Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

I don’t understand what the problem is. I thought the picture was great, and didn’t see anything sexual about it-to me it was an interesting perspective on what a someone would wear while waiting for their loved one to come home. I don’t think that it’s “trashy” but a wonderful way to welcome him home. I hope that the return knocked their shoes off ;)

Um, she really misses her husband? What’s the big deal? Imagine, a wife misses her husband and wears something sexy to welcome him home. Why the hell not? Married women want sex too!

The sticker bothers me. Other than that, I dig the photo.

It is a brilliant photograph - eye-catching and stunningly well composed.

First, I must stress that I belong to an older generation, and I am not American.

Now, to me, the visual message is ‘vulgar and tasteless’ (‘trashy’ if you like), chiefly because of the bare legs with high heels, and the ankle tattoo.  The style of the shoes is fine, the colour could, in certain circumstances, be clever and pretty rather than tarty, the newness of the shoes is no problem.  But the tattoo and the unclad leg is pure Essex Girl / WAG (= footballers’ Wives and Girlfriends, bywords for flashy vulgarity).  Those are the things that, to me, totally demean something that should be touching and emotional.  Amazing how cultures differ, eh?

But it is still a truly fantastic photo.

Okay, this kind of thing makes me freaking nuts.  We just moved from Virginia, where my husband was on the Harry S. Truman.  As a Navy wife who has endured two separate deployments and even written a book about how hard it is on the family when your spouse is at war, I get awfully tired of people who haven’t been through it making value judgments. 

Cheap and trashy?  Are you kidding me??  So she missed taking a price tag off.  Do you have any idea what the few weeks before homecoming are like?  (Not to mention the long long months of being a single parent worrying about who was shooting missiles at your spouse . . . )  I was lucky to remember to even put shoes on, let alone worry about price tags, by the time homecoming came. 

Cheap and trashy??  It’s a long-standing time-honored tradition for the spouses, men and women, to get dressed up to welcome our husbands and wives home.  Really, after my husband put his life on the line day after day and was gone from me for half a year or more, what do people think I’d wear to celebrate his homecoming??  Spit-up stained sweatpants and old sneakers?

Cheap and trashy???  I have a degree or 2 and even graduated law school summa cum laude, and you can bet your red white and blue ass that I wore my share of stilettos to homecomings.  As I wrote in my book, there’s a reason why so many squadron babies are born nine months after homecoming. 

I applaud that woman, and I hope she and her husband enjoyed a marvelous homecoming.  Mine was usually so tired after flying halfway around the world that the first order of business was a long nap with the kids piled on top of him.  LOL.  But trust me, there was a joyous poignancy just in watching him sleep.

So many of our men and women never come home, except in a flag-draped coffin. We should all stand up and cheer for the ones who come home alive, and wearing fancy shoes while we do it is just frosting on the cake.

Jesus, can’t a bitch wear pretty shoes on a happy day? 

Seriously—to me, the picture was all about a woman greeting her husband after a long absence.  She wanted to look pretty, and dammit, she had the legs to do it.  Why go off and fight if you don’t have a damned good idea of what you’re fighting for?  I’m with you—I hope the sex was SPECTACULAR.  I hope military wives start a movement with pink fm stilettos that have ‘None of your business’ written up the sides of the heels, because if anybody deserves to look FABULOUS, make a first impression, and celebrate life in a big lusty HUMAN way, it would be someone who has waited 7 months to see her husband. 

But I’m not surprised at the ‘asexualization’ of the pundits.  In my experience (i.e., my high school staff room) the most easily offended people on the planet are the people who forget the basic animal human nature of our humanity.  Perhaps because women get constant physical reminders of our animal-human (menstruation, hormones, pregnancy, child-care etc.) we are less squeamish about announcing to the world that it exists, and that it deserves to be fed. 

Also (and this is fresh out of teaching Orwell, mind you), if her sailor is coming home with more on his mind than patriotism, that means he can’t put all his energy into defending his government, and DAMN IT, we can’t have that!

I quite like the photo, stickers and all. The fact that the stickers are still there tells me that she bought these just for the homecoming and was so anxious/excited to get there that she didn’t bother with the tags.

Alesia, I loved your line about your husband taking a nap under a pile of kids, what a lovely image to share.

Loved the photo– used to have a pair of similar style in pink dyed lizard skin. Those things hurt my feet. A lot. 

So where’s the sexy husband waiting for his wife picture?

I have to say, the only thing about the photo that bothers me is the price tag and size stickers on the undersides of her shoes.

Apart from that?

Love it.

Love the shoes themselves, think her tattoo’s cute, love the composition of the photo, love how personal it (and the caption) are (names), without actually showing us their faces, love the fact that it evokes that VJ-Day photo, love the fact that it is a happy photo, love the idea that she wanted to wear something special to welcome her husband home, but most of all, love the fact that her husband came home safe for her to celebrate. As a woman with a brother in the (British) Army, any celebration of boys in the Forces coming home, whatever form it takes, whether it’s a parade with speeches and a band, or a pair of new shoes and smexxing on the cards, is a good one in my book.

I like it. It’s great. I don’t know why any woman would feel embarassed about waiting expectantly for her husband to come home. If you love someone, it’s what you do for them.

Gawd .
Where’s the 4000 + photographs of the family members who pick up their returning military in coffins? Anyone want to pick on their shoes too?

In the big scheme of things what a non issue to choose to pick on. 

I"m glad her man came home safe and she was able to tart up for his homecoming!

As one who pretends to be a photographer at times, I think the photo is stunning, for several different reasons. It’s subjective, to be sure, but to me it certainly isn’t screaming cheap or classless or… anything negative.

I dare to ask, what if those shoes were navy, or black, or brown? Then what? Then nothing, I suppose. The photo might not have even been run, no one would talk about it. Just because those pumps are bold and sassy doesn’t mean a damn thing other than it makes a eye-catching picture. And what, degree’d professional women can’t wear shoes in bright colors? *snort*

I can’t speak for this woman, or any of the others who have been away from their men for a length of time while they serve, but I can say with pretty doggone certainty that I’d be dressing myself up and lookin’ my finest for my man when he steps off that ship. If that meant some cute little dress and hot pink heels, so be it.

Others might find a way to be offended, but I’m guessing her husband was not. Good for her.

That is a fabulous photograph.

I love you all.  Just wanted to say that.

That is a great picture!

Given the daily bombardment of depressing and heartbreaking news we see or read about the war or the economy, it’s heartwarming to see someone had something exciting to look forward to that day!

If I could pull those shoes off, I’d wear em too.

I think its a touching picture and makes me think of what a great homecoming they’ll have together. Who cares what we think about her shoes- its done for them, not for us.

Still wish I could pull off that look tho. I just end up looking like a boy in drag.

I think the photo’s great—hot and sweet at the same time. (Yes, take the stickers off). But even with the stickers it’s just a great image. Even the way she’s standing says anticipation, nerves, joy.

It works beautifully for me.

I see nothing cheap or trashy. I have an ankle tattoo myself, and never thought of it as cheap or trashy either. Hers is cute.

And I hope her sailor lifted her right out of those hot pink shoes with the first embrace.

~But trust me, there was a joyous poignancy just in watching him sleep.~

Awww. This actually made my eyes sting.

It’s only tacky if the shoes don’t match the dress.

Love the picture, the composition is fabulous, and it tells such a story in one image.  I hope their homecoming was memorable.

I didn’t realize that once I earned my degree, I had to give up the FM pumps, dammit.  Why don’t the guidance counselors tell you these things in high school????

Want to say that I think the stickers make the picture.  There’s something a little awkward and touching about that.

Award-winning photo, IMO.  Vivid, well-composed, tells a very complex and human story without anyone saying a word.    I hope they had an excellent homecoming.  Cheers to them. 

It’s only tacky if she tries to return the shoes after she’s worn them.  ;-)

Jesus, can’t a bitch wear pretty shoes on a happy day?

Well, that pretty much summed up my reaction to the anti-pink-shoes brigade.

On another note, my first reaction was, “Awwww, how sweet.”

I love the picture, and I love the sentiment in evokes.  Having been deployed and come home to find my man dressed up and waiting for me at the tarmack, I can say without doubt those shoes tell the entire story.  The rush of the day coming, the excitement about having someone to wear something pretty for again, the joy of knowing you’ll be able to be naked with your lover, the sights and sounds of others going through the same thing (even though it’s just like in that picture—hazy and out of focus, because at that time, it’s all about you and finding him), the knowledge that things are different, YOU are different, HE is different, but now it’s time to relearn each other and live again.

Anybody who wants to criticize that lady’s shoes should walk a mile in ‘em.

Also, I was squinting at the tag to see if I could tell what brand they were, because they’re cute!

Alesia~I LOVE how you expressed your feelings about this.  I have never been in your shoes (pun totally not intended!) but I’ve read enough milblogs and spouseblogs to have read about those crazy days leading up to homecoming.  A good friend of mine was late picking up her hubby because they kept changing the time and the last change said “they’ll be at the airport in 45 minutes!!” She lives an hour from the airport!!  I think she was glad to have her and the kids dressed and out the door in 5 minutes!!

I like the picture because it’s joyful to me. She’s waiting for her man and you can tell by the way she’s standing that she can hardly wait to see him.  I bet her man LOVED those shoes. 

Alesia and hubby~thanks for your service.

Oh, and the book Alesia mentioned is called “Emails to the Front” and I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants at some parts. Then in others I was dabbing at tears.  The email about artificial nipples still makes me giggle.

Loved the photo…damn, wish I had her ankles!

The stickers made the whole thing so human…we’ve all done that one!

I think it’s great!

1. I love this photo, for both its artistry and the joyous homecoming it represents.

2. I, too, find it interesting how many of the commentators on the original photo (not the Bitchery) were trying to desexualize the homecoming. Is that because they (subconsciously) want to distance it from the highly sexual cliches attached to the Navy (“spending money like a drunken sailor on leave” or “a girl in every port”)?

3. I think her tattoo is super-cute.

AgTigress, many Americans no longer wear nylons *at all*. Not to the office, not to the White House, not ever.

I’m in Canada and I haven’t seen nylons on anyone under 60 in five years. And it gets cold here.

Did anyone else want to take the esteemed professor from Old Dominion aside, slap him, and yell, “Snap out of it!”

Seriously—that photograph is all about anticipation and joy.  To try to overintellectualize it devalues the emotion.

And I’m with Nadia—I didn’t realize my degrees meant I had to give up the FM shoes.  If I had to give up the degree or the shoe wardrobe, I know which one would be going.  :)

I believe those are a pair of shoes I’m waiting to buy when they go on sale at a local store.  I recognize the color.

I see nothing cheap or tasteless about this photo.  The composition is incredible and the color of the shoes makes it stunning.  And since when are bright pink pumps tarty?  They’re cute, depending on whether her outfit matches.

As for the bare legs with heels someone pointed out, Norfolk Naval Station is in Virginia.  It’s summer, she’s waiting outside, hose would would get really uncomfortable fast.  She wants to look nice, not like an itchy sweaty mess.

The sticker, while it detracts some from the overall photo, definitely does not cause her to look cheap.  It shows that instead of wearing any old pair of heels she went out and bought a new pair.  You buy new heels for special occasions.  She might have even bought that color specifically to match an outfit she found and thought perfect.

Some people like to complain about anything.

I agree with Melani that the photo would likely have been no big deal if the shoes were a more conservative color and that really bites.  Maybe the woman just likes pink.  Or maybe she chose the color in order to make it easier for her guy to find her in the crowd.  Every picture I’ve ever seen of a returning ship looked like a total mad house and I can see wanting to do something that would cut down on the time it took to connect.  In any case folks really need to find better things to do with their time than criticize people who are already dealing with more than enough.

I had a mixed reaction to this photo:

1) I like it because, as was mentioned above, it’s just an example of skilled photography.

2) I like it because, as was also mentioned above, I find it problematic to ignore or deny the sexuality of these homecomings. This photo foregrounds it, and doing so is not in and of itself a “negative” or “sexist” thing to do.

3) I hesitate because I have always had an issue with the fragmentation of women’s bodies in photographs. Usually in the context of marketing and advertising, so, my issues might not fit this particular context. However, I have always found this (common) practise troubling because it a) negates the complexity of women’s identity, and b) situates that identity firmly in the body at the expense of the mind.

HOWEVER, that is not to say that women are not sexual beings. We are, and should be recognised as such. And female sexual identity should be affirmed. It’s only when that identity is presented at the exclusion of others that it causes me to pause.

In this particular case, though, when we’ve been talking about how sexuality is either ignored or denied in the context of these homecomings, perhaps a photo that focuses exclusively on this aspect is a positive thing?

Oh, complex reactions! At least they make me think!

The pink shoes tell a story.  The ankle tattoo and price sticker make it Jenny’s Story.

It’s all in the details.  The photographer knew this.

Jesus, can’t a bitch wear pretty shoes on a happy day? 

Good one Amy.  I think it’s a fun picture.  But sweetie, the stickers really must go.  Then again, I pick the brand labels off my jeans (if manufacturers want their advertising on my ass, they can pay me not vice versa).  Personally love my high heels, and finally bought $150 arch supports so I could keep wearing them.

Anyway, what did they want the woman to wear while greeting her long absent hubby?  Baggy sweat pants and flip flops…maybe Birkenstocks? Oh, welcome home honey (not). Yesh. 

IMO there is an American epedemic of underdressed women.  My son graduated from high school last week.  At the ceremony, there were significant numbers of women/parents wearing jeans & sweat shirts…some were overheard saying that was all they owned. Can we 86 them from the female sex? 

All the students were wearing matching caps and gowns, so what did I check out while they were walking?  The cute shoes of course!  Afterwards, I congradulated the appropriate girls on their excellent taste in footwear…and graduation too!

As a former newspaper photographer, all I could think was that it was a great shot. It conveys emotion and captures a moment that won’t ever happen again. I bet it’ll win awards, as I think it should! The sticker is funny - I’m sure she had no idea there’d be some photographer lying on the ground behind her. Bet she takes ‘em off next time! And yeah,

Jesus, can’t a bitch wear pretty shoes on a happy day?

PS - you guys are awesome!

it’s been a while since a post made me weepy and proud and glad to be female all at one time ... everything that Alesia Holliday said was all that needed to be said. She’s my hero now….

(and hats off to anyone who’s ever waited for a ship to come in with their returning warrior—- no matter what they were wearing at the time)

AgTigress, many Americans no longer wear nylons *at all*. Not to the office, not to the White House, not ever.

I know.  ;)  The same is true here in many social circles.  That is why I emphasised that I am elderly (as well as a foreigner), so that my bad-taste meter is triggered by things that may not raise an eyebrow amongst younger people. 

It’s interesting that the price-stickers are a troubling issue for some people:  that does not bother me in the least - in fact, I think it is rather sweet, emphasising the fact that the shoes are being worn for the first time on this momentous occasion.

I do think it is a classic photograph, which will probably still be famous many years from now.

codeword:  ‘woman82’;  well, I am not 82 yet.

It’s a great photo. I honestly wouldn’t have thought about/noticed the stickers if they hadn’t been pointed out, but now that they have been, I think the newness of the shoes is really poignant and sweet. And the heart tattoo on her ankle is like a caption to the whole thing. Pretty, sexy, legs crossed in anticipation, new shoes, great composition—it’s a great art shot.

You know, there are times when I get tired of sex, sex, everywhere, but this is not one of them. He just came back from war, for Christ’s sake. Bring on the life-affirming nookie. I hope she keeps the shoes on.

Alesia, you just made me get all misty and teary at work.

*sniff*

I love her shoes, stickers and all.

I love the photo. And to me, it conveys a lot of things. On the surface it’s a wife who wants to look hot for her hubby coming home, on a joyful and sunny day.

But I also see it as poignant. I see tentativeness and nervousness too—in the crossed legs, and yes, in the price sticker, which speaks to being anxious to look her best and buying a brand new pair of shoes to make sure she does. I picture her going shopping, picking out the dress, making sure her tan looks good. I picture her shaving that morning and putting on the new shoes. Spending minutes in front of the mirror. Fixing her hair and makeup. She loves him, she’s missed him, now he’s home. She’s jiggling with impatience, ready to see him.

I love it. I hope it wins awards. It should.

Hah. My submit word is national12.

Alesia Holliday,

Your post, the entire thing…right on. Standing ovation, m’dear.

I loved the photo on sight. My man isn’t in the military, but my dad was and I know plenty of people whose spouses are ATM or were. Thank the Lord for every single one of them.

As for the pic itself and it’s implications…I thought it was all things sassy and fun.

BTW, really nice post, SBSarah.

I love this photo. It’s perfect in every way for the article and the situation, IMO.

AgTigress, the thing that makes me crazy (and I see it all the time, even in ads for major department stores) is nylons worn with open toes shoes. T*A*C*K*Y

open toe. toe. not toes. where to those damn extra letters come from, and why do I only see them after I hit submit?

What does this photo say about the woman in it? She missed her man and she’s going to show him exactly how much she missed him as soon as she gets him home. Probably while still wearing those shoes.

What does this photo say about the photographer? Clearly he’s a leg man with a good photographer’s eye for a striking image.

What does this photo say about all the people who are upset about it? They need to get some. Really.

Once again we’re reminded that we are still a weirdly conflicted society when it comes to sex. Women with degrees and careers = not sexy. Women with good legs and hot pink shoes = not smart. The worst part is that this point of view seems to be more prevalent among women - and a specific class of women - than it is among men. The whole sex thing upsets this particular type of woman more than it did my high school physics nun, who told anyone who would listen that a girl should “experience men” before even considering giving them up to become a nun.

Someday our society at large is going to get that you can be smart, have degrees out the wazoo AND wear really sexy hot pink shoes. This I believe. . .

I love the photo. I think it ‘s a very emotional and special photo.
I am a military wife an a service member as well. When my husband returned from deployment last year I sincerely thought about what I would wear and how he would see me for the first time in a long time.
Once again we are faced with deployment in the next month and I imagine it will be the same again. You are seperated from your other half for long periods of time and you want to conect again. Men are very visual and why not dress up? I do.
I have seen so many military home comings, happy to see my comrads return and been part of them as well. It is amazing how those first few moment off the aircraft can be burned in your mind forever.
That lucky sailor will have the picture of his wife in hot pink sexy shoes! That is a lucky man.

It’s a pair of shoes!  What’s the big deal?

Absolutely absurd. That is a fabulous photograph. If my man was coming home from a seven month deployment I’d be wearing the shoes and nothing else. And dare somebody to say something. That woman has earned the right to celebrate her husband’s homecoming any way she pleases.

As an aside, I’ve got quite a few degrees myself and I own a very similar dress. What’s worse, I wear them with an exact replica of Marilyn Monroe’s ‘Seven Year Itch Dress.’

Of course, that should be similar shoes.

As a military member who went on a year-long deployment, I would juts like to say I would’ve loved to have my boyfriend/husband/whatever greet me all dressed up. But I was newly single and my friend who picked me up was in her work clothes: BDUs. It was awesome to see her, but I would’ve loved to be swept up in a hug like my friend Kip when his wife saw him. And yes, all the family members were dressed up.

My sister wears nice clothes when her husband (he’s in the Navy) returns from his deployments and she would probably kill to wear those shoes for him. People need to lighten up. And I like the sticker-it makes her seem human!

If my man was coming home from a seven month deployment I’d be wearing the shoes and nothing else. And dare somebody to say something. That woman has earned the right to celebrate her husband’s homecoming any way she pleases.

I couldn’t agree more.  I bet her fella liked those shoes, and who else really matters?  She was wearing them for him.

As a former Navy wife, I can say that I wore similarly sexy clothes when my first husband (whom I still care for) returned from a six-month deployment.  Man and wife + apart six months = want sex. 

Pink shoes are part of it.

The young woman has great legs, a wonderful tan, a very cute tat ... so what is wrong with that?  Lucky sailor who comes home to such a woman! 

IMO, some women simply want to degrade such charm because they don’t have it themselves.

I like the picture, and the stickers are my favorite part.  That little aspect says so much about buying something new and special, being rushed to get all the welcome home details done—it’s just great.

Actually, I liked the Old Dominion professor’s connection of this to mythic images like Penelope waiting patiently for Odysseus.  I think he has an excellent point.  I feel sorry for the letter-writer who felt that this photo somehow cast aspersions on military wives or devalued her professional degrees and standing.

By the way, I loved this
[
quote]you can bet your red white and blue ass that I wore my share of stilettos to homecomings

and this

We should all stand up and cheer for the ones who come home alive, and wearing fancy shoes while we do it is just frosting on the cake.

Thanks Alesia.

Dear Sarah,
I knew you would create a great article about the PINK SHOES photo and the local reactions to it! Thank you. I believe that those who responded negatively did so more because it appeared on the top of the front page of the paper that day. There were more “traditional” photos with the article on pages 10-11—with children, parents and children embracing, one couple hugging and kissing, and one of a wife’s back with a new tattoo of an anchor with a heart and “Sailor” in cursive below it.
Kay

AgTigress, the thing that makes me crazy (and I see it all the time, even in ads for major department stores) is nylons worn with open toed shoes. T*A*C*K*Y

LOL!  But I have just been told that Americans don’t wear nylons at all any more!  And I have observed that many youngsters in this country seldom wear them these days - though they will often wear much hotter and more constricting garments on the hottest days.  I think the younger generation must have amazingly tough skin;  I cannot wear anything other than a house-slipper on a naked foot for more than about an hour without getting blisters.

Details like this really do send different messages in different cultures:  in England, white stiletto-heeled shoes have a whole heap of associations, especially when worn on bare feet.  Red and hot pink shoes, perhaps surprisingly, are not bywords in the same way.  I think the shoes, in themselves, are pretty, and as people have said, the lady has great ankles.

The variety of reactions, even amongst the Americans here, is instructive, and shows how dangerous it is to assume that visual imagery works in the same way and conveys the same messages to all viewers.

Oh for fuck’s sake, I could deconstruct that photo much better than the stuffy old professor did. Grrargh. (But I won’t. I started to, but I won’t, because if I’m gonna go academic, I really do have other things I should be working on.)

Those shoes did not look cheap and trashy to me.  They looked like something only a truly confident woman could carry off.  She clearly wanted to look fine for her man—who quite likely got hold of a small bouquet of flowers for her before leaving the ship. 

I’ve seen plenty of homecoming footage and sailors nearly always have a handful of roses for their ladies.  How come no one is offended by that image of “bribery?” 

It is an arresting shot, and I suppose only a tight-ass would find it offensive.

On the other end of the spectrum it’s going to be a fav with foot fetishists.

Forget them.  There is a bigger issue here. 

The thing that REALLY matters—-

Her hubby is home safe, and I hope that they have a fantastic time together.

Hope it’s OK if I go off on a bit of a tangent, but the issue of cultural differences was raised, so I hope this isn’t too off-topic. In the course of a discussion over at Dear Author Robin wrote that “As for pedicures and fake tans — that’s the stuff of every CA strip mall, meaning cheap nail and tanning salons are EVERYWHERE”. A couple of people have mentioned the woman in the photo’s “tan”. I assumed that was her natural skin-colour. So in the parts of the US where it’s normal to either get very tanned naturally, or to use a tanning salon, is it normal for white people to get quite this tanned? Or is it just that the pixels in my aged monitor are making everything look darker than they are on other people’s computers?

A couple of people have mentioned the woman in the photo’s “tan”. I assumed that was her natural skin-colour. So in the parts of the US where it’s normal to either get very tanned naturally, or to use a tanning salon, is it normal for white people to get quite this tanned?

Yes, it is normal. Tanning season begins here in April, if the weather is warm enough; there are also lots of tanning salons. However, Candice’s legs don’t look that dark to me in my copy of the newspaper.

Kay

I love the picture.  It’s the type of thing that, if I were a sailor’s wife instead of a soldier’s wife, I’d try to buy a print of.

Secondly, I’m not a pink type of girl.  I’m a bright-ass, come eff me red type of girl.  I wonder how that would have gone over.

A few responses.

First, I love the picture. Love the shoes, love the composition—great pic all around.

Second, my only problem with the picture is hinted at in DS’s comment. Where’s the husband waiting for his wife? I know that the majority of military spouses are women, but I would like—just once!—to see a man waiting for his wife to be the iconic image. That OD professor’s comparison to the Odyssey put a bad taste in my mouth, b/c perpetuates the gender stereotypes that devalue women servicemembers’ participation in this war.

Third, about nylons in the US. It’s not that no one under age 50 wears them now. It has a lot to do with demographics. In certain parts of the South, for instance, I think they’re still expected for certain occasions. And FWIW, I think one major reason for their decline is the rise in open-toed formal shoes. Just a theory.

LOVE the picture, love the sentiment. This woman prettied herself up for her man, not because he expects it of her and his woman better look like he wants her to, but because she CHOSE to greet him in this manner. I think it shows her love (and yes, her lust) that she wanted to look good for him. Good for her.

AgTigress - What associations do bare legs with white stilettos have?  I am rather curious as I own a pair and usually wear them bare-legged since they are summer formal shoes, and I can’t stand hose in the heat.

confirmation word: play74 - I hope I’m as playful as Candice when I’m 74.

My first thought about the sticker—Military families with the main bread winner deployed often have a very difficult time financially and I hope she didn’t agonize over spending the money on them, because by Dog she deserves them.

If he came home in a casket she’d probably be wearing black shoes.  Her choice is the polar opposite—affirming life, love and happiness.  (IMO pink=happier than red)

The only thing I could say in favor of desexualizing the homecoming is that it’s hard enough on MANY MANY MANY couples.  To see that pictures gives people looking at it the idea that’s it’s “sexy times” as soon as that sailor gets home.  It’s time for kids and family.  And if you don’t have kids or other family around then it’s time to get the know the person before you bump uglies.

The funny thing is… they tell you NOT to get home and shag on the floor.  Why?  Main reason is that you’ve been away for so long and he/she has been through so much (possibly life threatening) that you REALLY need to get to know each other again.

To me the pink shoes scream “SEXAY TIMES!”  And not everyone wants or needs to see that at a homecoming.  You can look nice and make sure you look your best without making it sexual.  The first thing that should be in your mind is “Thank God they are home ALIVE” not “Do these pink shoes look hot?”

I don’t really care one way or another.  I just think it’s a stupid image to have up there.  The focus should have been on the men coming home.  Not on this stupid woman’s stupid shoes.

What associations do bare legs with white stilettos have?

They’re an Essex Girl accessory.

Still on the topic of footwear, someone mentioned Birkenstocks. They make them in a variety of colours, including bright pink.

Wow, Flo, talk about harsh.  None of us know nothing about this woman other than she cares enough about her husband and about seeing him for the first time in seven months to dress up.  For all we know, he loves her in hot pink.  Maybe it holds some special meaning for them.  Maybe she just wanted to look nice for her husband and who are we to judge in what way that desire manifests itself.

I live in Hampton Roads, my husband is currently deployed (for another 4 months) and I’ve been to many homecomings (7, at last count).  High heels, short skirts, fishnets and trench coats (with little or nothing underneath) have made their appearance on the piers over the years—in all kinds of weather—as have new babies, pregnant wives and girlfriends, proud parents and grandparents, and “life partners” who don’t ask and don’t tell—and don’t have to, because the pure joy reflected on their faces when they see their loves tells the story.

I saved the pink shoes picture—as well as one that was featured on the front page of the business section of the Virginian Pilot on the same day.  The business section featured a photo of Deborah Ransom, a 46 year old independent trucker, whose muscular arms flexed impressively as she pumped gas.  I think those two photos reflect different kinds of female strength—one woman who has put in seven months waiting for her husband, another woman trying to make ends meet in a very tough economy—and neither is offensive.

To anyone who finds the pink shoes offensive, I’d say walk a mile in them first.

Harsh… sure.  It’s my opinion.  If I had to go pick up my husband surrounded by high heeled chickies he’d ask ME why I wasn’t doing that.  Which would then create that awkward moment of “Shit I’m now inadequate compared to these other wives.”  Even if it’s just joking at that point you’re meeting again after a very long time apart so it’s hard to get back in your pattern of understanding jokes and real requests.

If you don’t think that happens after 6 months apart while he’s in a war zone… well you’re lucky then.

Maybe it is a special thing for them.  Deal is, it’s not just about them.  It’s about the entire unit getting home.  Trench coats, fishnets, I’ve seen it all.  And the more sexualized the person gets the more uncomfortable it is for others.  If you want sexy times.  Fine.  Go do it at home.  Where no one else has to see it.  Keep your private proclivities private.

I can honestly say that when I haven’t seen my husband for six months, I don’t really notice what anyone else is wearing or doing—I only have eyes for him.  Homecoming is a joyous occasion and service members (and their families) should be able to celebrate it whatever way they choose.  As long as it’s legal, of course. :) 

(Just an aside: If my husband ever said, “Why aren’t you wearing that,” he’d get left at the pier.  But I know he’s not looking at any other “chickie” but the one he married—and the one he’s going home with!)

So… they’re supposed to second guess what might make thousands of others feel uncomfortable and dress accordingly?

And I respectfully disagree that it’s not just about them, given what the other military spouses have said just on this board alone.  It seems as if for many of them, in that moment of homecoming, it is just about them—that the rest of the world fades away to the blurry background that picture depicted.

Dear Goddess…don’t people have bigger problems than other people’s shoes?  I sure as hell do.

Thinking more about the pink shoes in the photo, I’m wondering why they’re making everyone think about sex.  Whether I’d think of high heels as “sexy” would really depend on what was/wasn’t being worn with them, including what expression was on the wearer’s face. And possibly the style of the shoe, but in this case the shoes looked to me like a fairly normal pair of high heels, so to me they say “dressed up” but not “hyper-sexy.”

Maybe it’s because I associate high heels with Mrs Thatcher and 1950s fashion as much as with anything overtly raunchy.

You can bet your ass when my guy comes home from Iraq this winter, I’ll be in whatever shoes he likes best…spiky heels in the snow or Uggs!

And what a great picture overall!

Anything I say will pretty much echo the sentiments here, but as a former military wife (Marines thank you very much), this picture made me tear up remembering all the waiting and anticipation of my husband coming home. I think the photographer captured everything beautifully and it’s kinda cute that the tag is still there b/c taking it off was the last thing on her mind ;)

I love the picture. It’s a great shot of a very human moment anticipating joy. In the composition, there’s a lovely juxtaposition, too, between the pink and the whites and grays of the ship and its sailors.

I’m always slightly puzzled, though, at how much people see a single photo as representing more than it does. This is a photo of one moment; one woman out of thousands waiting for her husband. With 7,000 sailors returning on that ship, there’s probably 20,000+ people anxiously waiting for first glimpses of their loved ones.

It doesn’t matter whether Candice has a triple doctorate and squillions, or is from the wrong side of the tracks: her brand new pink shoes suggest joy and love for her husband, and I love catching a glimpse of that. If we had photos of those other 20,000+ plus people, there’d be a huge range of other moments, emotions, stories - some of which may share elements of Candice’s and John’s, others of which won’t - but each of them human and important. To read too much into a single photo probably says more about the commentator than the subject.

I wish we could all have pink-shoe moments of optimism, love, and joie de vivre!

I too am a military wife and loudly join in the rest of the chorus - the second you see your spouse coming off the plane/boat/etc. the rest of the universe just does NOT exist! It’s just you two. All the emotions come into play - happiness he’s home, gratefulness he’s home safe, terror and sadness at the coffins being unloaded and yes horniness that you’ll be able to sleep with him (whether it’s a long nap or passionate sex or any combination thereof)!

I tried on 4 different outfits, at least 5 pairs of shoes and ended up wearing an outfit he’d once told me made me look hot - AND HEELS (although they were blue, not pink). I couldn’t have cared less what other people wore and I seriously doubt they were looking at me thinking, “Oh Gosh, I’m so uncomfortable. Couldn’t that tramp wear something else?” They didn’t care and neither did I. I only wanted to see him.

Also, as a quick side note. Even in the desert or on ships, communications are a bit easier during seperations than they were in other wars. The guys usually have access to some form of email or vid-phones or telephone. I was able to “hear” from him at least once a week. So while we were thousands of miles apart and there were nights I cried my heart out (not letting the kids hear, of course) worrying for him, we were still able to talk to each other and that made it a bit more bearable.

Eve, a fellow military spouse

I love that picture.  It’s beautiful.  Not trashy.  Maybe you have to be away from your significant other to understand why someone would buy new, pink shoes and be a little bit nervous.
I agree.  I sure hope ALL the spouses who met their loved ones had a day, a night—hell, a WEEK—to kick their shoes off.

Hot damn, we’re alive!

That’s what the picture says to me.

Oh, for corn’s sake! 

I’m a professional photographer and I can tell you exactly what was going through that photographer’s head when he took that shot.  “Bright color!  Easy position for a cool depth of field shot!  Her ankles are even crossed cutely!  What a creative angle!  This is a great opportunity!”  He sprawled out on the ground with his camera in front of him and fired off a few frames.  At no point did any of the following cross his mind:  “I bet if I take this photograph, it will be interpreted as portraying military wives as cheep floozies who stand around waiting for their husbands, and that is precisely the image I wish to convey.” 

Nope, sorry.  That kind of forethought and planning and desire to convey a hidden message goes into studio shots, not into photojournalism, which is largely done on the fly.  The primary goal of any photojournalist is to illustrate true moments as they happen, and to appeal to your emotions by making you feel like you’re in the immediate situation.  They don’t plot out subversive ways to convey hidden messages to their viewers.

These people need to lighten up.  It’s a great shot.  I would love to have that in my portfolio.

God bless her pink-stilettoed, price tag wearing, tattooed heart!

The way her ankles are crossed, it makes me think she’s about to come out of her skin she’s so excited.

Our son serves on a fast attack submarine and recently got married. He’ll be leaving on deployment again in a few months. When he gets back, if his wife wants to wear pink stilettos to welcome him home, I’ll buy them for her myself!

What a shame that this woman is criticized for being happy her man is back safe. She’s more than earned the right to welcome him anyway she pleases by the sacrifices she’s made.

I wish every Sailor had someone waiting on the pier for them who was that glad to see them.

Picture of a woman?  It looks like an ad for shoes, or a not-terribly-original cover for yet another chick-lit saga about a woman with a fetish for expensive, uncomfortable footwear.  The WW2 picture showed two human beings embracing, not a pair of what my dad would’ve called toad-stickers.  Glad the lady’s husband made it home all right, but ... meh.

The thing I don’t like about the photograph is the awkwardness of the stance—it may be visually interesting to see the ankles crossed like that, but it doesn’t convey anything interesting to me about the human emotions behind the story (it doesn’t look like joy or anticipation and certainly doesn’t look sexy to me) and it just looks uncomfortable.

What a shame that this woman is criticized for being happy her man is back safe. She’s more than earned the right to welcome him anyway she pleases by the sacrifices she’s made.

I thought the criticism was directed at the newspaper for choosing to run this photo as the most prominent representation of the scene, not the woman for any reason.

I thought the criticism was directed at the newspaper for choosing to run this photo as the most prominent representation of the scene, not the woman for any reason.

Comments were made that the picture “conveys a message that military wives are cheap and trashy.”

You know what the photo says to me?

“Hot DAMN he’s HOME and I’m SO EXCITED I can barely restrain myself from running across the pier!”

We should all have a pair of cute sexy shoes to wear :) I’m not a military wife AT ALL (my partner’s a musician) but when we were separated last year (I moved across the country about a month before he could come), you can bet your ass I got dressed up, in my cute jeans and high heels, to go meet him at the train station!

It conveys a sense of thrill and excitement at the return of a loved one. People display it differently. To me the shoes, complete with stickers (and they look new, they’re not scuffed at all), tells me that she was excited and in a hurry and just wanted to get out there.  Good for her.

Everyone that’s got a negative opinion of it? *blows a raspberry*

“Everyone that’s got a negative opinion of it? *blows a raspberry*”

Well said…erm…well *sounded*

I was in the military for 12 years, my husband is, so is my brother and his wife, my father was, as did my husband’s father. I’ve been to a few departures and arrivals… And that picture froze a special moment that is, as the Bitchery often says, full of awesome and goodness.

As for the “pressures” and expectations pretty/sexy outfits and shoes create in others waiting for their loved ones, well, that’s a personal issue that they have to deal with. Plus, I’d be interested to know if those feelings of comparison and “inadequacy” aren’t really in themselves, you know, and have nothing to do with a girl in pretty pink shoes.

It’s unfortunate Candace was named because she’s being called cheap, tawdry and worse for everything from leaving the stickers on the shoes to having a tat.

Reading the comments, taking another look at the photo, I’m changing my mind about the stickers. I’m agreeing with those who said they show another level of her excitement.

It’s just a great shot. I like it more every time I look at it.

Re hose and heels. I only wear hose if I know it’s going to be cold. Re blisters: Slather feet in body lotion or hand cream before putting on those great pumps. It helps.

Great picture. I hope they had a wonderful reunion.

As for nylons - I won’t wear them unless I *have* to. The best invention I’ve come across recently are nylon footies that you can wear with pumps. They cover only the bottom of your foot and don’t show - preventing blisters!

That kind of forethought and planning and desire to convey a hidden message goes into studio shots, not into photojournalism, which is largely done on the fly.

But Libbie, a skilled photographer does this kind of thing ‘on the fly’ as a result of a combination of innate skill and experience:  the human brain can assess and weigh things up faster than any computer, and the fact that there has been no conscious planning, no conscious consideration of symbolism and sub-texts, does not mean that they are absent.  It simply means that the artist was good enough to hit the exact target without having to think about it.

We can all (I hope) agree that this is an outstanding, memorable photograph, and that it is a happiness to see military personnel returning safe and sound to their homes:  most other elements of the picture are seen through the filters of our individual generation, nationality, class, personal experience, and general cultural conditioning.

...in this case the shoes looked to me like a fairly normal pair of high heels, so to me they say “dressed up” but not “hyper-sexy.”
Maybe it’s because I associate high heels with Mrs Thatcher and 1950s fashion as much as with anything overtly raunchy.

Hear, hear - but we both see with British eyes.  High-heeled court shoes (Am. ‘pumps’) are traditionally regarded in our culture as quite formal wear:  bare legs are the ultimate in informality.  This is why the combination of stiletto heeled shoes - especially in a striking colour - with bare legs is a dislocation of what, in spoken language, one would call register.  It is the visual equivalent of being introduced to someone and saying, ‘How do you do?  I am so honoured to meet you!’ and following up in the same breath with, ‘Cor, mate, it ain’t ‘alf ‘ot today, innit?’  There is nothing wrong with either form of conversation, but it is a solecism to mix them.

To me, the shoes, even in pink, go with stockings and a tailored suit with a skirt:  the bare legs go with flat sandals and a full-skirted summer dress.  But I cannot emphasise too strongly that the implications strike people quite differently according to their culture and background.  We are all well aware (or should be) that the social messages of clothing are read quite differently in different quarters.  This is not a case of right or wrong, but simply of instinctive response. 

Although it was published quite a while ago (1981) I would still strongly recommend Alison Lurie’s The Language of Clothes on this subject - witty and accurate.  And Laura, it occurs to me that, though I enthusiastically wore stiletto heels when they were first fashionable in the late 1950s, it may have been that Thatcher association that caused me to give up wearing any high heels around, oh, about 1979 or so…
;-)

Re hose and heels. I only wear hose if I know it’s going to be cold. Re blisters: Slather feet in body lotion or hand cream before putting on those great pumps. It helps.

Bodyglide.  It’s the same stuff that long distance runners and competitive cyclists use to prevent chafing and blisters.  Never go to Nationals without it.  :-)

I didn’t realize heels and bare legs weren’t more or less usual in GB as they are in the US. It’s interesting.

I’ll second AgTigress’s recommendation of Alison Lurie’s The Language of Clothes (I read a revised edition, from 1992).

it may have been that Thatcher association that caused me to give up wearing any high heels around, oh, about 1979 or so…
;-)

I can’t hear the phrase “you know” used now without thinking about Tony Blair. I bet he wouldn’t have imagined that could be part of his “legacy.”

I didn’t realize heels and bare legs weren’t more or less usual in GB as they are in the US. It’s interesting.

The more time I spend on boards/sites with lots of US posters, and the more romances I read by US authors, the more I realise how very, very different the US and UK are. Not that I think I’m in any way representative of the norm in the UK (I’m not sure who would be), but there’s quite a lot of cultural background which people of the same nationality might share (even if they have different opinions about it), and there’s a lot of it that I wouldn’t ever have thought twice about until I came into contact with Americans.

This just made me grin ‘cause it reminded me of a family story:  In 1944 my sailor father invited my mom, to whom he was engaged, to take the train to NY and join him at the commissioning of a new aircraft carrier.  My mom (may she rest in peace) was a good girl, and assured my worried grandmother that she’d stay at a cousin’s house so there was no hanky-panky.

50 some years later I learned my mom bribed her cousin, checked into a hotel with my dad, and didn’t come up for air for three days.

Hot pink shoes send a positive statement of “Dang, I’m glad your home, sailor boy!”  I just hope someday we’ll see the shot of some stud wearing a leopard print thong and a long stemmed rose between his teeth, waiting for his sweetie to finish her tour of duty and return home to his arms.

The more time I spend on boards/sites with lots of US posters, and the more romances I read by US authors, the more I realise how very, very different the US and UK are.

This is so very true.  I have a fair number of good American friends, both there and here;  I have been reading American books for more than 50 years;  I have visited the USA more than a dozen times, including one stay of four months.  I still get caught out by words, turns of phrase, attitudes, beliefs and assumptions that startle me by their sheer unfamiliarity. 

Of course, at my age, there are many things about young Brits that startle me, too!  As you say, Laura, it is simply not possible to pin down who is ‘representative’ of any culture.  But it behoves all of us to be cautious in our judgements and to be aware of our own cultural conditioning.

The stickers on the bottom of the shoes are the best part of that picture. As moving as the images of homecomings are on tv, you can’t possibly understand the undercurrents of emotion that are present. If Candice is anything like me, she had spent the previous days with one thought running through her mind, “I am going to puke.” Mundane thoughts like removing those stickers wouldn’t have even crossed her mind. It’s pretty common for women to spend the few weeks leading up to a homecoming putting a great deal of thought into what they are going to wear that day. A lot of us look remarkably different at homecomings than we did when our spouses left. Some women pass the time by embracing a fitness goal and work hard to look fabulous on that pier or parade deck or tarmac. Some of us go from rail thin to 9 months pregnant or from 9 months pregnant to mother for the first time. Both of which I did during my husband’s vacations in Iraq. For many of us, we just want the first image our spouses’ see to be a perfect one. Maybe for Candice’s husband, those hot pink stiletto pumps are perfection. Who the hell is anyone to degrade her for that? I’m sure those same people would have thought my skirt was too short the first time I welcomed my husband back from Iraq. I’m sure I also wouldn’t have given a crap and the idea that I should dress down or contain my enthusiasm because someone else’s husband is an asshole is laughable. All the name calling and degrading of this woman over her shoes only makes me thinks that some people wish they had the legs or the balls to pull off hot pink pumps.