Bitchin' Blog Posts
I decided, because I am a sucker for buying more books when the last thing I need is to distract myself from all the things I have to accomplish this summer, to check out the New Releases in Romance on Amazon.com. Usually I use the Books(not)Free service for my train reading material, but as I become more and more obviously pregnant, and as it gets more and more humid and unpleasant outside, I find myself seeking cold, air-conditioned, dark spaces in which to lie down in silence and read. I’m going to read faster than the BnF can ship me books, so perhaps a few emergency purchases are in order.
Perhaps there’s a good recommendation in the top new books in romance this summer.
1: Black Rose, by Nora Roberts.
I already ruminated on this trilogy, and how ParaNoramals don’t really do it for me. I already know that a friend I’m going to visit this summer has a copy, so if I’m seriously jonesing for something to read I can borrow hers.
2. Killing Time: A Novel by Linda Howard.
Linda Howard makes me howl. Ever since the heroine was in horrible, horrible psychic and physical pain and STILL the hero got a woodrow, I have had no patience for her. Plus, this novel returns to her “entrancing supernatural territory of her popular novels Dream Man” and that alone makes me run away, run away!
3. Lie By Moonlight, by Amanda Quick.
Quick, someone get me a chaise and some smelling salts because nothing heads quickly for the Cliffs of Overwrought like a Quick novel. And check out the Amazon blurb: “Who but Quick finds such joy in chestnuts as the boy thief mentored by the rich man he tries to rob…? Quick plunges into every clichÃ©....” No, thank you. I get enough clichÃ©s listening to my Mother in Law.
4. The Wonder Spot, by Melissa Bank.
Ho there, What a different sort of cover. What is this? I know all about my wonder spot; RWA won’t let me talk about it, since it’s located in the cuntal area, but I do know where it is. Judging by cover alone, this could be interesting.
Drat drat drat it is not. I don’t even think it’s romance. It’s a coming-of-age story. Yo, Amazon, unless the heroine meets the hero at a young age, starting a romance when the heroine is 12 is not a romance. Even the blurb from Publishers Weekly says it is a story about a girl “struggling to achieve a grownup self-awareness.” That ain’t no romance.
5. Jamie, by Lori Foster.
You say “Jamie” and millions of romance fans think “Outlander,” so maybe “Jamie” is the “Madison/Emily/Emma” of hero names for the next few years.
Ouch: Publishers Weekly says, “The fifth installment in Foster’s Visitation series (after Just a Hintâ€”Clint) strives to be a Jennifer Crusieâ€“style lighthearted romance with a paranormal kick, but while the setting and secondary characters possess charm, the bumpy plotting keeps readers from fully suspending their disbelief.” Not only does this book feature psychics, it features psychic kids, and there’s nothing more precocious and far-too-advanced-for-their-age than a psychic kid in a romance. No thanks. Pass.
6. Oceans of Fire, by Christine Feehan.
And if you put Christine Feehan in an anagram generator, you get “A Inference Shhit.” Nothing inferred about it.
7. A Good Yarn, by Debbie Macomber.
A sequel to The Shop on Blossom Street about a yarn shop and women. From PW: “A heartfelt tale of crafts and comraderie.” I love the crafts angle- very fad-oriented. Next up, The Low-Carb Shop Around the Corner.
But not strictly a romance, so no thanks.
8.Sins of the Night (A Dark Hunter Novel) by Sherrilyn Kenyon.
9. Something Blue, by Emily Giffin.
This smells like Chick Lit through the monitor LCD. Hm. Beautiful, perfect girl has life turned upside-down when plain-looking best friend steals her fiance and leaves her alone - and pregnant. Ouch. Aside from a twinge of “go, plain best friend, go,” I am not going to read this book because it sounds like the baby is what’s going to fulfill her empty life, and that’s a lot of expectation and pressure to put on a newborn. I hate when authors do that. If something is missing from the heroine’s life, another person, particularly a small, dependent one, is not going to fill it with flowery happiness. If you’re not complete, it’s up to you to fix yourself. It’s not a job for a baby to make your sad life all better.
See? Now I don’t have to read this book.
10. One Night of Sin, by Gaelen Foley
I really liked “Pirate Prince,” but I couldn’t get through “Princess,” not after that weird nursing-yet-still-a-virgin scene, so I’m hesitant to pull out my credit card and actually pay for a Foley.
So that’s the top 10. How disappointing. We have Feehan, Quick, and Foley. If they were a law firm, they’d represent clients by flinging purple prose at the jury and having humpy sex on the judge’s bench.
So, readers of the SBTB: what do you recommend that’s coming out this summer?
Filed: Random Musings