Bitchin' Blog Posts
Name that Character - A Smart Bitch Contest
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | November 16, 2007 | Friday at 9:00 pm | 56 CommentsBarbara Caridad Ferrer and I cooked up a contest for your creative pleasure - you name a character for her latest book, and win books to read! Woot!
Ferrer explains:
“Be careful or you’ll wind up in my novel.” I have this saying on a sweatshirt. I love wearing this sweatshirt. It always prompts a nice little double take.
But this isn’t about me. Well, it is, but it’s also about you, dear readers. Have you ever wanted to create/name a character? Well, here’s your chance. I’m beginning work on a sequel/companion novel to Adiós to My Old Life. I say companion novel because it’s not another YA, but rather, an adult story, taking place ten years after the end of Adiós, where we get to revisit all the characters we loved and those we didn’t love so much.
For those of you who read the book, remember Fabiana? Raging poseur bitch from hell?
For those of you who haven’t read the book, Fabiana—just Fabiana—is a raging poseur bitch from hell. Think… Bastard love child of Madonna, Gwen Stefani, & Shakira, but with not as much talent and with Axl Rose’s ego. Yeah, she’s really that bad.
Anyhow, in the sequel, Fabiana has become a tabloid talk/variety show host and I think she needs a boyfriend - and this is where you come in. I need some suggestions as to a name and type of guy he might be. The only guideline is that I see him as the lead singer of some sort of band— what type of band, not a big thing. He can be like Residente, from Calle 13 (rap/reggaetón) or like Fehr, from Maná (sort of hard rock) or even like Ricky MartÃn— and he’s going to be stupider than dirt, poor thing. Fabiana wants him for his buns and his ability to be arm candy.
So what’s in it for you?
Aside from the fact that you can get revenge on the boyfriend who broke your heart and immortalize him as a complete jackass, the ten best, as judged by me and the Smart Bitches, will get signed copies of my latest release, It’s Not About the Accent, and as extra incentive, what with the holidays and all coming up, there’s gonna be a Extra Sooper Grand Prize, which will be copies of both Adiós and Accent and a copy of GUITAR HERO III for the gaming system of your choice. (Yeah, I know what the real draw’s gonna be, my ego’s not THAT big.)
You’ll also get my undying gratitude.
So put the thinking caps on and give us your best loser rock star name.
Bueno! Head on down to the comments and give us your entry: we need a name and a five word description of said dude. You have 24 hours starting now - so name that dude!
Filed: Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Freezair said on 11.16.07 at 09:09 PM • [link]
Here’s my shot at it:
Florian Abbadon Montelfort. Stage Name: El Flor. (Yes, I know, “flor” is a feminine noun, blah blah.)
5 word description: Paid his way through college.
Sweeney Agonistes said on 11.16.07 at 09:16 PM • [link]
Tron Gillespie.
Five words: Thinks he’s smart as Dylan.
(Bob Dylan.)
lysrian said on 11.16.07 at 09:27 PM • [link]
Cisco Mattern
Rat-Bastard - proud of it
I wanted to use “Rat-Bastard and proud of it”, but I am not quite sure if Rat-Bastard is one word or two.
Megan said on 11.16.07 at 09:43 PM • [link]
Papi Rebel.
Because I can’t STAND Daddy Yankee.
Claire said on 11.16.07 at 09:51 PM • [link]
Jason M. Morris
In love with own penis
jackie said on 11.16.07 at 09:52 PM • [link]
Marcel Ryser.
Five words: His world and his mirror.
kim said on 11.16.07 at 09:56 PM • [link]
Paco Rodriquez
Stage Name: 6 pac or P-Rod
5 words: voice of angels and bunsalicious
has99
Angelina said on 11.16.07 at 09:57 PM • [link]
Name: Xavier Michael Santiago
Stage name: X as in album title “X"tasy.
5 word decription: He’s smart like Kellie Pickler.
my spam word radio73 - I heard that poor girl on the radio this morning.
cyrano said on 11.16.07 at 10:02 PM • [link]
Jambles—pop-star type.
Five words: Polite conversation? What’s that?
Lizzie (greeneyed fem) said on 11.16.07 at 10:07 PM • [link]
Are multiple entries allowed?
Randall Craig Lexton - doesn’t know any Beatles songs
Morgan Archer Mann, stage name M.A. Mann - R. Kelly protege
Trench Archer - his hero is Brandon Davis
Elvis Arlo Schrader - sweet, stupid, believes in love
Chase Clyster - rich, spoiled, calls her ‘babe’
ps. Clyster is an old-fashioned word for enema.
Becs said on 11.16.07 at 10:10 PM • [link]
Hector Fiero
looks bad but is sweet
Crystal said on 11.16.07 at 10:17 PM • [link]
Federico Angarnes
5 words- narcissistic, sexy, moody, spoiled, and careless
SamG said on 11.16.07 at 10:22 PM • [link]
Samuel Edward Xavier
“My initials are my life”
Sam
Lori said on 11.16.07 at 10:24 PM • [link]
Gregg Rock, known as G Rock. Drummer for an aging 70s style metal/hair band.
5 words: Really believes his own press.
Arwen said on 11.16.07 at 10:26 PM • [link]
Pucci - Because Gucci was already taken
Rich - just like the name, babe
Winston Salem The Third - Faux British duke, smokes cigarillos
Mann Hole - Trailer trash name bedroom eyes
Carrie Lofty said on 11.16.07 at 10:54 PM • [link]
Piccolo.
It means “small flute” in Italian, if ya know what I mean. So his description: Plays RAWK guitar to overcompensate.
Kimberly B. said on 11.16.07 at 11:01 PM • [link]
Gnash Carmichael
Trying to bring back ‘80s style hair bands and speaks in a fake British accent.
Kimberly B. said on 11.16.07 at 11:04 PM • [link]
Oops. I can’t read or can’t count. Disqualify my entry if you must.
Lila said on 11.16.07 at 11:08 PM • [link]
Fabiano (means “bean grower”, yeah baby)
Hotter than Paris and Paris
PattiR said on 11.16.07 at 11:09 PM • [link]
Billy Joe Haggard
Five Words: As Country as It sounds
Lead Singer of the Country/Pop group “Dixie-Flavored Man Candy” or D.F.M.C. as they refer to it on the radio.
E.D'Trix said on 11.16.07 at 11:30 PM • [link]
Cree Figueroa—The Poor Man’s Ricky Martin
Laura said on 11.16.07 at 11:36 PM • [link]
Max Fury
Likes to flex his pecs
AnimeJune said on 11.16.07 at 11:44 PM • [link]
Radcliffe Savage. Nickname: Rad Savage!
Five Words: Lost his goblet of rock.
All these names are reminding me of that time Homer Simpson changed his name: Max POWER….it’s the name that you love to TOUCH…but you MUSTN’T TOUCH!!!”
Jenyfer Matthews said on 11.16.07 at 11:50 PM • [link]
Piccolo.
It means “small flute†in Italian, if ya know what I mean. So his description: Plays RAWK guitar to overcompensate.
Posted by Carrie Lofty
I vote for this one!!!
The only ex I’d like to see satirized in a book (though he’s done pretty well on his own in real life) has a very ordinary name.
Brianna said on 11.16.07 at 11:58 PM • [link]
Drake Bristol - Rock Band
Description: Eyeliner looks better on men
Jenyfer Matthews said on 11.16.07 at 11:59 PM • [link]
(not the ex’s name by the way)
Joey Mancuso
Tight pants enhance small package
Why am I being insulted said on 11.17.07 at 12:02 AM • [link]
Marc Valenitne.
Too sexy for his shirt.
* I totally have that song playing in my head every time I see a prime example of mantitty. Dunno why *
Lorelie said on 11.17.07 at 12:09 AM • [link]
Bruce Badd
It’s good to be bad.
sartorias said on 11.17.07 at 12:42 AM • [link]
his name is shev’lavio. small s. apsstrophe included.
Maggie Robinson said on 11.17.07 at 01:03 AM • [link]
Fernando O’Sullivan-Fernandez
Just don’t call me Fern.
Invisigoth said on 11.17.07 at 01:05 AM • [link]
“Aside from the fact that you can get revenge on the boyfriend who broke your heart and immortalize him as a complete jackass”
Bwahahahahahahahaha!
Graves, honest to god it was his real name, not some poser wannabe made up name. (it was his middle name, and he was a 3rd)
so…..in the spirit of my momentary lapse of good sense and taste in men…
i.e., this not my ex’s real name:
Edward Graves Marsden IV, he goes by Graves because is sounds coooool and rockgod-like.
aurianrose said on 11.17.07 at 01:21 AM • [link]
Brett Vanderhöög
He rocks harder with umlauts.
Maria said on 11.17.07 at 01:34 AM • [link]
Javier Garcia, but he goes by Jaaaa-vier (He’s pissed that his parents didn’t have the common courtesy to have a unique last name so he wouldn’t have to come up with a new one. Which he hasn’t because thinking is HARD, vato.).
Oh, and it’s also the name of my sister’s ex-husband. She’d appreciate this.
Description: The universe revolves around him.
Erika Anderson said on 11.17.07 at 01:57 AM • [link]
Rufio Lobo
*Life Lyrics*
cause mis chicas like it
ruf - ruf - ruf
rufio ruf ruf ruf
like a lobo like to growl
pet me mami - ruf ruf ruf
yo know you like it
make me howl.
Seriously don’t know where that came from…
darlynne said on 11.17.07 at 02:42 AM • [link]
AARRGGGH! I spent hours on this and it disappeared. Sorry if duplicates appear.
Adán Hierro
- sees himself as man of iron
Roque Paredes
- angelic voice, no one’s home
Bolivar (Bo) Montaña
- just Bo, head like rock
I hope he’ll at least be kind to counterbalance Fabiana.
RandomRanter said on 11.17.07 at 03:56 AM • [link]
His name is Robbie O. Because then they can be Robiana. (Or Robbiana.) Anyway, he is lead singer of a former boy band called RHG (no one knows what it stands for) that is trying to make the transition to adult success. They had a big hit called “Rainbow of Love’ {Red because I love you, Orange because I want you…} which had crossover success because the gay community assumed it that the rainbow was meant as a gay reference and it got taken up as an anthem and is now used on the news as their segue every time they talk about gay issues.
It started a mild controversy because some anti-gay religious leader said that the band should be boycotted, which of course led to the album flying off the shelves or off the itunes or whatever.
RandomRanter said on 11.17.07 at 03:58 AM • [link]
Okay, clearly I can’t read directions, so let’s try again:
Robbie O: Because together they are Robiana.
Renee Somebody said on 11.17.07 at 04:07 AM • [link]
Rhett Caliente
Tara you down hotness.
(yes, I do like sleazy puns…)
Now back to NaNo!
JaneDrew said on 11.17.07 at 04:47 AM • [link]
Given name: Juan Raoul Febrio
Sexy Lead Singer Name: Raoul Febrio
Name His Girlfriend Keeps Pushing For: Febrio
(because then they’d match SO MUCH BETTER! And it sounds like Fabio! And then they’d be Fabiana and Febrio! Which could be Febriana… or Fabrio… like Brangelina, but Fab-ulous!... also, it’s about the number of letters he can manage to arrange correctly on any given day…)
His description: Still wishes he could be in Menudo.
JaneDrew
JaneDrew said on 11.17.07 at 04:52 AM • [link]
Ack, five words…. ok..
“Still dreams of joining Menudo”
armyangel729 said on 11.17.07 at 04:55 AM • [link]
Byron “Beat” Staccato
Five Words: He’s got the beat.
Radford Dudley
Five Words: He’s a rad dude, man.
Janice said on 11.17.07 at 05:15 AM • [link]
Trent Travis
Oblivious and cheesy with it.
Amanda said on 11.17.07 at 06:13 AM • [link]
Richard Mc_____(fill in the blank)
five words: God’s gift to mankind.
fav pick up line: I lost my phone number/e-mail can I borrow your’s?
(not an ex and not his real last name but I knew him and this would describe him perfectly. he was an actor but wanted to be a musician. think Dave Matthews or John Mayer but not as smart and in Spanish. the band would be named after him to sooth his ego. his mother was Columbian and routinely called him “Reechard” loud enough for most of the people in a 500 foot area to hear it.)
Berni said on 11.17.07 at 06:22 AM • [link]
Lance Hasty: Thinks disco’s back for good.
nelly said on 11.17.07 at 06:26 AM • [link]
LOL what about
Rico (as in Federico) Tevez,
which has a nice little double meaning in Spanish. “You look yummy”.
longtime lurker said on 11.17.07 at 06:27 AM • [link]
Jorge MacPherson
Description- husky voice is from herpes.
Laceyn said on 11.17.07 at 07:37 AM • [link]
Rafael Araullo
(Real name: Russell “Rusty” Araullo)
Description: Former nerd, hardcore rockstar wannabe.
megalith said on 11.17.07 at 08:05 AM • [link]
LOL, JaneDrew.
What if his name was Rhys? Then they could be FabRhys and smell fresh and fabulous together! Even better if his name were Rhys Rozannadanna, so she could think about becoming Fabiana Rozannadanna someday, and weep tears of self-pity.
Amelia said on 11.17.07 at 08:22 AM • [link]
Rico Fernando Rodriguez
5 word description: slick, devious, rocker, brave, fine
He think he’s all that.
TLC said on 11.17.07 at 08:38 AM • [link]
Noah Archer—N.A. as in brains not applicable. =)
A surfer-blonde, eyeliner-free Rob Thomas.
CathyB. said on 11.17.07 at 08:48 AM • [link]
Asp Rattler
Tight. Snakeskin. Pants. And Eyeliner!
—————————————————
Hoff Herrera
Mama Herrera Likey Hasselhoff Era
Sarah said on 11.17.07 at 08:56 AM • [link]
Name: Eaton (His last name was Eaton, but he wanted to explore himself, so he dropped his first name and goes by his last.)
Occupation: singer, world class mooch (aka what happens when the guy who lived/worked on your couch has access to a whole new socioeconomic level of girlfriend?)
Band: Plain White T’s-esque, only in Spanish, aka lovelorn and only recently successful
CarrieNation said on 11.17.07 at 09:06 AM • [link]
Manos Miggs (Born Mason, of course)
or maybe
Kilroy Jenks
taybug said on 11.17.07 at 11:22 AM • [link]
I like Samuel Edward Xavier, “my initials are my life.” Way better than anything I could have come up with!
KarenT said on 11.17.07 at 05:21 PM • [link]
Street or Wall Street
Real name Wallace Stonestreet.
Former boy band member trying to become the next Eminem. Tabliods call him Wally. Deepest conversations revolve around hair products.
Little Willow said on 11.17.07 at 08:44 PM • [link]
Santiago Mariana Florencia
(His middle name is a touchy subject.)
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