Other Media Review

Movie Review: Jab Tak Hai Jaan

B+

Title: Jab Tak Hai Jaan
Written By: Devika Bhagat & Aditya Chopra
Publication Info: First Step Productions
Genre: Contemporary Romance

Jab Tak Hai Jaan As I was reading Secrets of a Bollywood Marriage by Susanna Carr, I decided to look up some Bollywood movies online and watch them. My knowledge of Bollywood, and of Indian culture, is painfully limited. I think I saw a documentary when Bride and Prejudice came out. That’s about it.

The movie I watched was Jan Tak Hai Jaan which according to Wikipedia translates to As Long as I Live. The film stars Shahrukh Khan, and my Google-fu told me that he’s one of the most famous, if not the most famous, Bollywood actor. He was also the second richest actor in the world in 2014, with a net worth of around $600 million. Holy shit. Merv Griffin is number one. Not even making that up.

Anyway, my surgery and Percocet-induced naps have been wreaking havoc with my sleep schedule so I started this movie at 11 p.m. not realizing it’s three hours long. Apparently this par for the course in Bollywood, which is goddamned impressive because Hollywood can’t fill an hour and half movie with original content and instead insists on resurrecting and destroying the 80’s cartoons of my childhood.

So armed with Oreos and knitting, I began my three-hour excursion into a Bollywood fim. I know a lot was lost in translation (because I didn’t understand or because the subtitles maybe didn’t capture it right). But a lot of this film also several of my catnips—tortured brooding hero, elite solider hero, socialite/ wealthy heroine and the boy from the wrong side of the tracks. Be warned, here thar be lots o’ plot summary because THREE HOURS PEOPLE.

The movie opens with the hero, Samar, showing up on a motorcycle in an army uniform generally looking foxy. He’s a major in the Indian Army’s bomb disposal unit, and he’s come to diffuse a bomb. Some of the other soldiers reflect on the fact that Samar doesn’t wear one of those Gumby giant suits for safety. He’s protected by testosterone apparently, and they call him The Man Who Cannot Die.

Later Samar is camped next to a lake (or river, not sure) and this girl dives in and she’s drowning, and he saves her. He leaves her wrapped in his jacket. Turns out the girl is Akira (Anushka Sharma), an intern for the Discovery Channel. She finds Samar’s journal in the jacket pocket and reads his Tragic Backstory. Like all good brooding heroes who diffuse bombs sheltered only by the aura of their nuts, he’s got a good woe is me tale.

Flashback ten years. Samar is living in London. He’s working several jobs to make ends meet. He’s generally charming and everyone loves him. The people he delivers fish to love him. The customers at the restaurant where he works love him. His chubby, schlubby Pakistani roommate loves him. How can you not? He’s handsome and funny and a romantic comedy hero.

See this was a little bit of a surprise for me. The film shifts in tone from one of broody dark solider hero to chipper, adorable romantic comedy hero. Samar isn’t wearing aviator glasses with a two-day beard; he’s cheerfully grinding away at work in London, hoping to make it big.

It’s like a drama/romantic comedy/musical all in one. I am not used to this.

The scenes in the movie where Samar is tortured broody hero worked for me so well because that’s my catnip like WHOA. Staring whistfully into the distance while diffusing a bomb with your teeth and wearing a tight black tee-shirt? Yes, please. All the yes.

I should note Samar is supposed to be 28 at the flashblacky time. Khan was 47 at the time of filming. I had a super hard time believing he was in his late twenties. He looks really good, is really fit, and could pull off being in his thirties, but the 20 year age gap was too much to pull off. He doesn’t give off the vibe of a young innocent immigrant. He’s got kind of a sexy, distinguished vibe about him, quite frankly. To be honest, I found Khan to be attractive and hella charismatic, but I wasn’t buying the idea that he was my junior. Like, at all.

So anyway, Samar is busking (the first musical number of the piece) and he’s passed several times by the heroine, Meera (Katrina Kaif). She’s intrigued by him and asks him to teach her to sing. Meera is a rich daddy’s girl. Her mother left when she was twelve, and it’s been her and Pops against the world. She’s recently become engaged to Rodger, the man her father wants her to marry and his protégé. Meera wants to learn to sing to perform one of her father’s favorite songs at his birthday party.

Now, Meera and Samar have actually met before this. He overheard her praying at a church (Meera is Christian), and she met him outside her engagement party, where he was waiter and she snuck out for a cigarette.

Samar is intrigued by Meera, who is all very sophisticated rich girl on the outside, but a cursing, smoking, fun girl on the inside. She has a chewy nougat center of naughtiness.

So he teaches her to sing and she teaches him to speak better English and flirting ensues. Meera can’t quite get the singing down because she’s self-conscious, so Samar (who is definitely not in his late forties because he’s wearing hip clothes) invites her to a party he and the other wait staff go to. It’s set in some vaguely urban underground setting that is filled with color-coordinating graffiti rather than, say, heroin needles and used condoms and vomit. There is dancing. It reminded me of the five seconds I endured of a Step It Up movie before the burning made me stop.

Now she’s learned to let down her hair, and we realize that Meera and Samar are in love because they sing about it while on a ferry in the river in the snow. At least, that’s what I took from the musical number.

(It was at this point that I also realized that the heroine of this filmed was trailed everywhere by a giant fucking fan so she could look coyly over her shoulder while the breeze ruffled her hair. Like seriously. No fucking wind whatsoever, but the heroine’s locks are floating around her ethereally. I bet they use the same fan guy Fabio uses.)

Then while waiting for the tube, Samar admits he loves Meera and kisses her. And I was like, “Whoa.”

Pause movie. Google.

So I thought I remembered that there was no kissing in Bollywood films. I didn’t see any kissing in Bride and Prejudice. Turns out this is the first time Khan kissed a woman on screen (on the lips). I got the vibe it was fairly controversial.

It was an awkward as fuck kiss too. Like a Duggar wedding kiss. You could feel how painfully uncomfortable he was. And we’re not talking a deep kiss or anything vaguely like that.

So then Meera struggles with her love for Samar, and there’s a scene where he DRIVES HER TO FRANCE ON HIS MOTORCYCLE so she can reunite with her Mom (did he drive through the Chunnel? We don’t know). Then Meera says she loves Samar back, and more awkward kissing.

Cue another musical number. Clearly this one is about how happy and in love Meera and Samar are. There are scenes where they are dancing through a mansion or something that looks just like a Presents cover, and scenes where they are being silly playing in fountains, and there’s some rolling around on a bed, draped in convenient sheets. But no actual kissing. They just sort of rub their faces on each other. Like cats.

I am starting to wonder if this film is like hella scandalous for Bollywood or if I’ve been misled.

But then Meera is going to tell her dad that she can’t marry Rodger, she’s in love with Samar, but RIGHT BEFORE THAT Samar gets into an accident on his motorcycle. He’s lying in the street, presumably dead, and Meera starts praying.

So I guess I should mention that Meera believes in order for God to give you something, you need to give something up. Previous to this she’s given up cigarettes, chocolate and wearing fur. Now she promises God that if he saves Samar’s life, she’ll give up the one thing she loves most in the world—Samar.

I don’t know what form of Christianity is supposed to be represented in this bargaining, or if it was just a convenient plot device, but as you can imagine, Samar lives and Meera’s face falls in an expression of dread when she realizes she can never be with him now. I guess Meera thinks that if she goes back on her promise, he’ll just drop over dead or something.

Samar is recovering from the accident, wondering why he hasn’t heard from Meera, when she shows up at his apartment. He’s all happy and in love and she looks like a woman who’s given up cigarettes, chocolate, and rubbing faces with the man she loves all at once and is suffering withdrawal. She tells him about her promise to God and why she can’t be with him and Samar gets pissed. Very pissed.

Let’s pause here for a slow clap for Shahrukh Khan. He can go from “I love you honey” to “I’m so mad I’m going shit on everything you love” in like 3 seconds. You could literally feel his anger seething off the screen. He is the master of the intense facial expression.

Shahrukh Kahn can smolder like smoldering has never smoldered beforeAlso, the truth was, this movie didn’t need any kissing. Khan does eye sex like no actor I’ve ever seen—probably because most of the actors I’ve seen don’t have to do eye sex. He just looks at the heroine and instantly you know they’re at third base. In his head. There was SO MUCH SMOLDER. I am now spoiled for all romantic movies that don’t have the SRK Defcon Level Smolder going on. I loved the fact that his movie had so much sexual tension—without actual sex. It reminded me of watching/ reading Pride and Prejudice and totally knowing Darcy had a boner, but also knowing they weren’t going tumble in the sheets.

Anyway, enraged, Khan goes back to India where he decides to tempt fate. If he cannot die because of Meera’s promise, then he’s going to bank on that. He becomes a bomb disposal expert in the Indian army and he does all kinds of crazy shit like cutting the blue and the red wire because he can’t fucking die. I realized then that Samar doesn’t actually believe in Meera’s bargain with God. He’s trying to get himself killed to prove to Meera that she was wrong and gave up the man she loved for no good reason and DESTROY HER FAITH IN JESUS AT THE SAME TIME.

Samar is kind of being a dick.

Then we get to part two of the movie where Akira, having read all this in Samar’s journal and cried some bittersweet tears, convinces her boss to let her do a documentary on The Man Who Cannot Die.

I didn’t particularly care for Akira or her scenes in the movie. Quite frankly I think most of it could have been cut out because it didn’t contribute to the plot in any meaningful way except for adding a love triangle and some more musical numbers. Akira follows Samar around, he barks and at her and is generally douchey, but she’s read the journal and is in luuuurve with him. She’s also really chirpy and happy, and the scenes that worked for me were the angsty ones. I did like seeing her crack Samar’s shell a bit though, and he does save her from a bomb in a very yummy scene.

Eventually he starts to soften up to her, but never reciprocates her feelings. When Samar has to come to the Discovery Channel offices in London to have his story vetted for the documentary, he’s conveniently hit by a car pushing Akira out of its path. For a guy who diffuses bombs with this teeth (not really), he should just stay inside the fucking crosswalk.

And here’s where we enter Skeptical Eyebrow Land. Samar wakes up in the hospital, having forgotten the events of the past ten years entirely, thinking he’s still 28 and still in love with Meera. He thinks he’s waking up from the first accident.

And his nice doctor is all like “THIS ALL MAKES TOTAL SENSE AND IS VERY LEGTIMATE MEDICALLY AND THE ONLY SOLUTION TO HIS RECOVERY IS TO PRETEND ALONG WITH HIM BECAUSE HIS MIND IS FRAGILE.”

I want to see her credentials. Can you get a medical degree online?

So Akira finds Meera and tells her the tale of woe and there’s a few scenes that have Kaif’s teethmarks all over the set pieces, and Meera shows up at the hospital and plays along. She doesn’t tell Samar about their breakup but tells him that it’s ten years in the future, and tells him that they’ve been happily married for five years. WAY TO FUCK THAT UP MEERA.

The rest of the movie is a crazysauce spiral of Meera trying to play along with the lie she’s told and Samar realizing not everything is adding up.  And also Meera avoiding sex with Samar because they aren’t really married and Samar being all, “C’mon baby, it’s just my head that’s broken, not my penis!” Can Samar and Meera work out in the end? What will he do when he realizes she’s lying? What about Akira? WILL THERE BE ANOTHER DANCE SEQUENCE?

By the time I finished this movie I was tired and I’d knitted most of scarf. It was, to my Western eyes, kind of crazy and way too long, but I really enjoyed it. I felt that so much of the drama between Meera and Samar was manufactured, and that Akira’s plot line was unnecessary, but the romance reader in me loved the broody tortured love affair between the two leads.

Also I might have a little crush on Khan. I haven’t decided yet. It’s just—eye sex, people.

Anyway, my skepticism regarding the crazy amnesia plotline aside, I’d recommend this movie for a lot of romance readers. Especially if you like lovers reunited after a terrible falling out. Just be prepared for dancing and really awkward smooching and for Khan to get you pregnant with his gaze alone. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.


You can watch the trailer here:

And you can watch this film on Amazon | Netflix | Google Play | iTunes.

Add Your Comment →

  1. Shash says:

    OMG I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a Bollywood movie reviewed on SBTB! Of course, now that I think about it, Bollywood is an obvious playground for the romance lover. Once I got over my initial surprise, I was a little apprehensive about the fact that you had chosen JTHJ to review. Although it’s an SRK movie (the King of Romance), it’s widely considered to be one of his weakest romances. I was worried you’d walk away with a negative impression of Bollywood and never review it here on the site again. Thankfully my worries seem to be for naught.

    Anyway, my points:
    1. Kissing used to be very uncommon in Bollywood (although not unheard of) but now almost every movie has a kissing scene. I really don’t like this, because it means that the eye-fucking is reduced by a whole lot. Before kissing became commonplace, moviemakers had to think out of the box to show passion and and it was often SO MUCH HOTTER than the uncomfortable kisses we get today. But oh well, Bollywood has a weird inferiority complex and it desperately wants its movies to be of “Hollywood standard” so I guess we’re stuck with the kissing.
    2. If you think SRK eyesex was hot in this one then I seriously recommend you watch his earlier movie “Dil To Pagal Hai” (The Heart is Crazy). The SRK-smoulder in that one is INSANE. Or Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham (K3g). K3G (Sometimes happy sometimes sad) is more of the family drama but the romance is smoking. For a great (if not feminist) friends-to-lovers tale check out SRK’s Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Basically check out any SRK 90’s romance.
    3. Also Varun Dhawan is this generation’s SRK and his movie Humpty Sharma ki Dulhania (Humpty Sharma’s bride) is worth checking out too for a more modern take.
    4. And for additional sans-kissing Bollywood hotness, check this song out:

    Sorry for the long ramble – I have too many feelings when it comes to SRK and Bollywood

  2. Rebe says:

    “It was an awkward as fuck kiss too. Like a Duggar wedding kiss.” – OMG, I’m dying laughing. DYING.

  3. Melanie G says:

    Elyse, LOVE that you reviewed a Bollywood film!!  I agree with many of your points, especially that a 47 year old SRK does look a little ridiculous in tennis shoes and hoodie trying to look 25, and yet…….  That EYE SMOLDER!  Also, I agree that his acting in the break up scene is incredible as he goes from adoring bemused love to white hot anger in about 20 seconds.

    As to the kiss, I think it looks awkward because even if there is a kiss in a Bollywood film, it will look very tame to our eyes because they are trying to get it past the notoriously fickle Indian Film Censor Board.  That scene shows a long shot of the back of her head, and then we see the end of the kiss where their lips are barely touching.  To our Western eyes, it looks strange.  What Shahrukh Khan is the KING at, is the kiss of the collarbone.  This was the first film he kissed on the lips, and mostly he goes right for the collarbone and neck and…..*swoon*.

    You hit the nail on the head that the sexual tension is like watching Pride and Prejudice.  The length of Bollywood films to me is more like watching a multi part mini-series on PBS.  Javed Akhtar, a famous Bollywood screenwriter (Sholay, Deewar) compares Western films to a short story, with the rare exception longer films like Gone With the Wind or The Godfather.  And he compares an average Indian film as nearer to a novel.  The structure is also different than what we are used to.  We are used to a three act structure, and Hindi films have a four act structure, with the Intermission a punctuation mark between the two halves.  In JATJ, the intermission comes just after the breakup scene and ends the flashback.

    As to all the dance numbers, now that I’m down the rabbit hole, it’s a feature, not a bug.  I loved old movie musicals like Fred Astaire from the 30’s and that’s what it reminds me of. 

    You didn’t talk about the most eye-rolling part of the plot to me—the moment he regains his memory.  Yeah, London cops would TOTALLY let a strange guy in civilian clothes defuse a bomb on a Tube train.  TOTALLY.

    Still keep coming back to this movie, but I rewatch my favorite parts and skip over the rest.

  4. Love the review! And I agree with Shash K3G is so smoking. I thought my tv was going to melt.

  5. redheadedgirl says:

    Holy shit that is a beautiful, beautiful man.

  6. tealadytoo says:

    Bollywood films sure are purty . . .

    Side note:  Yes, Merv Griffin was fabulously wealthy.  Not because of his (alleged) acting or his talk show, but because he and his wife INVENTED WHEEL OF FORTUNE. Like having a mint in your living room.

  7. Commenting to say only, um… excuse me, the movies are Step Up, not Step It Up. And clearly, you don’t believe in these scrappy young kids putting together a dance team and trying to win against incredible odds. Shame on you.

  8. yusher says:

    Hello,

    I’m a lurker on this site, but your Jab Tak Hai Jaan impelled me to comment. Can I just say you’re a brave person for watching this movie voluntarily? It is one of the more boring rom-coms to have been released in India recently. Although it made an obscene amount of money, which was also due to the fact that the director of the movie, Yash Chopra—godfather of romantic movies in Bollywood—, died before this movie released.

    That kiss was the most awkward kiss, and as someone who has grown up on SRK movies, I did not want to watch him awkwardly kissing Katrina Kaif! I want to preserve my memories of him eye-sexing Madhuri Dixit in Dil Toh Paagal Hai. Oh, if you like Khan, you really should check out some of his movies from the 90s. There’s a whole generation of Indian women whose romantic expectations will never be fulfilled because of Shah Rukh Khan!

    But if you’re interested in watching good Hindi rom-coms, without amnesia and 47-year-olds pretending to be 27, please please please look up Jab We Met. It’s a fantastic, funny movie with great dialogue and immensely likeable characters. Another great movie (mentioned in the Bollywood blog post too) is Band Baaja Baraat, especially if you like some song-and-dance with your story and character development. 😀

  9. If you want to see SRK as an army major having an age-appropriate romance, check out “Main Hoon Na” from 2004. He has to go undercover at a college For Reasons and basically says that he’s too old to pass as a student (which is an in-joke, as he’s spent the majority of his career, especially the latter years, playing much younger heroes) and the army sends him in as a non-traditional student. Hilarity and heroism ensue.

    The army major can’t dance, of course, so there’s a great montage of people teaching him to dance. This is where we mention SRK is known for his amazing dance skills.

    It’s a great movie.



  10. Kavya says:

    This just makes me so happy!! Like seriously, I was positively giddy when I saw that a Bollywood movie, an SRK movie, has been reviewed on this site. I ADORE Shahrukh Khan! He was my first crush! 🙂 But like the other commenters have said, JTHJ is not one of his better movies. Still, I am so happy someone not used to Indian movies watched a Bollywood movie objectively and reviewed it so honestly.
    I’d recommend the movie Veer-Zaara for more SRK smolders and awesome acting. Although, I should warn you, that movie made me cry buckets.

  11. LaurenG says:

    Oooh!  Bollywood, and you started with SRK! If you want to see him eyesex more as a villain-hero, check out Don and Don 2.
    I will also second the recommendation of Band Baaja Baraat. Ranveer Singh is something of a newer up and comer ‘hero’ in Bollywood, and he’s fantastic. Also see Ladies vs Ricky Bahl.

    Now that you have gatewayed via SRK and his eye sex, you are now prepared for Hrithik Roshan.

    Some of his work is on Netflix, I like Dhoom 2, Zinda Na Malegi Dobara, Guuzarish, Kites, etc. He is intensely pretty and a good actor, often heralded as one of the best dancers of male Bolly actors.

    I’d suggest checking Netflix or Amazon and see what tickles your fancy. Aisha is a good bolly version of Emma/Clueless.

  12. Ron Hogan says:

    My top Bollywood romance recommendations are two Aamir Khan films: GHAJINI, which is basically MEMENTO and a romantic comedy thrown together in a blender and coming out so much better than that sounds like it might, and FANAA, which is sort of like EYE OF THE NEEDLE transplanted into modern-day Kashmir, but with more going on as well.

  13. Jessica says:

    Yeeeeeessssss, Bollywood is so good. I also think, for more of an investment, Korean dramas (usually romantic shows that last 16-20 episodes) are great for some international romancing.

    As others have said, though, this isn’t SRK’s best. I hope you give some of the above suggestions a try because seriously: eyesmolder.unf

  14. Melanie G says:

    Elyse,

    Just had to tell you your review still makes me laugh so hard I practically pee my pants—even rereading it.  This line kills me:

    But no actual kissing. They just sort of rub their faces on each other. Like cats.

  15. Olivia Waite says:

    Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is terrific—but Kal Ho Na Ho is the greatest melodrama I’ve ever seen. You want angst? Watch it now, thank me later.

  16. SB Sarah says:

    @Jessica:

    eyesmolder.unf

    HA! Awesome.

  17. Ayeshadhalla says:

    Elyse NEVER stop taking Percocet! I love you;  you, mad, bad, krazzy woman. I just died laughing reading this and promptly sent it to my Indian friends, who by the way loved it. You can thank me for 20% increase of your blogs subscription. 😉

    It is by far the best review I’ve read about a Bollywood movie. Calls out the absurdities but appreciates the good stuff. Thank you!

    Love the break down on the “eye smoulder “.

  18. When someone writes an paragraph he/she keeps the plan of a user in his/her brain that how
    a user can know it. So that’s why this piece of writing is great.
    Thanks!

  19. Olivia Waite says:

    Oooh, also Om Shanti Om: it’s like Singing in the Rain meets Phantom of the Opera, Bollywood-style. I saw it the night it premiered at a local theater and everyone already knew all the words to all the songs and the showing turned into a seated sing-and-dance party and it was amazing.

  20. Ailyzon says:

    OMG… Kuch Kuch Hota Hai is definately one of my favorite Bollywood movies!

  21. Ailyzon says:

    Also try Asoka if you want it all.  Not a true historical film of Asoka, but a dramatized version of it. Arrogant prince meets secret princess (they’re almost enemies), falls in loves, believes her dead, goes on a warpath, and a lot of angst on the way.



  22. Kim T. says:

    Wow, only one rec for Hrithik Roshan from Lauren G! Elyse, he’s the actor that got me into Bollywood (Jodha Akhbar, then Dhoom 2 and Muhjse Dosti Karoge were the first three Bollywood films I watched and they are still three of my favorties).  SRK is also wonderful, but he’s trying to hard to be young and hip (K3G and Kuch Kuch Hota Hai are still the best in my mind). 

    Jab We Met and Band Baaja Baarat are definitely two of the best romances in the last few years, for sure.  I could go on and on…

    Your review was so perfect because it was an honest reaction from a romance lover who was encountering the wonders (and eccentricities) of the filmi world (and totally reminded me of my first experiences).  I now own over 100 Bollywood DVDs (mostly from the last two decades) and I can’t wait to see Hrithik Roshan’s new one, Bang Bang (which stars Katrina Kaif, btw) and in the movie theater right down the road from me in Ohio.  I love the South Asian diaspora!

  23. Jane says:

    Ron, I agree with you about Aamir Khan. I think he’s pretty amazing.  FANAA was a big bottle of wackadoo, but also oddly compelling.  I was not expecting some of the plot twists. (What?!!)

    Talking about some other films, I also liked Dil Bol Hadippa since I’m a sucker for Twelfth Night and it’s basically that but with cricket. 

    Kim T, Hrithik Roshan *killed* me in Dhoom 2.  After I saw that, I went on a binge of his movies.  Wow.

  24. Kilian Metcalf says:

    Merv Griffin made a bundle for composing and recording ‘I’ve Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts,’ which sold 3 million copies in 1950 and created Jeopardy as well as Wheel of Fortune. He was an astute business man and invested heavily in real estate. According to Wikipedia, it was Jeopardy his wife had the inspiration for turning around the premise of a question-and-answer game by giving the answer and having the players ask the question.

  25. Tanvee says:

    Can I just say that it’s very cute that you’ve reviewed a Bollywood film, and if you think this is B+ you’ll be very happy to watch some of the actually good films we have.
    Also, I don’t know if it’s been pointed out – but it’s Shahrukh Khan not Kahn 🙂

  26. Rebecca A says:

    Just a comment on top 100 richest actors. In the top 50, there was only 1 woman and she was #39 (Preity Zinta – also from India). In the top 100 there was a second woman at #95 (Robin Wright).

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