Bitchin' Blog Posts
Heroine Ailments
by SB Sarah | October 30, 2007 | Tuesday at 10:00 pm | 17 CommentsCandy and I have joked about the number of heroines who get a cold and linger at death’s door for a good chapter or two, forcing the hero to profess his undying (har har) Lurrrrveâ„¢ to end the dark moment. It’s a cold. But no, any cold, even a mild sniffle, is a life-threatening ailment.
From Jezebel comes this hilarious story, “We hate it when a boy breaks up with us—we die of consumption”, which links to a BBC article that discusses what ailments those classic novel heroines actually DID have, and whether some were artfully discussed suicides. Suicide or not, beware the wet grass, y’all.
Speaking of ailments affecting women, EvilAuntiePeril sent me a link to the Mills & Boon page of October romances that are part of their Breast Cancer Campaign:
They might have been better off doing this with the “Medical” line, because most of the “Modern” cover models seem to be showing more enthusiasm than accuracy in their efforts to demonstrate the correct way to do regular breast examinations. Most of the heroes are more focussed on examining the heroine’s neck glands (maybe for lymphona?).
But I’m happy to report that the Italian Billionaire is making an sterling effort to demonstrate his mastery of the correct technique to the Virgin (says so on the back cover) mother of his Secret Love Child. Take a look.
Wonder what other important public health & safety messages could be communicated to a wider audience in the same way?
Hm.
Filed: The Link-O-Lator
Cathy in AK said on 10.30.07 at 10:07 PM • [comment link]
Or he’s checking for an Adam’s apple. That’s quite the strong jaw she has there.
Angelina said on 10.30.07 at 10:31 PM • [comment link]
nah, she really wearing a candy necklace and he’s hungry.
Elizabeth said on 10.30.07 at 10:34 PM • [comment link]
Dude. The Italian Billionaire keeps Atlantis in his swimming pool.
Awesome.
Toddson said on 10.30.07 at 11:05 PM • [comment link]
Better the breast - or neck - exam than a pelvic.
Kimberly Anne said on 10.30.07 at 11:30 PM • [comment link]
Man, I had no idea those Atlanteans were so tiny! I guess that’s why no one can find the remnants of their civilization. I mean, who’s going to look for teensy weensy houses in some Italian Billionaire’s pool?
Betsy said on 10.30.07 at 11:39 PM • [comment link]
I can remember reading a Harlequin, perhaps 20 years ago, where the heroine was horribly embarrased because she had a prosthetic breast because . . . her breast had been kicked off by a horse.
I don’t think that happens very often.
Tandis said on 10.30.07 at 11:43 PM • [comment link]
Kicked her breast off?! No way! Can we do a “Help a bitch out” for that title? I’d love to read it. :D
Darlene Marshall said on 10.30.07 at 11:50 PM • [comment link]
Kicked off by a horse? That’s even better than the Catherine the Great story! Damned dangerous, those equines!
Carrie Lofty said on 10.31.07 at 12:12 AM • [comment link]
I always refer to those annoying little death colds in the BBC adaptations as “Darcy coughs.” *coughcough* Oh, it’s nothing—just a cold I can’t seem to shake. Then DEATH. You can see the grim reaper just laughing and laughing outside their window.
Teddy Pig said on 10.31.07 at 12:19 AM • [comment link]
Trojan Condoms now with Extra Virgin Latex!
In the background you hear *It feels like the first time* *It feels like the very first time*
Heidi said on 10.31.07 at 01:11 AM • [comment link]
thanks for making me spit on my keyboard over the boob being kicked off by a horse. oy vey! even as my 9 year old daughter is downstairs with my 3 year old son playing ponies and making shrieking/neighing horsey sounds as they *gallop* in a circle. hmmm I’m guessing his much shorter leg and foot couldn’t reach her yet ungrown boob to stunt it’s growth, now could it?
Heidi said on 10.31.07 at 01:12 AM • [comment link]
and what is with his hair? static cling?
Charlene said on 10.31.07 at 01:57 AM • [comment link]
Ye olde virgin on the Italian Billionaire cover doesn’t seem to have actual breasts (despite wearing a bikini) or a waist, but “she” does appear to have a rather prominent chin and Adam’s Apple.
Has Mills & Boon decided that we need virgin secret baby MPREG stories now? I can only pray.
Charlene said on 10.31.07 at 01:59 AM • [comment link]
In fact, the girl looks suspiciously like Blair Sandberg from The Sentinel.
YOU BROKE MY BRAIN, BITCHES.
Sandra D said on 10.31.07 at 03:36 AM • [comment link]
Ok this is scary, I think I read that “boob kicked off by a horse” book too!
My word is price56, well, if I could get it for 56 cents I just might read it again.
Chrisbookarama said on 10.31.07 at 04:48 AM • [comment link]
No one ever just gets a cold in those novels.
Teddy Pig said on 10.31.07 at 05:58 AM • [comment link]
Hi I’m Teddypig and I am a Waif.
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