Bitchin' Blog Posts
Greetings! You know what sucks a big wang? Being sick when you’re home on maternity leave, knowing that leave ends very soon. Lame!
So as a result I am holed up in my house, hanging out with the wee Baba, who is not so wee anymore, alternately sleeping and watching Discovery tv. Here are words of wisdom for you until I wake up enough to post something more romance-related and visually stimulating.
1. “There’s no poo in a vulva!” Dirty Jobs host Mike Rowe, palpating a cow to determine if it’s pregnant. Wise words, sir. Watch where you’re sticking that arm.
2. From Freezair, a link to a Japanese game that invites you, as Freezaid said, to “defend your household and title from your dead husband’s relations—slappy-fight style!” You’re the widow and you have to slap the shit out of your dead husband’s horrible relatives to defend your right to the house and the family title. If you’re frustrated at the holiday season of nonstop family get-togethers, this could be a great stress reliever.
3. “Whether the vision of your home is warm and casual or cool and sheik, Olde Paintâ„¢ will be an ideal marriage to your own personal tastes.” - Ad for Anderson Floor’s new Olde Paintâ„¢ flooring collection (I’m remodeling my kitchen - OMG shoot me).
I have to say, my vision of my kitchen SHOULD be cool and sheik. I was going for green and low-environmental-impact, but that’s so 2007. And really, doesn’t “Cool Sheik” scream 2008? Now I have to figure out the best way to design a kitchen on a “sheik” theme. Bedsheets? Harem pillows for seating at a low table? Buxom kidnapped English aristocrats being held against their will in opulent bathrooms?
Perhaps every room of the ultimate Smart Bitch house should have a romance novel theme. The kitchen is obviously sheik-only. Baba’s room could be a secret (hence, secret baby) and the bathroom in which we’re attempting to potty train Freebird would obviously be “the Big Mis(s).” This could be fun - like a charity design house on hallucinogenic drugs!