Bitchin' Blog Posts
Bitchery reader Janie writes:
I read a book in 2000 I believe and I’ve been trying to find it since. I
think it was written in the 90s, but here’s a detailed summery of it. I
hope someone can help! I’ve been searching for it for close to 10 years!
I don’t know if I’m mixing my books but this girl who lived with her aunt
or uncle[George?] and is given to the king to marry his son. She refuses so
the king ties up her and drags her by the neck to marry her to his son by
proxy because his son is still away in battle. When he comes back he is told
he is married. He’s excited to goes to meet his new wife. He sees her tied
up and the servants are hitting her. He was outraged and demanded an
explanation. They showed him the scratches and bite marks she inflicted on
them while they were getting her “ready” for him. He unties her and see
the rope burns on her neck and is even madder at his father. He cut his arm
or palm and put the blood on the sheets to make it look like as if they
consummated the marriage when they didn’t because she was understandable
disagreeable. He left and was doing stuff in his kingdom when he witnessed a
guy dressed as a clown steal like a hunk of very good cheese. The heroine
sees this too.
The guy managed to slip past the guards and change into normal looking
attire and got away with the cheese. The heroine promised not to rat him out
if he delivered a message to the princes’ cousin whom by the way the prince
hated a LOT because he was kind of a reason I can’t remember. The
thief/jester/clown/ becomes good friends with the heroin and is sympathetic.
She arranges to meet the prince’s cousin in some kind of tomb or an
underground garden or something like that and wants the cousin to deflower
her to spite the prince. He prince sees the thief hurrying to deliver the
message and intercepts it. He goes ahead of time and throws his cousin in
the dungeon and takes his place. He brings her lilies or jasmine or some
nice smelling flower. So after the deed is done she leaves unaware that she
was just with her husband and sorta feels guilty.
Then there is something about a bejeweled sword that heroins aunt or uncle
wants or something like that. So she dresses up like a guy and goes to a
tavern and low and behold she sees the prince and a fight breaks out. The
prince figured out it was her before the fight so tried to protect her, but
she wouldn’t have it. He made a comment about how his wife had blood lust/
was bloodthirsty because she was enjoying the violence.
Then there is a scene in the library where the prince is coming on to her
and he’s naked and she throws a knife at him. He falls asleep naked in the
study or library and his father who never showed any form of love because he
thought it was weakness was so scared he was dead but he was breathing so he
covered the prince up and left. The prince and the heroine at one point were
fighting side by side and ended up defeating some enemy and they found the
sword together. They escaped through some underground tunnel when they were
invaded and they forgot all about his cousin still in the dungeon.
The last scene was: They were in bed and she was telling him about how she
regrets she didn’t lose her virginity to him and he’s like “how did you
put it, hurry up and do it already..” or something like that.
I hope someone has read this before, because it’s a great book!
Pesky virginity with cheese thief?! Anyone read this one?