Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Coming soon, in(to) theaters near you: “BEHIND THOSE CURTAINS AND UP YOURS: JOURNEY TO THE VERY DEPTHS OF LUUUURVE”—from the bestselling and apparently never-to-be-followed romance novel Passion by Lisa Valdez!

Too early for me to be funny. Puts name in hat.

Wracking my brain - too early for me too but how about The President’s Wife on the Run (First Lady - SEP) not funny, sorry, but am not good at this.

Black Dagger Brother and the Temple of Poon (aka Lover Enshrined by J R Ward)

Pride and Predjudice: HOT DESPERATE WOMEN IN HERTFORDSHIRE!

(as opposed to its dissertation title, A Case Study of the Practical Ramifications of the Entail System in a Family without Sons)

Fun!

I loved Linnea Sinclair’s HOPE’S FOLLY. It didn’t have any space pirates in it, but since we’re talking marquee I think “pirate” should be in the title because they’re cool and you could make the argument that the heroine was sort’ve kind of a pirate. So I’d rename the book LASER-TOTING KNOCKOUT SHE-PIRATE WHO LUURVVS BIG COSMIC RAYGUNS

Hot Cougar on the Prowl (for Erin McCarthy’s Flat Out Sexy)?

Susan Grant’s MOONSTRUCK becomes THE HUNT FOR THE RED WARLEADER.

This website is awesome, and yay for other people who love trashy books. *name in hat if UK is possible*

And pardon the vulgarity but the Thomas title makes me want to create some kind of rhyme with twat and Swat. I’m sorry—sleep deprivation keeps me from coming up with anything…anyone else?

I have to go with SWAT - BIG GUNS IN THE VALLEY for Thomas’s book.

Carrie Lofty’s What a Scroundral Wants - THE MAN FROM S.H.E.R.W.O.O.D.

I need more coffee - my spamword is couldnt56. Nope, I couldn’t come up with 56.

Kresley Cole’s “Dark Desires after Dusk” becomes: The Mathematician and the Mercenary: Quest for the Sword of Immortal Doom.

I don’t know much about “Not Quite a Husband,” but I might call it “The Englishman Who Went into a Valley, and Came Out a Husband.”

How about S.W.A.T Valley High for Not Quite a Husband?

And The Shadow and the Star could become The Anglo-European Secret Ninja’s Virgin Mistress.

More later—the creative juices haven’t kicked in yet.

For a Not Quite a Husband movie, how about

The Pashtun Passion Uprising?

Perhaps an alternative title could be, What the Hell are You doing in Malakand?  Or Why I Divorced You in the First Place

Or Faking It Like Mad in Malakand

Maybe I’ll try again later, after the caffeine hits . . .

I meant Anglo-American ninja, dammit.  Brain not working this AM.

J. R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood Series: The Lost Consonants: Found!

How about for Acheron: The Passion of the Emo Destroyer God?

Otherwise, I got nothing today…. Stayed up way too late finishing the new Sookie book.  Awesome!

BTW, Darlynne’s title is cracked me up.

Put my name in the hat! Any new Sherry Thomas is a must-read NOW!

Not Quite A Husband = The fiance right up the Kyber Pass.  Duh!  I don’t seem to have got the hang of this me thinks! So let me try a couple of other “famous” books.  Here goes…

Wind In The Willows = F*rting amonst the Trees (!)
North and South = East and West + 45 degrees (!!)
Gone With The Wind = nothing - I’ve already done a f*art one!
Little Women = Weightwatchers Works!
A Christams Carol = A Christmas Samantha..

Alt title for Jennifer Crusie’s Faking It: 

It Takes a Thief to Schtupp a Thief

SHADOW BEAR by Cassie Edwards becomes FERRETS OF FIRE.  ;)

Urban fantasy/romance is almost TOO easy to turn into this kind of title.  How about Patti O’Shea’s In the Midnight Hour—a really blah title for this gets magically transformed into BADASS WITCH FREES CARTOON HERO.

Oh this is fun… Let’s see what we can do…
Wicked Hot by Charlene Teglie would be “Hot, Hotter and Hottest with Two Brothers”

The Vampire Queen’s Servant by Joey W Hill would be “Tie Me Up, Slap My Down and Screw Me Silly”

Blood Magic by Jennifer Lyon would be… “Protecting Not Only Your Soul… But You Body”

And yes, please throw my name in the hat for this one!!!
Thanks for the rock a$$ site too!!

Just for fun.. I’ll try to think of more and be back!!! LOL!

“Bokhara: Come Explore Our Special Spa Wells” for Mary Jo Putney’s Silk and Secrets

Oh well, creativity is not my strong suit. Silk and Secrets is one of my favorite books and when I read the excerpt of NQAH I was immediately reminded of it.  I really am looking forward to ‘Not Quite A Husband’.

ran44: Juliet and Ross ran for 44 days to get away from Bokhara…

Not exactly geographically correct but “Gunga Do Me”?

Hit submit too soon…not to diminish the inherent colonialism and racism in the original Kipling work.

Did I mention I was sleep deprived?

LOL @ Castiron “A Case Study of the Practical Ramifications of the Entail System in a Family without Sons”

The Windflower becomes “Help!  I’ve been kidnapped by (really, really hot) pirates!”

There has got to be some sci-fi erotica that could be renamed Octopussy.

Anything by Jilly Cooper: Posh Totty Getting Horny.  Okay, that’s not an action movie—well, not in that sense.

A Knight In Shining Armor by Jude Deveraux: Douglass And The Dead Guy

Welcome to Temptation by Jennifer Crusie: The Porno Murders

Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie: Shallow Cal (okay, he’s not shallow; but I couldn’t resist the pun).

Agnes and the Hitman doesn’t really need the Hollywood treatment…

Whitney, My Love, Judith McNaught: So I Married An Asshole.

And I can’t resist Joanna Bourne’s The Spymaster’s Lady becoming (you know what’s coming) The Spy Who Shagged Me.

Incidentally, Julie Cohen has an upcoming book titled Nina Jones and the Temple of Gloom.  Srsly.

Bitten by Kellie Armstrong becomes My Man Really Is a Dog.

Jill

How about for Judy Cuevas’ Bliss:

Drinking Ether and Eating Radishes: Rick Steve’s Really Back Door Normandy

An old high school rival has died and put a whammy on Adele Harris , now she is living a nightmare, she is living the “The Curse of the Bad Date.”
(Not Another Bad Date by Rachel Gibson)

Coming soon after spring break—or any vacation for that matter:  SCHOOLGIRLS GONE WILD (From the collection of stories in The School for Heiresses by Sabrina Jeffries, Liz Carlyle, Julia London and Renee Bernard.)

Not Quite a Husband becomes…

IT’S A MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD, MAD FAKIR WORLD

The Vampire Who Loved Me by Teresa Medeiros becomes…
THINGS TO DO IN LONDON WHEN YOU’RE DEAD

Your Scandalous Ways by Loretta Chase becomes
THE ITALIAN JOB

Oh, damn, I wasn’t paying attention to the Hollywood aspect of the titles.

Marjorie Liu’s “Shadow Touch” becomes: THE RUSSIAN ATE MY BRAIN.

Just finished Lover Avenged last night so it’s on my mind.  How about Barbed-fella? Those of you who’ve read it, you know what I’m talking about. ;) Or maybe for the series Lord of the Bling:  Fellowship of the Really Hot Blind King, The Two Homoerotic Towering Vampires Who Were Cheated Out of their Man-love, and Return of the Random Unexplained Fallen Angel?

likely85:  There are likely more than 85 unnecessary product placements in any given BDB book.

No rest for the wicked by kresley cole: How to win a woman by doing everything she doesn’t want you to do

wicked deeds on a winter’s night by kresley cole: So you wanna get your (dead) woman back

Spell of the Highlander by Karen marie moning: the man from one thousand years ago   OR   Trapped!: the mirror diaries

that’s all I have right now cuz I am le tired. maybe I’ll try again later lol

THE EROTIC PROPERTIES OF RESTORATIVE PORK JELLY

aka Frederica, Georgette Heyer

I’m not particularly funny but I hope I win a random!

FROM RUSSIA WITH LUUURVE (aka Turbulent Sea by Christine Feehan)

Durn, Robinjn beat me to it.

Okay, how about TRANSGENDER TERRORISTS IN LOVE for The Masqueraders, same author?

North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell becomes

“Wealthy SWG (Single White Gentleman) Looking for SWVD (Single White exVictor’s Daughter) for Arguing, Snubbing, and Botched Proposals. Must be able to get along with Mother.”

Or, if you’re willing to lean heavily on the opening scene, Patricia Gaffney’s CROOKED HEARTS could be sold as NUNS WITH GUNS.

Endearment by La Vyrle Spencer becomes

She Lied About Everything; He Thinks It’s Despicable but the Magic Hoo-Hoo Got to Him First… He’s Doomed.

THE DIVINE AVENGER (aka Servant books by L. L. Foster)

Jo Beverley’s A Lady’s Secret becomes
NUN ON THE RUN

The Mad Mathematician’s Peculiar Duchess (Flowers From the Storm by Laura Kinsale

Whitney, My Love, Judith McNaught: So I Married An Asshole.

Cat!  That is exactly how I was going to rename Whitney, My Love.  My second choice was The Extremely Clueless and Abusive Duke.

Great minds and all that.

OK, I’ll play.  BROKEN WING by Judith James becomes:

“The French Prostitute Swashbuckling Privateer Concert Pianist’s Woman”

My lame attempts for Gurkhe’s “Guilty Pleasures”:
INFATUATION AMONG THE RUINS or
DANCING ABOUT ARCHEOLOGY

For Loretta Chase’s Lord of Scoundrels, “THE INCREDIBLE SULK!”

Starring, of course, Sebastian Leslie Guy de Ath Ballister.

As You Desire by Connie Brockway becomes

WHEN HARRY MET DIZZY…

Judith Ivory’s Untie My Heart: A Chair to Remember

Darned Firefox crashed on me before I could submit mine! I can’t remember what all I had exactly, but here are the two I can remember.

For Goddess of the Rose:
Love’s Sacrifice: Blood in the Roses
Blood in the Minotaur’s Garden

For The Shadow and the Star:
The Virgin Surf Ninja’s Seamstress Secretary Bride <- less a movie title and more a play on category titles.

I’m not able to come up with anything as awesome as many of these. I was especially fond of Castiron’s dissertation title for Pride and Prejudice, though.

Crossing my fingers I might get chosen at random.

Geez, after reading everyone elses I don’t know how funny I can be, but I’ll give it a shot.

Prince of Swords by Anne Stuart becomes THE TAROT THIEF
Master of Dragons by Angela Knight becomes DRAGON KNIGHTS, FAIRY DAZE
Be With Me by Maya Banks becomes THREE LOVERS AND A MURDERER
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (not really a romance but I want to rename it anyways) becomes WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE?

thirty99, nope sorry I don’t have 30$ and 99 cents

Geez, after reading everyone elses I don’t know how funny I can be, but I’ll give it a shot.

Prince of Swords by Anne Stuart becomes THE TAROT THIEF
Master of Dragons by Angela Knight becomes DRAGON KNIGHTS, FAIRY DAZE
Be With Me by Maya Banks becomes THREE LOVERS AND A MURDERER
Twilight by Stephenie Meyer (not really a romance but I want to rename it anyways) becomes WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE?

Sorry mine got posted twice. . .sigh. . .

I’m shocked nobody’s already done this one. Joanna Bourne’s The Spymaster’s Lady: The Spy Who Shagged Me

If only there hadn’t been that Leslie Nielsen comedy, then Joanna Burke’s “Spymaster’s Lady” could be “Spy Hard”.

Sherry’s “Delicious” could be “A Taste for Danger!” It’s not like Hollywood cares about false advertising.

“The Taking of Magic Hoo-Hoo, 1, 2, 3”

Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer - 768 pages of WTFs.

Putting my name in the hat.

Eh. I’m not good at these sorts of things. Blue Blood on the Dance Floor: A Conspiracy in 3/4 Time? Could be about sixty percent of regencies, but was thinking of Cotillion specifically.

VAMPIRE PRINCE VS. VAMPIRE PRINCESS: LOVE BITES

a.k.a. Jessica’s Guide to Dating on the Dark Side

What if we intertwine a bunch of Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton books?  They could be Five Easy Pieces (and you KNOW which ones those are).

Wouldn’t My Lord and Spymaster be Spy Hard? And The Spymaster’s Lady would then be the sequel, Spy Harder.

Rushing around here; I’m sure I’ll think of several when I’m in the car and can’t suggest them!

Great contest idea, and I cannot WAIT for this book!!!

Don’t enter me in the drawing (for obvious reasons, since I’ve already read Not Quite a Husband and adore it), but here’s my suggestion for NQaH: MISTAKES ON A PLAIN.

So appropriate, especially because there’s that part in the middle where Leo says, “Enough is enough! I have had it with these motha fucking mistakes we keep making on this motha fucking plain!”

.... What? You don’t remember writing that?

Julia Quinn’s It’s In His Kiss becomes Search for the Family Jewels ... yes, I like double entendres.

Can’t think of anything else clever atm

agnes and the hitman becomes multiple murders and a wedding

Laura Kinsale’s The Shadow and the Star becomes . . .

The Secret Ninja

Midsummer Moon becomes . . . Attack of the Hedgehog

The Marriage Bed by Laura Lee Guhrke becomes

The Adulterer Who Blames His Wife For His Wandering Penis

Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie becomes

He Wins Her With Doughnuts

or

Shoes Reveal Inner Kink

or

Thank God for Schmuck Boyfriends!

Spymaster’s Lady = The Joanna Bourne Ultimatum
Twilight = Haters of the Lost Spark
(okay, twilight’s not my fave book but I couldn’t resist)

Can’t wait for May 19!!

Jeaniene Frost’s Night Huntress series is:
Half-Vampire Seeks Supernatural Badass Who Can Handle Mother-In-Law From Hell

Lora Leigh’s wolf breeds: Natural-Born Rufies

Devil in Winter by Lisa Kleypas becomes:
You’re not so s-s-s-smart after all S-S-Sebatian.

Dang, I’m not a huge suspense fan. Not that I like my romances completely without adventure, just that I usually don’t specifically seek it out.
Oh! Ooh! Jane Feather! “To Tame A Wicked Prince”—> “Secrets of a Russian Spy”. No need to bring up the pesky fact that the Cold War is decades in the future ...
Hm, which makes me want historicals set in the early-to-mid 20th century. I suppose my US history class is getting to me; it’s the end of the year, so we’ve finally arrived breathless in the 50’s. Yeah, it’s kind of a slow-moving class. Does anyone know any of those?
Ooh, could I rename “Cordelia’s Honor” too? Maybe “He Called Her Captain”. That sounds more like the title of a 50’s romance comic, actually. Huh, another book about spies and Russians, sort of, with nothing to do with the Cold War.

Romancing Mister Bridgerton = Right Under My Nose.  Doubles as its own pr0n title, too.

Lynn Kurland’s When I Fall in Love becomes Someone Goes Back in Time Again.  Actually, that could be the title of a lot of her books…

Broken Wing becomes If Jack Sparrow Was a Cutter or I’m on a Boat.

Mistral’s Kiss by Laurell K. Hamilton becomes Dude, Where’s the Plot?

Lynsay Sand’s Love Bites becomes Making Vampirism Scientific, and Therefore Unsexy.

Not very interesting, I know, but I was under a deadline.

Count me in to the giveaway please!

In an attempt to be funny before work (not usually a good bet) -

The Duke and His Hedgehog (Midsummer Moon by Laura Kinsale).

or

Porn, Paternity & Pyrotechnics (Black Silk by Judith Ivory)

(yep, definitely in it for the random!!)

Outlander by Diana Gabaldon: 
BACK TO THE FUTURE HUSBAND

Duke of Shadows by Meredith Duran:
OUT OF INDIA

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer becomes Holy Crow! He Sparkles!

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer becomes Heroine Might As Well Be On Drugs She’s So Zoned.

Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer becomes Vampire Vs. Werewolf Boy: Pursuit of Magic Hoo-Hoo

Breaking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer becomes Demon Baby! WTF?!

Keira, I think you might possibly have a theme going.

Not sure what it is, but I’m sure there’s one there.

lol :P

range56: range 56 miles, elevation 43 feet. target locked.

Not Quite a Husband - Entering the Khyber Pass for Her.
Anything by Laurell K. - If it looks like a Penis

Anything by Laurell K. - If it looks like a Penis

HAHAHAHA Wendy! That’s awesome!

Well, since comic book adaptations are all the rage right now, Joanna Burke’s could be re-named…

(wait for it)

—- SPIED HER MAN I & II

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

DANGEROUS GRACE

Coming soon….Two people…Two souls….Two hearts….ONE FLYING MACHINE.  Will they soar to new heights?  Or…crash and burn?
“I really think it’ll work this time.  I really do!”
“No, don’t try it.  No!  NOOOOOO!”
(explosion sound effect)
This summer….SEE:  “FLY..OR DIE!”
(Midsummer Moon, Laura Kinsale)

Plus I think just about any historical could be called “Quantum of Bodice.”

this is a placeholder for random drawing possibility. i hope that i will be able to get back here to enter a few title options as well.

Love Sherry’s books! Would be great to be in the hat! Thanks

Dark Desires After Dusk by Kresley Cole: Angstdemon and the Uterus of DESTINY!

okay, I admit it.  I have to look up the book covers because the titles run together in my mind lol.

Patricia Gaffney’s Wild at Heart: Tarzan and the Anthropologist’s Daughter  OR   Tarzan and Jane: REDUX

wow my brain is so not working today

JQ’s The Viscount Who Loved Me - One Screw Under The Library Desk
Jennifer Ashley’s The Madness of Lord Ian Mackenzie - Diary of a Mad Mac’s Woman
Delicious by, well,  you! -  The Sex-And-Breakfast Club

And, of course, Smart Bitches newest becomes - There Will Be Bosoms

Hmm…I think I’m too tired to be funny. Please put my name in the hat and if I think of anything remotely amusing I’ll come back and add it. :)

Suzanne Brockmann’s Dark of Night... WHO FRAMED ROGER THE RABBIT?

Okay, so I’m not that clever… but perhaps I’ll win the random drawing, anyway! :oP

Lisa Kleypas’ SUGAR DADDY, as Presented by the Harlequin Network:

The Texas Billionaire Magnate’s Trailer Trash Hairdresser ...and That Other Guy She Loves

Diane :o) 
Looking forward to NQAH

(Question for Sarah… what time zone is this site set to, anyway?  Some deserted island in the Pacific, perhaps?!)

Jennifer Wilde’s Dare to Love:  Piratical mantitties, magical hoohas, and explosions, oh my! 

Lynn Kurland’s This is All I Ask:  Soft Belly - Metaphorical Dragon has it

Johanna Lindsey’s Gentle Feuding:  Voyeurism:  It only leads to bludgeons and dungeons

Victoria Dahl’s “Talk Me Down” bzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Blue’s Clues”

Spymaster’s Lady becomes—> The Blind Sex Scene Cock Tease…

Shadow Bear by Cassie Edwards becomes “Not Without My Ferret”

and maybe Not Quite A Husband is “The Empire Swats Back”?

OK, I’ll get back to behaving myself again. . . one day.

Connie Brockway’s All Through the Night becomes Cat and Mouse Steaming Across a Hot Regency Roof.