Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

HaBO: Is That Your Tallywhacker?

 Inez Kelley sent me this inquiry, and it's hilarious. 

Through out school, my best friend and I swapped books like lovers swap spit and this one made us howl with laughter. I'd love to be able to track down a copy (ebay anyone?) and gift it to her after so many years. Strangely I remember a lot of details but no names, title or author. It was either a Harlequin or a Silhouette from the 1980's. It was the first we'd read that didn't feature a super wealthy hero and a gorgeous heroine. The heroine was bit ditzy and was looking for work. She was caring for two young children(her siblings maybe??)- a blossoming teen girl who had bigger boobs than the heroine and wanted mascara desperately and a cute little boy that is less memorable. The Hero owned a junkyard, was a widower/divorcee and had a little girl. His wife had cheated on him before she died/left.

There was an assortment of secondary characters like the heroine's mentally challenged sister, her lazy parents who expected her to find a place for them all to live and of course the three kids. When the little boy gets a sunburn or something, the heroine milks it, making the hero think the boy is deathly ill in an attempt to make herself invaluable to him. Hero's daughter also has her mother's old make-up hidden under her bed and the teen girl gets all hussied-up in like blue eyeshadow or some crap. That part is hazy. What makes this thing stick out was how redneckish the characters were and yet, we knew people just like this. At one point, the heroine asks the hero if he is constipated because he is grouchy but of course, he is just sexually frustrated. Then while kissing, she feels the 'throbbing of his desire' and screeches "Is that your tallywhacker?"

I confess my friend and I used to wait until the middle of school lectures, church services and family dinners to whisper "Is that your tallywhacker?" just to make the other laugh.

Ultimately, the two rednecks get together, heroine's dad sits on his butt and runs the entrance to the junkyard, Her mom is a built in babysitter, the hero sets the inlaws up in a motor home across the junkyard from his house and the mentally challenge sister is the best crab shucker around. (or something like that). It is happily ever after in the junkyard! It reminded me a lot of the Clampets meet Cupid.

Can the readerdom of bitchery help me find the title of this book?

This sounds absolutely insane. Can anyone help Inez find the tallywhacker?