Bitchin' Blog Posts
Pulp Passion: Don’t Put Out On Valentine’s Day
by SB Sarah | February 13, 2008 | Wednesday at 6:43 pm | 29 CommentsIf your man thought he was getting some Valentine’s Day nookie, Entertainment Weekly has a look back at the golden age of comic book luuuuuuuurveâ„¢ that will chill your fires. Oh, the pulp subtext: if you put out before marriage? You’re going to HELL.
Cue the Georgia Satellites’ “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” and have a look at the classic comic book covers that spell disaster for any nookie-minded pointy-boobed lady. Especially if you were “a ballerina without love,” or a woman who “pushed him away and ...couldn’t recognize my own…false values of love!”
Graceful curtsy to Erin for the link.
Filed: The Link-O-Lator

Miri said on 02.13.08 at 06:58 PM • [comment link]
These would make great valentine’s day cards!
Darlene Marshall said on 02.13.08 at 07:02 PM • [comment link]
Ah, thanks for the blast from the past. It also made me flashback to “Young Lust”, another classic from my misspent youth:
http://cgi.ebay.com/YOUNG-LUST-1-2nd-Ed-1970-Underground_W0QQitemZ330038949562QQihZ014QQcategoryZ12589QQcmdZViewItem
Rosemary said on 02.13.08 at 07:12 PM • [comment link]
Awe. Some.
Kaite said on 02.13.08 at 07:15 PM • [comment link]
Apparently, the snapped neck females are a 50’s throwback—did you catch the chick on the second (or maybe third) cover? The back of her skull is touching between her shoulder blades…. :-0
She’s trying so hard to avoid touching his hound’s tooth jacket, it’s sort of touching…only not.
Miri said on 02.13.08 at 07:17 PM • [comment link]
I see cupckae toppers in my future… :)
annanickle said on 02.13.08 at 08:08 PM • [comment link]
Is it me or is so much coiffed hair in one place desturbing?
dillene said on 02.13.08 at 08:11 PM • [comment link]
“False values of love?” See, this is what happens when you let Ayn Rand write comics.
closetcrafter said on 02.13.08 at 08:12 PM • [comment link]
What exactly is a good time Charley and where can I get one?
Yvonne said on 02.13.08 at 08:23 PM • [comment link]
Darlene! Wicked funny!
A.M. Hartnett said on 02.13.08 at 08:24 PM • [comment link]
“Our frenzied love reached its climax the day of the hot-rod derby”
I couldn’t even begin to tell you why, but that teaser made coffee shoot out of my nose.
My favourite has to be the one with Johnny making out under water with what looks like Sheena, Queen of the Jungle. It’s like a scene from a B-movie where all the men are lured to the water’s edge by sexy women in leopard print, who then sprout fangs and pull the guy’s face off.
Cathy in AK said on 02.13.08 at 09:08 PM • [comment link]
“Easy Loving,” “Racetrack Girl,” and “Good Time Girl” all sound like thinly veiled ‘50s era comics pron, don’t they?
And the guy on the High School Romance one looks to be at least 30. What is he, the teacher? Ew!
Michele said on 02.13.08 at 09:28 PM • [comment link]
Those covers are so snark-worthy. Can we snark them? Please?
Mollyscribbles said on 02.13.08 at 09:31 PM • [comment link]
I love those old comics. I track down old copies whenever I can. There’s all sorts of weird stuff in there, even the ads—I have one that says you can send away for the Beatles’ birth certificates!
spinsterwitch said on 02.13.08 at 10:15 PM • [comment link]
The article mentions one story called “Back Door Love.” Hmmmm…
Ri L. said on 02.13.08 at 10:29 PM • [comment link]
“Why don’t you ever show me that kind of tenderness?”
“Because I don’t believe in displays of emotion!”
I lol’d.
Jill A said on 02.13.08 at 11:16 PM • [comment link]
OMG these are too funny!
“Joan and Peter were two people in love - and yet, their marriage was headed for disaster…because Peter was a…MOTHER’S BOY!”
LOL! The more things change…
michelle said on 02.13.08 at 11:20 PM • [comment link]
Oh, wow. Thank you for this. I now have the perfect retort to almost any relationship complaint - “Because I don’t believe in displays of emotion” - and I have also learned the most important lesson of love. Do not bring your boyfriend anywhere near a body of water. Just don’t. He will suck face with another girl. (Or river nymph.) You will get a cramp, and he will not save you. “Oh, JOHN!”
Julianna said on 02.13.08 at 11:27 PM • [comment link]
“I was a ballerina without love!”
Uh, yeah, and I’m an administrator without ennui. Your point?
fiveandfour said on 02.14.08 at 12:20 AM • [comment link]
My first thought was, of course, Arrested Development.
My subsequent thought was that the closest I can recall reading about a mother’s boy in a romance somewhat recently was in Miranda Lee’s Just a Little Sex. Though it’s not a severe case and I actually appreciate how Miranda Lee often portrays more realistic mother-son relationships and how the mother-son paradigm influences the son’s relationships with other women. It’s interesting that the mother’s boy scenario doesn’t get much play these days (I’ve certainly known a few - they DO exist - and it seems like it’d be fun to explore that dynamic).
Anyway, I’m really curious to know the story titled “Monotonous” that’s touted on cover #14. It’s hardly a soft sell for monogamy if that’s what they were going for.
R. said on 02.14.08 at 12:55 AM • [comment link]
Um, yikes?
My favorite for snorting at is #25’s title: “Taming of a Tomboy”,...
... omfg, and just damn.
R. said on 02.14.08 at 12:57 AM • [comment link]
Um, yikes?
My favorite for snorting at is #25’s: “Taming of a Tomboy”.
Just damn.
All that makes me very-very glad I never-never read romance comics. Batman, yes; ‘romance’, no.
R. said on 02.14.08 at 12:59 AM • [comment link]
Oy. Sorry for the hiccup/sneeze while posting. Those old covers must’ve triggered an allergic reaction.
Miri said on 02.14.08 at 01:43 AM • [comment link]
You guys inspired my cake toppers!
These cakes are dedicated to you guys!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mirimoonsong/2263086211/in/photostream/
Happy Valentines Day!
stopmoshun said on 02.14.08 at 03:08 AM • [comment link]
i thought that if you put out before marriage you died, then your story makes a very compelling moral to exploit and tell in every lurid detail so that others will learn your (dirty sex)lesson.
one of my favorite compilations is romance without tears. it is made of several love story comics from the 40’s. one of my favorites is when the girl falls ill and the doctor tells her she just needs love, then she goes to the next town over to walk the streets looking for a boyfriend.
talpianna said on 02.14.08 at 03:16 AM • [comment link]
Why are all the guys named Johnny? And what did she mean by “I should never have told Johnny about my friend Elizabeth?” Did he leave her for Elizabeth, or did she and Elizabeth have something going on?
member13—so not touching that one
smartmensab-tch said on 02.14.08 at 05:00 AM • [comment link]
closetcrafter: When you get that info about good time Charlies, will you post it? It would be a public service…;)
Suffice it to say, it’s been a while since I’ve gotten any.
Verification word: single86. Strangely apt. Single, yes, but nowhere near 86.
Stephanie Feagan said on 02.14.08 at 08:36 AM • [comment link]
My daughter has three small posters of old True Confessions and True Story covers, framed and hanging in her room. My favorite:
He Took My Love - And Told
Although
Win A Man In Two Weeks
runs a close second.
Sheeut, girl, I landed mine in two DAYS.
MamaNice said on 02.14.08 at 03:22 PM • [comment link]
“Mama’s Boy”...Peter’s the one in the dress, right?
MamaNice said on 02.14.08 at 03:29 PM • [comment link]
I Flirted With Throuble: “there was no method to my madness that night” I believe it! My first clue is that tragedy of a sweater.
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