Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

If… she…was still alive!

At least we know who would play the brother.

I can’t see the comments on my computer - what am I missing out on? Undiluted Cassie Edwards quotations! ARGH!

Cassie Edwards novel = beer?

Like beer, a Cassie Edwards novel will make you a more efficient thinker because, like beer, it kills brain cells.  Hopefully, it’s the weak, slow brain cells that are killed off, thus allowing the brain to operate faster.

Is Darwin rolling in his grave?

...can’t…stop…laughing! (Note the ellipses and the exclamation point. I’m SAVAGE!)

I…cried…savage tears of laughter.

After the fourth quote, I couldn’t even laugh anymore. It was too painful. And yet, just like when I sloooowwlly peel off a band-aid, I continue to watch and wince and say, “Ow!” (Not “How!,” which is no doubt the appopriate greeting between any two of Edwards’ “Native Americans.”)

OMG…WTF…BBQ…!! (ellipses for em…pha…sis)

I can’t believe you finished it. Seriously, I am completely impressed. And awed. And, to be honest, a bit disturbed.

I’m using Firefox 2.0 and getting no joy with popup boxes. :-(

Jessikast, do you allow JavaScript enabled on the browser?

I’m using Firefox 2.0 and the pop-ups work just fine.

WTF was she freaking out about the oral sex about when he’s offering to play his flute of love for her!  Dude.  That is one flexible chief!

Safari doesn’t like popup boxes either.

Or maybe those awful quotes just wore it out.

Ok, wait, maybe this is a very elaborate practical joke.  Like, Candy didn’t buy the books, she hired some gifted comic talent to write the books.  Right?  Please?  Oh God, tell me Cassie Edwards isn’t real.  Let this all be a nightmare.

So opera singers are actually genocidal psychopathic killers. You learn something new everyday.

Safari? People actually use that?

I always download Firefox so things actually work like they should.

Damn it! I laughed so hard I was crying. I hate you. No, wait. I love you. Because you reminded me that I bought a used one of her books awhile back, looked at the first page after I got home, said “hell no!”, and booted its ass to Goodwill. Do not stop, do not collect 200. Let someone else read it. So glad I did now, too.

I, just, it. They. WHAT?! God help you. I’m sorry you have this embedded on your brain. *hands over the industrial sized brain bleach container* Might want to use it every several hours until your brain is thoroughly cleaned.

At least you didn’t have to read Cassandra Clare? I’m still hanging my head in agony days later.

Hey, there’s an idea! SBTB should do Cassandra Clare next!

I got to the flute of love and started laughing so hard I scared my five-year-old son. He’s traumatized for life by Cassie Edwards. Just like I’m sure Sarah’s traumatized for life.

Dreadful torture, buttercup. But you came through like a trooper.

*rolls off to snorkle-laugh some more*

I couldn’t read it with Internet Explorer 7 or Firefox 2.0 grrr

I can’t beleive you survived reading that with your faculties intact… you are a stronger woman than I

Wow, you took another one for the team - you Smart Bitches have ovaries of steel.

In the spirit of CSI: Shoshone I might note that the downtown Powell’s is within walking distance of Voodoo Doughnut.  Can’t think how that could be used as evidence.  ::Whistles innocently::  After all, your cleverer breed of troublemaker might use that fact as a diversionary device. 

(Using Safari and everything worked fine.)

Oh my god.  This review just did more to improve my day than the glass of vodka beside my laptop.

This if from the Cassie Edwards website bio (just to give you all a heads up):

[...]she still can’t believe that over 99 of her historical romances have been published. Seventy eight of those books are Indian romances. [...]Each book she writes is well-researched and authentic and she is striving to write about every major Indian tribe in America.

Say no to “Savage”

At least she wrote about the Shoshone, and not the Apache or Cherokee. Yay for variety? Sacajawea would be so proud of her tribe. ::gag::

Wonder if she’s ever written about the Chumash? “He ground into her like his people ground the acorn, or wa-she-sum-pa-doo, as his people called it. And like the acorn, if pounded long enough, the fine dust would lose its poison and become a nurishing food of love.”

No, I can’t do it. How the hell does she write like that for 300+ pages?

My first and last Edwards was the one about the wheelchair bound lady lawyer. One positive thing I can say is the Edwards has a better website than Suze Brockmann :)

So, you didn’t like the book?

Oh my, we used to keep copies of that sort of trash in our share house when I was younger, and take turns “dramatising” sections for the housemates.

I shall be sure to avoid the series even if they offer them 3 for 12 at the local newsagent.

My local library just sold a bunch of its old books—a quarter for paperbacks and $0.50 for hardbacks.  I’m glad that I skipped over the Edwards, though I’d read good things of her… apparently not here.  (I did get two old Du Maurier’s, though: “Mary Anne” and “The Loving Spirit”).

Sarah, I admire you SO MUCH.  As much as Edwards admires hyphenating single-syllable phonetic translations of Native American words.  It makes the readers think that they are learning a new language!  Then they feels smartful!  (Though why the characters would then repeat what they have just said, in English, when they both should know the native language, and both of them probably don’t know English…)

Could proximity to such fare be harmful to the baby?  What if he/she grows up begging you to take him/her to Wyoming-land to learn how to play the flute of love?  Or what if the baby develops prenatal memories of eating flowers, and insists that he/she must snack on the garden in order to erase ugliness?

If an ‘F’ is simply not a harsh enough rating then how about an ‘F-’?

‘Yea, for even the most despise-ed F shalt disdain thee, and from this day forth the foul mark of her judgement of THE MINUS shalt be born up thy pages, even unto the very end of thy shamed and weeping chapters.  And, yea, upon that day that all shall be brought before the throne of THE LORD, that despise-ed F shall be raised up far above thee, and thou shalt be trampled beneath her feet and for thy pride cast down unto the firey damnations of the pit! Repent! Repent before the moment of thy final hour!’

—Novels in the Hands of an Angry F (SBTB, Intetubes, 1741)

...Or something like that anyway.

Sometimes I envy the illiterate.

I just can’t get past the flute of love.

Thanks for throwing yourself on the grenade.  As horrible was it was for you, it was hilarious for me to read about your pain. 

You heap big brave woman.

I was only cackling with glee up until “flute of love.” 

Then…I…wet…my…pants…laughing.

OMG, you so took one for the team.  We can only hope it doesn’t warp the little one for life.

I . . . I just can’t believe he talked about his flute of love. I mean I’ve seen the references here, but I’ve never personally read that phrase in any romance novel.

Also, I have Firefox 2.0, I have Java enabled, and the pop-ups still don’t work so I fear I’m missing some quality comments.

The only thing I can think to block this would be…

In Firefox go to preferences

select content tab the one with the world on it

check all four boxes

block pop-ups

load images

but especially enable javascript and java

I had No-Script enabled—it’s an add-on for Firefox.  Once I disabled that and restarted the program the popups came up fine.

I think AAR was the place where I read about one of Cassie Edwards books where the hero’s first wife died in two different ways.  At one point she drown and then another point she was killed by a bear.

I have fallen in love with the spell check in Firefox…

preferences

Advanced tab

General tab

check the box “check my spelling as I type”

I suggest Firefox on both Mac and Windows so you always have the same app on any OS.

I have a suspension bridge of disbelief.  I love Linda Howard, Susan Elizabeth Phillips…I’ve read everything by Amanda Quick.  I hated Putney’s “To Have and To Hold”, and I refuse to read anything with a ‘bittersweet’ ending.  However, I have loved most off Christine Feehan’s stuff.

I have no problem with unclipped Cockzillas in fact and fiction.

I am the Raspberry Koolaid, “It’s SHINY”, ‘well, how are the sex scenes’ romance reader.  I have no concept of prose, little literary understanding and even less taste.

However, what I just read made even my eyes water in pain.  So it must be REALLY REALLY REALLY bad.

It passed the Tacky Tasteless Najida Test.

Sorry! I posted this in the wrong comments…Here goes:

“Flute of Love”? *stolen for own romance novel title*

Flute of Love: “Oboe,” she swore, albeit muffled by her head cold, “I cannot fall in love with a flautist, no matter what his trombone looks like, because bassoon I will be wed to the man who answers my father’s saxaphones at his quick-speed clarinet company!”

“Oh yeah?” he said. “Well, I’ve been trained my entire life how to blow something just the right way while covering all the right holes. Surely those skills can translate to lovemaking! Surely?”

Edit: Haha, my word is enough11. “Enough Cassie Edwards!” I saw one of her paperbacks for 50 cents at my discount booksellers, and I was tempted to buy it because I’ve been trying to read as much romance as possible…thank you for warning me off!

I have the same taste in low literature (low taste in literature?) as Najida but I never made it past the terrible covers on the Cassie Edwards oeuvre.  Thank God.  SB Sarah you are amazing!

“Big brother, who was the true savage! You were, Dale, you were.”   What is that exclamation mark doing in there?  It’s not a sentence.  I think it migth be aiming for a question but that’s the wrong punctuation for a question.  *sobs*

If Edward’s is writing about all the North American tribes do you know if she’s wrecked her particular brand of havok on the Navajo and their four genders or the Mahave and their Alyha gender?  The playing of the love flute could get really interesting.

He would hunt down Chief Bear and kill the savage himself. If… she…was still alive! Wait a second he wants her dead?

That was really amazing.  The astronomy lesson just died under the weight of historical logic.  *cries* Why did that have to be in there.

Next up CSI: Shoshone and the spy in the tribe.

Hey Del - I don’t know if she has but the thought of her trying to explain the Alyha or Nadleeh makes me cringe.

Shouldn’t Misshi be the one playing the Flute of Love?  Unless he is one of those really flexible guys who can cross their legs behind their heads, in which case he has a future with Cirque de Soleil.  Hmm, Misshi is ten years old when she is captured, and eighteen ten years later.  Guess she can’t count, either.  Pluverized ants + rotten spleen + rattlesnake vemom = overkill.  And I suppose Mishi is going to volunteer to milk the rattler. (All she has to do is think of it as a scaly Flute of Love.)

PS
I do have some standards.  Really bad covers I refuse to buy (Unless it’s someone I know and like).  So Cassie Edwards has always been a no go for me.

There is a God for the tacky and tasteless :)

I have a book rec for you ‘The Panther and the Pyramid’ by Bonnie Vanak. It’s better than anything Cassie Edwards writes trust me.

OMG!Magic Red Hair, Houri (the sacred virgins of Allah kind) and Evil FatherxHeroxHeroine (manrape!) love triangles totally pwns bad Savage Indian Romance.

Have a cookie for managing to get through that book you deserve it.

This review had me practically peeing my pants with laughter, but I can’t even imagine actually reading the whole book. Gaaahh! You are either incredibly brave or crazy, Sarah. Or maybe a little of both. :-)

Now if you could just get a case of…Sweet…Savage…Amnesia!!!

Oy. They sell Cassie Edwards’ trash in Target stores. I saw one and inspected it with my husband a few months ago, remembering what you’d said about how bad she is. The cover featured a tanned white guy dressed like an Indian. I kid you not. I don’t remember the title or the stupid cover description, but it was a white guy on the cover faking being an Indian.

Curiously enough, while offensive, that kinda fits. Cassie’s clearly a white chick faking Indian.

Dorchester publishes her crap, huh? Well, they also publish Linsay Sands, who (while better than Cassie, because a five year old on crack is better than Cassie) also writes terrible stuff. I see a Dorchester boycott in my future.

WARNING: She has 78 Native American books published and isn’t stopping until she’s covered ALL THE TRIBES. Be vigilant - just say NO to Savage!!

(unless of course you need a good laugh!!)
LOL

Holy crap… flute of love, indeed.
I work in a used bookstore, and nobody buys the Cassie Edwards. Once in a while, I’ll take one down and release it into the donation pile. It’s not fair to the donations, but when it’s out of my workplace I don’t have to look at it anymore.

I’d really like to meet someone who is an actual Cassie Edwards fan. Come on guys, fess up, one of you likes the flute and astronomical backbone talk. If I admitted by Linda “TRY HARDER. RELAX.” Howard fixation you can—well, no, her books aren’t nearly as bad, but you get what I’m trying to say.

Suddenly, my idea to change the names and slightly alter the situations in my old Buffy/Spike fanfic and publish it as a romance novel doesn’t seem so far-fetched!

Dear Sarah,
Thank you for this review, and thank you for including the publisher’s name as I now know where to send my manuscript. I have an idea for a novel set in South Africa(I have always wanted to go there and if I sell my manuscript I’ll put by a few thousand towards the trip)during the Zulu wars and as we have tomorrow off work I thought I could write it then. My book deals with a young red-headed girl who has lost all her family except her brother, an army officer who takes her on campaign with him. The big twist is that she gets taken by the Zulu chief during a savage attack (this will also be the name of my book).
I wouldn’t want to spoil the story for you…..........and will just say that Missy (my heroine) finds true love not a million miles from the chief, and Wade (the brother) finds a new career in yodelling.
Off to google Zulu+language.

Suddenly, my idea to change the names and slightly alter the situations in my old Buffy/Spike fanfic and publish it as a romance novel doesn’t seem so far-fetched!

That’s a reasonable conclusion when major publishers are putting out this kind of garbage.  Sarah’s closing says it:

Seriously, the presence of books like this on the market pisses me off. I take it personally that people are writing, marketing, and selling this crap because it is so utterly and completely terrible, it’s culturally offensive, it’s poorly written, and it’s so very much the reason why romance novels have such a bad reputation.

Romance and sf/f are rife with fanfic/wish fulfillment/Mary Sue/Gary Stu.  Other genres have them too, but it’s mainly in romance and sf/f that they’re unquestioningly published.  In bulk.  With minimal editing.  It IS embarrassing.

Did anyone else notice that people in this book did a lot of signing?

“Signing with relief…”

and

“Misshi signed happily.”

Was that an SB typo or were the Cassie Edwards version of the Shoshone really big on sign language?

Holy Convoluted Plot, Batman! You lost me after the lisp.

If her work is so well researched then why does her bio say “Indian tribes of America.” Did they sail from India and settle the west? ‘Native Americans’ or ‘First Nation’ might have helped to show that she might know what she’s writing about.

I don’t know how you finished it. Flute of Love? Is that a Flavor of Love spin-off?

why does her bio say “Indian tribes of America.” Did they sail from India and settle the west? ‘Native Americans’ or ‘First Nation’ might have helped to show that she might know what she’s writing about.

Many tribes still call themselves Indians, e.g.

Delaware (Lenape) Tribe of Indians
Spokane Tribe of Indians

Hey, there’s an idea! SBTB should do Cassandra Clare next!

No, no. The ideas she stole from were better. Trust me. When the not!Peter Pettigrew uses a chakram to attack the not!Remus Lupin, I nearly cried. Not from agony for not!Remus, but because I liked Xena’s take a whole lot better. I wrote a really long write-up on it, and it made little to no sense. I gave it a D+ because if I had lived in a cave the past 30 years, it would have been a really good original book.

Suddenly, my idea to change the names and slightly alter the situations in my old Buffy/Spike fanfic and publish it as a romance novel doesn’t seem so far-fetched!

Miranda, if Clare can do it, anyone can. *grins* Besides I know people who are going to alter their world building fan fic and try to publish them in a couple years.

Oh Holy Jesus!

Even given the treatment it deserves, that book still manages to both suck and blow.  Although Sara’s take made me giggle loud enough for hubby to turn the TV up.  :)

Sarah, maybe you should go read some Georgette Heyer to scrub it out of your brain?  Or JD Robb?

I’ve scared the dog with my loud laughing. So much badness but Sarah’s line about the mother-in-law had me spitting at the screen.

This scared me:“she is striving to write about every major Indian tribe in America.”

Oh HECK NO! I hope she doesn’t find out about the Choctaw and Muscogee. We were not known as great horsemen, buff warriors or even time traveling astronomers. We were short chunky farmers who more resembled hobbits than any “savage.”

I’m still pondering the “almost a vegetable” description.  Did the dude become, maybe, a tomato, which is really a fruit but which people assume is a vegetable?  Honestly, this is going to keep me awake tonight.

And the aspiring opera singer…  I kept flashing on images of ear-stabbingly shitty wannabes on the “American Idol” audition episodes.  It never occurred to me people of a bygone era could be as delusional as my contemporaries.  So now, in addition to the “almost a vegetable” image keeping me awake, I’m bumming out about that.

Not to mention the fact (although I guess I’m mentioning it now) I still can’t figure out how precisely to pronounce Misshi. 

At least now I know who/what to blame for my insomnia.

Okay, I investigated my cassie-edwards-isn’t-real theory a little and discovered her myspace page, which is hi-larious.  But even better than the raining hearts and the fact that the internet threw up on her myspace page is her CAFEPRESS STORE.  I shit you not.  Savage Skies wall clock!  The mouse pad!  The coffee mug!  My christmas shopping is DONE, bitches.  Enjoy the mall in December while I sit back, enjoying a nice book (i.e., not anything by Cassie Edwards).
Click my name for her myspace page.  The link to her store is to the right, under the scrolling light-thing, and above the faux-Indian collage.  That’s officially the oddest sentence I’ve written all week.

So…much…laughter…can’t…stop…giggling.

Please, oh please, do all your reviews like this.

I have never read an Edwards, but have read a few Native American/white girl romances and the chicks are always red heads (being one myself, I seem to remember that detail clearly). What, so Native Americans have a thing for firewater AND firecrotches.

Speaking of firecrotches, that was the first thing I thought of when the review mentioned Mitzi or whatever had dyed her red hair black. I thought for sure she was going to get it on with some buck who has a WTF moment when he discovers the bear rug doesn’t match the wigwam…or something.

The only good thing this novel’s review has done (aside from provide qualitee entertainment) is encourage me to get off my ass and keep writing. Cuz damn, if THAT trainwreck can get published…

Ok, I now don’t know what to do with the knowledge that I could, if I wanted to, make actual contact with real Cassie Edwards fans, for whom she is “the only author I enjoy reading”. I don’t know what to do.

Arethusa, I’d advise running.

Every time somebody quotes the playing his flute of love bit, all I can think of is Ron Jeremy.

Not a pretty picture.

Somebody needs to figure out who keeps buying this woman’s books. Please, I really need to know.

So does anyone know of any GOOD romance novels featuring Native Americans/Indians?

Just curious.

I’ve seem to recall liking Dinah McCall’s books as a teenager. They tend to focus on angst and daddy issues, though, so YMMV.

Wow.  Talk about take one for the team. 

That is some serious toxic dreck.  Why, why, why do they keep publishing this stuff?

Huh, Safari read the bits just fine, with the pop up block intact (HA Teddy!), I just had to scroll over the links and no problems with them showing up.

Oh, and if you google Cassie Edwards, about half way down the page, this review comes up, and just under that, is a link to the comments.

I also found a link to a Harriet Klausner “fan” site, in which the WSJ article is mentioned, and in that, she names two writers she does not like…guess who one was? Yep, Cassie Edwards.
(My HTML sucks, here is the full link)
http://harriet-rules.blogspot.com/2007/05/my-comment-about-hks-exception-to-if.html

Hardly anyone buys her books in my bookshop either, they try to trade them in though, I refuse them, but somehow, I have like 20 titles. Every year, one old woman, at least in her late 60’s comes in and buys some. Once a year….thats it.

Powells romance section is for crap, soo small (its right across from Fantasy, Graphic novels, near the cafe), why do they allow people to trade in Cassie Edwards?? WHY, WHY?!?!?!?!

I can’t get the commentary to come up, either, in Firefox or Safari.

If you guys will use the title attribute on the A tags instead of whatever javascript function that is, it might work better for everyone.

I just did an Amazon search, and while Cassie has few reviews, she still has a lot of stars (like 5 for “Savage Dance”) so someone is reading them.

Honestly, while they aren’t my cuppa tea, I can also see how they are ‘emotional porn’ for some…. to borrow a phrase.

Maybe in time the Romance Genre’ can split between that which provides and emotional fix and that which provide literary gold.

I’m beginning to see that the two often aren’t even remotely close. ;)

“an emotional fix”.....

Did I mention I can’t spell for chit?

Oh GOD I needed this. After a night a screaming babies, I really needed a laugh. I read this to hubby, who thought I needed cultural reassurance when I told him, Babe, I can’t EVEN be offended by this book because it’s so horribly bad no one could possibly believe real indians are like this.

(And Sarah, if I knew which flowers those were, I’d send them to you!)

But he, whom we have dubbed Crying Freelancer ever since his two month trip to Hong Kong a few years ago, challenges you to take on the Asian equivalent of Cassie Edwards: Crying Freeman!

Allow me to tempt you with the mystery of the woman who wears a metal electrocution kit she plans to use while, you guessed it, submerged under water with her victim! Will you be able to explain why everyone—particularly people who shouldn’t—get’s naked at the oddest times? Study the various adventures of Yo and Go (nope, I’m not kidding, though Go was pretty bad ass.) and the woman infamously named…Bugnug. Tempting, no? Noooo? LOL!

Dee

I, too, cannot get the commentary. Tried Firefox, IE, and Safari—no dice anywhere. Javascript is enabled all over the place. This is a brand-spanking-new Mac.

I feel that I am missing something bedwettingly funny. Sarah, if you ever do this again, I will hunt you down and force you to read every single thing Cassie Edwards has ever written. I WANT THE FUNNY COMMENTARY, dammit, not just the eye-bleedingly bad excerpts from the book!

Um…Linda Howard did a better job with Native peoples than Cassie Edwards did (Mackenzie’s Mountain). Of course, Linda didn’t try to do her research by going to the Bureau of Indian Affairs, the group who did its utmost to destroy Native Americans, unlike Cassie…

Try Kathleen Eagle for reasonable tales of Native Americans. She appears to actually know something about them.

Loved those comments! But I couldn’t bear to keep reading the drivel and had to stop halfway through. It’s just too poisonously bad—and yes, it gives us all a bad name.

For those missing out on the javascript commentary, the post right after this has them typed out.

I was kinda hoping this scathing review would stir up some kind of romance blog controversy in which earnest fans would be outraged by Sarah’s spiteful cruelty. I see, they would sneer, why your blog title has the word “bitches”. And others would blog about how online sunshine makes the world go round.

I’m still holding out.

Well, I can CERTAINLY see that half the words in this blog’s header are accurate—TRASHY BITCHES.  Hrumph.  I’m taking my toys and going home.

(mostly, however, I’m LMFAO @ “What a weenus.”)

There, Arethusa, did that help?

I have never had an occasion to read Cassie Edwards.

I will never have an occasion to read Cassie Edwards. Oh, my poor eyes. I need to rinse them out with bleach. Then scrub my brain with sulfur.

Then I need to go into a corner and quietly weep that people out there still read her books.

Kathleen: Damn you to everlasting DeSalvo slide shows!!!
I clicked, I saw,I threw up a little in my mouth. 
The Bon Jovi
The Hearts
The Collages
The sparkley throbbing flashy…..gah!!
The messages from her “friends”
DeSlavo IS one of the “Friends”
Damn you!

OMG FLUTE OF LOVE.

Of all the ignominious names the purple-headed womb ferret has had throughout the generations of romancelandia, that one might be…the…most…demeaning. Maybe…

There may be 78 Cassie Edward titles, but I seriously doubt that she has written more than 5 actual different books.  If you read one Cassie Edward books, you’ve read them all.  I know.  Many, many years ago, I read, I think, 5 of her books.  It was the same story.  The hero was always half-white, and was the only Native American man in the story who wasn’t just a complete savage.

At one point she drown and then another point she was killed by a bear.

Maybe she was washing her face in the river and the bear pounced her from behind? Bears can be bastards like that, the savages.

Amy, it did make me smile. Thanks!

“Purple-headed womb ferret”?

OMG.

*dies*

Miri, give it a chance.  At first I hated the Cassie Edwards myspace page, but now I realize how helpful it can be.  When the world spirals into the law of the jungle once more, and natural selection once again rules, these people will be the first to go. 
And DeSalvo is everyone’s friend, if you can avoid the crotch-cooties.

I am screaming. No one can hear me scream.

**This** got published??!?! Now I know for sure that Satan’s pool boy rules the earth. Or at least rules a publishing house.

Somewhere a fiend is laughing.

I found your site via Half Changed World and have been popping by now and then. But I’m coming out of lurkdom to say that I’ve never laughed so hard at anything on the internet as I did at your comments on this tripe.  Like a previous poster, I laughed so hard I cried at the “flute of love” bit. Holy moly.

Thank you so much for enlivening the day of a weary stay-at-home mother.

Don’t know if this has been said already, because I don’t have the chance right now to read through 88 comments, but the Indian in that commercial from the 70’s isn’t crying because of the pollution OR even Cassie Edwards.  He’s crying because HE’S NOT A FREAKING INDIAN!  http://www.snopes.com/movies/actors/ironeyes.htm

This story remembers me of a friend’s story (who lives in New Mexico)when someone asked her if they still had “Wild Indian Raids”?

I can’t think of the flute of love now without giggling.

LMAO !!

I remember reading this, and I remember groaning aloud repeatedly. It was a group read at the time, so I HAD to finish it, otherwise it’d have hit the wall with a satisfactory thud.

Isn’t it time for Sarah to choose a suitably horrific book for Candy to review?  I can’t wait!

I was thinking the same exact thing, Amy E.  Bring it on!

I laughed so loud at your review that I scared the cats, who are still hiding under the bed. I’m never going to be able to look at a flute the same way again!

The recent Cassie Edwards implosion makes this review even better, which I would not have believed was possible.

I discovered your site through a presentation in class on plagiarism.

I can honestly say, I came for the drama and stayed for the hypertext. I’ve passed it onto everyone I know who writes and reads.

And I can’t wait to mention it to the C.E. readers at work this weekend.

Thanks for a fantastic site. I laughed the entire way through your book review.

This is my first visit to your site, and I am bookmarking you.  This review is AWESOME!!!!!  (BTW, I was directed here through CrankyFitness.com)
I also hate that writers like CE give the entire genre a bad rep.  Her books are so incredibly awful, I thought there were no words.  But you’ve found them, and I thank you!!!!

Owie, owie, owie…the dialog just hurts my brain.

But the background storyline sounds pretty much lifted from the historical story of Cynthia Parker (child stolen by Indians, etc.)

You’re “All Your Base” reference made me chuckle, but the proper Zero Wing grammar isn’t “set me up the bomb,” it’s “set up me the bomb;” the original was “somebody set up us the bomb.”  It’s even more LOL-worthy that way.  As for the book… I’d scream “Oh John Ringo No!” except that it would be gratuitously insulting John Ringo, who’s actually quite entertaining once you get past his paleoconservative politics.  (Of course, when you’ve had the misfortune to read a book by Walter E. Adams, the likes of John Ringo or even Cassie Edwards look like literary giants in comparison.)

I knew I should’ve stuck to new posts, knew it. Why, oh why, would you quote all that? You’re evil. I managed to read four of them before I decided shoving something sharp through my skull sounded a lot more pleasurable.

What’s really sad…I know I had to’ve read at least ten of her novels by the time I was 16. No wonder I’m so warped now. Between Literotica and Cassie Edwards, I’m lucky to have a brain left!