Bitchin' Blog Posts
Hoping Jennifer Haymore Kicks Cancer’s Ass
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | April 14, 2010 | Wednesday at 2:10 pm | 106 Comments
Author Jennifer Haymore has posted on her blog that she’s been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer and is beginning treatment, which is a long, arduous and utterly not fun road. I wish her every happy ending to this story, and a collection of absolutely fabulous hats during her treatment.
To send positive thoughts her way, I’m going to give away five copies of her latest book to five random commenters. I think just about everyone knows someone who has battled cancer or an illness that requires treatment almost as bad as the illness itself. So what’s your best advice or best wish for Jennifer? Any tips on surviving the survival part? Popsicles and romance novels? Super soft slippers and macrobiotic meals? Bring it on. I’ll select five winners and send the books.
[Disclaimer: I’m not being compensated nor is anyone else funding the giveaway. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear. Your mileage may vary. Many bags look alike. Cancer blows.]
I hope you kick cancer’s ass, ma’am.
ETA: Lisa Heermann has sent over her pathfinder entitled Cancer Resources for the Innocent Bystander, which she mentioned in the comments below. It’s a guide for anyone who faces cancer as the non-patient.
She also included a .BMP file for an easy-to-make cancer cap for patients, which she says are comfy enough to sleep in.
Right click and do the download thing, please! And big huge thanks to Lisa.
ETAII: The Mama Writers have a post up about breast cancer awareness, including breast self-exam instructions. If you’re not grabbing your own boobies, you should be.
Which inspired me to create this: Grabbin’ My Boobs. Savin’ My Life. You can customize the size, style, and color of the shirt, but all proceeds from the sale will be donated to the Young Survivor Coalition.
Filed: But...that's not really about romance novels, General Bitching
Tagged: romance, kick cancers ass, jennifer haymore, cancer, books
emdee said on 04.14.10 at 02:37 PM • [link]
{{{Positive vibes and wonderful healing go out to Jennifer in her battle against breast cancer. }}} Sending all things positive to you from the Universe.
Debbie said on 04.14.10 at 02:39 PM • [link]
I highly recommend the book “Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastectomy.” It’s an uplifting look at maintaining your individuality while fighting breast cancer. All my thoughts and prayers are with you Jennifer.
Vicki said on 04.14.10 at 02:57 PM • [link]
Positive vibes headed out. One of my oldest friends had breast cancer as a relatively young woman and is now a 15 year survivor so there is a positive thought, too. To make it even better, a month after she finished chemo, she eloped with one of her students (she taught at the college level so he was well over age). Don’t let cancer slow you down!
Host said on 04.14.10 at 03:01 PM • [link]
So sorry to hear this. I know that eating a lot of fruit will help together with a positive thinking and a lot of laughs. Good Luck!!!
Christine said on 04.14.10 at 03:04 PM • [link]
My heart goes out to you and your family. Every woman on my maternal grandfather’s side of the family has died from breast cancer. My grandmother had it as well, including the double mastectomy - we tease that now she can be any breast size she wants - the breasts are really an accessory, but it’s really the family’s and her attempt at humor. Laughing in the face of horror and fear, perhaps.
If you end up with flakey skin from the drugs/treatment, try something very gentle like goat (or sheep or cow) milk soap. Get the homemade kind, not the mass-produced-I-added-a-dollop-of-milk-and-am-now-selling-it-for-$8-a-bar kind. It really does help.
donna ann said on 04.14.10 at 03:05 PM • [link]
Try to stay possitive (remember it’s ok to be angry or depressed, just try not to live there). Surround yourself with loved ones who will support you. Try to laugh often and keep up with the at least some of things you love to do (maybe a little less than before or in a different manner) and remember life is worth fighting for. Positive thoughts may not cure, but it sure does help the medicine work. Best wishes, prayers, and thoughts heading her way.
Fiamma said on 04.14.10 at 03:13 PM • [link]
My heart goes out to Jennifer and her family.
As an Oncology massage therapist most patients welcome the opportunity to have someone with a light touch which helps ease the nausea and pain. Cancer patients are always being poked and prodded so to have someone give you a gentle neck massage or foot rub during your chemo or infusions is very soothing. I wish I was near her because I would do it myself, but the cancer center at her hospital should have therapists available.
Kwana said on 04.14.10 at 03:24 PM • [link]
My heart goes out to her and her family. My advise is to stay focused on what makes her truly happy and know believe that she will be well. Laugh as much as she can and be happy. Take in all the beauty around her and let it feed her in the down sucky times. She will be well. Sending positive thoughts her way.
Victoria Dahl said on 04.14.10 at 03:27 PM • [link]
What wonderful suggestions. I am keeping you in my thoughts, Jennifer. And if you ever need a laugh, let me know. I’ll break the ball embargo every day for you.
ktg said on 04.14.10 at 03:30 PM • [link]
Good friends who make you laugh and hold you when you cry.
Kick cancer’s ass Jennifer!
Bianca said on 04.14.10 at 03:30 PM • [link]
My heart truly does go out to Jennifer and her family. I dont know if its some sort of co-oincidence, and it sucks, but today my Grandma has been diagnosed with breast cancer too. She lives in England, I live in Australia, so i cant offer guidance through being there in person, but i can through words. I hope that Jennifer can kick cancers ass and so can my Grandma because Cancer is just truly horrible and i wish it on no person, so stay positive and ask for help from the people who love you if you need it. Life is a beautiful thing, so stay positive, even when you dont want to, or when its hard and know you have the support of the people around you, because i support you too. So all the best, hoping that you kick its ass and be able to enjoy life. Bianca xxx
Mary Beth said on 04.14.10 at 03:34 PM • [link]
Take care of yourself and let others take care of you too. Nap if you’re tired, drink chocolate shakes every day if that’s the only thing that appeals to you, watch silly movies and TV shows, buy a few coloring books and crayons. Only hang out with people who are supportive, loving and honest.
Kick cancer ass.
Liza said on 04.14.10 at 03:37 PM • [link]
Keeping Jennifer and her family in my prayers.
Penelope said on 04.14.10 at 03:40 PM • [link]
Sending good thoughts.
I’d go for girls’ night with someone doing her nails and chatting, laughing and drinking.
Linda said on 04.14.10 at 03:49 PM • [link]
I think that a love story between a man and a woman fighting breast cancer would be the sexiest most romantic thing out there. Keep up the good fight!!
Brooks*belle said on 04.14.10 at 04:07 PM • [link]
Saying a prayer and cheering for her to wipe the floor with cancer’s arse! =)
Sharon said on 04.14.10 at 04:08 PM • [link]
It doesn’t matter what advice you read or anyone gives on how to cope. Do what works for you!
Kristin said on 04.14.10 at 04:19 PM • [link]
Damn…I’m so sorry Jennifer is facing this challenge. I have had a few friends who’ve survived breast cancer and something I can recommend from watching them is educate yourself, talk to your doctor, and make sure everything is fully explained to you. Chemo is a bitch but it doesn’t have to destroy you. If you feel like it is zapping your last bit of strength, talk to your doc. There are things they can give you to help with chemos side effects.
Oh yeah, go get Geralyn Lucas’s book Why I Wore Lipstick To My Mastectomy
Isalys said on 04.14.10 at 04:23 PM • [link]
I saw her post too and was heartbroken by her news - but I admire her optimism and strength!! She’s gonna show that cancer who’s boss ;o)
PS: Don’t worry about entering me for a copy of the book. I already have it and loved every page =)
Stelly said on 04.14.10 at 04:24 PM • [link]
My grandmother is living with cancer right now. She says that the best thing for her is spending time with friends and family.
Good thoughts being sent your way Jennifer.
Fedora said on 04.14.10 at 04:24 PM • [link]
Jennifer, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers—focus on taking care of yourself, and don’t worry about all the rest! We’ll all pulling for you!
Cathy said on 04.14.10 at 04:28 PM • [link]
I’m so sorry to hear this. Here are some things I remember from helping a friend through chemo:
- audio books, especially humorous essays which you can listen to in small doses—Robert Krulwich, David Sedaris, etc.
- lemon drops to suck on
- funny movies where you already know the plot, or the plot doesn’t make sense anyway, so it doesn’t matter if you fade in and out—think “A Fish Called Wanda”.
Venetia said on 04.14.10 at 04:35 PM • [link]
Good luck Jennifer!
A 30-year-old friend of mine was diagnosed with invasive breast cancer last year. Her baby was 6 months old at the time. She had a double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, she was horribly ill - but she’s now doing really well. Her mother and aunt also survived breast cancer.
My mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer late last year. She had surgery, chemo and radiation and while it exhausted it her, she’s now doing just fine!
Top tip? Everyone’s experience is different so do what works for you, not what other people say should work for you.
Having said that, somthing highly reccomended by Mum’s radiation people - pawpaw ointment is hard on your clothes but it is excellent for radiation burns.
Also - my mum and our friend enjoyed discovering wigs. They lost their hair, yes, but they got to try whole new looks and Mum now has three wigs and she plans to keep wearing them! It was somthing that made them smile even when they were feeling horrid.
Best wishes to Jennifer.
Anna the Piper said on 04.14.10 at 04:36 PM • [link]
Ah, hell. :(
I haven’t read any of her work, but I have every sympathy for a fellow breast cancer survivor. I was fortunate, mine was non-invasive, but I still had to have radiation treatment and a mastectomy. My mother was a cancer victim as well, so I know from cancer sucking.
Hang in there, Ms. Haymore.
Beki said on 04.14.10 at 04:44 PM • [link]
My girlfriend, Kim, was diagnosed with cancer when she was thirty-one. She kicked its ass all over the place for seven years before she just f-ing wore out. And in all that time, she was such a revelation of good humor about it. She was Uncle Fester for Halloween one year, Charlie Brown another. With her type of cancer (she was diagnosed at stage 3b and was hellabad already), she was lucky to live close to Duke and she swore up and down the only reason she made it so long was the option to take the experimental treatments. We just lost her in January, just after she turned 38. But I watched her fight for every good day, every smile, every opportunity to do what SHE wanted to do instead of what that cancer wanted her to do.
So, advice? Eat whatever tastes good and you can keep down. Drink LOTS of water, juices, again, anything that’s yummy. Read what makes you feel positive. Stay away from horrible doomsayers. Journal every morning to get out the feelings and get on with your day. Best, best, best of luck to Jennifer. I’ve never read her, but I will now.
Toni said on 04.14.10 at 04:44 PM • [link]
I am a 13 year survivor of cancer and my best advice for surviving treatment- sleep when you are tired. I tried so hard to stay on a normal schedule that I made myself sicker. If you feel like a nap at 3pm, then take it.
I also recommend not stressing yourself out about what other people were or were not able to accomplish while they went through chemo. Everyone reacts differently to the drugs and no two people have exactly the same experience. My aunt and I went through treatments together with all of the same meds; I lost all of my hair and she didn’t, I threw up after treatments and she got the munchies.
Take care of yourself and best of luck to you and your family while you are kicking cancer butt!
Victoria Dahl said on 04.14.10 at 04:52 PM • [link]
I love this. Great advice, Toni.
Leslie Dicken said on 04.14.10 at 04:55 PM • [link]
My stepmother has breast cancer. And I do know several others who are near my age who have dealt with it. It’s insidious. My heart goes out to Jennifer and all who love her. Hopefully, she’ll kick this cancer’s ass without too much struggle.
Danielle Yockman said on 04.14.10 at 05:00 PM • [link]
Just remember, you are a strong beautiful woman inside and out. If there comes a day when you question that, come talk to us and we will help you remember. Hugs to you and your family.
Spam word: Mass47. The Mass of our love is 47 times greater than you could ever imagine!
Stephanie said on 04.14.10 at 05:04 PM • [link]
Be proud of your accomplishments and realize that you have many, many more to go. Use this time as a time of learning, and you’ll be the better for it.
Babs said on 04.14.10 at 05:10 PM • [link]
Stay positive. Eat healthy. Don’t ever be afraid to ask your doctor why, what, when, etc.
Most of all, surround yourself with the people who will support you and be positive. And let them help you in any way they offer.
Lisa Heermann said on 04.14.10 at 05:13 PM • [link]
My best wishes to Jennifer
After I survived Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (8 years and counting!) I went back to school. One of my assignments was to create a pathfinder (for finding books and resources in a library) Mine was called “Cancer Resources for the Innocent Bystander” It is more aimed at the people around the cancer patient. This snippet is the ‘advice’ I included at the end.
*************************************
If you live with the cancer patient, make sure that you have a support network too. There is no shame in asking for help. If you burn out, you cannot help your loved one.
Write down questions that come up between appointments. Bring the questions and a notebook to all appointments to record details of meetings with the medical providers. The Lance Armstrong LIVESTRONG website offers a “Survivorship Notebook” that can help store and organize important treatment information. You will only be charged the cost of shipping.
If you do not live with the cancer patient, keep the following in mind:
DO stay in touch – call or email regularly.
DON’T drop in for a visit – call ahead of time. Allow them
to say no.
DO offer to relieve the primary caregivers: cooking,
driving, keeping the patient company so they
can take a break (even if it’s just in the next room).
DON’T visit if you are sick. Even a minor cold can put a
cancer patient in the hospital.
If you bring food, make sure the patient can appreciate your gift. A good source of information is:
“Betty Crocker’s Living with Cancer Cookbook: Easy Recipes and Tips through Treatment and Beyond”
By Kris Ghosh, Linda Carson, and Elyse Cohen.
Published in 2001, it offers recipes and menus specifically tailored for the cancer patient’s altered nutritional needs. It also explains what side-effects are common to the different treatments. Many libraries carry this title, and it is still available for purchase.
LOC: RC271.D52; Dewey: 641.5/631
An observation from the inside: We are far too accustomed to ‘instant gratification;’ doing something and seeing results right away. You are very unlikely to ‘see’ results. But please know that your efforts are not wasted. Even if your cancer patient does not have the physical resources to thank you, your actions support them mentally – and that is often the harder battle to fight. Knowing that I had people wishing me well helped me a lot. It often helped me to get through each day.
****************************
if anyone is interested in the complete pathfinder, let me know and I will either upload and link or email it.
lisa said on 04.14.10 at 05:20 PM • [link]
and some advice specifically for Jennifer
get in touch with your dentist NOW!!! Dry mouth is a side effect of nearly all cancer treatments, and dry mouth contributes hugely to tooth decay.
I didn’t think to coordinate with my dentist and I had to have 11 fillings and 2 root canals after I recovered from my treatments.
Katherine said on 04.14.10 at 05:22 PM • [link]
Accept all help (that is helpful). Meals, tidying, ferrying kids, groceries, company at appts, etc. You’ve built up a great support network - allow them to help.
Best of luck. Cancer sucks.
meoskop said on 04.14.10 at 05:25 PM • [link]
I completely agree with ‘drink, drink and then drink more’ Rediscover Kool-aid. Chemo is a rollercoaster - the bad days build up and then plummet back down into good days, nothing about treatment is eternal, even when it feels that way. Get energy in you anyway you can. even if it’s Lay’s chips for breakfast.
Best advice I got was from my surgeon. “You didn’t ask for this, you didn’t cause this, and you don’t deserve this.” People talk about ‘fighting’ cancer like if things progressing you are ‘losing’ or you didn’t fight ‘hard enough’. Let all that bullshit go. Your treatment is your treatment and however you get through it is the right way. I met women who’d been on insane health food diets, I met women who had lived on Twinkies. Everyone will look for the ‘cause’ of your cancer.
F em. F em all. Nobody know what really causes breast cancer. We’re all stumbling around in the dark with with pieces of the puzzle trying to figure out what the whole looks like. Let that go. Treatment is just something you have to go through to get through. Let yourself be low, find a way to enjoy the ride.
Take notes. You’ll forget what happened, how you felt, and when you need to - looking back at what you’ve already gotten past will remind you how strong you are.
SB Sarah said on 04.14.10 at 05:29 PM • [link]
@Lisa
If you send it to me I’ll amend the entry and host it here, if that is acceptable. That sounds like an amazing and truly necessary resource. Mad props to you for putting it together.
Lisa J said on 04.14.10 at 05:58 PM • [link]
We have had too many people to count at work with cancer in some form. My thoughts and prayers go out to Jennifer and her family.
My best advice from all those here who have been through it, dress warmly when you go for chemo. Bring a blanket, shawl, whatever, you will need it. Everyone has said they are freezing while in the treatment room.
Donna said on 04.14.10 at 06:03 PM • [link]
Lovely advice, all of it. I don’t know what to add, except that you should feel what you feel, laugh when you can, cry if you want, scream when you have to. For the rest of you: My email acct -walkin607- was created when I signed on for my first Avon 2 Day, June 2007. Alone we can comfort and support the people we know. Together we can change the world. Get up, get out and do something.
position82. Yeah, that’s my position.
Anna the Piper said on 04.14.10 at 06:18 PM • [link]
BTW to SB Sarah: please leave me off the random draw for Ms. Haymore’s books, because speaking as someone who’s had to throw tons of money at medical bills due to cancer and other medical crap, even WITH good insurance, I figure that the best show of support I can give her is to actually buy her books.
After reading the descriptions of them on Barnes and Noble’s site, and seeing there’s an amnesia plot involved, especially. ;) I am TOTALLY putting her onto my Nook.
Stephanie said on 04.14.10 at 06:19 PM • [link]
Oh. Good thoughts to Jennifer and her family.
I don’t have any advice for Jennifer, but for her family: Don’t bury it. Talk to people. Don’t pretend it isn’t happening, because it’ll backfire. (Trust me on this one.)
Kim in Hawaii said on 04.14.10 at 06:22 PM • [link]
Another military spouse in our reading group just celebrated her first anniversary of beating cancer. She credits
http://www.throwoutfiftythings.com/
with helping her to address the emotional issues.
We’ll keep Jennifer in our thoughts and prayers.
Sybylla said on 04.14.10 at 06:38 PM • [link]
Best of luck and all good wishes to all of you who are dealing with this. I’m going to be taking my best friend to her chemo treatment tomorrow, actually, so this has been on my mind.
Sleep as much as you need to, eat as much as you can, don’t be too proud or too considerate to ask people for the help you need, and more than anything else, ask every question you have, even if you have to ask them multiple times, until you are confident that you thoroughly understand the answers. If you don’t have the energy to have the conversations with your doctors/nurses, then give a list of them to someone who will come with you and be persistent on your behalf. (Sorry for the emphasis; it’s just that I’m extraordinarily frustrated at the moment because of my friend’s lack of complete knowledge about her treatment.)
Jody said on 04.14.10 at 06:41 PM • [link]
Jennifer Haymore’s courage in sharing the news of her illness and her commitment to getting well are awe inspiring. If her fiction is half as compelling as her blog entry, she’s a brilliant writer and I’m buying her books as soon as I hit ‘submit’.
The outpouring of love, good wishes and sound advice from everyone here is profoundly moving.
My captcha is ‘live15’. Oh yes!
MelB said on 04.14.10 at 06:43 PM • [link]
Queasy Pops helped my friend through morning sickness and my cousin through chemo. Here’s the link
http://www.threelollies.com/
My prayers and positive thoughts to you and your family, Jennifer, as you all take on this fight.
joykenn said on 04.14.10 at 06:50 PM • [link]
Good luck and fight hard, Jennifer. Get mad at the cancer and take care of yourself. Please join a breast cancer support group. You’ll get lots and lots of advice and support from one. Also, remember—BALD IS GOOD! Protect your head with kerchiefs and hats to keep off the sun but don’t be afraid of showing your scalp!
Sonic said on 04.14.10 at 07:02 PM • [link]
I don’t know what will end up working best for you, but I think I would do whatever feels good - whether it means working less or more, being surrounded by people or having some more solitude, sleeping more, taking more risks, I would just enjoy myself. Therapy is rough, but I think doing whatever you can to make yourself comfortable helps. I hope the prognosis turns out good and that you have all the support and love you could want to see you through.
Tili S. said on 04.14.10 at 07:14 PM • [link]
Much love to Jennifer!
ms bookjunkie said on 04.14.10 at 07:21 PM • [link]
I have no advice to add so I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are with Jennifer and her family.
Karen H said on 04.14.10 at 07:34 PM • [link]
The Best of Wishes to Jennifer and to her family. I agree with everyone who says to do what feels good to you and don’t feel bad when you have to say “no” to someone else’s needs. Laugh when you can and cry if you need to!
My mom was diagnosed with stage 5 invasive cancer in 2007 at the age of 80. She had her chemo first to shrink the tumor, then 2 surgeries, and then radiation. The chemo was the worst as it tired her out so much and destroyed her appetite.
It may be a cliche, but I think laughter is truly the best medicine. After her radiation, Mom joked that she could give chocolate milk from one side (the radiation tanned her skin) and white milk from the other. She saw her cancer surgeon for a follow-up last week and he said she’s doing great. The only thing she’s still upset about is that her hair came back much finer and she can’t get a permanent anymore (it washes out too soon to justify the expense)!
ms bookjunkie said on 04.14.10 at 07:35 PM • [link]
Anyone else hear this kind of news and feel like they want to do something to help someone out there but don’t know quite what to do? How about knitting a knocker?
http://theknittingexperience.com/knitted_knockers_program/
http://theknittingexperience.com/knitted_knockers_program/how_we_got_involved_2.html
http://knitty.com/ISSUEfall05/PATTbits.html
Anyway, I’m going to practice my knitting a bit and then I plan to knock myself out knitting a knocker!
(BTW, I believe I first heard about knitting knockers from SB Sarah on Twitter!)
Kristi L. said on 04.14.10 at 07:50 PM • [link]
I’ve got a SIL and a Great Aunt who both went through treatments for Breast Cancer. Here’s to hoping that you pull through with as much humor and strenght as they did. Take care.
I’ve been told that Chemo mmakes you very sleepy. When we were up in Mass. visiting in-laws, my SIL was always so tired when she would get finished. We used to hook her up with a comfy pillow and blanket whe she’d come over. And the kids (preschoolers) always made her feel so much better no matter how bad she felt. She said they’re theperfect amount of aware and oblivious of how she feels that it makes their concern so genuine and makes her want to be stroger.
Maisey Yates said on 04.14.10 at 07:51 PM • [link]
Jennifer, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Step on cancer’s neck with your stiletto heels.
etirv said on 04.14.10 at 07:53 PM • [link]
I know Jennifer has Hawaii ties and I think a Hawaii trip after the treatment and when life returns to normal would be nice! Sending light from the islands to Jennifer!
Betsy said on 04.14.10 at 08:09 PM • [link]
I remember reading about a woman who never ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, because they were fattening—but when she found out she had cancer, she decided she’d eat her favorite foods whenever she liked, because life is too short to worry about being super-skinny. So eat lots of PB and J!
Best wishes through this hard time.
Kati said on 04.14.10 at 08:27 PM • [link]
A girlfriend of mine was diagnosed at 26 with breast cancer. She’s single, and had lots of care, but was lonely at home. She adopted a 2YO beagle from the local animal shelter. Beagle’s name? “Chemo”.
She’s doing great now, and looks fantastic. But it was a tough recovery. I’m sending nothing but good and positive vibes to Jennifer in her battle with this hideous disease.
HeatherK said on 04.14.10 at 08:28 PM • [link]
Keep a sense of humor, I think that’s key. I had two aunts (sisters) dealing with breast cancer at the same exact time, and their quirky senses of humor kept them going. My oldest aunt signed them up for all types of things (free wigs and make up, makeovers and bras and such) which entertained them both to no end. Sadly, we lost one of them just over a year ago (she had more problems than just the breast cancer), but the other is still going strong.
Go hat & scarf shopping. Go wild with it. Get outrageous designs, something fun and freaky. Anything to make yourself smile and feel better. And above all else, do what’s best for you. Don’t push yourself too hard. Keep your spirits up. Watch movies to make you laugh, and listen to music that makes your heart sing.
Best wishes with everything you face, Jennifer.
Deborah said on 04.14.10 at 08:37 PM • [link]
Jennifer,
When I read on your blog that you plan to keep writing, I cheered for you. I’m so glad you’ve made that decision. That attitude that will see you through this.
To you other well-wishers, I add my heartfelt thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Best,
Deb
P.S. Thanks to Sarah & Lisa
Farrah Rochon said on 04.14.10 at 09:02 PM • [link]
Coming out of perpetual lurk-mode to send positive thoughts Jennifer’s way. After being one of many “shoulders” to a good friend who went through this, the best advice I can give is to surround yourself with girlfriends who are okay with listening to you talk about the bad stuff, and who know what to do to get your mind off of it when you just can’t deal. True friends will know. Oh, and alcohol-free mojitos and cupcakes are a must at your “kick cancer’s ass” parties. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you fight this battle.
Samanthadelayed said on 04.14.10 at 09:02 PM • [link]
Positive vibes, best wishes, prayers and big virtual hugs for you Jennifer!
Deirdre said on 04.14.10 at 09:12 PM • [link]
Cancer sucks, chemo sucks too. However I got through it, came out the other end and am still dealing with some aftereffects but no cancer any more (at the moment anyway)
Treat yourself well, treasure each moment you have with friends and family, allow people to do things for you, also make a list of chores that you need done, so you have an answer when someone asks “is there something I can do for you”. Chemo sapped my energy and left me barely able to do anything much. Eat the best you can afford, it’s often easier on you
I’m out the other end and it wasn’t good at the time but it taught me a lot of things, afterwards you may find that normal is in a different place and that the learning curve is a bit steep. You also should try to avoid the same food all the time to cope with aftereffects as you will never want to eat them again.
I didn’t have breast cancer, I had Hodgkins Lymphoma and I would urge people to, not only squeeze boobies but also to know what is normal for you and if it changes ensure that you bring it up with a doctor and if that doctor dismisses you find another one.
Farrah Rochon said on 04.14.10 at 09:13 PM • [link]
Coming back to recommend Kris Carr’s Crazy Sexy Cancer. It is at times funny, uplifting, sad, and will make you want to fight. Sheryl Crow’s forward is honest and simply amazing.
P.S., Sarah, you can take my name out of the running for the free book.
Maggie Robinson/Margaret Rowe said on 04.14.10 at 09:48 PM • [link]
Jennifer, it sounds like you have gone through a lot of struggle and success already. Your attitude is amazing. I hope your treatment goes as gently as possible, but you’ll be perfectly within your rights to be a true Smart Bitch when you have down days. I’ve got no real advice except to let your feelings loose, whether it’s tears or anger or laughter. It’s important for all of us to appreciate every minute we have, even when those minutes are kind of crappy. You’ll be in my thoughts.
Trish said on 04.14.10 at 09:49 PM • [link]
Prayers and good wishes coming your way. Try to stay positive, keep your family close and read all those books you never had time for ;~)
Pam Noonan said on 04.14.10 at 09:52 PM • [link]
Been there done that and it sucked the big one. Everyone is so different- you have to find what works for you. If you go thru chemo dont eat your favorite foods- you will forever associate that food with the evil that is chemo. Hard candies-lemon drops can help. Be careful with mouth sores- there is a special mouthwash that can help. Get the udder cream lotion for hands and feet. Find a therapist that deals with cancer patients and dont wait until you are in a hole to see her. Let people help you - if they offer but dont know what to do tell them to vacuum or do the dishes dont be shy they really do want to feel helpful. Once everything is over you are a slightly different person-dont expect to bounce back to the same chick you were before. If you are married get the book -the breast cancer husband- guys are stumped by feeling useless - they have al sorts of reactions from depression to anger super normal. Mine cried every night while I was supposed to be sleeping. Again let people help you!! If you have a best buddy put her in charge of making a list of people who will make meals- who will clean the house and when. etc. Allow yourself to mourn- get lots of funny stupid movies.
All my best!!
Lisa J said on 04.14.10 at 10:12 PM • [link]
Hi Sarah:
I should have added (but forgot) to take me out of the drawing. I agree a good way to offer support is buy Jennifer’s books.
Lisa J
Theresa Meyers said on 04.14.10 at 10:44 PM • [link]
Jennifer, you are more loved, more cared about, by complete and utter strangers (ie. Smart Bitches) than you know. My mother battled breast cancer, and was unable to take chemo because of an earlier bout with Hepatitis C from a prescription drug that decimated her liver. She fought it like no one I’ve ever seen before. And she taught me one important thing - You can do this. You will do this. And in the end, nobody will know exactly what it was like to go through it because your journey, and it is a journey, will be different for you than anyone else.
Write it all down. Do what you need to when you need to and don’t worry about hurting anyone else’s feelings or asking for too much. It’s ok to say no. It’s ok to totally emerse yourself it what works for you, from foot rubs to shopping sprees. Above all live with everything you’ve got in you day to day. All my prayers for health, wellness and happiness are with you.
susanr said on 04.14.10 at 10:49 PM • [link]
Good thoughts, good vibes to Jennifer and her family.
Lucy Woodhull said on 04.14.10 at 11:08 PM • [link]
Jen is in my RWA chapter and a nicer, sunnier lady you could never meet.
Big prayers for you Jen! I know you’re gonna beat this damn thing.
PS Don’t enter me, either. I’ll buy the book :)
Chey said on 04.14.10 at 11:09 PM • [link]
Jennifer, I’m sending positive thoughts to you and your family.
Miranda said on 04.14.10 at 11:17 PM • [link]
2-time caregiver here:
Be sure to tell your doctor about any nausea or other discomfort from chemo (or anything). People think it’s an invariable side effect, but the medical professsion has come a long way in pain management, and there are many, many effective drugs out there. Something can probably be done to ease the symptoms.
During chemo, be careful to monitor yourself (or have a friend do it) for allergic reactions to the chemo drugs. Both Mom and mr.miranda had them. If you feel hot or flushed or itchy in chemo, flag down the closest nurse or aide, asap.
Peace and strength to you.
Joder said on 04.14.10 at 11:17 PM • [link]
I wish her the speediest recovery with lots of pampering to get her through the rough days ahead! My best friends mother is a cancer survivor and here are some of the many things that helped her…..
-mushroom extract tablets to help with nausea. They helped enough that she was able to keep her weight loss from becoming too dangerous.
-take someone with you to every doctor’s visit so they can hear things you might miss. Have any questions written down ahead of time too.
-Boost (the liquid food replacement shake) tastes great with ice cream and seems to go down easily.
-set up appointments for massage to help with the stiff muscles and joints that will occur.
-and the biggest thing is to never be ashamed to ask for help or tell people to go away when you want quiet time. Everyone will be unsure of what to do so just tell them what you want from them right away.
Melissandre said on 04.14.10 at 11:24 PM • [link]
I do not have any advice to give, or wise experience to share. But I do have vibes. They are positive, and they are headed your way.
kathy said on 04.14.10 at 11:42 PM • [link]
Sending positive thoughts of love, hope and KICK ASS!!
Marsha said on 04.15.10 at 12:02 AM • [link]
My recommendation, based on too much time seeing people I love deal with this madness, is that one should do whatever the hell one feels like doing. Sleep, eat (when and whatever), read, visit, call a friend, don’t call a friend…whatever. To the degree that it’s possible, try to focus on oneself. It’s o.k. to drop out of obligation for a while. People understand and those that step in to pick up what is dropped may need your step in down the road so guilt can be dispensed with at the get-go.
There. That’s as wise as I get these days.
Mary Beth said on 04.15.10 at 12:03 AM • [link]
Sending positive energy Jennifer’s way.
And posting really to say I put off getting my first mammogram for over a year because of all the horror stories I heard. It was no big deal. Talk to your doctor, get checked out.
SusannaG said on 04.15.10 at 12:47 AM • [link]
Best of luck to you, Jennifer.
I’ve been there myself, though it wasn’t breast cancer but uterine, and I’ve so far managed to avoid chemo. Ladies, if your periods go nuts, see an OBGYN! I’m tremendously glad I did, as they seem to have caught it very early.
I love the knitted knockers. My knitting group does cancer hats sometimes, we should consider the knockers, too.
meardaba said on 04.15.10 at 12:52 AM • [link]
My grandmothers died on cancer, but after long and happy lives. I hope you get the chance to have that as well.
The best cancer hat ever has already been posted, so I’ll just say good luck and eat as many popsicles as you want.
Katy D said on 04.15.10 at 01:05 AM • [link]
My aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a double mastectomy about five years ago. She found a lot of support and made some great new friends by joining a dragon boat club for breast cancer survivors.
Best wishes for Jennifer Haymore. *sends positive vibes*
BethC said on 04.15.10 at 01:15 AM • [link]
My sincerest hopes and best wishes for a full recovery.
17catherines said on 04.15.10 at 01:41 AM • [link]
I’m so very sorry to hear this - best wishes, Jen, for a fast, complete, recovery and a long (say, 80 years or so) remission.
I came across this site recently: http://www.cleaningforareason.org/maidservice.php
It provides a free cleaning service for people with cancer (their motto is “We focus on your home so you can focus on your health”). They appear to operate in the USA or Canada only, so I hope that’s relevant to you. Boringly practical, I know, but it’s probably slightly more pleasant to be sick in a clean house than in a dirty one.
Get well soon - I shall now go and nag the breast cancer researchers in my lab to find a cure forthwith…
love
Catherine
Nadia said on 04.15.10 at 02:43 AM • [link]
Best wishes, Jennifer. My mom had a double mastectomy in 1987. She kicked major breast cancer ass and is with us today to tell the tale and live the hope. Healing thoughts for you on your journey.
Mariska said on 04.15.10 at 03:04 AM • [link]
I’ve been wanting to read her works. but..
Sad news. Sending lots of positive thoughts, and hugs to Jennifer.
I have a friend who has diagnosed Breast cancer stadium 3. Her daughter only 1 yo. And now, she has chemo. it’s so sad to hear that news. and i just couldn’t imagine that.
one alternative medicine that someone taught me, drink lots the brewed water of red ginger. You need to crush the red ginger first, then brew it. Distill the water. and drink the red ginger water while it hot, well not that hot.
drink it 3 times a day.
Karen W. said on 04.15.10 at 03:16 AM • [link]
Most of my family members & many of my friends have battled cancer. Some have won and some have lost.
A good friend of mine has been going through chemo and the aftermath the past year, and it has been pretty ugly at times. Please just be there for people who are going through something like that. Just frequent calls, a card, and especially an offer to help with things like laundry, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
Jennifer, I’m sending all the best thoughts and wishes to you! Stay strong, but don’t push yourself. There will be days you won’t feel like doing anything, so please don’t. Allow yourself that without feeling guilty, and take good care of yourself.
Jody said on 04.15.10 at 03:21 AM • [link]
I lost my lovely mother to non Hodgkins lymphoma ten years ago and my best friend to multiple myeloma five years before that. I just watched the Bald Headed Blues, and I’m crying so hard I can barely see my monitor.
What gorgeous bravado! I so wish my mother and my friend could have participated. It says it all and thanks so much for providing that, Sarah.
Medicine has made huge strides in ten years. Jennifer, you’ll beat this. Take the very best care of yourself, laugh, celebrate each day, eat lots of chocolate and write more books.
Captcha—married78.
Yeah. Right.
Kaetrin said on 04.15.10 at 03:25 AM • [link]
May you be surrounded by people who love you and who know when to be near and when to give you space. May you be filled with peace and love and have hugs available all the time. May you sell many books. And, may you kick cancer’s ass.
Best to you.
Linda Henderson said on 04.15.10 at 04:05 AM • [link]
Positive thoughts and support of family and friends, to me that is really important. My brother had kidney cancer and beat it, I take a chemotherapy drug for my severe RA. I wish you all the best and stay strong.
Tessa said on 04.15.10 at 04:51 AM • [link]
Jennifer,
Just adding my good thoughts and positive energy to the crowd of SBs who all wish you well. May you kick cancer’s ass, kick it hard, and celebrate for many, many years to come.
Kris said on 04.15.10 at 05:33 AM • [link]
I always try to add positive thoughts and prayer to anyone I “meet” who is dealing with this cancer shit. I barely missed losing all my girl parts (hence any thought of procreating) along with my young life in 1992, due to a misdiagnosed molar pregnancy. I have lived through this crap, and have no desire whatsoever to see anyone else have to go through it. Good luck and kick some ass, girl!
Horribly weird and apropos WV: living45-Not quite 45 yet, but LIVING!!
SonomaLass said on 04.15.10 at 06:02 AM • [link]
I’m part of a program called Knitted Knockers to provide knitted (in my case, crocheted) lightweight prostheses for women who have had mastectomies. Anyone interested can read about it here.
I bought, read and enjoyed A Touch of Scandal as soon as it was released, so don’t enter me in the contest. I just wanted to join in the chorus of support for Jennifer.
Jill Webb said on 04.15.10 at 06:03 AM • [link]
I’m a four year breast cancer survivor and want to second all the suggestions Pam Noonan posted above. The book for husbands is very good. I’m not sure my husband actually read it but I did and it was good to see it from that side. I think it was harder on my family than it was on me. I just had to listen to the doctors and get better. They felt like they had to worry.
Do be sure and let your doctor know how the nausea and anti-nausea meds work for you. It took three different anti-nausea meds to find the one that worked for me.
Do as much of your regular activities as you want to do and don’t feel guilty if you don’t feel like doing some. I was planning on writing during my recovery time off from work, but was too mentally tired and read lots of assorted light fiction instead (did get some editing done now and again).
Best wishes for your treatment and kick cancer’s ass!
Keemeers said on 04.15.10 at 06:18 AM • [link]
Prayers and thoughts with you Jennifer Haymore! Kick that cancer’s ass!
Maggie Marr said on 04.15.10 at 06:36 AM • [link]
Kick cancer to the curb! Jennifer, I am sending prayers and positive thoughts to you. And looking forward to seeing the tiara.
xo
Maggie
Diana said on 04.15.10 at 06:43 AM • [link]
I’m sending good thoughts Jennifer’s way!
Gina said on 04.15.10 at 06:52 AM • [link]
“Women are never stronger than when they arm themselves with their weakness.”
~Marie de Vichy-Chamrond, Marquise du Deffand [Letters to Voltaire]
Donna said on 04.15.10 at 07:06 AM • [link]
My prayers are with you Jennifer. Get well soon.
Sasha said on 04.15.10 at 08:09 AM • [link]
Cancer’s been a too-real thing in my life lately, and I’m sending all the good vibes I can muster Jennifer’s way. Cancer blows! Boo.
Kathleen Bittner Roth said on 04.15.10 at 09:42 AM • [link]
My heart goes out to Jennifer and her family. My huband’s sister is fighting the same battle. Jennifer’s statement that she will survive for her kids is a powerful, powerful inner healer – you go girl!
One thing I want to say to Jennifer is add turmeric to your diet immediately. There is all kinds of research being done on the spice and Dr. Sanjay Gupta at CNN did a 30 minute special on it. He flew to India and stood in the market place discussing the spice and its ability to kill cancer cells and how it may be responsible for the low cancer rates in India. It needs to be taken with either curry, pepper or olive oil, not just the capsules. There is a terrific amount of research going on in Germany and at John Hopkins in the U.S. on this spice. I’m sure Jennifer will receive all kinds of advice on what to eat and not to eat, and I don’t want to preach, but if it will help, please take it. My sister-in-law’s invasive breast cancer went to her brain despite chemo/radiation/etc. When we found this info on turmeric she started taking it every day and the cancer cells in her brain have shrunk to nothing. Doctors don’t have proof, of course, they just tell her to keep up the turmeric.
aphasia said on 04.15.10 at 11:52 AM • [link]
If there’s one thing I’ve learned since my BC diagnosis, it’s that it is everywhere. So I’m not surprised to see this here, but I am sorry.
Tips from someone just finishing chemo-
-cotton baby hat! very comfy for sleeping/home.
-poncho for chemo- it is often chilly in infusion centers, but you can’t wear sleeves unless you get a port, and it’s hard to get a blanket around an iv-ed arm. I got a fleece poncho and loved it.
-sage tincture helps a bit with hot flashes if you take it regularly
-check out breastcancer.org, for all sorts of great resources and discussion groups- but especially check out the “dumbest things people have said to me” thread to make you feel better about some of the things that inevitably come with a diagnosis.
-and, of course, drink lots of water even when you don’t think you can- it will flush out the dead cells and lessen side effects, even if it makes you feel ill in the short term.
AgTigress said on 04.15.10 at 12:50 PM • [link]
I don’t know Jennifer Haymore’s books, but I wish her, and all other sufferers from this horrible disease, the very best in fighting and beating it.
To Kathleen Bittner Roth, re. turmeric: I use this spice quite a lot, and of course it is a common ingredient in curry, which I (being a Brit) eat fairly frequently, so I am cheered to hear about its possible health benefits. The only problem sometimes with using it in cooking is the fact that it colours everything bright yellow, an effect that is not always desired!
:-)
romancemama said on 04.15.10 at 01:33 PM • [link]
Jennifer is a kick ass writer who will kick the big C’s ass! Praying and sending good vibes her way.
Miranda said on 04.17.10 at 02:59 AM • [link]
Make a list of all meds that you take, down to multi-vitamins, birth control, whatever, and carry it with you for doctors to photocopy. They always need to know and it’s easier than trying to remember it each time.
'col said on 04.17.10 at 03:43 AM • [link]
Don’t need to be entered in the draw—I can buy Jennifer’s books. But perhaps this would be of use: there’s a cookbook called Goes Down Easy by Elise Mecklinger which is all recipes aimed at folks undergoing cancer treatment. Published by the Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation. I’ve heard good things about it.
My thoughts are with Jennifer.
Ebony McKenna said on 04.17.10 at 05:47 AM • [link]
Loads of healing vibes and very best wishes to Jennifer.
Cancer sucks.
2yrsurvivor said on 04.17.10 at 07:26 AM • [link]
I don’t want to enter the contest, but I have two pieces of advice or support. 1. You will be at less than normal capacity. Think about what you’re like when you have a bad case of the flu. What do you like to do then? You will likely be more worn down than that. My husband got me a big screen TV and we subscribed to almost every cable channel. I had never seen any CSI—I caught up with all three series when undergoing the tests, surgeries, and chemo.
2. Green tea. If you think it tastes grassy alone (as I did and do), consider green tea with fruit pieces—many loose leaf tea shops sell green tea infused with, say, lemon, or green tea with, say papaya pieces. The docs told me green tea would help my body process the toxic chemicals in the chemo. Not sure if that was the case, but my pots of tea became a real ritual and my friends, family, and former students started sending me teapots and giftcards and I became a real tea fanatic. I still drink tons of green tea [infused or with fruit] to this day.
I wish you well, and you will be in my prayers.
Jacqueline Wilson said on 04.17.10 at 07:57 PM • [link]
I have been told that eating well, living well, laughing at the world and the disease are some of the best ways to fight any disease. Attitude is everything. So stay positive and laugh a lot
I am wishing you the strength to beat the big C’s ass!
My thoughts are with you and your family.
All the best in the world
~Jackie
Carol L. said on 04.18.10 at 02:06 PM • [link]
It was a shock to read Jennifer’s post. But her attitude and determination are going to be her strength. You’ll kick Cancers Ass Jennifer.As hard as it will seem ,stay determined to do exactly what you want. Have a family member get in touch with the Patient Rep because they can hook you up with a lot of agencies that offer services that will get you through your treatment. My daughter had bone cancer at seven and a half. She was an in-patient for a little over 11 months receiving 5 chemos a day.
Everyone reacts differently to treatment so just deal with how you feel, never mind what everyone feels. You definitely have a loving family and believe me when I say, a strong family beside you, prayer and a sense of humor and determination will get you through. 13 Years later and my daughter is as healthy as can be. Our prayers go to you and yours Jennifer. You can’t help but win, you have an enormous Prayer line going. God Bless. :)
Carol L.
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