Bitchin' Blog Posts
Nightmare Hippie Girl
by Candy | July 01, 2005 | Friday at 9:17 pm | 17 CommentsAll righty, folks! Another Friday, another personal ad contest, whoop-dee-doo! Guess the correct book title, author and heroine’s name, and find yourself the winnah of a beautiful and much-coveted Smart Bitch aristocratic title.
Love in the Age of Aquarius
SWF, antique shop owner, like, totally into spiritual enlightenment and chakras and stuff, looking for a guy to share some good times. I’m a redhead, tall (5’10”) and curvy (120 lbs.). If you’re a pig, though, I’ll, like, totally mace you with some hairspray. So please don’t be a pig, or all uptight, or whatever. Oh yeah, I hope you’re into, like, belly rings, because I have one and it’s totally hot.
Filed: Guess That Lonely Heart!
LoriAnn said on 07.01.05 at 09:48 PM • [comment link]
Love the website. Based on the hairspray I’m guessing that this one is “It Must Be Love” by Rachel Gibson.
fiveandfour said on 07.01.05 at 09:49 PM • [comment link]
Damn! I was going to guess the same thing. Missed being first by seconds!
Candy said on 07.01.05 at 09:54 PM • [comment link]
Name of heroine?
Rinda said on 07.01.05 at 10:10 PM • [comment link]
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Sorry, can’t get past this.
Curvy? 120lbs at 5’10” is rail thin! Like bones-showing-through thin. I’m 5’10” and weighed that in highschool and was called anorexic. Seriously, people gave me food. Teachers brought me milkshakes—one offered beer—for weight gain, he said, but I’m not so sure…
I weigh twenty (or so) pounds more than that now and am still not curvy. I bet the author of this book is tiny.
Arethusa said on 07.01.05 at 10:24 PM • [comment link]
Being a 5’ 9” girl and weighing about 135 (last time I checked) I completely agree with Rinda.
Maybe all the curves are in her breasts?
(I don’t know which book this is, btw)
fiveandfour said on 07.01.05 at 10:40 PM • [comment link]
OK, just checked back. Name of heroine: Gabrielle Breedlove (makes me shudder just typing it).
And a little something extra, name of hero (straight from romance novel central casting): Joe Shanahan.
Candy said on 07.01.05 at 10:41 PM • [comment link]
Sorry, can’t get past this.
Curvy? 120lbs at 5’10†is rail thin!
I agree. I couldn’t believe it either when I read the book. I have friend who’s 5’7” and 120 lbs., and she’s a walking stick with boobs. She has no fat on her midsection. And I mean NONE. When the author went on and on about how the heroine had these luscious curves and big breasts, then threw those stats at me, I had the most grotesque image in my head—basically Karen Carpenter before she died with a boob job and a red wig.
Anyway, I didn’t particularly like this book, but it certainly was memorable.
Now if only LoriAnn would reveal the name of the heroine, I can reveal whether or not the she got the guess right….
Nicole said on 07.01.05 at 11:18 PM • [comment link]
Erm…I’m 5’1” and my healthy weight is supposed to be 120. 5’10”????? Stick thin. Sounds more like an author’s wishful thinking or something.
Candy said on 07.01.05 at 11:30 PM • [comment link]
Whoops, just noticed that fiveandfour provided the heroine’s name. Anyway, we have a winner! LoriAnn was the first to correctly guess the author and title, but fiveandfour was the first to provide all three, so according to our rules, fiveandfour wins.
Congratulations, fiveandfour. Your coronation ceremony will be held in a few hours.
Alyssa said on 07.02.05 at 12:05 AM • [comment link]
Congrats! This is one of the few I’ve known. (But luckily, I won a few weeks ago.)
fiveandfour said on 07.02.05 at 12:49 AM • [comment link]
Whoops indeed. I just checked back again and saw that Candy had been directing her question at LoriAnn and not just any old body.
This reminds me of the time when, at the end of a meal at a nice restaurant, I suddenly remembered something I had forgotten to buy at the hardware store. I blurted out, “caulk” in that a-ha! tone of voice we all use when we’re so proud of remembering what had been forgotten. The other patrons gave my husband that look which said, “You must have the patience of a saint to live with a wife with Tourettes”. My husband gave them back that long-suffering look which said, “I know. You don’t know the half of it”.
Anyway, sorry about my premature (dare I say it?) ejaculation LoriAnn. I happily share the honor of the coronation ceremony with you.
Candy said on 07.02.05 at 01:07 AM • [comment link]
Well, if you hadn’t posted so soon after LoriAnn and guessed the same thing she did, we would’ve been in a real pickle as to what to do ;-) . And my original question can certainly be construed as addressing both of you.
Anyway, sorry, LoriAnn! If it’s any comfort, lots of other people have forgotten to provide the heroine’s name while participating in this contest, it’s just that they came back immediately after and provided it in subsequent comments, usually after some gentle prodding from Sarah and me.
And re: caulk, my housemate was caulking the stairs in the house last year and a whole host of bad caulk jokes were made.
“Hey, you like pumping that caulk?”
“Wow, getting up close and personal with the caulk, huh?”
“Do you enjoy a hot, hard, sweaty caulking session?”
“Does your caulk smell weird, or is it just me?”
“Is your caulk hard yet?”
And those were just the ones I came up with. The housemate and my husband came up with others. Nothing quite like living in a household in which all three people have the sense of humor of 15-year-old boys.
fiveandfour said on 07.02.05 at 01:29 AM • [comment link]
My favorite is “Does your caulk smell weird, or is it just me?â€.
God, I’d love to see an author work that into a book! (Then you’d know Smart Bitches had really arrived, huh?)
FerfeLaBat said on 07.02.05 at 04:27 AM • [comment link]
I suck at this game. Clearly I will remain a serf. Sigh. Never to be dubbed.
Shannon said on 07.02.05 at 05:53 AM • [comment link]
We can eat cake.
*sigh*
Candy said on 07.02.05 at 05:13 PM • [comment link]
Hey, at least this time around I picked a contemporary novel, heh heh.
Becca said on 07.03.05 at 02:37 PM • [comment link]
OK, just checked back. Name of heroine: Gabrielle Breedlove (makes me shudder just typing it).
especially after reading the Romance Mad-libs.
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