Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Why do I insist on trying to drink and read the man-titty posts at the same time? It never ends well.

For some reason the devil in purple pants reminds me of SNL skit, done by Mike Myers and I forget who else, called Sprockets (I think).  I don’t know, maybe it is just me.

The fartographer seems to carry his own personal jet pak under his skin, just west of the armpit there.  Perhaps his own form of personal propulsion?

Mr. Illegal Motion seems to be stoned. The way he’s looking at the viewer, there’s a bit of “Oh . . . whoa . . . dude . . . another one? Oh-kay . . . you got the stuff, right?”

(apologies for ellipsis abuse)

The Dance with the Devil snark made me choke on my soda—for the second time today, thank you very much. He looks like a male stripper at a club for underage Goth girls.

Auuugh. Kids. Don’t look at man-titty within an hour of having eaten. Oh, the cramps. They’ll kill you.

Oh, I totally screwed up my hybrid romance/literary story! I had the shirt unbuttoned AND untucked. Stupid, stupid me! How the hell would THAT book ever sell?

A cape with no shirt???

There are no words.

Is it just me, or does Mr. Illegal Motion look like Dylan McDermott got attacked by a home perm kit?

Something about the coloring and soft focus of the last cover makes it look like erotica by Madeleine L’Engle.  There are corners of our minds that we just don’t need to visit.

I fear for the cat’s safety in that last one.  Run from the fart cloud, kitty, run!

Anything with Sharon Green’s name on the cover makes me want to wash my eyes with bleach.

Mr. Dashing & Dangerous looks like he’s wearing a wig that is sliding off his head.  That hairline is creepy.

heh. My word is “develop18”. It was a little earlier than that.

Ya know, considering men want women with perky breasts, does it follow that women want men with firm mantitty?  Cause that Devil dude has a serious case of saggy manboobs.

My word is friends84.  His friends need to tell him that saggy boobs are a “bad thing.”

I kept expecting Olivia Newton John to step into the cover of Illegal Motion and start belting out “Let’s Get Physical”.

By the gods!!  What have the “Dashing & Dangerous” folks done to Xander!?

Oh my God, it is Xander!  Well, you know he han’t worked much since Buffy.  Has to earn his pennies somehow.

(Is it weird I nearly typed ‘penis’ there?)

Actually, I don’t see an overabundance of mantitty on him.  But the hair?  I think it’s longer than mine.  And that…is not a good thing.

Am I dancing with the Devil…or Freddie Mercury?

If Freddie were still around, I totally think he would wear that outfit.

MT - yes, I thought it was Dylan McDermott too! Red spandex and a wet curly mullet? The poor abused man should sue!

Though all are good, the last is my favorite. I believe you SB’s have missed an important element. See how the title so perfectly links with the image, and describes the hero’s impressive farting range. From windy whispers to shadowy shouts.

This man is talented. He could win a contest.

—Is it just me, or does Mr. Illegal Motion look like Dylan McDermott got attacked by a home perm kit?—

It isn’t just you. Lawd.

They missed the boat on the last title. It ought to be called: “Windy Whispers, Trouser Coughs.”

Got the tagline right, though: “From out of the darkness comes death . . .” No kidding. Looks like mustard gas.

“impressive farting range”—great one Nora!

Re: WW, SS

All I can say is, that poor cat.  Couldn’t they just have the vet euthanize it humanely while they held its paw?  And why kill it just because its ears are on the side of its head?  Surely it can still lead a productive life.

Why do I have this horrible feeling that the guy from “Wind Whispers” and big, gay Dracula are all on their way to a Halloween party at Sigfreid and Roy’s house?

Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Illegal Motion.

What’s with the proportions on faux-Dylan, there? I’m wondering just how his left arm got so stretched out. the overall unreal quality makes me wonder if he’s computer generated.

Mr. Wind Whisperer appears to have some frightful cameltoe.

The spontaeneous farting into existence bit kills me.  I love the look on his face, to me it says ‘I’m here bitches, what did you expect.  Yee-ah’  Is his belt buckle a heart?  Is that some kind of cosmic condom on his right fist?  He looks to me like Val Kilmer at his smarmiest.  I bet he named that fart cloud strawberry sunrise and talks about it to hit on women half his age.  Wow I find myself really disliking that guy.

I’m so glad I’m not the only one seeing a faux Dylan.  As for the rest, there are no words.

I know better than to eat while reading cover snarks…but lunch & spontaneous farting into existence…I may have hurt myself on that one.

False advertising complaint, STG they are all batting for the other team.  Like Harlequin, romance covers in general seriously need new cover models…and artists.

Inquiring minds and all that…specifically shelving practices.  Used the computer yesterday at Borders, looked up gay & serious erotica authors…they are shelved in Self Help/Sex section in the non-fiction section.  Why isn’t this stuff in romance or literature?

My word saying69

My goodness! Devil man’s mantitty is so sharp, I swear that his poor heroine is going to be impaled in the eye. “When Blindness and Shirtlessness Meet”

What is up with senor Dance with the Devil’s belt? Does he moonlight as a mover? For reals, no one needs a belt that wide. Especially not anyone who doesn’t need a shirt.

Candy: Folks, I think we have our first case of somebody spontaneously farting himself into existence, startling and astounding all nearby wildlife.

*laugh*spew*guffaw*cough*gasp*choke*die*

Amy E regrets that she cannot be here to comment tonight.  We hope that she will soon recover from her retinas spontaneous mutiny and abandonment whilst she was laughing herself into a stroke.

(seriously, though, is that a cat or a ferret with deformed ears?  wtf IS that thing?  besides in severe danger of suffocation?)

Self Help/Sex section

Borders has a masturbation section?

Do they hand out Kleenex? or do you have to bring your own?

Yes erotica & gay lit is shelved in non-fiction, far away from romance, literature, fantasy, and even the African American author section.  As I recall it’s in the self help section, on a subsection/shelf called Sex/Recovery & Erotica.  Go figure, I can’t.

So, who decides which erotica is shelved in romance, and which gets shelved in Sex/Recovery?  And, if gay lit is shelved seperately, why is yaoi shelved in Manga?  Yesh, how’s a reader to navigate modern bookstores?  I get so frustrated.

Teddy…Maybe that answers why this section is in the back corner by the bathrooms…bring your own kleenex.  This particular Borders has an interesting vibration in the floor, maybe it’s…stimulating?

Honestly,

I have hated the way book stores and libraries have categorized books for years now.

Fantasy stuck in the sci-fi

Romance stuck in the fantasy

All because the author wrote and is known for x even if the book is z.

Thank god for on line purchasing.

Mr. Dashing & Dangerous looks like he’s in a coma. Drug induced, perhaps. And vaguely smarmy. Not words I necessarily associate with Dashing—perhaps “slightly runny” is more apt, a’la Terry Pratchett.

Dance with the Devil dude looks slightly like Anthony Bourdain with massive mantitties and a cheap wig. Now I seriously need to fetch eyeball bleach! *shakes head to clear it*

Folks, I think we have our first case of somebody spontaneously farting himself into existence, startling and astounding all nearby wildlife.

That has to be the FUNNIEST thing I’ve read in weeks. My cheeks hurt now, and I think I pulled a muscle.

Dance with the Devil dude looks slightly like Anthony Bourdain with massive mantitties and a cheap wig.

Wow.  Way to ruin “No Reservations” for me, Kaite.  My only consolation is that Mr. Bourdain would have to be like, four times his current size to approach that kind of impressive man-titty goodness.

I don’t think that Dangerous & Dashing has man-titty.  On the contrary, his pecs seem quite flat. 

Although he does look like he has Catherine Zeta Jones’s hair.

Dangerous & Dashing is very Larry Birkhead as Fabio for JCPenney-ish. 

...But it could just be me.