Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Uh, did that?... What did? ....Good ...I just…for the love of ....I ...It’s just ... Oh sweet baby Jesus on a club cracker! Mahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! 
I can’t wait for the “Letters” section to be completed! :bug:

LonelySailor releases sex doll
Made with “soft to the touch” real human skin

by Anders Bruce, staff writer

For millions of lonely singles around the world, latex just isn’t good enough anymore. LonelySailor, a startup based in Idaho, has released a product aimed at eliminating this societal woe. My Little Sex-Doll comes in three different models—Bootylicious, Well-Endowed, and Schoolgirl—and moved “several thousand units,” according to Bob McFitz, director of marketing for LonelySailor. He says that he has “a Well-Endowed model that keeps me company at night, ever since my wife left me because I tried to set her on fire.” 

Says Tom McIvery, founder and CEO of LonelySailor, “Every time someone gets a skin graft, there’s a little bit extra. Why put perfectly good skin to waste? My friend Dave works at a hospital, and he set up a deal whereby I could purchase all that old skin they had lying around at rock-bottom prices.” Mr. Ivery worked for years to refine the doll, personally testing each prototype hundreds of times.

Recalling the childhood that inspired him to found LonelySailor, Mr. Ivery clenches his fists. “Other than the potato crop, there’s not much to do in Idaho. As a horny teenager stuck in the middle of nowhere, I turned to senseless destruction to try and vent m pent-up needs. I went to juvie for five years for trying to kill my parents, and one day I swiped a latex glove from the nurse’s office. Thus was the idea born.”

Mr. Ivery intends to release two new models, Bodacious and MILF, later this year, but he first has to put them through several more rounds of testing.

—From The Buddhist Science Monitor, 6 July 2006

Q: Will there be a male Teddy Babe love doll?

Possibly. This, again, depends on initial consumer response; but a male Teddy Babe has already been designed and is pending development.

Looks like you might be able to order some plush man titty in the future…....

I like that one of the features is the hypo-allergenic polyfil - in case some lonely soul really wants a dolly to play with but cannot bear one that will make his wee li’l allergies flare up…

Oh. My. That’s…disturbing. Some people really don’t have enough to do with their time, do they?

*goes off and falls into spasms of laughter*

Re:Lonely Sailor
I’m gonna say that this was a joke cause the person who posted did not trackback to the place where he said he wrote it. So no proof that this was a real article. I’m kind of confused about how I feel about this, kind of like getting the giggles at a funeral, at first I laughed but now I’m feeling kinda creeped out!

See?  I knew this group would appreciate that ad.

And I think having a plush, man-titty version leering at me from across the room while I write would be inspiring.  I could dress him like a pirate…or a billionaire…or a cowboy…or a Regency rake…

I can see a market for this!

Yes, Darlene, but he would probably come standard with an unbuttoned shirt tucked in to his trousers, like the girl dolls all come in standard issue teddies.  And the vacant stare would certainly evoke feelings of De Salvo.

These must be for men who have just totally given up.

Made-to-order Mantitty? Huh. He’ll never talk back…

Oh.My.God

“Once you go plush you’ll never go back.”

Um yeah, because once you’ve gone plush the norms won’t have you.

What Stephanie said, plus WAIT, THERE’S MORE!!!!

You’ve also then got a velour-speckled schlong, which is never good.

Even the bravest women flee in abject terror from a linty dick.

But would the male Teddy Babe have a greasy mullet that I could comb and braid and wash and cut the hell off

?
I think it’s the baby pink nipples that scared me most.
Although, if it wasn’t hundreds of US dollars, I’d be tempted to get one for the dorm at school. Mascot-style.

This made my day!!!

My verification word is opened17. LOL!

Ah, sweet beauty. It stands less than four and half feet tall but can withstand up to 500 pounds of pressure! The pervert’s dream cum true. Pedophilia meets Plushie meets Strangulation Fantasy. Mmm. The perfect trifecta of perviness.

Pussy Velour. Nice. Tasteful. Or maybe not.
My word verification in larger72.

The breasts on those dolls are cracking me up.  They have cantaloupe breasts- like bad plastic surgery.  And now I have this image of these dolls being forced to get enormous implants so men would find them sexy and take them home and they could give up this awful lifestyle because its SO AWFUL.  You can tell by the tired, vacant expressions on their faces.

I’ll bet a properly designed male Teddy Babe would be very realistic.  After all, according to about a thousand romance novels, a penis feels just like “steel wraped in velvet!”

BTW, my verification word is church12.  Where all of those bad, bad boys who have spent $700+ for this product should go to pray for their immortal souls.  Not for any sexual sin, but for being so lame they should go to Hell.

It takes a bit of cruising around to find it but phew! yes, you can fuck your dolly.

If the Japanese love for plushy sweet cuteness spreads to Japanese men, these things could get very hot. Hey, it could happen. Men in the US finally decided they could use a little spa and hair products stuff too and thus were metrosexuals created.

They still around?

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH, omg. And yet, I’m totally less freaked out by this than by the Real Dolls site. Now THAT is scary!

OMG, I’m SOOOO showing this to my husband, lol!
Dee

“Once you go plush you’ll never go back.”

That’s because once you’re at the point of ordering a love doll, you are never getting withing 100 feet of a real woman’s genitals ever, ever again. EVER.

I…uh…Damn.

I can’t seem to stop looking at my daughter’s My Size Barbie. And wondering where she’s been.

I’m going to go curl into a fetal position and wait for the Thorazine now.

Dude, we sooooooo need to get a Bombshell heroine industrial spy to sneak in and implant little micro-recorders in the pussy velour that sing out at random moments the following phrases:

“Did you take out the trash?”

“Can I have some money for shopping?”

“My mother’s coming to stay for the month.”

“Is THAT all you’ve got under there?”

Men. They must be allowed no escape.

(mwah ha ha)

Dang… I wanted to go buy Akiko, but fuck that, 700+ bucks?

I could go to the Philippines and get a girl for 20 bucks a day! All sweet-smelling and virgin fresh, straight from the province!

Oh, eww… i just thought of something:

The “Pussy Velour” insert provides a silky-smooth and highly-pleasurable sensation.

Who test-drove these things?

Who test-drove these things?

Desperate, horny men, just like it took desperate, horny women to test out the vibrators, dildos, and other self-pleasure devices we see in sex shops.

And I’ve seen them (the vibrators and dildos, not the sex dolls). I mean, why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.

I’ve never been able to wrap my head around that.

And I’ve seen them (the vibrators and dildos, not the sex dolls). I mean, why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.

well, umm… what about if you’re a woman and you own dildos AND sex dolls?

“I mean,
why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and
independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this
case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.”

That is a remarkably good point.

well, umm… what about if you’re a woman and you own dildos AND sex dolls?

All I was trying to point out is that how are men and women supposed to be “equal” if you have hypocrisies like this and others—like when a woman wears no underwear, she’s wild and sexy, but when a man does the same, he’s disgusting and perverted.

I was merely bringing up the double standards that go with human sexuality.

But getting back to the question, I really can’t answer that as I have neither of those things.

like when a woman wears no underwear, she’s wild and sexy, but when a man does the same, he’s disgusting and perverted.

Naw, I think hot boys who don’t wear underwear are delicious.

And I’ve seen them (the vibrators and dildos, not the sex dolls). I mean, why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.

In this case life is not always fair.  My husband used to make me laugh with the following:

When men go on dates they WONDER all night if they are going to get laid, the women on the other hand KNOWS whether he is going to get laid.

My verification:  big46

why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.

Oh, I don’t think those things are comparable. First of all, I wouldn’t even begin to think a guy was a loser for masturbating. Huh-uh. Grease up, boys. Go for it.

But a sex doll? Oh, no, no, no. Not for men or women. That’s just. . . I can’t even think of the right word. Pretending a doll is an actual person? Snuggling? Kissing her pink latex mouth? Stroking her hair? *shudder*

Just want to point out a paragraph no one else mentioned:

“In addition to being easy to conceal, some owners typically leave their Teddy Babes love doll out in the open for all to see, sitting them in a chair or out on their bed, etc. Because it’s a plush character, as well as a work of art unto itself, Teddy Babes are not typically perceived as sex dolls or adult sex toys, but as cute and sexy novelties; and women especially seem to find them attractive.”

“a stuffed erotic fantasy come true”

I dunno about anyone else, but “stuffed” doesn’t go along with “erotic fantasy” to me. It goes along with Italian food.

Maybe because I’m married. Heh.

On the “Doll Features” page, they mention that the doll is a better option than some of the “limbless torso” sex dolls on the market.

Toys for masturbation are one thing.  Cuddling up to a limbless sex doll?  That just says “budding serial killer,” right there.

Cuddling up to a limbless sex doll?  That just says “budding serial killer,” right there.

Yes, I was just thinking this about sex dolls, even the limb-ed ones. My perfect trifecta has now been shattered, because I have to add necrophelia to the mix. A girl with a soft velvet hole who doesn’t mess up your groove with all that wiggling. Suh-weet.

As far as love dolls are concerned…

See, I consider the male equivalent of the BOB to be something like the realistic vag…A BOB is a shaft or object to insert so you can take matters into your own hands, so to speak. To add a body seems extraneous. You got the part you need, it’s all good.

So if a guy is looking for someplace warm to stick it, there’s no need for a doll, just the place in question. I personally would think if I needed mechanical assistance, adding a rubber or plush body and a blank doll face would put me off more than enhance the experience.

That’s where I think the loser factor adds in. Not that you require a toy to get off, toys are fun, but that you need an oversized Barbie to do it.

‘Toys for masturbation are one thing.  Cuddling up to a limbless sex doll?  That just says “budding serial killer,” right there.’

Boxing Helena’s Box?

A day later and I’m still confused about something. Do people really think that masturbating makes a man a loser? I don’t get it and I’ve never heard this opinion.

Anyway, “men who masturbate” is kind of redundant, isn’t it? As is, “men who like to look at pictures of naked women”. *snort*

Well, not all men like to look at naked WOMEN….

I think masturbation is a given with men, unless they have an endlessly willing harem at their disposal.  I have never begrudged my husband the mastery of his domain, and he knows I enjoy a similar (yet less vigorous) passtime. 

The CREEPY issue is that these dolls are marketing and intended as something way beyond mere physical release.  The website states outright that the dolls are intended as companions, as substitutes for a flesh-and-blood female.

“Used together with the pivot joints at the shoulders, a Teddy Babe’s arms can wrap snuggly around to hug you.”

“It is also a perfect love doll traveling companion, fitting easily into a reasonably sized suitcase.”

(bold emphasis mine)

And they are marketed as companions, not just sex dolls, in the “personalities” each is given: “Akiko is sleek, silky and exotic; the ultimate Asian fantasy—shy and demure, but highly skilled in the arts of pleasure.” or “Tina is the perfect girl-next-door. Warm, affectionate and sexy, she’s the best girlfriend a guy could ever have.”

Perhaps because she is entirely a fantasy construct, not a real person!

This is not about Playboy, a little mental vacation, and a wank.  This seems much more deeply-rooted in some unhealthy masculine desire to actively choose fantasy over a less malleable reality. 

For all that we at this site enjoy romance novels and fantasize about some of the more unbelievable male constructs conjured by clever authors, few if any of us would actively choose a romantic life based entirely on daydreams and play-acting.  We do not actively compare novel heroes to real-life men because we know the difference between fantasy and reality.  These dolls suggest that there is a portion of the male population that is simply unwilling to acknowledge that difference.

Before long, it will be like Cherry 2000…

Oh I loved that film!

I’m with Victoria Dahl: In no way do I consider men who masturbate “losers.” However, there’s a big difference between buying some Boy Butter or a masturbation sheath, and buying a RealDoll or Teddy Babe. Yeah, I own a vibrator, but I haven’t named it. I don’t dress it up in clothing and set it next to me on the couch while I watch TV. I don’t imbue it with the personality I most desire in a boyfriend.

These dolls just clown me out completely; there’s an unspoken desire in the customers for a woman who won’t talk back or have opinions that gives me the creeps.

I agree with other posters who point out the sex-with-a-“person”-who-can’t-talk-back ookiness. 

But, really, I think the more salient point here is - how do you live down the fact that you’re having sex with a muppet?

Given how ugly the male Real Doll looks, I shudder at the thought of what a plush man would look like :P

I prefer the one who looks like Phoebe Cates. Remember Phoebe Cates?

Which one of you bitches is my mother?

As for

why is it that when a woman gets a vibrator, she’s empowered and independent, but when a guy gets a Playboy and some Vaseline or, in this case, a sex doll, he’s a loser.

Vaseline? Vaseline???

Astroglide, darlings. Please.

One fascinating point. The doll weighs less than 10 #. Your average male weighs considerably more. So I have this unwholesome vision of the happy owner in action, shunting his plush companion around the room until he can get her wedged up against something solid, whereupon she’d squish into a plushy, formless mass with an artificial vagina on the business end.
Eeew.
Janet

Thanks, you’ve just helped me come up with a term that will describe a flaw I’ve seen in certain books: Sex-doll characterization.

As in: “The action hero in this book is well-drawn & complex, but his love interest displays only cursory, sex-doll characterization.”

Or: “The heroine’s ignorance about the facts of life is played up for its humorous effect (“What’s a penis?”), even as she shows astonishing aptitude & beginner’s luck in administering blowjobs—clearly, another example of sex-doll characterization.”

Please read my whole remark, below, because the excerpt that’s posted on the main page is appalling: “Thanks, you’ve just helped me come.”

Vaseline? Vaseline???

HAHAHA I’m now picturing Doug trying to scrub the guilty sludge of soiled Vaseline from his loins. I hear Dawn dishwashing liquid works best for petroleum-based lubricants. Still, it would take hours.

:cheese:

Eeew, Victoria. Just plain eeew.

It’s a messy enough business as it is without bringing vaseline into it. And the smell—oy, you’d have to scrub your bits with Ajax to get rid of the smell.

“oy, you’d have to scrub your bits with Ajax to get rid of the smell.”

Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!

“It is also a perfect love doll traveling companion, fitting easily into a reasonably sized suitcase.”

Salome, how could you overlook fitting easily into a reasonably sized suitcase?

Am I the only one having a Lars Thorlwald, “Rear Window” moment at that one?

I’m also surprised no one has mentioned this one:

http://www.wordpress.tokyotimes.org/index.php?p=376

Make sure you check out the sequel, as well:

http://www.wordpress.tokyotimes.org/?p=626

I didn’t overlook it - just assumed that particular creepiness was rather self-contained and didn’t require additional words of wisdom.  I mean, it’s your shagadelic date for the evening…. in the checked luggage!!!  Those links are even worse, tho - the more realistic the doll, the more disturbing the man who loves it!

I dunno what’s cracking me up most, the website or these comments.  PMSL!!!

...I look at these and suddenly all I can see is…

Lucy T. Slut! of Avenue Q: http://img.theatermania.com/news/images/3265b.jpg
http://www.avenueq.com/images/lucyicon2.gif
http://www.in-newyorkmag.com/images/pages/avq-sign2.jpg

FULL PUPPET NUDITY!

What’s worse is that HER breasts look more realistic!!

Maybe they’ll use these to try to ‘rehabillitate’ furries? Bring them back to the human side? ...with fur? Eesh…

I would love to see the look on the custom or airport security agents faces when they open the suitcase.

I think the sex doll owner would be detained while they do a full search.

ewwwwww they are only 4 1/2 feet tall.
thats CREEPY.. i’m not much taller but the more childlike they make stuff like this , the creepier it gets.

I would love to see the look on the custom or airport security agents faces when they open the suitcase.

I think the sex doll owner would be detained while they do a full search.

And wouldn’t you hate to be the agent who has to do the “cavity search” on the possibly used doll.  EEEWWWWW…..

And wouldn’t you hate to be the agent who has to do the “cavity search” on the possibly used doll.  EEEWWWWW…..

EEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW is right!!!!
thank goodness for latex gloves.

Okay, nothing wrong with self entertainment.  But, the level of fantasy/role playing advertised with these dolls is…unhealthy.  Like the daughter says “that’s just sick and wrong.”

Here is a bizarre thought? What if they made a porn with one? Would it be arousing or a hillarious comedy.

Think i would laugh myself silly then be grossed out.

I did see a porn once where the chick had these huge inflatable boobs. I swear to God. I’m not sure what they were going for, but…

Honestly, I think the Teddy Babes are *cute*.  They look sort of cuddly.  If they weren’t so expensive, I’d kind of want one.

Not for the sex factor.  Just because they’re… cute.