Bitchin' Blog Posts
Racing the Moon by Michelle Hauf
by SB Sarah | May 01, 2008 | Thursday at 7:15 pm | 59 CommentsTitle: Racing the Moon
Author: Michele Hauf
Publication Info: Harlequin: Noctune Bites May 1 2008
ISBN: 9781426816413
Genre: Paranormal
Note! Small contest ahoy at the end of this entry!
Harlequin Enterprises is launching a new line today, Noctune: Bites (no, that is not a description of quality). “Bites” are “dark and sexy paranormal short stories,” available in eBook format. I took one for a test drive over lunch (chicken, pasta, and arugula salad with goat cheese, if you’re curious. I have a love of goat cheese that dare not speak its name) and here’s my lighting-fast hot-off-the-Notepad review.
Sunday (that’d be the girl) is an isolated rural mechanic, and a familiar - a shapeshifting cat. Dean (male) is a land agent, and a werewolf. And, in a bit of situational comedy that made me giggle-snort, Sunday and Dean are trapped in her garage after she tows his broken down truck, because it’s raining cats and dogs outside, and a live wire is down on the ground outside the garage bay doors. Dean needs to have sex that evening - the night of the full moon - to appease the wolf side of his nature lest he “wolf out” and hurt her or someone else. Sunday would love to work on his crankshaft for a few hours, except that as a familiar, her orgasms and post-coital bliss have rather negative consequences due to her paranormal abilities, along the lines of “dogs and cats, living together, mass hysteria” plus some otherworldly badasses making unscheduled appearances. You get the picture.
I started my review notes by copying down some of the more absurd dialogue used by the hero in this short story. Dean has a really alarming and unnatural habit of talking to himself in complete, and awkward sentences, such as:
“What I really need is to get laid to calm the werewolf.”
Thanks for explaining that one, sir! How about another bit of awkward monologue to kick the story forward three paces? Please?
The greatest flaw that tripped me up as a reader - to the point where some of it was just comedy gold - was the dialogue, especially of the dialogue that Dean carries on with himself when he’s alone. Some of it is trite and not much like anything a human would say, shifter or otherwise. And sometimes the narration addresses the reader directly; other times it exists solidly between Sunday and Dean. Details and explanations are repeated, like the definition of “were” as part of “werewolf,” and there’s a lot of Dean thinking to himself, talking to himself, or otherwise remarking on matters at hand out loud when he’s alone.
The very cool part: when they start comparing notes on the differences in their shifting natures, and how different his experience is from hers. Their honesty is what brings them together in a short amount of time, trapped in a very small amount of space, but unlike contrived erotic situations where sex happens for really lame and flimsy reasons, the attraction between Sunday and Dean is built on both their human attractiveness, their animal senses, such as scent, and the revelations they share with each other regarding both of their hidden and dangerous identities. It is not an easy task to bring two people together under a time and space constraint such as those present in category romances. It’s even harder, I’d think, in a category short story. Hauf does an admirable job both building the tension, and building the connection between them at the same time - better, in fact, than some full-length novels I’ve read where one character Must Have Sex lest Bad Things Happen.
The first sex scene, as a result of Hauf’s deliberate effort to craft tension and attraction between them, is surprisingly risky and I’m impressed with the boundaries pushed in the very electric depiction. However, a subsequent sex scene contains the most unintentionally hilarious description of coitus I’ve read in a long time: (highlight to read)
“Flesh to flesh, the rasp of her nipples grazing his skin alternated with the giddy hug of her around his erection.” Her vagina was all, like, ‘Wheeee! Hugs for you?!’ AWESOME.Hauf uses innovative means to sustain the sexual tension even after they’ve started spinning his lugnuts, delaying half of the pleasure and lengthening the eroticism for both the reader and the protagonists. There’s climax after climax, literally and narratively, and while the set up was a bit slow, like the oppressive air before a soaking storm, once Dean and Sunday get down to business in the flatbed of his truck (Yeah, baby!) I raced for the finish line of the story as fast as my thumb could hit the space bar. (That’s not a euphemism.)
The conclusion returns to the over-explaining dialogue to sum up how their relationship will work, sexually and emotionally, but still, I have to say, the entire interlude was satisfying. I read the whole story over my lunch hour, which was even more satisfying indeed. I can read a category in an evening, but an entire romance over lunch? Boo yah.
Wanna sample some biting short story romance action? The Nocturne: Bites line launches today, and I have five, count ‘em five coupon codes to give away. Just leave a comment, any comment, and I’ll use a random integer generator this evening to pick five happy users who will go off and enjoy their own bite of romance.
Filed: Reviews, Grade C, Authors, H-K
Tagged: nocturne bites, michelle hauf, harlequin
Leslie said on 05.01.08 at 07:54 PM
Good heavens, Wheeee! Indeed, do you suppose he is really a Were-teenager as well?
laura said on 05.01.08 at 08:04 PM
During your lunch hour! This gives new meaning to a “nooner” :-P I say if you can’t have a real one, reading one is a great alternative!
Rebecca J said on 05.01.08 at 08:14 PM
Very interesting!
Thanks for the review.
R
Yvonne said on 05.01.08 at 08:14 PM
I couldn’t stop laughing at “I raced for the finish line of the story as fast as my thumb could hit the space bar.”
I know how you feel.
Tosca said on 05.01.08 at 08:17 PM
Bites!
That is just asking for trouble.
:)
Jill D. said on 05.01.08 at 08:18 PM
Your reviews crack me. Also, the added bonus of coitus quote was great! It totally cracked me up.
Summer said on 05.01.08 at 08:18 PM
Hmmmm, I tend to avoid short stories as I feel that they don’t give enough background for me to become emotionally invested in the H and H. But if I could try it on for free I would definately give it a chance.
Iasmin said on 05.01.08 at 08:21 PM
Comedy gold, eh? I wonder if you guys shouldn’t host a Coitus Comedy Gold competition then sometime. Surely there’s *some* holiday that would warrant such a grand escapade. :) The mind boggles. Thanks for the giggle fit.
Wirdald said on 05.01.08 at 08:23 PM
Lunchtime eBook joy? Boo-yah!
I don’t know if I would be able to get over such stilted, fakey dialogue as easily as you did ... but you’ve never steered me wrong before, so I’ll trust it really would be a satisfying read. And, admittedly, I positively devour books by a certain author known for overwrought, no-one-would-ever-say-this-in-real-life prose, and I love it even as I roll my eyes at it, so perhaps Hauf’s story wouldn’t be such a stretch.
nitenurse said on 05.01.08 at 08:23 PM
What do raspy nipples sound like??
I’m thinking of my kids blowing raspberry sounds now.
Danny said on 05.01.08 at 08:26 PM
Nothing sells a story like giddy vagina.
Sarabeth said on 05.01.08 at 08:33 PM
Raspy nipples? Hmmm.
A vagina hug? Interesting.
Still, an hour? With kiddos, I’ll take any story I can read in a short time.
Johnny Friday said on 05.01.08 at 08:46 PM
One hour story? Nice, something I can read in between revision without running ht risk of accidentally losing the whole day to a really riveting book!
endlessdesk said on 05.01.08 at 08:52 PM
^_^ Sounds good to me. How short is short though?
Sharon Buchbinder said on 05.01.08 at 08:59 PM
With the hugging, wheeeeing vagina, did she also include the ever embarassing “vart?” Inquiring minds want to know.
Heather said on 05.01.08 at 09:06 PM
Interesting new paranormal line. Can’t wait to check it out and learn more about it.
Stephanie said on 05.01.08 at 09:16 PM
I love it when you bitches do reviews, you just can’t get the thoroughness and snark anywhere else. ;)
Amy said on 05.01.08 at 09:25 PM
Sounds a lot like Patricia Briggs’ Mercy Thompson novels to me - coyote shifter girl, werewolf love interest man. Admittedly not got that ‘cat vs dog’ thing going, though.
Jesbelle said on 05.01.08 at 09:30 PM
Sounds like an interesting new line. I tried my first ever series book (Sex, Straight Up) from a your review. I’ve been getting kind of tired of epic, never-ending urban fantasy series. Maybe some short, stand-alones would be a nice change of pace.
Karmyn said on 05.01.08 at 09:34 PM
Raspy nipples and a giddy vagina? Okay, that just might beat out the flaming nipples from a Temptation a few years back. Wish I could remember the title, but TRR seems to have deleted that review a long time ago.
Why isn’t my vagina ever giddy?
Chris said on 05.01.08 at 09:53 PM
Can’t wait to check it out! I love being able to finish an entire story in my lunch hour, makes me feel like I accomplished something special ;-)
Mary said on 05.01.08 at 10:00 PM
I love quick reads. Sounds like fun.
Sayuri said on 05.01.08 at 10:06 PM
Commet! Whee.
Catherine said on 05.01.08 at 10:12 PM
It really said that? Was this book written as a comedy romance or was that meant to be sexy?
Sheryl said on 05.01.08 at 10:12 PM
ooh!
hugs!
(now I feel like digging out my old Care Bear…)
:D
Janet Miller/Cricket Starr said on 05.01.08 at 10:14 PM
Me, I love quickies so I’ll be happy to bite into one of these.
(You know… I’m not sure that came out quite right)
Liviania said on 05.01.08 at 10:16 PM
@Catherine: No, that was Sarah’s snark of the coitus quote.
Tami said on 05.01.08 at 10:17 PM
Boggles the mind! Sexy romance over the lunch break :)
Deb said on 05.01.08 at 10:24 PM
“Come here, big boy! Let me hug you with my vagina.”
Still, it’s probably better than having had her vagina kiss him…
Stephanie said on 05.01.08 at 10:26 PM
I love goat cheese with an unbridled passion, as well. :)
Ciar Cullen said on 05.01.08 at 10:42 PM
Want it. Don’t make me buy it. Want it. You want to give this to me. Coupon. I’ll leave you guys alone if I gets a coupon.
distracted said on 05.01.08 at 10:44 PM
Sounds interesting!
plainjane said on 05.01.08 at 10:45 PM
Damn…my vajay-jay has never said “Wheeeee!” I must be doing something wrong…
spinsterwitch said on 05.01.08 at 10:46 PM
Rasping nipples! That could not be comfortable with clothes…I’m imagining velcro here.
Catherine said on 05.01.08 at 10:46 PM
Thanks Liviana… I feel a little dumb now. But in my defense I’ve seen some pretty horrible wannabe-sexy-but-really-isn’t phrasing.
Anon76 said on 05.01.08 at 10:55 PM
“the rasp of her nipples grazing his skin”
EGADS. That poor woman needs some serious moisturizer action.
Ashwinder said on 05.01.08 at 11:25 PM
Hmm… Interesting quote. Still I’ll take my chances on one of these.
Ostrea said on 05.01.08 at 11:41 PM
I dunno, would a rasp be better than a “spung”?
Suze said on 05.01.08 at 11:41 PM
Goat cheese: bleh. Tastes like how wet wool smells. Ruins the whole dish.
MollyGolly said on 05.01.08 at 11:44 PM
Mmm . . . raspy nipples. You know what they say about men with raspy nipples.
joopiter said on 05.02.08 at 12:10 AM
That’s it… I’ve got to stop reading this site at work. It’s one thing to crack up in an open-office setting where everyone can hear you. It’s quite another to explain that the reason for said cracking up is vagina hugs.
plaatsch said on 05.02.08 at 01:03 AM
Bite me!
Um, I mean, I wanna coupon. Pleeeease!
goat cheese, sheep cheese, feta cheese. good stuff. makes my vajayjay say “wheeee!”
Cassie said on 05.02.08 at 01:07 AM
Giddy hug?!?
Okay, I can’t decide if that’s funny or just weird. Overall the story sounds pretty cool though.
orangehands said on 05.02.08 at 01:24 AM
seriously, you had me at her being a cat and him being a dog and then add a “wheee” vagina and LMAO.
oo, yes, coupon please!
shaina said on 05.02.08 at 01:31 AM
oh, boo for bad dialogue, but yay for happy vaginas! lol.
i want to reeeaaaaddddd! *hopes for a coupon*
ArkieRN said on 05.02.08 at 02:33 AM
Yay for new line!
Gotta agree about the weird dialog though.
Katie Ann said on 05.02.08 at 02:51 AM
Wow, somehow I have never read a “must have sex now or eeeelse” story, but it really intrigues me. And wow this ebook is only 89 cents?!
Eva Lynn said on 05.02.08 at 03:29 AM
That… is some really, really bad interior monologue. But short stories need more love, so hey. How long will these ‘bites’ tend to run, by word count, or do they not say?
...okay, I could probably go look that up myself, actually, instead of being lazy. But someone else might want to know too! </rationalization>
Alison said on 05.02.08 at 04:00 AM
Dogs and cats sharing special hugs?!!! Count me IN!
Sandy(Strlady) said on 05.02.08 at 04:03 AM
Okay, well that was a bit on the, funny/don’t know what to make of that, side!
Can’t beat the price on this one though, even if it’s weird, you can afford to give it a test drive.
SB Sarah said on 05.02.08 at 04:04 AM
Time’s up, so stay tuned for random integers.
SB Sarah said on 05.02.08 at 04:09 AM
Ok! In a method shamelessly stolen from The Pioneer Woman, we have the Random Integer Generator:
The winners are comments numbered 20 1 49 19 26
Leslie, Jesbelle, Karmyn, Sheryl, and Eva Lynn, I’ll be emailing you tomorrow to send you your codes. Hooray!
Zumie said on 05.02.08 at 05:17 AM
When I read the sample of the first sex scene, including “Her vagina was all, like, ‘Wheeee! Hugs for you?!’ AWESOME,” I seriously thought that was a line in the book, not commentary.
Needless to say, I demand someone write a romance book in that writing style. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
Esri Rose said on 05.02.08 at 05:31 AM
I totally did, too. And I was flabbergasted. Okay, she’s just extrapolating the “giddy” part. I got it.
Laptoper said on 05.02.08 at 08:33 AM
Racing the Earth is much better :)
Tina said on 05.02.08 at 02:14 PM
Yesterday, my work computer deemed this place blocked. It’s unblocked today, now that I’ve missed the contest :(. Still, hilarious review, as usual. I need to check out a couple of these Bites.
Kitty said on 05.02.08 at 06:42 PM
Aaargh! Bad dialogue drives me crazy! Maybe I’m just becoming a bigger nitpicker as I get older, I dunno. But still, you said it was worthwhile overall so I’ll probably check it out. :)
after25: I definitely got bitchier after 25.
Shannon Stacey said on 05.04.08 at 05:52 PM
The guidelines call for 10-15k submissions.
Aaron said on 06.01.08 at 11:58 PM
I want to race the moon!
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