Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Don’t laugh.  Okay, don’t laugh too hard.

That was exactly what I thought to myself close to a decade ago—that being a romance writer would be a good way to make a few bucks while remaining a stay-at-home mom.

Consider that it took me 8 years to get paid, it worked out to be about a buck an hour. 

But still.  Naivety, there’s something to be said for it.

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Note, too, the article doesn’t appear to think actually reading the genre, understanding and enjoying it are important either.

From the quality of books coming out lately I’d say they were pretty spot on.  It does NOT take talent or hard work or even a passing knowledge of the craft of writing.  You just have to have the right gimmick and have someone willing to back your gimmick.  Grammar?  NEVER!  Spelling?  NEVAR!  Logical plot points?  Hm what?  I couldn’t hear you over the sound of money shuffling into my bank account… BUT OH GOD I’M AN ARTIST!

*shakes head*

As awful as this seems this person is spot on.  Anyone can publish and anyone can be a writer and the people who do so by jumping on a bandwagon and churning out shit fast and furious will beat the people struggling to come up with something well put together and well crafted.

Buuuut maybe I’m just burnt out on shit writers who all mimic each other.

And they’ll even print your epic for a small fee. Woohoo!

Personally I love how they say “if you don’t want to self publish.”  Like that’s the first, best choice.  And the only thing about self publishing that costs money is the “warehousing copies.”

My mother’s been after me for years to pick a degree and by extension a career.  On her last visit she said “You could write Romance novels.  It’s pretty easy, they have these outlines you use.  I never finished mine but I’m sure you could do it.”

Jesus mom, let me count the problems I have with that statement.

It’s pretty easy, they have these outlines you use.

Is that like Mad Libs?

Heh, oh now there’s a Smart Bitch idea!
Romance Mad Libs!

Give me an adjective:

Give me a noun:

adjective:  dripping

noun:  laptop

Crap I need more caffeine.

Groan.

God, I hope my husband never reads this.  Then my secret will be out and I’ll have to get a real job!

That reeks of both ignorance and disdain.

Not that that’s new either but… ugh.

*Sigh*  Just once, it would be nice to see someone pick on another genre.  How about Westerns?  All you need is a horse, a gun, a lawman and a badguy/Indian/alien spaceship, and away you go.

Hey….there’s a story in there somewhere!

I find her irritating. My guess is that while she is listed as a journalism graduate and a writer, she’s never written a book and doesn’t understand what it takes to do so. It doesn’t matter what you write (genre, literary, poetry, etc), it’s hard. If it was as easy as: 

“If you like writing, have a great imagination and knack for storytelling, have self-discipline, are a romantic, are willing to sell your finished novel, and are persistent, then being a romance novelist may be the home business for you!”

Then everyone would be a stay-at-home novelist.

That was my first thought, Darlene. Coz SAHMs are women, and women are illogical and driven by emotion, so the best thing for them to write is romance…which is a piece of cake! Doesn’t take all that brains and plotting like literature…

*grumble*

And Sherry, at this point I’d be thrilled to be making a dollar an hour ;)

“If you like writing, have a great imagination and knack for storytelling, have self-discipline, are a romantic, are willing to sell your finished novel,”

have a significant other who is willing to foot most of the bills for a few years after you announce that you turned down that patent law job because you’d rather freelance as a science editor and live on Ramen whilst trying to break in as an author…

“...and are persistent, then being a romance novelist may be the home business for you!”

word ver: outside86

Yes, indeed, I eighty-sixed the outside job.  It took five years thereafter for my fiction income to exceed the miniscule stipend I’d gotten as a grad student

I’ve managed to convince my DH that I am, indeed, working.  Not making money, but working.  Gotta write today, dear, yanno, just in case Agent X or Editor Z comes a calling.  So, sorry you don’t have clean socks, the house is a disaster, and it’s cereal for dinner.  I love my career :)

But seriously, the person who wrote this is delusional in oh, so many ways.

Wowee, I’m dropping out of grad school right now so I can get on this easy peasy gravy train. Random House, NYT bestseller’s list, here I come!

Oh, my gosh. I read this a month ago and just decided to be a romance author. I just finished my first novel, “Loins on Fire”, and it’ll be self-published by WeTakeYoMoney Press. I’m soooo excited.

Do you think Smart Bitches will want to review my book? I know I’ll get an A review.

This career is everything I’d dreamt it to be. I get wear my bathrobe, house shoes, and eat all the Bonbons my stomach can take. It’s a DREAM!

Uh, did we all miss the part about finished novel?  Guess they didn’t take into consideration that USA Today reported 85% of Americans say they would like to write a book, less than 3% of them start a book and less than 1% finish writing a book!  Gee, with those percentages, it should be a piece of cake to knock out a book, huh?

*sigh* 

Reminds me of the guy in first Lara Croft movie “My ignorance amuses me.”

wordver:  use65

Is that some kind of alcohol?

OMG.  You think diet coke hurts?  Try hot chocolate and a smart bitch madlib!

Theresa

Thanks for all the trash talk about the ‘romance novel writer’ post on my blog!  Even though your comments are inaccurate and over-dramatic, I do find them amusing! And, it has increased traffic to my blog!  So, thanks!

-Fellow Bitch, Stephanie

Smart Bitches Comments:
The Best Way to Increase your Traffic

SHIT. 

Now I have to go get knocked up to justify what I’m doing, so I can call myself a SAHM.  And then I’ll have to get some super-expensive NASA-grade shades to shield my eyes from that incredibly bright star in the East that’s going to shine on my ass.  And then—damn it!—I must find some way of convincing Oprah that this isn’t just another scam.

Oh, shit.  Well, nobody ever said this was going to be an easy gig.

Follow your dream Wry Hag!

As a romance novelist you should be writing everyday.

Everyday what? Life? Laundry? Buttseks? Is it TOO MUCH to ask that writers know the difference between “everyday” and “every day?”

I’ll take a cup of curmudgeon to go, please.

*laughs maniacially*

Does this person have the first idea how hard a SAHM works?

Meals. Laundry. Cleaning. 1001 demands for attention for everything from “I need a hug” to taking the kid to rthe dr for stitches.

Yeah, I can bang out some hot boy-lovin’ in-between diapers and spit-up and cooking and losing a whole child!
(kiddo was asleep on sister’s bed, looked like one if many stuffed toys)

I’ll take writing around a 60hr a week day job now that the kids are in school.

Oh, and while only 1% (3 million) finish the novel, only 2% of that 1% make serious money writing fiction.

My word is tax99, a reminder that our taxes are going to be a nightmare.  4 W2s, and 3 1099 records.  *headdesk*

Well dayum.  Imagine my chagrin.  If I’d known it was that easy I wouldn’t have tried that hard.

Sheesh!