Bitchin' Blog Posts
Our Three Year Old: Spontaneous Contesting
by SB Sarah | January 30, 2008 | Wednesday at 6:31 pm | 49 Comments
Three, from what I hear, is a tough age. The primitive toddler has yielded to a more independent being who wants, guess what, more independence. It’s going to be a great year with our hot pink three year old, I think. I’m all about feisty independence, so three kicks ass.
Special note to Candy: You rule - thanks for three years of Hofftastic Awesomesauce.
Special note to our readers: Thank you! Thank you, thank you!
Now - You wanna win some shit? It’s haiku time! Write us up some haiku madness (5-7-5 please) of up to four stanzas that best captures our past three years, or the general hot pink madness that is Smart Bitches. Voting will go on in the comment thread, fark-style, and top three winners of votage will get prizes, including a Smart Bitch Titleâ„¢ for the First Place winner.
And now: my haiku offering. I’m not stopping at 4 stanzas, so be warned.
Smart Bitches is THREE?!
Man-titty could knock me down-
time sure fucking flies.
Mad props to Candy!
And Hubby who asks each night:
“Why are you still up?”
But I must say thanks
to you, you, you, you, and you.
And Catherine Coulter
If I hadn’t liked
‘Midsummer Magic’ so much
I wouldn’t be here.
Let’s hear it for cream!
It eases the rough passage
of our first three years.
Filed: Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Ann Aguirre said on 01.30.08 at 07:11 PM • [comment link]
Merry Bitchmas, chicks.
Seen a million kerfuffles…
And you rocked them all.
(Who better to reference than Bon Jovi on such a high occasion?)
azteclady said on 01.30.08 at 07:14 PM • [comment link]
Congratulations on the anniversary!!! Yay! :confetti:
Michele said on 01.30.08 at 07:23 PM • [comment link]
I’m going to give this a whirl because I want to say Happy B-Day to the SB’s:
Smart Bitches turn three
Snark, Fark, and Rock they do well
Thanks be to the Hoff
Ceilidh said on 01.30.08 at 07:26 PM • [comment link]
The Bitchez are Three
Cover snark, ferreted feet
Man Titty Galore!
spinsterwitch said on 01.30.08 at 07:27 PM • [comment link]
Bring out the cupcakes
Iced in hot pink awesomeness.
This really is sweet.
We luvs us some Bitch.
Snark covers make us giggle
‘til we pee our pants.
And there is rockin’
literary critique of
the romance genre.
As Smart Bitch turns three,
we want more Hoff man-titty
to shake up the world!
rebyj said on 01.30.08 at 07:29 PM • [comment link]
Birthday gifts we await to see
delivery from three
napoli, hoff, and cassie
Teddy Pig said on 01.30.08 at 07:33 PM • [comment link]
Dang, I just received two prizes I was gonna have you give out for the blog. Should have sent them to you sooner. They are official bright pink Sanrio product.
Victoria said on 01.30.08 at 08:16 PM • [comment link]
Pinktastic website
preaching snarkiness to all
surprise buttsecks! owl.
Bailey said on 01.30.08 at 08:22 PM • [comment link]
Old fashioned glasses
Pink borders, witty words
Inspire laughs and thought
Soul searching, clever prose,
I search for my opinion
Amid the many voices
We come here daily,
Catty, celebration of
Romance, no holes barred
Candy and Sarah,
Thanks for all the bitchin’ fun
I bow to you both
Happy birthday,
Bailey
Eunice said on 01.30.08 at 08:23 PM • [comment link]
Snark the windblown clinch
Yea, all praise be to The Hoff
Fun yet creepy vids
Quotes should be on shirts
Controversial, those mean girls
Hot pink those Bitches
Marta Acosta said on 01.30.08 at 08:28 PM • [comment link]
Pink outrage and snark
The Bitches bite romance books
Fans cry what-what-what?
Darlene Marshall said on 01.30.08 at 08:28 PM • [comment link]
Toppling love icons?
Bitches, you have gone too far!
Thanks for three great years!
PattiR said on 01.30.08 at 08:40 PM • [comment link]
Happy Birthday to Smart Bitches
It has been great fun so far
here’s to much more.
I have learned phrases
like what-what in the butt-butt
and what up yo.
Contest and snark galore
and who could ask for more
well, me of course!
E.D'Trix said on 01.30.08 at 08:41 PM • [comment link]
Memorieeees, oh sweat-soaked
and man-titty filled memories
of the days gone by…
Of salmon sexin’
making sweet, savage madlibs
and slick spam haikus.
Short skirts and swan hats—
You bitches have gone too far!
But wait, there’s Cassie!
Three more years, or else
I’ma throw you in mah trunk.
With loff, Fabio.
SB Sarah said on 01.30.08 at 08:44 PM • [comment link]
Holy shit, E. D’Trix. I think I broke something laughing.
Sorry. Laahfing.
Ann Aguirre said on 01.30.08 at 08:46 PM • [comment link]
Yep, I just read that and thought:
WIN!
Patrick said on 01.30.08 at 09:17 PM • [comment link]
snark-scalpeled surgeons
dissecting tales of romance
smart bitches, indeed
Happy third, ladies!
Wry Hag said on 01.30.08 at 09:21 PM • [comment link]
Smart is as smart looks—
A spill of Pepto-Bismol,
Words, and nipple hair.
Edification
Flies on the wings of mullets
Older than three years.
Gratitude’s gift box—
The sound of one voice laughing,
A tinkle of pee.
Sarah Frantz said on 01.30.08 at 09:24 PM • [comment link]
E. D’Trix FTW, but I loved Patrick’s too!
spinsterwitch said on 01.30.08 at 09:26 PM • [comment link]
E. D’Trix’s last stanza is especially bootiful!
jennifer echols said on 01.30.08 at 09:28 PM • [comment link]
OMGWT
FBBQ, Bitches three?
Congratulations!
samantha said on 01.30.08 at 09:32 PM • [comment link]
Gliding off of
Mayonnaised Man-titty
straight into Lurrvve
What-what-in-the-butt
Hofften gives me the pangs of
Fabio-myalgia
RStewie said on 01.30.08 at 09:51 PM • [comment link]
A sweet sound rises
Steaming coffee snorts
Comments during lunch break
Wonder undresses
A hole throbs or passion probes
Hard soft shudders wiggle
Incompetence plagarizes
Midnight ferret feet scamper
LOL cats move cities
Wet nipples bounce
Shafts convulse and heat wiggles
Man-titty kiss fevers
This rich space pleases
Unfolding friendship sings
The time away from us
Three years old
heaving man-titty buttsecks
Smart Bitches rock on
Carrie Lofty said on 01.30.08 at 09:58 PM • [comment link]
Once upon a time,
I was a romance writer—
But no finished book.
Bitches revived me.
They made me laugh, made me proud,
And taught me to snark.
I found my rhythm,
Finished my book and sold it.
Bitches lit my fire!
Mantitty comes, goes—
And LOLcats, Hoff, kerfuffles.
But SBs always…
Congrats! Here’s to many more, ladies.
*girlcrushkisses*
The Baroness Huntinne-Muffine
jessica said on 01.30.08 at 11:58 PM • [comment link]
Happy third bitches!
Lisa said on 01.31.08 at 12:00 AM • [comment link]
Why were you so mean
To poor Cassie Edwards?
Nasty-ass Bitches!
;)
Alyc said on 01.31.08 at 01:10 AM • [comment link]
Two catty bitches
Three years spent rending romance
Say Hello, Kitty
azteclady said on 01.31.08 at 01:40 AM • [comment link]
*standing ovation for E.D’Trix and Patrick*
EJ McKenna said on 01.31.08 at 02:13 AM • [comment link]
Smart Bitches are three
All haiku should be read in
Eric Cartman’s Voice
Lauren said on 01.31.08 at 02:17 AM • [comment link]
Three years of wonder
cover models did attack
and Hoff wrote a book
Hark! the mantitty!
Abudant John DeSalvo
the new Fabio?
Speaking of the Fab
oh how the mighty do fall
who knew?! The Ego!
And Cassie Edwards!
outed for plaguerizing
It made Fandom Wank!
teacupnosaucer said on 01.31.08 at 03:27 AM • [comment link]
Who are those ladies
In the glasses at the top
Is that Mexico?
Anna said on 01.31.08 at 05:27 AM • [comment link]
Don’t believe the hype,
Ferret love scenes are normal,
They live in us all!
Smart bitches plus gin,
Snarkiness and evil glee,
Mantitty COCKtail!
Forget the manteat,
I’ve a date with destiny-
Smart bitches only!
Lisa#2 said on 01.31.08 at 05:32 AM • [comment link]
E.D’Trix for the win!
Eunice said on 01.31.08 at 05:57 AM • [comment link]
I vote E.D’Trix!
Mel L. said on 01.31.08 at 09:20 AM • [comment link]
Smart Bitches remains
Passionate snarkiness and
Hot pink…forever
Drowning in seas of
romance clichés, you Bitches
are lifesavers - Thanks
Buttsecks, Cover Snark,
Reviews and Hasselhoff- I
need you in my life.
Three snarktastic years
My sisters in trashy reads
I do salute you
Jenyfer Matthews said on 01.31.08 at 01:32 PM • [comment link]
What-what-in-the-butt
Cover snark and magic hoo-ha_s
Something new each day!
Happy Birthday, Bitches!
megalith said on 01.31.08 at 03:37 PM • [comment link]
1
pepto pink bitches
cat-eye specs sprinkling snark - ping!
born to gird their loins
2
penetrate romance
from behind the scenes, a pair
of LOL-less Hoff-mores
3
menage a trois of
titty covers divert while
ferrets plagiarized?
4
an orgy of loff
a Fabio-lous erection
it’s SBTB!
OMGHBD_3, Bitches!
Angelina said on 01.31.08 at 04:23 PM • [comment link]
E.D’Trix = WIN. Damn!
Julia Spencer-Fleming said on 01.31.08 at 06:54 PM • [comment link]
Reading the Bitches—whoops!
So is my teenager!
Man-titty bonds us.
Jamieson Wolf said on 01.31.08 at 07:02 PM • [comment link]
Hey all,
Well, I coulnd’t resist leaving my own Hiaku Quartet, so here goes:
Three is a magic
Number that brings to mind a
Group of sexy gals
Smart Bitches Who Love
Trashy Books, a fantastic
Combo of hot stuff:
Heros, Heroines,
Secrets, Plights, Danger, heaving
Bosoms and big hair.
What more do you need?
Books that move the heart and the
People who love them.
That was the most fun I’ve had so far all day! Woohoo! I hope you all enjoy it!
Cheers,
Jamieson
SB Sarah said on 01.31.08 at 07:38 PM • [comment link]
Get your votes in - Candy and I will vote and announce winners soon!
Alyc said on 01.31.08 at 07:39 PM • [comment link]
This next Haiku is
not plagiarism, but a
transformative work:
Three years throbbing strong:
Smart bitches ♥ books.
Romance, not bullshit.
(What I’m really tempted to do is pull up a bunch of comment pages and write a haiku based on the submission keys, but I’ll leave that to someone crazier than me).
megalith said on 01.31.08 at 11:01 PM • [comment link]
E.D’Trix FTW, sad to say.
Damn, girl, that was genius. (And after I posted mine, I noticed you got to “Fabio = loff” way way first. Great minds or plagiarism? Hee.)
rebyj said on 02.01.08 at 12:04 AM • [comment link]
E.D’Trix gets my vote!
everyone gets applause!
azteclady said on 02.01.08 at 02:29 AM • [comment link]
With my apologies for inflicting this on you guys—he made me do it!
las perras le-en
libros llenos de amor
todos sonrÃ-en
(the bitches read
books full of love
everyone smiles)
Hollyn said on 02.01.08 at 08:40 AM • [comment link]
“Why were you so mean
To poor Cassie Edwards?
Nasty-ass Bitches!”
OMG Lisa #1 made me snort my ice cream
but I’ll have to add my vote to E.D’Trix as well
Three years ago who
would have thought a website by
two bitches would work?
Happy Birthday to
two kick ass women who gave
“Bitch” a new meaning
sarah said on 02.01.08 at 10:59 AM • [comment link]
finally! i said-
they dig my love for a prime
piece of man-titty
here is a place where
us smart bitches can love a
trashy book- unmocked
the internet wins
or maybe it’s just candy
and sarah- trufax
...Oh hoyl holy Lord, haiku with netspeak. I think there may be a rule against that, somewhere…
Alyc said on 02.01.08 at 05:15 PM • [comment link]
My vote goes for azteclady. That’s some bitchin’ alterna-lingual haiku!
Patrick said on 02.03.08 at 04:06 AM • [comment link]
Un voto para la señora Azteca.
(A vote for azteclady)
Who’da thunk haiku would work in Spanish?
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