Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Guffaw! There I was thinking the second one had a much more masculine stance, and then I read your line about farty green mist.

Anna Campbell was blogging about bottoms today as well. Must be something in the air . . .

http://romancebandits.blogspot.com/2010/05/getting-to-bottom-of-things.html

Although there is a certain appropriateness to the first cover because we see the pickpocket heroine in action, the actual butt and the stance looks kind of feminine. But, as you said, green gas and butts bring certain images to mind, which cancels out any potential hotness. Both fail.

Heh.  I was so struck by the VPL on the second one that I completely missed the noxious green mist and its implications.  And now, tragically, what has been seen cannot be unseen. 

And yet, #1?  Shiny!  I just keep thinking that pleather is tacky, you know? 

I have to agree with Francesca.  Sadly, fail to both.

I keep seeing no.1 as a lady’s bum, sorry. Though if that really is an f/f cover, then win!

The second one looks like the guy is wearing a nappy (diaper). And yes, farting. Also his butt looks saggy.

Man, I’m picky for a fat old broad ;)

I have to disagree with the previous posters, I love the first cover.  It makes me want to do all sorts of things I won’t admit to online.  The second cover, however, leaves me cold.  To me it looks like the guy is standing there saying “I did look in the closet, dammit, I still can’t find my shirt!  Why do you have to hide everything?”

Bought the Pickpocket Countess last year based on someone’s rec through a romance Listmania at amazon.  I loved the cover:  it was the first I had ever seen like it.  What’s more, the story is great.  Heroine with balls of steel + tight butt shot on the cover = good times, good times.

I admire a well toned bum as much as the next lady…but Not on the cover of my regencies…No, no, no…no bums on the cover.

@ ailikate That is TOTALLY what the second cover guy is thinking. lol Thanks for that!

I have to admit that I had to really look at the first cover to see which was the man and which the woman.  But once deciphered it is a cute cover.

I like cover number one for photo matching the concept. Plus, the green noxious gasses on cover number two eliminate any possibility for teh sexxy.

And, it’s impossible to even discuss the second cover without unintentional puns. Note my above para: “Number two. Eliminate.” Awp.

Neither.

Bum #1—Dude looks like a lady
Bum #2—Noxious fumes and ill-fitting pants

I’ve got nothing to add but hugely inappropriate-for-the-homeschooling giggling which is making my 16yo boy say “What, what?” and I can’t possibly show him this.  Like he needs to know there’s a place his mom goes to make fun of/enjoy this type of humor and snark. 

So good.

I like the second one, definitely more masculine stance and it never occurred to me to think that the green was noxious odor. It is in fact, it is a nod to the the drink Absinthe aka “Green Fairy” that the hero drinks.

I read and enjoyed SINFUL, Lord Wallingford is very broken and defiant so this cover speaks well for the book.

I have to agree with the above posters that neither do it for me. The first thing I thought of when I saw the first one was I have never seen a man stand like that. Unless they were dancing ala boy bands…

I gotta say, that second cover doesn’t work for me at all. So much wrong with it, and the green swamp gas is just the beginning. It also looks like they had no pants to fit the model so they went with the ones that were just a little too big and only slightly wrinkled. And what’s up with the lighting? They needed something warmer because what they’re using gives his skin a grayish tone. Like the morgue lighting they use on CSI or NCIS. Not sexy.

The first cover is better, although the way he has his hips pushed back and to the side a bit, the first thing that I thought of was that the photographer snapped the pic just as he was trying to make a discreet testicular adjustment. Still, the stolen pocket watch is cute and seems to match the title. And he’s rocking those pants. I’d offer adjustment assistance.

The first guy seems to putting his rump into it and enjoying the squeeze, maybe even hoping for a Christmas Goose?

In the second one while the booty is all muscular and flexed it’s the triceps on this fella that get me.  BUT those pants for some reason bring back horrible memories of jeans from the late 80’s that had the button fly and fold over top.  Anyone remember those?  I had a pair that was striped.  double ick.

The first cover had me thinking: Why is that woman grabbing her own bum?  It took me too long to separate the hand from the bum and give it to the dress beyond the pants. 

The second…well.  Gaseous and there’s something ill-fitting about the trousers. 

I’m hard to please, but I did come to the site specifically looking for funny covers today.  My girlfriends and I just finalized a summer lake house trip, and said trip REQUIRES the best of silly romance covers.  I may have to bring one of these…even though we lean strongly towards a more classic swoony cover for our “by the lake” photos.  haha.

i like both. I wouldn’t kick either out of bed for eating crackers if you know what i mean. lol. However I got a paranormal vibe from the neon green on cover two not absinthe/opium den. But I immediately wanted to buy the firts so that speaks for itself.

mary

I’m with the others on this:

Bum #1—Dude looks like a lady
Bum #2—Noxious fumes and ill-fitting pants

If my wife caught me standing like the “man” in cover#1 she’d say:
“You fantasising about Vin Diesel again, aren’t you?”

PS: Even tailored historical pants can go the way of the daiper extremely quickly.

First off, I’m not a butt girl. Butt is where poop comes out of. EW!

For me on the 2nd cover it’s not the green mist which is to the front of him and therefore, clearly not a fart - but possibly a warning he has a STD - it’s the rose in “Sinful.” It looks like it’s going to penetrate him anally and I HATE ANAL! I don’t want to think about it, read about it, or be reminded it even exists.

Honestly, I don’t like either. Give me the front of a man, his face - and especially his eyes. I want to see eyes full of intelligence, maturity, with a hint of boyish mischief. Way sexier then a butt any day.

You know, every time I scroll down that first image I see a pregnant lady holding her bump ... except - wait!  Why are the legs in the wrong place? 

There’s just something weird about the image and the way the bodies are entwined: more sideshow, less romance.  But still, Sideshow Bob wins over Green Gas Wrinkly Pants.

I totally love cover 1.  It’s something a little out of the ordinary, the composition is good, and that dude is rocking those pants.  I can kind of see how some might confuse the genders—although I like that the man is in an ambiguous position that way—but I totally visually that backside going with some lanky, horse-riding Englishman.

Cover 2 does not quite do it for me.  Honestly, I didn’t notice the green smoke the first time through and I totally checked it out at the book store for a minutes or two.  I think it is the pants themselves.  Maybe they are meant to be rumpled as a sign of his debauched state—in which case great visually story telling!—but they just don’t fit right to my mind.  They are a little baggy or something.

I bought Bronwyn’s simply because of the cover. Tight booty groping FTW!

The first thing I thought upon seeing the first one was that it was a woman. Some of that was the clothing, such as the high-waistedness, color, and ruffled look of the pants. It might have been helpful to show more of the couple’s bodies on the cover; I would imagine there’d also be a way to keep the guy in period dress but make it less feminine at first glance. Then again, since when have romance cover designers known very much about what constitutes period dress?

Neither.

Bum #1—Dude looks like a lady
Bum #2—Noxious fumes and ill-fitting pants

I can’t stand the first one. That bum is totally girly and just where did she pull that watch out of? It was good for a giggle though.

The second one—green fumes aside—at least looks like a man.

Sadly neither pair of breeches are accurate, LOL! They fit too well, esp in the “bum”. Period bums are NOT attractive (thank heavens for tail coats!), Breeches and pantaloons have to be a bit baggy back there so the man can sit, due to the fact that they’re very high-waisted and they are worn with braces to keep them up.  I’d assumed the second one was a man in drawers, but I think I see a hit of boot at the bottom edge of the cover, and they’re too long to be drawers.

I really don’t like either.  As people have said, the first butt looks a little too feminine, and the second one’s pants are too baggy (though he does have a really nice back!).  Plus there’s the green gas thing, which I might not have noticed on my own but can’t stop laughing at now:-).

I could judge more impartially if I was seeing these bums naked. You make it happen, I’ll share my opinion.

The first cover is better, although the way he has his hips pushed back and to the side a bit, the first thing that I thought of was that the photographer snapped the pic just as he was trying to make a discreet testicular adjustment.

THIS is why I should never read through these comments whilst drinking coffee…

I like them both but I like the first one better.  Because his hip is cocked, the pants are tight across his rear and it looks good to me!  The second cover model does look a bit angry and his pants are a bit loose but I’ll give him a try, too!

I like the ideas in both covers.

Pickpocket Mistress=taking watch. I dig it! I also dig the “embrace.”

I think what’s giving the weird butt pose is… Well I have this image in my mind that perhaps Model 1’s pants were baggy like Model 2’s, and someone had the bright idea that if he just stuck his butt out a little further… no a little more…. It would fill them out better. I mean there is just something really off going on with the limbs/approximate heights of both subjects here.

Also her dress should’ve been a different color. Color wise the cover is very blah to me. And what the heck is going on with his pants being uber-shiny on just one side?!

Sinful=I like the absinthe thing. I didn’t see fart, but cannot get it out of my head now. Thanks, Carin and Sarah. True the pants are baggy, but they should be even baggier as Kalen said. Personally I would’ve liked a messy shirt (Y’know only half tucked in, sleeves rolled up).

My biggest problem is the rose in Sinful. If the rest of the cover is going to be stark and manly while still conveying Romance novel, then commit and don’t stick a flower on it!

Dude vs. dude. I like ‘em both, but 2 has that vein in his right arm that is doing something for me.

Cover vs. cover, I wouldn’t not buy either based on cover. But green and black are my favorite colors so Sinful wins.

Oh my goodness, I made so many typos! I can’t type, think & edit at the same time. Sorry! :(

“I like the second one, definitely more masculine stance and it never occurred to me to think that the green was noxious odor. It is, in fact, a nod to the drink Absinthe aka “Green Fairy” that the hero drinks.

I read and enjoyed SINFUL, Lord Wallingford is very broken and defiant so this cover speaks well for the book.”

You know, every time I scroll down that first image I see a pregnant lady holding her bump ...

HA! My screen cut off just under her thumb, so I thought the same thing! Cover 1 still gets my vote. I like ‘em lean.  #2 just a little too bulky for me.
And let’s face it; period costume is just not the same as a nice pair of levi’s. Anyone who watches Masterpiece Theatre knows that -and that they’re worse from the front!!

LOL! I don’t normally like bum covers for Regencies, but these are both nice.

I prefer cover #2 because of what’s above the pants.  Baby got (a very nice) back!  Also, on cover #1, the first thing that came to my mind is that there are no pockets back there, so she’s just copping a feel.  Plus the pants are so tight they’re shiny and his butt is rather round for a guy. 

Round butts in tight, shiny pants?  No, thank you!

Although there is a certain appropriateness to the first cover because we see the pickpocket heroine in action, the actual butt and the stance looks kind of feminine.

My first thought was that the guy was really a woman in drag.  The second cover, despite the green mist, is more appealing to me.

Also, on cover #1, the first thing that came to my mind is that there are no pockets back there, so she’s just copping a feel.

Joanne, you say that like it’s a bad thing.

And the History Hoydens have weighed in with a post about the historicity of saggy pants: No Such Thing as a Good Looking Bum

I imagine the gentleman on the first cover is saying, “Girlfriend, the fabric on your gown is FAB-U-LESS!!!”

For those of you brave enough, YouTube has a hysterically funny Mythbusters clip of Jamie, well…... let’s just say there’s gas.  And a lighter.  And a chair that looks similar to a birthing chair.  Anyway, yep, the green mist will be even more, uh, noxious after viewing said clip.

The first cover wins for me. I don’t like the shiny pants thing and I think it does look kind of feminine, but I think the pose was done so that the model’s hand would cup just so. Also, I like some booty on a man.

The second cover was a complete loss for me. The pants are a mess and, with the way his butt is clenched, they sort of look like cloth diapers. Plus, with that green mist floating about, the tight clench on those cheeks makes it look like he’s in desperate need of a w.c. before a heinous accident occurs.

Okay, I’m biased.  I loved Sinful and I picked it out for the cover - BUT TO BE FAIR, I did it online, and the cover was tinyish.  So the noxious fumes were a little less noticeable.  For some strange reason I never connected them to absinthe until reading the comments on here.  But the whole gassy cloud thing is forever embedded into my brain now.  >.>  I agree about the rose - there wasn’t a major purpose for the rose in the plot (I don’t even recall a rose) so it’s placement is a mystery.

Number one’s bum is MUCH too womanly.  I want me a man.  Like number two.  At least I know if I sneak up on him I’m going to get what I want…  xD

Thank you for another brilliant trip from Accounting Class SBTB.  I had to hide the screen, but the post was so worth it.

I think I should add that I do really like Sinful‘s cover. It’s one of the ones I showed to my publisher when asked what covers I like out there right now. I thought something similar with a man in drawers sweeping a woman off her feet would be fantastic. Sort of like this (only with a hot guy):

Both had me laughing.It looked like she was pulling that pocket watch out his a$$ in #1. So I thought about #2, but then I saw the noxious swamp gas and it set me off again. Plus the flower in Sinful looks like it’s growing out of his pants.

Screw the covers.  I now have, “Ain’t no booty like historical booty” running through my head.

Fie on you. FIE! *shakes fist*

#1—couple looks like they’re dancing the lambada, and I give the guy extra so-bad-it’s-good points for the VERY visible zippers on his supposedly historical boots.

#2—green noxious gases.  ‘Nuff said.

Hmm. Camp vs. flatulent.
Not much of a choice, but you’ve made me laugh after a wearying day at work.
Thanks!

I say we _swap_ the guys on the covers. The pose of the guy on the first cover combined with the noxious green gas on the second would be far more appropriate… [grin]

Whew!  Thanks for the laugh.  That second cover is all wrong.  How come someone in the art department didn’t make the obvious fart connection?  Too bad, really.

The first one, I’m most bothered by the shiny patch on one butt cheek.  I don’t know why it bothers me so much, but it does. ;)

Because his hip is cocked,...

My dyslexia kicked in when I read this, and thought, “his cock is doing WHAT?”

#1—couple looks like they’re dancing the lambada,

TOTALLY.  As soon as I went back and looked again (after first thinking it was a woman), I thought he was positioned exactly like Scott Hastings in Strictly Ballroom, when he and Fran were dancing backstage during the Tina Sparkle fruity rumba extravaganza.  Really girly hip movements.

That was such a good movie.  I think I’ll watch it again this week.

That was such a good movie.

It’s my go to movie when I need cheering up. Paul Mercurio’s lovely arse is just part of the pleasure ;)

Hmm, well the flower (which looks more like a rose, in this case) is supposed to be an orange blossom, which does play a symbolic role in the story. But I also think the art department was trying to soften up the look by adding a feminine touch. It is after all a romance.

I dunno, I really like the Sinful cover. It’s unlike any cover I’ve ever seen on a romance, in a good way.

Ebony McKenna said:
Guffaw! There I was thinking the second one had a much more masculine stance, and then I read your line about farty green mist.

Anna Campbell was blogging about bottoms today as well. Must be something in the air . . .

Laurel said:
I like cover number one for photo matching the concept. Plus, the green noxious gasses on cover number two eliminate any possibility for teh sexxy.

And, it’s impossible to even discuss the second cover without unintentional puns. Note my above para: “Number two. Eliminate.” Awp.

I don’t really have an opinion of men’s butts. I have an opinion on the influence of early-posters. More than half the responses after the first made mention of the flatulation fog in the foreground. And the puns! I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking when I read them, and didn’t pick up my Diet A&W until I was typing this.

My head exploded a tiny bit

I always enjoy looking at a well-muscled male derriere. My husbands’ is particularly fine which is one of the reasons I was attracted to him in the first place. He is a sweet, kind man too.
I have a great photo of Johnny Depp (taken from his rear) posing for a few thousand fans at a premier. He is wearing cream color pants and looks so much better than the guys on those book covers. Go Johnny! Go!!

I decided on #1 right away, because #2 is way too broad shouldered and muscular.  I like ‘em lean and lithe.  Then I noticed the top of the boots are in the photo on #1, and I DEFINITELY decided that was the better one.  Boots!  The boots are hot.

I like the upper back of #2, but I did think he was in his underwear until I saw the boots.  And now I can’t not notice the green gas.

The 1st one is confusing.  Surely he can feel that watch chain, right?

I’m digging the second cover.  The two things I noticed the first time I saw this cover were his back and arms.  Then, his tush.  Didn’t even pay attention to the green gas until now….thanks.

#1 is way cuter and more fun.  I like having the woman’s hand copping a feel while they’re dancing.

#2 is distracting in that I’m waaaaayyy more interested in staring at his back than his butt.  Besides, I can’t really see this one’s butt that closely.

Of course, I had not made the connection of the green artistic renderings as gaseous emanations before, but then I haven’t noticed the rose until today either.

The first one is cute and clever. Sounds like a fun read.

I liked the second one best though, I guess I too read far too much paranormal and fantasy stuff to see the green mist as noxious fumes.

Definitely think that cover #1 is a winner….cover #2…not so much…does look like the dude is farting….

I do like the first one, love the way she’s grabbing his ass. And a fine one it is, how could anyone think that’s not a man?

*gigglesnort*

Number one for me, definitely.  The ass in it is more flattering, for one thing.  Don’t know if it’s the pose or the cut of the clothes, but RAWR.

Number two?  Err… sorry.  The greenish.. whatever.. is a little too off-putting for my tastes.

-J

I think the cover of Sinful is fabulous!!  The guy has got a great body and a great butt… one of THE best butt covers out there!

As for the green smoke, it never even entered my mind to think of it as body gas… why would it?  That is a ridiculous thought.  If you read Addicted, the prequel to Sinful, then you would remember the red smoke on it’s cover, representing Opium.  In Sinful the green smoke represents Absinthe. 

Forget the covers though and just read the book!  Charlotte Featherstone weaves an amazing story that will stick with you for a long time, she is a brilliant author! :)

Like the first cover. I agree about the prettiness of the dude, though. Still, that’s the one that grabs me. teehee

I agree with Cheryl! I love the cover of Sinful and think it is sexy! This is an amazing book, something I would love others to try if they haven’t already. Really?!? We had to think of farts, never crossed my mind either.

The first cover.  Although WHERE is she pulling that watch from?  There are no pockets nearby.  Effeminate men are fine by me.  I don’t need my romance heroes to be He Man.

You all missed it..
Green Farts = alien
It must be a Paranormal Romance cause everyone knows that if he were human his farts would be blue..

Is book #1 a romance featuring a pair of cross-dressing lovers ?  Because if the guy is the one wearing the dress, that would explain why the one in the breeches has such a feminine arse.

ooooh, definitely the first cover. Not that the first booty is better than the second, it’s the awesomeness of the heroine clearly grabbing his ass. What other covers show true, deliberate groping? Much less on the part of the heroine, and in a period novel no less! This cover made me smile and put a skip in my step in the midst of a blitzkrieg of Harvard finals—that is an accomplishment and the definition of awesomesauce.

first one even without the green gas on the 2nd cover.  First one fun and frisky, second one, deadly.

You know, every time I scroll down that first image I see a pregnant lady holding her bump ... except - wait!  Why are the legs in the wrong place?

This is exactly what I saw, too!

The second cover Sinful is perfect for the story it tells. If anyone would take the time to read this Brilliant book they would know that the cover is self explanitory….....Farts?? Come on and give me a break!! The green relates to   Absinthe. Read the book and I guarantee that your view of the cover will change dramatically as you relate it to the story.

Where the HECK was that watch being kept?

I think we all know where that watch was being kept.

Green farts are alien, human farts are blue?! Come on, everyone knows your typical deviled egg/pickled egg fart is yellowish brown from the sulphur content. Beer farts are more greenish. Blue is a totally alien color.

Yo, she’s a pickpocket. that’ why she’s holding the watch.

After looking at cover #1 for more than a few minutes I realized they are not dancing or standing, rather the are against a wall. His pose is because he is leaning towards her against the wall! It took a while to figure out the weird pose, but the butt is lovely and I don’t have any arguments about butt #2 either :)