Bitchin' Blog Posts

Peculiar Aristocratic Titles

by Candy | December 21, 2006 | Thursday at 11:41 pm | 40 Comments

When Sarah and I first started this site, we decided on Smart Bitch Aristocratic Titles for ourselves. She was Duchess of Cuntington, and I was Baroness Gant D’Amour. Now, after unravelling the explosive mystery of my secret paternity, which may or may not involve the King of Sardinia, the mysterious disappearance of a gallon of lube and several cans of shaving cream, a villainous group of crocodile smugglers, an international ring of jewel thieves composed of vegan Maenads, and a burly footman named Morris, I found out I was heir to another title:

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
Milady the Most Honourable Candy the Extemporaneous of Deep Throcking
Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

What’s your title?

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  1. Jess said on 12.22.06 at 12:59 AM • [comment link]

    Venerable Lady Jessica the Insouciant of Greater Sodbury

    Nice. I’m feeling an urge to lie back and eat bonbons.

  2. Jennie said on 12.22.06 at 01:00 AM • [comment link]

    Her Most Serene Highness Lady Jennie the Elegant of Westley Waterless

    (Does the waterless part mean I won’t get PMS bloating anymore??)  :lol:

  3. Rosemary said on 12.22.06 at 01:11 AM • [comment link]

    Countess-Palatine Rosemary the Liminal of Throcking in the Hole

    It’s been a while since I’ve been throcked in any form or fashion.  Liminally or otherwise.

  4. Kiku said on 12.22.06 at 01:20 AM • [comment link]

    Viscountess Kiku the Recumbent of Midhoop St Giggleswich

    I think I’ll go lie down . . .

  5. azteclady said on 12.22.06 at 02:28 AM • [comment link]

    Her Excellency Azteclady the Cosmopolitan of Molton St Anywhere.

    Cosmopolitan? Why, yes, thank you.

  6. Soni said on 12.22.06 at 02:43 AM • [comment link]

    Viscountess Soni the Paragon of Kesslington under Ox

    *snerk*

    Now that’s a porno just waiting to happen.

  7. Maggie Robinson said on 12.22.06 at 02:43 AM • [comment link]

    I’m Lady Madame Maggie the Precocious of Walk upon Water…apparently with a Jesus complex.

  8. Renee Somebody said on 12.22.06 at 02:56 AM • [comment link]

    Your Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:


    Her Most Noble Lady Renee the Wholesome of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

    Wholesome. That’s exactly the word I was hoping would describe me.

  9. Kerry said on 12.22.06 at 03:09 AM • [comment link]

    I am the Entirely Miss Reverend Lady Kerry the Cannibalistic of Helions Bumpstead

    I like the cannibalistic bit. Instead of a hoopskirt, I am bare-breasted, covered in blue paint, and have a bone piercing my septum.

  10. jmc said on 12.22.06 at 03:39 AM • [comment link]

    Imperial Majesty Jmc the Omnipresent of Brompton Underfoot

    I feel like I should recline on a divan in my imperial majesty, with slave boys fanning me and peeling grapes.  ;)

  11. Arethusa said on 12.22.06 at 03:48 AM • [comment link]

    Imperial Majesty Arethusa the Subservient of Oxbridge by Camford

    Oxbridge! That’s perfect. I can be a majestic academic forever and ever, and be so absentminded as to forget that “subservient” bit.

  12. KariBelle said on 12.22.06 at 04:01 AM • [comment link]

    All rise for Lady Karibelle the Cannibalistic of Menzies on the Minges.

    When I first saw it I thought it said “Menses” and thought “Yeah, that’s about right.” 

    Now I am off to procure Midol.

  13. CantateForever said on 12.22.06 at 04:16 AM • [comment link]

    Entirely Miss Reverend Lady Rachael the Formidable of Wallop upon Deane

    well, at least i get to do some walloping. And hey, I’m formidable!

  14. Madd said on 12.22.06 at 04:23 AM • [comment link]

    Imperial Majesty Madd the Lush of Lardle St Earache

  15. 04:29 AM • [comment link]

    :shut: And may I say that I am truly pleased that not one of these titles is peculiar….

  16. kathybaug said on 12.22.06 at 04:39 AM • [comment link]

    Reverend Countess Kathy the Inchoate of Goosnargh Leering

    Does this mean I am offically cleared to leer at hotties?  And maybe goosnargh a few?

    I really enjoy the Smart Bitches!

  17. renaesance said on 12.22.06 at 04:44 AM • [comment link]

    Marchioness Renee the Abstemious of Biggleswade by Biscuit

    Oooh Biscuits lovely, I’ll take those to be English biscuits not American with gravy biscuits

  18. Lisa #2 said on 12.22.06 at 04:55 AM • [comment link]

    My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
    Duchess Lisa the Wholesome of Middle Witchampton
    Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

  19. Wry Hag said on 12.22.06 at 05:00 AM • [comment link]

    All I know is, there’s a lot of throcking going on in that hole. 

    OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!

    Her Eminence the Empress Wryhag the Vehement of Much Madness Upon Avon

  20. Mya said on 12.22.06 at 05:14 AM • [comment link]

    Mine was;

    Milady the Most Honourable Mariah the Smoked of Much Bottom

  21. Jaye Patrick said on 12.22.06 at 05:46 AM • [comment link]

    Lady Madame Jaye the Splendid of Middle Witchampton.

    Aww… I’m splendid. Who knew?

    Happy Solstice every one! (Hmmm… Witchampton. Somehow, so appropriate.)

  22. SB Sarah said on 12.22.06 at 06:00 AM • [comment link]

    I don’t think I will ever relinquish “Cuntington” as a title. I love it like you have no idea.

  23. Darlene Marshall said on 12.22.06 at 06:34 AM • [comment link]

    Grand Duchess Darlene the Antediluvian of Old Throcking in the Hole.

    Hey!  How did they know I was already Duchess Twitterpants?  It’s nice to be bumped up a notch in the ol’ duchesshood biz.

  24. Amy E said on 12.22.06 at 06:36 AM • [comment link]

    Why didn’t I get the Smoked of Much Bottom, eh?


    Empress Amelia the Unhyphenated of Much Moulding upon Carpet

  25. Summer said on 12.22.06 at 06:57 AM • [comment link]

    I just got done taking a nasty exam, so mine seemed particularly appropriate…

    My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
    Countess Summer the Somnolent of Similar Ealand
    Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

  26. shaina said on 12.22.06 at 07:37 AM • [comment link]

    i’m “Her Eminence the Very Viscountess Shaina the Bibulous of Lardle Midhoop”, and my friend is “Her Most Serene Highness Lady Tabitha the Unhyphenated of Witchampton Under Buzzard”

    how do they come up with these things?!

  27. SandyO said on 12.22.06 at 08:17 AM • [comment link]

    Mine is Lady Sandra the Foamy of Lower Hellswicke.

    And I beg to differ, my lower hellswicke have never foamed!  I know, I’ve looked. ;)

  28. Tania said on 12.22.06 at 08:46 AM • [comment link]

    Her Exalted Highness Duchess Tania the Glutinous: of Mellow under Trollness

    I’m glutinous. Cool. :D

    (And I “needs29.” Yeah, that seems a good age for me.)

  29. tisty said on 12.22.06 at 02:14 PM • [comment link]

    My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
    Reverend Lady Prudence the Subversive of Deepest Throcking
    Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

    Subversive???? Little old me. No where the hell did they get an idea like that. And where is throking by the way? And doesn’t have and peasents running round to look after all of these up an comeing aristocrates. It would be a socioligists field day!

  30. megan said on 12.22.06 at 05:04 PM • [comment link]

    Her Noble Excellency Megan the Unctuous of Dicken St Charles

    Dicken St Charles…hee hee

  31. SB Sarah said on 12.22.06 at 05:52 PM • [comment link]

    Ok, I couldn’t resist. In addition to being Duchess Cuntington, I’m also:

    Venerable Lady Sarah the Potential of New Scagglethorpe

  32. Kaite said on 12.22.06 at 06:22 PM • [comment link]

    My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is:
    Empress Kaite the Dejected of Menzies on the Minges
    Get your Peculiar Aristocratic Title

  33. Kaite said on 12.22.06 at 06:24 PM • [comment link]

    Sorry, meant to comment—

    I’m not all that dejected, but it’s good to be Empress.

    And anyone who reads the books by Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child will understand when I say, the Menzies bit? Yeah. Cool.

  34. Nora Roberts said on 12.22.06 at 06:36 PM • [comment link]

    Her Exalted Highness Duchess Nora the Cosmopolitan of New Invention

    I enjoy being exalted and cosmopolitan, but I don’t want to invent anything. That’s what minnions are for.

  35. SB Sarah said on 12.22.06 at 06:54 PM • [comment link]

    You heard it here first: Nora Roberts apparently invented the cosmopolitan, probably while seeking “adult beverages” after we snarked on Hungarian Eve Dallas.

  36. Ceilidh said on 12.22.06 at 07:32 PM • [comment link]

    Countess-Palatine Ceilidh the Tremulous of Giggleswick under Table

    Oh the fun you can have giggling under a table.  Wink-wink, nudge-nudge, say no more.

  37. Madd said on 12.22.06 at 09:51 PM • [comment link]

    I didn’t have much time to write when I posted my title, but I’d like to say that I was giddy with delight at being both imperially majestic and lush!

  38. lovelysalome said on 12.22.06 at 09:53 PM • [comment link]

    Marchioness Salome the Paragon of Hoptonshire by Leer

    Dude, I was hopped on last night. But hubby’s name is Keven, not Leer.

    Salome,
    Baroness Huntinne-Muffine

  39. Mistress Stef said on 12.23.06 at 06:42 AM • [comment link]

    Her Royal Highness Stef the Profuse of Leg over Wallop

    Is that a comment on the thighs?

  40. Keziah Hill said on 12.23.06 at 10:36 AM • [comment link]

    Milady the Right Reverend Keziah the Rustic of Bumpstead under Carpet.

    I so like to be right.

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