Bitchin' Blog Posts
: Cover Makeovers
July 13, 2011 | Wednesday | 41 Comments
BONJOUR! Are you awake?! You should be! Ah am here, and Ah Am Zee Bucket! Ah know you have missed me. Today, Ah report to you zee horrible horribleness of mah second cousin once removed but not quite removed enough, MS PAINT. She ees, Ah am sad to say, quite sloppy. Fear not, Harlequin, zees is not about you! You are safe from ZEE BUCKET OF TRIUMPH today! Zut Alors! Ah know you have zee relief, oui? N’est pas? Ah know you all speak zee French, so you know how to read between zee lines! Anyway, Mah shoddy cousine, Ms.…
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June 01, 2011 | Wednesday | 37 Comments
‘Allo. Ah am zee Bucket. You perhaps have seen mah work on other covers, yes? No? Yes yes! HERE AH AM. AH STRIKE AGAIN WITH MAH BUCKETNESS. Some vixen named Kim has spotted the efforts of Bucket. First, we have zee cover with zee green from 2009. Ah like the green. It is very green, like zee environment, and zee logo at zee bottom of zee email telling me not to print zee email, which Ah do not do since Ah am a Bucket. But what if you are tired of zee green? Green, it is too… too… too 2009,…
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March 03, 2011 | Thursday | 62 Comments
It’s time for yet another Adventure Of Bucket! Not Hyacinth Bucket, nor the Lolrus Bucket. This bucket.
This bucket has a lot of work to do. Here’s an example. Look! It’s a book cover, brought to my attention by sharp-eyed reader DL!
Quite a lovely photograph, really. It’s not bad. But NOT FOR BUCKET. Bucket Must Make Change!
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February 09, 2011 | Wednesday | 121 Comments
Reader Cate alerted me to the differences in Elizabeth Hoyt’s covers between the US and UK versions. Have a look. This is the UK version: And this is the US version: Cate went out of her way to order the US copy even though she’s in the UK, because she really, really dislikes the historical inaccuracy of the cover: “This is a book set in 1737 - I know that because it says so on the first page(!).So why then have Piatkus given the book a set of cover models who look like they’ve just walked off the set of…
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October 21, 2010 | Thursday | 42 Comments
Harlequin, you’re going to think I’m picking on you, but, well, ok, I totally am. Thanks to Lyndsey, we have a new challenge this week: Which Is Her Real Hair? First up: The Unmasking of a Lady (could that title GET any better?) by Emily May, Kindle edition: Next up, same title, paperback edition: But wait, there’s MORE: thanks to eagle-eyed Lyndsey, we have His Cavalry Lady by Joanna Maitland: Which is her real hair, the short, the long, or the other long? Is it me, or are her ears really weird-looking, like, even more than ears are normally weird-looking?…
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October 19, 2010 | Tuesday | 77 Comments
In the past few days, we’ve been talking a lot about cover makeovers and the photoshoppery that creates multiple covers out of the same image - and stay tuned, because there is MORE coming. I know, how can it possibly be? Since I began reading romance sites online, I’ve encountered with some regularity the frustration that some readers have when the cover models look literally nothing like the characters described inside. Sometimes, when the character in a romance is a short, curvy, buxom woman with a dark pixie haircut and the cover model is a lithe, extremely slender redhead with…
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October 06, 2010 | Wednesday | 60 Comments
How you doing? I hope you’re having a pretty swell day. It might not be swell by the end of this but if the coffee was good this morning, that’s a win. I’m writing to talk to you about Kelley Armstrong’s book covers. First, this comparison was sent in by alert reader Ashley-Anne, who found them separately and had to send me the cover images. Oh, my my. It’s happened before, and I understand, obviously, that there are only 35 stock images to go around. Look at the pink legs that were everywhere. And yes, the tulle-wrapped legs are evocative…
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May 10, 2010 | Monday | 76 Comments
Ain’t no booty like historical booty. And Harlequin knows it, yo. Thanks to Carin, we have not one but TWO historical back-that-up covers.
But wait, there’s more!
Carin and I are both somewhat alarmed by the second cover. As Carin said, “I do think the first cover model wears it better, though I may be distracted by the green mist on the second cover, which I can ONLY see as visible fart odor….” Yes. Gaseous-looking curls emanating from a backside can only mean… something not good.
My question to you: whose historical booty reigns supreme?
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April 29, 2010 | Thursday | 83 Comments
While looking for covers for the Chesty-Back challenge, I found a new designed cover for Joanna Bourne’s The Spymaster’s Lady. Now, I loved this book, but the cover was patently ridiculous: Knock that oiled chest-baring ab-master off the cover, and substitute something more professional and perhaps boring, and I promise you, linguistics students could study this narrative as a representative work on how to accurately portray the differences in languages… Oh, that cover made me sad. More than once I’d recommended the book to people who were curious about romance and had to say, “Ignore the oiled abs. Ignore the…
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March 08, 2010 | Monday | 123 Comments
Pam Rosenthal’s book The Slightest Provocation is being re-released with a new cover, which she wrote about over at the History Hoydens blog, (which is a rather awesome author collaborative blog and totally worth reading weekly, yo). The old cover, as Rosenthal put it, would appeal to readers who might be “in the mood for something improving and uplifting.” And the new cover? Rosenthal highlights the fact that it is encoded with, “hawt.” Since it features her “angriest, sweatiest, most contentious pair of lovers,” Rosenthal is quite pleased with the visual encoding of the new cover: I am SO impressed,…
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October 09, 2009 | Friday | 115 Comments
Have a look at this new Ellora’s Cave cover. Is there a woman coming out of his arse? Does he have bigger breasts than I do? And why is his head so small? Is it inversely proportionate to the size of his more different other head? It’s time for caption that cover! Give your best caption, re-title, or commentary, and the best one gets a $10 gift certificate to the bookstore of your choosing. You’ve got 48 hours. Feel free to comment on which ones you think are best, even if you don’t leave your own. Get ready, get set,…
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September 19, 2009 | Saturday | 9 Comments
After this week’s contest, I couldn’t resist. It’s candle lighting time here in the east coast Bitchery HQ, so if you’re celebrating tonight, remember, the apples are not supposed to sparkle. Have a great weekend, y’all. Thank you for a really REALLY fun week!
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September 18, 2009 | Friday | 20 Comments
And the winner, with 305 votes: The New Merriam Webster Dictionary, done Twilight style, by Julie:
Congratulations Julie, and hooray! .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to claim your gift certificate.
I’ll make the entry live again so you can see all the covers in their absurd, goofy, majestic glory.
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September 16, 2009 | Wednesday | 78 Comments
One person said they feared the upcoming mockery when the Twilight fonts were discovered on her computer. Another lamented that it was so easy to work with images against a black background. But everyone who entered BROUGHT GAME like DAMN and MON DIEU. Are you ready for the entries? Pick your favorite in the poll below. This entry will expire in 24 hours.
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September 14, 2009 | Monday | 13 Comments
At the request of those in the comment thread below: a contest! Remake your favorite romance novel cover, only do it Twilight style. Giant red O’Keefe flower on a dark background with The Sun Also Rises is the Opposite of Twilighton it? Woo! Giant close up of dying horticulture, preferably tinted red? Make it a book cover, baby. The winner whose cover best causes someone to spit a beverage on their laptops will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of their choosing. You’ll be voting to pick the winner, so get ready and have a napkin handy. If…
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