Bitchin' Blog Posts
Moonlight: In Haiku
by SB Sarah | October 04, 2007 | Thursday at 6:50 pm | 15 CommentsWhile feeding Baba o’Riley, I bonded with my DVR over Moonlight. SO many of you have written in to tell me how gawdawful bad this show is. It really was Law & Order: Vampire Unit with bonus extra dark wet cement shots, plus boiler room.
You are all right. It’s so bad, I had to break out the haikus.
In parallel world
without police procedure
comes the show “Moonlight.”
The heroine
walks barefoot through a crime scene
in first ten minutes.
Already I knew:
level of writing? Of the
highest caliber.
And by “caliber,”
somewhere between LKH
and Cassie Edwards.
Gloves? We don’t need them.
Fearless, we break and enter
and touch everything!
The police? Morons.
Dead girl’s computer? Still here.
Blood-soaked jewelry, too.
Let us not forget
bountiful cliché buffet!
So many, I’m dizzy.
And the heroine?
Poor man’s U.S. Kate Winslet.
Only not as good.
The hero? Mullet!
Mullet, mullet, mullet, and
a shitload of angst.
Plus a twelve-inch plate
‘cause he’s the first in line at
the cliché buffet.
(Seriously, y’all.
I am dumbfounded at the
dumbass monologue.
I could have written
a better script while high on
sixteen percocets.)
Jason Dohring can’t
make eye contact - how the hell
is that called “acting?”
In sum, I would say:
what an overwrought angst-fest.
DVR? More please!
Series recording!
I need the laugh therapy.
Yes, it is quite bad.
But the value of
unintentional humor
cannot be measured.
Christine Merrill said on 10.04.07 at 07:52 PM • [comment link]
And yet, not bad as
Bionic Woman. (But which
made better lunch box).
Beth said on 10.04.07 at 07:54 PM • [comment link]
Okay, so I haven’t seen ‘Moonlight’ yet because we’re outside the U.S., but please don’t tell me Jason is that bad. I love love loved him on ‘Veronica Mars’. He’s the only thing that would tempt me to see this show, although it doesn’t sound like it’s enough.
looked53…not yet, anyway.
Madeleine said on 10.04.07 at 08:32 PM • [comment link]
He really is that bad. I liked him on VM too (mostly), but everyone on Moonlight is pretty terrible.
Helen said on 10.04.07 at 09:41 PM • [comment link]
I’m blaming the craptastic writing. Jason can’t make eye contact because he’s embarassed to be there.
Still a cutie.
Marta Acosta said on 10.04.07 at 09:52 PM • [comment link]
Men writing this show
Couldn’t find a clever line
with a vamp P.I.
Carrie Lofty said on 10.04.07 at 11:13 PM • [comment link]
And watching while on 16 percocets couldn’t hurt. Made me laugh.
Jessica D said on 10.05.07 at 12:11 AM • [comment link]
Hee hee hee. Excellent snarkage, though the U.S. Kate Winslet is actually a Brit—Sophia Myles, real-life girlfriend of my imaginary boyfriend The Doc—um, David Tennant.
AnimeJune said on 10.05.07 at 12:49 AM • [comment link]
I seem to be the only person who genuinely enjoyed the show, *lol* because I’m pretty much: “He’s a vampire. A HOT vampire - logic is already out the window.”
Plus, mullet or not - Alex O’Loughlin’s pretty. So very, very pretty. Hey, one amazing-looking guy is already the only reason I watch Grey’s Anatomy anymore (oh Patrick Dempsey…that ship is sinking fast).
I saw the show. I didn’t notice the lack of logic - again, I thought “vampires. Pretty vampires. I’m pretty much good.” Plus, the romance vibe seemed very Beauty and the Beast - another show lacking in any form of realism WHATSOEVER (a secret city in the New York sewer system?) that was still awesome.
My Moonlight Haiku:
The Food Pyramid
States that a serving of cheese
Is good for your diet
Gorgeous bloodsuckers
And romance are tasty
Velveeta - Yum yum!
I enjoy Moonlight.
If I wanted artistry,
I would watch “Angel.”
Qadesh said on 10.05.07 at 02:56 AM • [comment link]
Just like I can’t overlook the WTF moments in books, I couldn’t overlook them in this one either. Do they think that we don’t have a brain? That’s got to be it. And damn if I’m not disappointed, I’m still in Buffy/Angel withdrawal.
As for Sophia Myles, if you want to see her in another vampire role, she’s in Underworld.
As for some fab new shows, check out Reaper on the CW and Chuck on NBC. Funny, entertaining, good casts, all around better than Moonlight.
Chrissy said on 10.05.07 at 04:59 AM • [comment link]
That ain’t no vampire. That’s a surfer dude.
Amelia "Fuckheady Bitchipants" Elias said on 10.05.07 at 10:02 PM • [comment link]
God, now I want to gather my snarkiest friends, some beer, and loads of these episodes and MST3K the shit out of it. SO. BAD!
SB Sarah said on 10.05.07 at 10:05 PM • [comment link]
I am watching the rest of the season so long as it lasts, so bring it on, AE.
Angela said on 10.08.07 at 05:17 AM • [comment link]
I watch this show only to watch, and mock, and laugh. It’s so bad when I sit it side by side not only with Angel, but other vampire TV shows on now and in the past. I mean…Dark Shadows was better than Moonlight. Port Charles was better than this show!
Jason was bad. He looks completely out of place as a supposedly badboy vampire, particularly because the character is Logan, redux and Jason looks like a high school student.
And I do not find the lead hot at all. Ugh. He looks like Scott Speedman’s less attractive cousin.
Randi said on 10.09.07 at 04:12 AM • [comment link]
oh, oh, bloody hell
senior moment I have had
thinking Moonlighting
Equally awful
with pretty Cybil Shepard
twixt the two, ew
Charlotte Boyett-Compo said on 11.12.07 at 07:54 AM • [comment link]
I have almost all of O’Loughlin’s movies and he’s a very good actor given the *write* script. Obviously the hacks on Moonlight ain’t it.
It’s a shame because the guy is great looking. Rent or buy Oyster Farmer or Invisible and if you have a strong stomach, Feed.
Add a Comment
Sorry, comments are now closed for this post.