Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Scrufflesnunch

Squeeeksluuurpslosh

breast self exam: ur doin it wrong

nom nom nom

[ETA: FWIW, shudderlicious cover notwithstading, Karen writes a good Blaze!]

Glugglormph

If we’re allowed two

Squeeekiiieeee (like a toy)

Ploosh.

Psshloop

You know how when you rub your finger across a balloon, it kind of makes a high eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee sound?

And you know how when you press too hard it makes a big BOOOOOOOOOMMMMM?

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeBOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!

pherrrrrrt

She was alarmed by the hissssing sound her favorite toy made as she desparately tried to find the slow leak.

His nipples: linkle [It’s actually a verb, I think, but an onomatopoetical one]
He himself gives us a reversed gasp, because that’s exactly what you do when your nipples are handled that way: psag

The sound th-

Damnit, DianeN, you beat me to it!

Poppin Fresh Dough anyone?

I’m pretty sure that nipple’s channeling the Roadrunner.

MEEMEEP!

squorshsquorshsquorsh

Plursh!

No sound effect here - the first thing that came to mind was,
“Tune in Tokyo! Tune in Tokyo!”

Blub blub blub

(This picture for some reason (I am worried!) reminded me of the “Blub blub game” my sister plays on the round little face of her 2 month old son, which makes him smile, if he is in a good mood…)

hsssssssssssssssssssssssssss

(as all of the air leaks out….)

‘‘AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!!!”

phfflllllllllllllllllllllllllllffffffffffrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[veriword: hear22—imagine that 22 times]

*skeeeeeeeeeee* *snick*

“Damnit, Laurel! I need that nipple for…” *gurk*

*squorrsh*

“You can only get the milk from the third nipple by pawing the other two. Go for it you hot sex kitten. Paw me! Paw me rough!”

“Purrrrr…mmmslurp”

All she needs to do to find the leak in that deflating air mattress is use some soapy water and follow the bubbles…

Skheeeeeeeeekie!  Tssssssssssssssssss…. 
Skheeeeeekie!  Tssssssssssssss….
Skhee….ts…..  Rrrrrrrrip!  Huuuurhhrhrhrhrh..
Phooooooooooo~~~
....
...
“Damn it!”

floowishhhhh

“Don’t panic… the bicycle tire repair patch is in the garage; we just have to get there without my taking my hand away…”

Dang! Maureen, I’m sorry. I didn’t see that you’d said it first. But it really does look like he’s sprung a leak.

I’m trying to think of a sound effect while also trying not to choke on my lunch from laughter.  This is beautiful.

I say…

YEAAAAAAAAAARGH! *splurt*

This is lame, but I think I have to go with:
“POP!”

Yes, the sound of a fragile overinflated balloon when it meets a small, particularly sharp object.

Le squeek.

Maybe it’s a game: she pushes in one and the other goes out…

squee… squee

FerSquelch, like when you squeeze jello through your fingers

flick flick Boiiiiinnnnnggggg!

because of the comment about water beds, all i can hear in my head is:
skadooooosh.

(yes, a jack black quote, but i always thought it was more the sound one makes when doing a bomb off the diving board.)

*squelchschlurp* drip drip drip…

What’s the noise of popping bubble wrap? Popiddlepopiddlepopiddlepop?

She: *sings* Stop in the name of love, before you break my heart!

His mantitties: Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!  Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep beeeeeeeeeeep!!

She: The fu—?

His mantitties: I used to be a muppet on Sesame Street…

The sound of his luscious man titties rubbing together was not unlike the sound of a large woman’s denim-clad derriere sliding across the naugahyde-upholstered booth of a Minnesota diner after a fish fry.

Wait, I think I was supposed to enter that in the Bulwer-Lytton contest, or whatever that is.

Seriously, do the cover artists at Harlequin not realize that blue is not a flattering color for human skin?  My second book has a blue man chest on it, and I’ve always wondered where they got the idea that my hero was a drowning victim.

fffscschhhhuuuftttt

recently17—I wish

Ffrt.

Please don’t squeeze the Charmin.

OK, so we’ve got Blue Man Group latex coming into play here…I’m going with “skree…skree…skree”, the sound you get when you rub a balloon.

pressing into the mantitty: FLUBflubflub

Making Mantitty wrinkles: shlippp

Instead of a sound, I will go for three words that when combined always bug me [the second word being made utterly redundant by the first].

“His Male Nipples”

rebyj’s AOOOGAH for the win

personally I’m going with “phbbt”

SQURLLLLP.

Zuchu-zuchu.

Or the kind of squeaky-crinkly sound you get when you sit on a bag full of polystyrene packaging-filler type stuff. Like this: eeekkrrr…, gradually fading out.

Splurk.

But I think you should choose Rebyj’s.

AHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA!!

OMG, I almost wet myself.

Let’s make that outie an innie!  *squirchz*

*purple nurple!*

sqoosh

This is from a MST3K episode: bingbong! Like a doorbell.

But my real one is: sklosh. A combination of squelch and slosh.

skwee-kaw . . . skwee-kaw . . . skwee-kaw

The sound of a mantitty squeaky toy.

blurrrghhhieer?

I think it causes a chain reaction.

(Which, obviously, I do not know how to spell.)

sppppLORT!

Screeech, her nails went over the titanium chest implants; she hoped this was an anatomical isolation as she was anticipating a little squelchy bonking later and she hated to be bruised.

sqwicka sqwicka

(spaminator: sound74! Indeed.)

Rump d dump
Flicky d flick
Plick
Whooshhhh

Splump. Splump. Rhythmically massaging the reservoir in her new man toy’s chest, she hoped the “expand to fit” feature worked down below as advertised.

I’m with the balloon folks.

Or, that creaking noise when you’re walking over hard-packed snow on a really cold day.  Reek, reek.  Hey, that works olfactorily, too!

The really disturbing thing is that somebody, at some time, looked at that picture and thought, “Sexy!”

Plunk, Plunk…

My husband says that the guys would be saying… “Get your f*%@ing hands off my nipples.”

You know that sound that you get when you run your thumb over a just washed tupperware container? That’s the sound. Or maybe the tupperware burp.

That’s easy! It goes:

    R       R
    |      |
O—Si—O—Si—O
    |      |
    R       R

Aaaahhhh Miss . . . please, don’t squeeze the charm . . .

;o)

“I haz bigger boobs than yoo!”

ohhh… the sound: plurp

Dude is made of tempurpedic material???

It’s the sound of unsticking your galoshes from a thick, deep mud puddle:  shlooooORP!

Don Martin, where are you now that we truly need you?

I just keep hearing the click-clack! of those old metal clickers (often called tin crickets)

Like these: http://www.clickandtreat.com/page6.htm

phlrrrrewwwwishhh

[img=http://img377.imageshack.us/img377/2562/image1vt9.th.png]

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/9/2/ohsquick128648691833273333.jpg

You know the sound your grandmother’s old washing machine made?  The machine with no lid, just the rotator and the tub?  Then the water gets going really fast with the clothes and sorta slops over the edge? Glooopsh, glooopsh, back and forth.  I can see it in my head as she torks his man titties.  Glooopsh, gloopsh.

Sploosh, I think.

Caption: “Hey! Yours are nicer than mine!”

Neener Neener

(think Mork and Mindy)

crap, I had another one and it escaped.

shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhfffffffffttt ka-BLAM!

I’m sound effect challenged.

Caption: So when I push like this, the whatis does which?

that sound that that funny silly putty used to make..between a wet squishy gurling sound you make with you mouth and some other bodily functions…or or…the sound it makes when you shoved your finger int he middle and the air escapes..urroghor

If she lets go, will they stay that way?

Or maybe he’s like one of those stress dolls - the kind where, when you squeeze them around the middle, their eyes bug out.  Except in this case, press his nipples and (you fill in the rest.)

(position66 - is that when you’re only halfway to a 69?  Like maybe at waist level?)  ;)

I asked the man and his buds tonight what sound they hear when they got their hands on boobs. As if they have rehearsed the answer before they all said ” Blah blah blah blah TITTIES!!” 

hahahaha!

at least we gals got more imaginative sound effects.

Wow, these feel very real. I was thinking of getting breast implants myself. Who did your work?

shplunk….the sound her fingers make as they are devoured by his mantitty…kind of like the sound you would make diving into a pool of chocolate pudding…before you eat it that is.

Splork!

Miranda takes Well Hung, the owner of Hardass Nails, up on his offer to test the the tensile strength of her French manicure on his moobs.

The victims were found in an advanced state of livor mortis, the woman’s hand desperately—and inexplicably—grasping the nipple of her attacker.  “Perhaps he first tried to suffocate her with his nipples,” the detective said.  “She pierced his mantit with her poisoned nails.  Alas, clearly too late.”

(I’m sorry.  Truly, I am.)

Squirt

or

rrreeeee

or

eeeeeeeeeeek (as in omg let go of my nipple)

pfffttttttt…. 

*they both look at each other*

because neither knows what end that came from

squeaky
pant
squeaky
pant
squeaky*squeaky*squeaky
pant*pant*pant
squeaky*squeak—
POP*OUCH*pppppppppppppppppffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttt

As her hands pressed lightly on his chest it began to vibrate gently like a kitten.
    “Yes, Madam,” said the salesman, “This model has a massage setting. Three different speeds: Purr, Vroom and Volcano.”

think yummy, squishy and Wayne’s World
scruummppscchwwiiinng

Weirdly, the first thing that popped into my mind was:

‘This is one of the strangest games of Blind Man’s Bluff I’ve ever played. Soft AND squishy….who is this?’

orannia

PS My verification word is ‘getting26’.....I so do NOT want 26 of them there covers!

HONK! SQUANKIE! SQUANKIE! (like a goose being slowly tortured to death)

“So you say if I press here, you dispense gumballs?”

Thu(d)splosh

Unless, of course, someone has already suggested that.

EEEEEE-eeee-EEEEEE-eeeee!
(kind of like a squeaky toy)

Forgive me all y’all with young kids who watch Dora, The Explorer.  I think it sounds like Boots the Monkey’s favorite toy combined with Swiper’s typical lament:

“Squeaky-Squeaky” (wait for it)..... “Oh Maaaaan!  Snap” as it sproings back into shape.

Or the gentle, jingle, jingle, tinkle” of a bicycle bell?  Or “queef”?

if i squeese hard enough will i the milk for free, or do i pay for the cow

Eeerksplah….drip drip.

I think that cover takes the cake for yucky….JMO.

ssccchhhhhhhllllllllluuurrrrP….OP!!

Merrweruffleurfulll

The sound is: Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings.

Does no one notice that her nails are blue and there are reddish pattern marks on her knuckles? Does no one suspect demon or alien? Obviously the sound made would cement that in the potential reader’s mind. Demon aliens who mate through the male nipple.

Left hand noise: ‘CLEAV’ Right hand noise: ‘VAGE’

Manhandling for Man-cleavage

Shplursh

Shplorp

Ploop

schploob

or

sboob

Somehow the weirdly plastic and wrinkly mantitty reminds me of those completely creepy Real Girl dolls.

Hence, Mandy and the RealBoy