culture which, of course, she doesn’t. Haven’t read the book, but these excerpts sound like she read some books but doesn’t have any personal experience with the culture.
This would tick me off except that the book seems so disconnected from anything resembling reality that I don’t think it matters.
K is for Krazy-misogynistic?
Jacquilynne said on 09.10.09 at 08:34 PM • [link]
Goddamnit!
I put on my pretty, cleavagey dress because there are going to be boys at the party I’m going to tonight, and now I’ve sprayed soup all over it.
I mean, it’s not like you didn’t warn me, but I didn’t listen, and I read the one line with food in my mouth and there’s no way I’m going to be able to get this washed and dried again before I have to go out and it’s all your fault!
Elizabeth Wadsworth said on 09.10.09 at 08:37 PM • [link]
Okay, Sarah, you must, must, MUST send this one to DocTurtle.
Jody said on 09.10.09 at 08:41 PM • [link]
@Nicole S.
and
@Sarah
Ya’ll have made my day. Thanks.
This just may have surpassed Pregnesia.
Elizabeth said on 09.10.09 at 08:47 PM • [link]
Sheikhs are my guilty pleasure, and being a tad high-handed is par for the course, but yep, this guy goes way beyond high-handed into complete git.
Any man who think “lizard” is a cute way to refer to the missus should be, shall we say, disabused of this notion. With something pointy.
Barbara said on 09.10.09 at 09:04 PM • [link]
A is for Asshat
B is for Bastard
C is for Complete Tool
D is for Disgusting Wanker
E is for Egomaniac
F is for F*ckwad
G is for Git
H is for Horrific
I is for Idiot
J is for Jerk
K is for Knuckledragger
L is for Lout
M is for Misogynist
N is for Nad-less
O is for O RLY?
P is for Prick
Q
R is for Rude
S is for Slimy
T is for Turdhead
U is for Ugh
V is for Vicious
W is for Waste-of-Space
X
Y is for Why Did You Write this?
Z
Sandy said on 09.10.09 at 09:12 PM • [link]
My day has pretty much been crap until I checked on what the Smart Bitches were up to. Thank you for making me laugh until my sides hurt. :-)
Amy said on 09.10.09 at 09:13 PM • [link]
OMG, last month my sister sent me a picture of this book, sitting on the shelf of her local bookstore along with its compatriots. We were ROFL just at the title. I am THRILLED to find out that the book lives up (down?) to its cover!
rebyj said on 09.10.09 at 09:13 PM • [link]
I’ve been hopping all over the web sending people to read this review lol.
“if wishes were bosoms, sheikhs would ride” FUNNY!
I am buying the book. Awesomeness like this has to be encouraged.
This quote.. He gave the flicker of an arrogant smile. ‘But of course they are,’ he said, with a careless shrug. ‘I excite the attention of women wherever I go—they are naturally drawn to my power and virility.’
Two words.. JOHNNY BRAVO
Quizzabella said on 09.10.09 at 09:15 PM • [link]
“‘I excite the attention of women wherever I go—they are naturally drawn to my power and virility.’ “
OooooKayyy… That would be awesome - like a symphony of pinging knicker elastic and a tumbling dogpile of flailing females only prevented from crushing the “hero” to death by his magical shield of self importance.
Funniest review I’ve read in ages, but what happened to the horse? Won’t somebody think of the ponies?
Karla said on 09.10.09 at 09:20 PM • [link]
Having just recently suffered through “The Duke’s Cinderella Bride” by Carole Mortimer, I’m naturally shy about reading another godawful category. But at least this one sounds cracktastic, whereas the Mortimer was just a boring gangbang of adverbs.
RStewie said on 09.10.09 at 09:26 PM • [link]
That made me LOL at work. My coworkers think I am so strange.
I actually wanted some of the grovelling included in the review, just to round out some of the highly sexxed and highly sexist block quotes.
Does she ever get to call him by his name in public?? Was the gear stick somehow involved in their reunion? Was is seed enough to grow plants the likes of which we’ve never seen??
These questions need answers.
Karla said on 09.10.09 at 09:26 PM • [link]
Oh, and….MWA! HA! HA! A+ review.
Chrissy said on 09.10.09 at 09:33 PM • [link]
I want to leave it where Ahmed can see it and wait to see how long he goes before thumbing through it… then wait longer to see how long it takes him to confront me.
Could be hysterical…
Barbara said on 09.10.09 at 09:40 PM • [link]
One of these days I will learn not to be drinking when I read these reviews. I needed to start off the day laughing. Thank you!
Anne D said on 09.10.09 at 09:43 PM • [link]
I think you need to come up with a new grade for books that are so bad, they jump the shark and become good again.
Like DG (Disastrously Good); or WTF/OMGWTFBBQ (self explanatory); the Whatchutalkinabout, Willis?; maybe FUBAR’d?
Lynne Connolly said on 09.10.09 at 09:45 PM • [link]
I just reviewed “The Innocent’s Dark Seduction” by Jennie Lucas, an author I usually enjoy. But this one got a D-. So what got into the HMB authors this month? Or maybe, what didn’t?
senetra said on 09.10.09 at 09:49 PM • [link]
Does the book actually move the Two Island (one apparently a desert, the other ... not) Kingdoms That Will Someday Be One Again plotline along?
That poor chicken.
Rose said on 09.10.09 at 09:49 PM • [link]
Amazon Product Description:
(emphasis mine)
That’s wrong on so many levels, I don’t even know where to start.
Thanks for the review, Sarah! It was hilarious.
JoanneL said on 09.10.09 at 09:51 PM • [link]
I love you Sarah. Seriously.
MaryK said on 09.10.09 at 09:56 PM • [link]
LOL! I love it!
I looked at this book when it came up for preorder at Amazon. I could tell it was a gem.
Babs said on 09.10.09 at 09:56 PM • [link]
Um, wow. Just…um…gosh, can’t even think of what to say…it sounds so stupendously wretched…but the review was AWESOME!
And now I am feeling strangely compelled to go buy this title…
Theresa Meyers said on 09.10.09 at 10:13 PM • [link]
Definitely time for a new grade…F…for FUBAR. Wow. Just wow.
I think I aspirated some tea as I inhaled so fast accompanied by scaring the dog by LOL and coughing at the same time.
AgTigress said on 09.10.09 at 10:18 PM • [link]
Just a point of clarification: is this astonishing book a contemporary, set in the early 21st century, or does it have an historical setting?
And I’m glad others were concerned about the horse, too. In fact, the horse sounds a lot more interesting, and surely better-mannered, than the prince.
Caty M said on 09.10.09 at 10:20 PM • [link]
Lizards! Chickens! Oh, dear sweet merciful heavens.
I am laughing so hard I think I need oxygen.
L. L. Daugherty said on 09.10.09 at 10:22 PM • [link]
Every time I read the words ‘little lizard’ or ‘lizard’ I couldn’t help thinking he was talking to ‘little Kaliq’ if you know what I mean, and I think you do. Which made me giggle all the harder.
Thank you for taking the hit for the rest of us. This one sounds like it has to be its own drinking game to get through it. O.o
Jill Sorenson said on 09.10.09 at 10:26 PM • [link]
I almost died laughing at this.
But I have to admit: I LIKE THE EXCERPTS. Seriously. I would read this and not just to make fun of it. It sounds like a perfect guilty pleasure.
Librariahn said on 09.10.09 at 10:32 PM • [link]
Well, since Doc Turtle has postulated that Chuck Norris wears Wrath Underoos, perhaps we should draft Wrath for the Ultimate Testosterone Showdown…Cage Match!
Thanks for a hysterically funny review, which clearly took some time to put together, not to mention multiple readings to ensure accurate quotings of otherwise unbelievable dialogue and descriptions…my cats are still hiding under the bed because of my hooting and laughing out loud - thank heaven I didn’t take a peek at this at the Reference Desk!
Rene said on 09.10.09 at 10:34 PM • [link]
Barbara, your alphabet is awesome!
May I suggest:
Z is for Zounds! A Cad!
... In other news, the very first romance I ever read involved a sheik, and I did not read another until I encountered this site. It still kind of burns.
Sharon Buchbinder said on 09.10.09 at 10:36 PM • [link]
Might I suggest Zit-Popping Horse-Hopping Asshat Lizard Lover?
plane89 Hop on for the ride of your life, Little Lizard.
Caroline said on 09.10.09 at 10:37 PM • [link]
I can barely type, I am laughing so
ing hard. Tears… coffee on monitor… that sort of thing.my favorites:
I am going to Chapters to buy this… now.
Lori said on 09.10.09 at 10:45 PM • [link]
Wow, your friend’s coworkers are really rude (and also apparently 12 years old).
I thought the exact same thing and wonder why such an egomaniac would refer to his most prized part as a “little” anything, let alone a lizard.
Kiersten said on 09.10.09 at 10:49 PM • [link]
F=Fuckwit
You had me with the chicken line. At least they have their priorities straight. Mom=meh. Vultures eating chicken=OMG!! Major trauma.
Anyone else get a Pretty Woman flashback with the polo match?
Mr. Sheikhypants! Ha! I love a good Evil Dead reference in the morning. (OK, it’s late afternoon, but go with me here.)
Awesome, awesome review. love. it.
caligi said on 09.10.09 at 10:53 PM • [link]
I find all the “ZOMG this is totally ignorant of Middle Eastern culture!” posts hilarious.
It’s a friggin Harlequin Presents - of course it is! They’re written by white British (an occasionally a yank, a canuck or a kiwi) women for other white women. The whole sheikh thing is made up as a vehicle for uber-alpha males.
Don’t let this turn you off Presents. When they’re good, they’re good. Like box mac and cheese made with cream and eaten straight out of the pot while still wearing your PJs at dinnertime kind of good.
Brandi said on 09.10.09 at 10:57 PM • [link]
Geez, you could just read EM Hull’s The Sheik over at Project Gutenberg and get pretty much the same stuff—and that was written in 1919!
Anony Miss said on 09.10.09 at 11:03 PM • [link]
My facial muscles hurt from laughter.
Mental image: Rick Moranis in ‘Spaceballs’ playing with his dolls, “Druish princesses are always attracted to men with money and power and I have both and you know it.”
Link
Michelle said on 09.10.09 at 11:11 PM • [link]
BAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. Reading this while at work was clearly a mistake. People are looking at me strangely. This book sounds great! The title alone! So descriptive. The PLAYBOY sheiks VIRGIN STABLE GIRL? How does something like that even get printed?
Kalen Hughes said on 09.10.09 at 11:13 PM • [link]
It’s a contemp (I was wondering too until we got to the bit about flying the horse to England).
shannonannon said on 09.10.09 at 11:26 PM • [link]
Holy Shit - This is by far the funniest book review I have ever read.
But truly don’t we all know someone who is so beyond comprehension that his razor and paper are “naturally drawn to his power and virility? ”
Mr Sheiky poo must be friends with Dimitri the stud http://www.buzzfeed.com/peggy/dimitri-the-lover/hear_the_voicemail
Karen S. said on 09.10.09 at 11:35 PM • [link]
Or “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a sheik in possession of half a Harlequin Presents title must be a highly-sexed asshat”?
Twinkie said on 09.10.09 at 11:42 PM • [link]
This has been the next book in my TBR pile for a while (I’m a terribly slow reader). I’m almost done with the one I’m reading now, and I can’t wait to get to this one now! XD
Zinemama said on 09.10.09 at 11:45 PM • [link]
I haven’t laughed harder at a review since your masterful takedown of Savage Moon (or whichever book it was where the Indian dude referenced his “flute of love”)
ms bookjunkie said on 09.10.09 at 11:48 PM • [link]
Best. review. EVAH!
Susan Helene Gottfried said on 09.10.09 at 11:48 PM • [link]
Ahh. Juddering. I’d seen your tweet and had been curious.
This entire post is better than juddering. Especially since juddering is apparently a real word.
kinseyholley said on 09.11.09 at 12:02 AM • [link]
NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAM MINUTE HERE MR SHIEKHY PANTS
Ok, I laughed so hard I didn’t make any noise - you know how your kids cry when they hurt themselves really, really badly? Yep, like that. Damn, couldn’t breath for a couple seconds.
Elizabeth Wadsworth said on 09.11.09 at 12:27 AM • [link]
OK, is anyone else thinking this just HAS to be made into a LifetimeTV movie with Bruce Campbell as the Sheikh? I think only The Chin could pull off some of the lines that have been quoted here, (with Sam Raimi directing, of course.)
bloom said on 09.11.09 at 12:42 AM • [link]
I have that book. The hero was a bit of an arse but I thought he was pretty close to type. Most of the “Sheikhs” in these books are far too western and frankly soft. I liked it because he was more like what I expected a Sheikh to be like, my employer deals with these guys on a regular basis. As bad as the hero in this book is he doesn’t sound anywhere near as bad as some of the guy’s I’ve heard about but I digress. Women are second class citizens in some parts of the world so I found the buying of her quite believable, and her characterisation also worked for me. Overall I’d say I quite liked the book.
joykenn said on 09.11.09 at 12:50 AM • [link]
What was the mother doing walking home with a chicken and falling into a nest of snakes? Where the heck was this girl raised? First I thought it must be historical cause it is so outofdate with her role but the language is too modern.
Ok,Ok since when are LIZARDS a turnon. Somehow the idea of a little lizard being a sex object is simply WRONG. This guy is weirder than hell as well as needing a handcart to haul around his ego. And, having been around a pet iguana, believe me only another iguana would have found it sexy. SHUDDER. She actually falls in love with this creep. I mean I knew she was twisted to put up with her father but this is serious psychological problems—from one bad abusive relationship to another. “Oh and call me mister when I leave your bed” !@#$ He’d be one battered sheik if he tried that on me. Next he’ll want her to bowdown when he walks past.
Please Sharon Kendrick tell me you tossed this off in a weekend for some extra cash and didn’t spend any time on it. Otherwise we’ll have to do an intervention.
Rebecca said on 09.11.09 at 01:10 AM • [link]
Long-time reader, first time commenting—and I have to say, this review made my day. Hell, the title of this book made my day. Two thumbs up! :)
mingqi said on 09.11.09 at 01:37 AM • [link]
Awesome review! Had a crappy afternoon and this definitely brought the smiles back! Sometimes I don’t think these authors take themselves or their characters seriously and just decide to write fun, wacky books with exaggerated characters. And the title is pretty ridiculous! I don’t think you need to say “playboy sheikh” because by definition in romancelandia, aren’t all sheikhs playboys?
and I’m really looking forward to a harlequin romance once day that will have a heroine say
that was my fave part of the review!
Mary G said on 09.11.09 at 02:13 AM • [link]
Oh.oh.oh… the pain. I was already laughing so hard I was crying… and then I read the comments. Now I have a stitch.
I admit - I LOVE the snarky reviews the best, and this is the best one ever.
Ingrid said on 09.11.09 at 02:13 AM • [link]
Someday, I will have a fabulous bathroom to decorate exactly as a I like, and I will wallpaper it with select passages from this book.
pure awesomeness.!
Casey said on 09.11.09 at 02:34 AM • [link]
@ rebyj:
HUH! :-D
I’m laughing so hard at this review my eyes are watering. I don’t think I could make it through the actual book without committing violence and/or mayhem, but the review is fabulousness covered in awesomesauce.
courtney said on 09.11.09 at 02:39 AM • [link]
Thank you so much for the laugh! I totally needed it tonight!
My favorite line was:
She’s taking care of the stallion (the actual horse, not Kaliq), ...
Does anyone else hear the Taco Bell dog saying “Here, leezard, leezard, leezard…” from the Godzilla promos??? Seriously, Little Lizard is the best nickname he can come up with???
And the vultures and the chicken! I will be laughing for DAYS!
Sandra said on 09.11.09 at 03:19 AM • [link]
J is for Juddering Jackass. Is it just me, or does the heroine seem as upset about the fate of the chicken as she was about her mother’s death? Spamword is - wait for it - Woman96, as in “The little lizard was woman 96 in Kaliq’s bed this week.”
Robin said on 09.11.09 at 04:16 AM • [link]
Okay, how many copies of the book do you think have sold since this review went up?
krsylu said on 09.11.09 at 04:17 AM • [link]
**SNORT** :D
Jessica D said on 09.11.09 at 04:25 AM • [link]
I dunno about Chuck, but I think The Stig would go Gambon on his ass.
Moviemavengal said on 09.11.09 at 04:40 AM • [link]
OMG. What a funny review!
I was laughing so hard I was crying. My eyes sting from all the mascara running into them and it’s all your fault!
One of your best reviews EVAH!
Elaine C. said on 09.11.09 at 04:41 AM • [link]
I “judder” at the thought of reading this book . . . oh wait. . . is judder a good thing or a bad one? Wahhh I’m confused after All that male virility and sexual prowess
(cough, laugh, cough)
RfP said on 09.11.09 at 05:59 AM • [link]
As pejoratives go, I’m not sure that “retard” is a substantively worse choice than a specific form of sex.
Kismet said on 09.11.09 at 06:26 AM • [link]
Wait…. so it’s a race horse or a polo horse? and if it’s a race horse, why are they on the polo field? Or does the Polo match have nothing to do with the rest of the story? CRAP, now I have to read it to find out. GREAT… I’m looking forward to a book full of Epic Asshattery and Anthropomorphizing Idiocy (not quite alliteration, but it still sounds fun).
See where my interest lies?
And I would like to add that any horsewoman worth her spit would be quickly and decisively giving a stand down command to a 4-legged stallion that tried that sort of cocky bullshit… and I don’t know many that would put up with the 2 legged variety either.
RfP said on 09.11.09 at 06:26 AM • [link]
BTW, my feed reader thinks the title of this post is The Playbot Sheikh’s....
If that was a typo, you should have left it! A playbot is all that this story lacks.
Robin said on 09.11.09 at 06:54 AM • [link]
@RfP: But it’s not, really. At least not in that form. Actually, I don’t think in any form it would be.
Liz said on 09.11.09 at 07:07 AM • [link]
Thank You Thank You Thank You.
When I first read this, I was thinking okay Lizard=Snake=Sir Mix A Lot’s Anaconda (“My anaconda don’t want none unless she’s got buns, hun”), so I guess it might work, but then I thought that calling it “little lizard” would be totally out of character for his personality.
This review made my night, so now I must go to bed.
Night, All!
teshara said on 09.11.09 at 07:19 AM • [link]
K is for Kracktastic.
MR SHIEKHY PANTS. Fantastic. Why am I having visions of an MC Hammer video with shiekhs?
And the whole ‘don’t call me by my name in public’ thing? I am imagining some poor girl strutting around the track, snapping her fingers, and calling out ‘hey, you!’
Niveau said on 09.11.09 at 07:31 AM • [link]
It’ll be interesting to see if it gets in the top ten bestseller lists tomorrow on eharlequin.com, won’t it? Or to see how it does on amazon?
KimberlyD said on 09.11.09 at 08:07 AM • [link]
Great, now I’ve got this song stuck in my head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp1l4MoZYow
Maggie P. said on 09.11.09 at 08:57 AM • [link]
Now I want to go listen to “Jizz in my Pants”. Thanks.
Babs said on 09.11.09 at 12:27 PM • [link]
OMG, Elizabeth…Bruce Campbell as the Sheikh in the Lifetime movie version?!?
BRILLIANT!?!
Ria said on 09.11.09 at 01:44 PM • [link]
*teaspew* Another perfectly good monitor ruined..
Is it just me that thought of Mr Legend in His Own Lunchtime Sheikh as Joxer the Mighty? Sounds like a friggin’ Pez dispenser, not highly sexed..
Neil in Chicago said on 09.11.09 at 02:36 PM • [link]
((referred ere by http://supergee.livejournal.com/1917528.html))
I maxed out early. How does he get is silk to cling? Mine is much too smooth and slippery.
Overquoted said on 09.11.09 at 03:01 PM • [link]
For those of you who aren’t Katt Williams’ fans, I bring you exactly what went through my mind when I read this line. And man, did it hurt my ribs.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYAiJf6DDGAMind, it’s vulgar and the volume is low…but it’s perfect.
Overquoted said on 09.11.09 at 03:05 PM • [link]
I’m blonde this morning. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYAiJf6DDGA And unless I dye my hair, I’ll be blonde this evening, too. Damnit.
teshara said on 09.11.09 at 03:20 PM • [link]
I bought the e-book.
It was at #7 last night on their top ten list.
::facepalm::
Cathy said on 09.11.09 at 03:30 PM • [link]
I heard about this book last week on Ravelry, and was able to get a copy via Paperbackswap - it just came (uh, as in arrived, not in the juddering sense) last night. I’m in the middle of “Contracted: A Wife for the Bedroom” right now; I had to put that one down for a few days after the first sex scene, where the hero’s penis (though it’s not called a penis) “stabs” into the heroine. Um, ow.
Anyway, looking forward to reading about Sheik Highly Sexed for myself. :D
LizC said on 09.11.09 at 03:44 PM • [link]
Holy crap until you quoted that I thought this book was set in the 1800s. Silly me. If romance novels of this caliber are to be believed there are a hell of a lot more sheikh’s running around than I thought.
sableheart said on 09.11.09 at 04:57 PM • [link]
I read through this a couple of days ago as part of the Royal House of Karedes binge I was on. At the end of it, I thought “WTF did I just read?!” I was also severely squicked out by the lizard nickname. Oh Lordy.
I also had my doubts about being set in the present time with all the primitive shambles the heroine was in before the sheikh swept her up in a cloud of desert dust.
As for the title, I don’t think the authors have any say in those. They’re picked for the sake of selling the plot through the title, I suspect.
spam: involved43. I wasn’t involved in this story, not even 43%.
Beki said on 09.11.09 at 05:04 PM • [link]
Please, God, she wrote this on a dare? A bet of some sort? Perhaps?
The thought of a drinking game would be about the only way to make it through. Heeeeeeeere lizard, lizard, lizard. Shot.
Miri said on 09.11.09 at 05:11 PM • [link]
My lizard, let me show you him…
http://tinyurl.com/mvze7r
don’t worry it’s work safe
I loved this review! I just might have to get me a few copies and sit around with my girlfriends and play The Highly Sexed Sheik drinking game.
Nicole S. said on 09.11.09 at 05:16 PM • [link]
Do you think the next printing might have illustrations?
I have one to suggest:
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_I2uQkGxIykM/SPqah4-fs-I/AAAAAAAAAYc/8d2qYc4IU1s/s320/lizard+love.jpg
maria said on 09.11.09 at 05:20 PM • [link]
No, wait. I just have to stop lurking for a moment and comment on this. Is this Eleni Lakis supposed to be Greek? She must be, given the name. And this is a contemporary? I must say judging from the review that the author has no clue what contemporary Greece is like. A veil? Could someone please explain the reason she is wearing a veil, and what makes wearing it appropriate for her class and status. (Well, yes I am Greek - excuse me for the mistakes, I’m not that fluent in English.)
But the review, yeah - it is hilarious. Made my afternoon. :-)
Randi said on 09.11.09 at 05:33 PM • [link]
ROFLMAO!.
“NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAM MINUTE HERE MR SHIEKHY PANTS.” = the best line in a review EVER!
I have to say, this might be a good candidate for Doc Turtle, as some peeps up-thread suggested. I would love to see what kind of mad-libs he would come up with, for this book.
sableheart said on 09.11.09 at 05:47 PM • [link]
@teshara
The book that is at #7 on eHarlequin’s bestseller list is The Sheikh’s Forbidden Virgin. It’s part of the same series though, and turning out to be a better read at 77 pages so far.
Aarif is so much nicer than his twin brother Kaliq.
(spam: came47? WTF?)
Alpha Lyra said on 09.11.09 at 06:28 PM • [link]
Best. Review. Ever!
I read it twice, just for a second round of laughs.
Ana Thierry said on 09.11.09 at 06:43 PM • [link]
In a moment of utter insanity I picked up Harlequin Presents, The Italian’s Rags To Riches Wife by Julia James, and it was simply horrifying. The heroine was slightly overweight and the
hero kept thinking of her as fat. He paid no attention to her until she had a makeover, he demeaned her constantly and I just wanted her to kick his ass to the curb.
Oh, and the editing was wayyyyy badddddd. !!!! everywhere.
I have a slew of Harlequin titles on my Keeper Shelves but recent additions from this pub have been few and far between.
SandyO said on 09.11.09 at 07:41 PM • [link]
So when is Presents issuing “The High Flying Vulture’s Virgin Chicken”?
beverly jenkins said on 09.11.09 at 08:49 PM • [link]
Between the lizard, chicken and the vultures, I’m ROFLMAO. Great review. I judder at the idea of this man reproducing.
Lynne Connolly said on 09.11.09 at 11:33 PM • [link]
According to Steven Fry on QI, Saurus means lizard and lizard is often a euphemism for the ‘male member.’
Who knew?
Elisa said on 09.12.09 at 12:07 AM • [link]
This is a Flight of the Concords reference, yes? OMG, that had me laughing hysterically - followed closely by singing “it’s business, it’s business time!” I saw the title for this one and thought, “WTF?” This review just takes the cake.
Just because I’m generous, I’m including the link to the Business Time vid here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGOohBytKTU
SonomaLass said on 09.12.09 at 02:53 AM • [link]
Ah, Flight of the Concords, Jizzin’ In My Pants, subliminal bestiality, an asshat hero and a doormat heroine. I’m so glad I saved this review for Friday evening—it makes up for no #romfail!
I can’t laugh anymore for a while.
D.L. said on 09.12.09 at 06:21 AM • [link]
can’t breath… his ego and my laughter in the way…
Niveau said on 09.12.09 at 08:47 AM • [link]
@sableheart:
Be warned: the Chantelle Shaw book is just as bad, imo. Except that unlike Sheikhypants, it doesn’t have the campy quality that makes all the suck so easy to ignore. I would’ve thrown the Shaw book at the wall so many times if not for the whole “electronics + wall = fail” thing.
It’s insane how totally different the two are, isn’t it? They don’t seem like third cousins twice removed, let alone twins. Aarif is human, Kaliq is… well, Kaliq. ‘Nuff said.
Kat said on 09.12.09 at 08:13 PM • [link]
All I want is just a little more review, so my ribs can ache the rest of the day. OMG, you nearly killed me.
By the time I read this, I was holding on to the desk for support. Bless your heart, Sarah for making me laugh so hard.
Now, upon your review of Decadent, I was utterly compelled to purchase said book and read for myself. Despite the same compelling urge, I’m going to do my best to resist this time. It’s the same attraction I have to those horrible, gut-wrenching moves on Lifetime. Watch one and I’m glued to the television all day while horrible things happen to beautiful people.
katiebabs said on 09.13.09 at 05:17 AM • [link]
His pet name for her is lizard?? That’s a first. He should have called her his slutty bitch instead.
Karen said on 09.13.09 at 06:30 AM • [link]
If the book was so bad it turned good, should it be compared to the movie, “The Room”? It gets funnier the more times you see it with different people.
Now I need to find this book…..
comes87….only after a Lora Leigh read-a-thon
beggar1015 said on 09.14.09 at 01:43 AM • [link]
I was in the middle of reading another book (which I started while I was in the middle of another book) when this great epic was brought to my attention and I just HAD to stop everything and read this. Thank goodness it was a short tome.
What got me were all these Middle Eastern-sounding oaths of “By the desert storm,” “By the falcon’s claw”, “By the raven’s wing,” “By the two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun”
Because that’s what Arabian-type people say, doncha know.
Lita said on 09.14.09 at 02:07 AM • [link]
I’ve been seeing lots of bizarre oaths in Harlequin Sheiky romances lately - I think it’s a by-product of cultural sensitivity or political correctness. Until recently, stories featuring Middle Eastern males would have sworn “Insha’Allah”, which is an Arabic term derived from the Koran (although it can be used by all religions in the Mideast). I think that given the extraordinary reactions that have come out of countries with strong fundamentalist elements (jailing and serious threats of public flogging and/or death for a British schoolteacher who named a class teddybear Mohammed), not using a quasi-religions phrase derived from a holy book is just a way out of potentially sticky situations.
Just my $0.02.
Lita
kaigou said on 09.14.09 at 08:18 AM • [link]
NOW WAIT JUST A GODDAM MINUTE HERE MR SHIEKHY PANTS.
YOU OWE ME A KEYBOARD, WOMAN!
(and it was all downhill from there, and I mean that in the bestests of got-a-pony ways.)
[captcha is ‘fine59’—I’d say better than fine. A highly-sexed fine, even!]
moonduster (Becky) said on 09.17.09 at 10:49 AM • [link]
I could not stop laughing as I read this post! So funny!
saltwaterknitter said on 09.18.09 at 01:15 AM • [link]
i looked up the meaning of Kaliq in a muslim baby boy name dictionary: “Male Creative, refers to a quality of God”....which means, i dunno, the author had a good time with the name? i hope? this book is the gift that keeps on giving, isn’t it?
all i know is that this book and pregnesia belong on my coffee table so i can share the love with all who enter my home; to hell with my tasteful oversized photography books.
is there a good romance novel set in the middle east that anyone can recommend to me, btw?
Erin said on 09.22.09 at 03:59 PM • [link]
Thanks for this review I howled with laughter and it brought me to your charming review site. This has to be about the WORST book I have ever read. My mother has one of those Igloo Playmate coolers….She is 78 and sometimes get’s confused and refers to it as her “Playboy” lol anyhoo I must say that my mother’s “Playboy” cooler has 10 times the charm and wit as Kaliqula…:) Thanks again for the laughs.
sheikhfan said on 09.24.09 at 07:19 PM • [link]
What a brilliant review and great set of comments! I have been lurking on this site—on and off—for about a year, and am super interested (as you can tell by my username) in sheikhs and desert romances. I am surprised they haven’t come up more in the posts/comments about alpha males, though I realize novels like this one don’t exactly give them the best press….
I’d also be interested in folks’ recommendations for good romance novels set in the ME. I’ve read Nan Ryan’s Burning Love [it was very closely modeled on E.M. Hull’s The Sheik, IMO] and Nora Roberts’ Sweet Revenge [which doesn’t actually feature a ME hero, but rather a ME villain], from other recommendations, but I’d love more.
Abby Green said on 09.25.09 at 02:18 PM • [link]
Can someone have the honesty here to step out of the warm pool of vitriol and admit that there seems to be an overwhelmingly huge love to hate ratio for not just this book, but nearly all Harlequin Presents?! The phrase, ‘protesteth too much’ comes to mind time and time again. The review and comments of this book being a classic case in point. One can’t help get the picture out of one’s head of women everywhere devouring these books and then with flushed faces and a certain frisson in their pants declaring - ‘Oh but they’re reprehensible!’, when they’re really silently saying, ‘but I love it!’. You can’t say that we don’t provide entertainment and for $4.75, at truly recessionary prices.
Yours, Abby Green
p.s. Thanks to all this publicity I expect that Ms Kendrick is going to be juddering all the way to the bank.
Laura Hamby said on 09.29.09 at 03:40 AM • [link]
I didn’t think that was a real title, so I had to come look at the review. Still giggling over Mr. Sheiky Pants. And I have an urge to sing Old MacKaliq Had a Farm, with the animals in residence being the horse, vulture, chicken and lizard. However, as I have young, impressionable children in the house, I dare not sing the part “and on that farm, he had a lizard, with an orgasm here…” out loud.
Madre R said on 10.01.09 at 02:18 PM • [link]
Wow! Clever Sharon - she does get an awful lot of you to read here book - and advertise them!!
If I want a long profound read I’ll reach for Dostoevsky. But if I want to relax for a bit of unrepentant romantic make believe I’ll reach for Sharon any time - thanks for the introduction.
Misty said on 10.06.09 at 11:08 AM • [link]
I know, late to this party. I’m sure Kaliq is a real name, but he and his twin (mentioned in another review) are thisclose to being named Prince Ali Ababwa. Or, as Jafar prefers, Prince Abooboo.
Angela T. said on 10.10.09 at 04:07 AM • [link]
Wow! Awesome review. I was laughing so hard it hurt. It was like MST3K for romance books. I loved it!
Gwynn said on 10.12.09 at 03:34 AM • [link]
Ah, Bitches, where have you been all my life? I’m in lluuuurrrvv with you. Between this review and Candy’s I’m in UR ass, saving U review, I will never be the same. You have broken me, ruined me for all other reviewers, you bitches, you. I kow-tow…
Jeanette said on 10.12.09 at 04:04 PM • [link]
This Kalick reminded me of Peter Sellers in The Pink Panter. Very funny guy!
CheeseBk said on 10.29.09 at 01:30 PM • [link]
thank you for that review. I just laughed so hard, I’m still catching my breath. AWESOME!!!
Tori said on 10.31.09 at 06:39 PM • [link]
A friend sent me this link and I have to say I have never laughed so f’ing hard in my life.
I’ll have to get this book just for the hell of it.
drac said on 11.06.09 at 10:16 AM • [link]
Who would have ever guessed that wooden dialogue would make such an entertaining sound when being hammered? Thank you, virtuouso SB Sarah :)
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