Bitchin' Blog Posts
GS. vs. STA: Infertility
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | February 07, 2012 | Tuesday at 12:18 am | 48 CommentsThis email comes from Rebekka:
I don't know if you can help me, but I would really appreciate some recommendations of romances to read that address infertility. As you know, most books that even mention it barely do, and it's usually more a case of, "Oh! My dead husband was sterile!" or it's some other problem easily fixed by the Mighty Wang.
The only romance I have read that actually deals with the emotional aspects of infertility - and which isn't magically fixed - is the Julia Quinn "Bridgerton" book When He Was Wicked (Francesca's story). My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for a year now and are about to start our first round of IVF. Even though I am only 27, our doctors say that we have less than a 5% chance of having a baby without it. Reading about other couples supporting and loving each other through such an emotional and difficult issue would really help me feel more hopeful that things can turn out all right, and that you can get through all this hard stuff together.
I remember being where Rebekka is, and it can be terribly isolating. I know that AAR has a list of romances like this (I love those lists, holy smokes), but it was last updated in 2009, and I wanted to see what romances published since then you'd recommend that featured infertility. What do you suggest?
Filed: General Bitching, Good Shit vs. Shit to Avoid
Tagged: recommendations, infertility, good shit vs shit to avoid
Maya S. said on 02.07.12 at 10:40 AM • [link]
Have you read Julia Quinn’s 2nd epilogue for “When He Was Wicked”? I know she’s referred to it as her favorite thing she’s ever written, and it really is quite lovely.
My best wishes to you and your husband and I hope you find the love and support you need.
Sarina Arahovas said on 02.07.12 at 11:30 AM • [link]
While it’s not a complete romance, and I haven’t finished it yet, “Sing You Home” by Jodi Picoult is lovely!
Lindleepw said on 02.07.12 at 11:50 AM • [link]
Here is a link to a free short story by Lucy Monroe dealing with infertility. The story isn’t the greatest but the ending has always stuck with me. And well…it’s free. =)
http://lucymonroe.com/married_…
I have PCOS and while I’m neither married or trying for a child, I know infertility could be a problem in my future. I’ll be very interested in seeing what books are suggested here.
Good luck with the IVF! I hope everything works out for you and your husband!
Yulie29 said on 02.07.12 at 12:40 PM • [link]
When He Was Wicked was wonderful. I wish the second epilogues weren’t so pricey relative to their length, because that’s one HEA I’d love to read.
I can think of several books in which infertility wasn’t the main focus of the group, but it was at least addressed: Not Quite a Husband by Sherry Thomas, Flawless by Carrie Lofty, Unclaimed by Courtney Milan and Captives of the Night by Loretta Chase.
The third book in the Bronze Horseman trilogy, The Summer Garden, has an extended subplot about the h/h’s inability to conceive. I’m hesitant to recommend it, though, because it’s a very difficult trial for them and they come awfully close to not getting through it together. So not at all a comfort read.
I hope things will turn out well for you and your husband, Rebekka.
April said on 02.07.12 at 01:34 PM • [link]
Eloisa James deals with this theme in a really excellent, thoughtful way in a lot of her Historical Romances.
I can’t think of a specific book myself because I tend to get the titles confused, but Your Wicked Ways is the one James mentions in Everything I Know about Love I Learned from Romance Novels. So that could be a good place to start.
Anony Miss said on 02.07.12 at 02:38 PM • [link]
Having been through many many years of IVF myself (socialized medicine FTW, or else we would be living in a tent know), I can tell you I have NEVER seen anything in romantic fiction that deals with that actual process. I’ve seen chemo, addictions, even ED, but the IVF process I’ve never seen dealt with (except in very wall-bangingly offensive examples of showing how “pathetic” an infertile woman was, that she is willing to do IVF. Oh gag me on a syringe). If it’s out there I would LOVE to know.
(changes tone of voice off of rant)
That said - best of luck and prayers to you Rebekka - IVF is a godsend. Keep your sense of humor (and ice packs for the injections). My two daughters were worth every last poke.
Kornzohar said on 02.07.12 at 02:58 PM • [link]
Shana Galen has several I believe-
in Lord and Lady Spy they go through several miscarriages, and there is another (can’t remember the title) where the couple has a very hard time conceiving. I think they eventually do (which is revealed in another book…)
Hope this helps!
Susan said on 02.07.12 at 03:06 PM • [link]
Most of the books I can think of are the type you cite—where the heroine thinks she’s infertile because she’s actually with a partner who’s infertile (such as Mary Balogh’s Seducing an Angel). Then, in romancelandia fashion, she conceives when she gets together with her true love.
Someone already mentioned Sherry Thomas’s Not Quite a Husband, which has a different kind of resolution.
I suspect that neither of these scenarios are what you’re looking for in your situation. I can’t really think of a book where infertility/IVF is a central theme, tho.
Best of luck to you both with the book search and your IVF.
Rocketrder said on 02.07.12 at 03:26 PM • [link]
Heart Choice by Robin Owens is a fantasy/sf that deals quite a bit with the infertility issues. The heroine, Mitchella, will not be able to conceive due to a childhood illness and no miracle cures solve the problem. There is no IVF but it deals with adoption and definitely the issues that arise from the infertility.
I agree that infertility would be a boon in more romance novels. As someone else who has struggled with it, it is frustrating to see characters pretty much think about getting pregnant and ta-da! they are.
Kerri Carpenter said on 02.07.12 at 03:28 PM • [link]
I just read a book that you might enjoy. It’s called A Dry Creek Bed by Avery Flynn. This is the second in a series but you don’t have to read the first book to get what’s going on here. (Although, I loved the first one too!)
But in A Dry Creek Bed, the heroine finds out that she will never be able to have a baby and the hero, who is obviously beyond smitten with her, really wants a family. The subject of infertility isn’t brushed under the rug, nor is it cured magically - it’s dealt with in a sensitive and real fashion. Plus, the book is a romantic suspense so it definitely gets your mind off of everything else. I really, really liked it and strongly suggest it!
Best of luck, Rebekka - I’m sending you many positive thoughts and prayers!
tambourine said on 02.07.12 at 03:30 PM • [link]
i think christina jones’s book “jumping to conclusions” dealt with the hero being infertile and worrying about this, but then it turns out she doesn’t want children.
i may be wrong, though. and he may have been infertile because he got kicked down there by a horse…
cleo said on 02.07.12 at 04:20 PM • [link]
I don’t think Your Wicked Ways deals with infertility - the whole plot revolves around Helene wanting to get pregnant, but the problem isn’t that she’s infertile, it’s that she’s not having sex (because she’s estranged from her husband).
I’m trying to remember any Eloisa James books that deal with infertility and I’m coming up blank right now.
library addict said on 02.07.12 at 04:29 PM • [link]
I hated the Julia Quinn 2nd epilogue of When He Was Wicked. I know she feels it’s the best story she’s ever written, but the underlying message of “If you are just patient enough and truly in love you will conceive and have a baby” really rubbed me the wrong way.
Becca said on 02.07.12 at 05:10 PM • [link]
What I’d like to see is a story where IVF doesn’t work, and the couple wind up adopting (waves hand). The only story like that I can remember is a Lindsay Graham (?) book where she goes to Russia and adopts a child with fetal alcohol syndrome. That book hit the wall.
it's Ebony McKenna said on 02.07.12 at 06:22 PM • [link]
Just want to give Rebekka a hug.
RachelT said on 02.07.12 at 06:32 PM • [link]
You might find The Trouble with Joe an interesting book by Emilie Richards. Here it is the husband who is sterile, and much of the book is about his coming to terms with the concept of adopting a baby that he has not fathered. I don’t know if it is appropriate to reference a reiew from another site, but as you have already mentioned AAR’s list, I think you might find it helpful to lookat their very thoughtful review of this book. http://www.likesbooks.com/cgi-...
Emily said on 02.07.12 at 06:33 PM • [link]
the issue was dealt with in James’s Duchess by Night. I really liked except this one thing kinda ruined it for me.
Second some couples remain infertile for a long time, but I have known people who were infertile and then they got pregnant. A guy on a blog I liked to read was married 8 years before he and his wife had a child ( and they hoped to get pregnant the whole time). then a friend of my gandmother’s thought she was infertile waited years adopted a daughter and then had kids. It does happen.
That being said it would be helpful to know what you are looking for. Are looking for an ending where the couple adopts and becomes resigned to their fate or are hoping for a book with a magical prenancy works.
Unclaimed is the former. so is a cute little novella I read by Beverly Jenkins called “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” Its holiday themed but you could read it now. Its actually Thanksgiving themed but you could read it now. It was part of an anthonlogy called Baby Let It Snow. I recommend it.
When He Was Wicked and Duchess by Night are the latter, involving a divine pregnancy although both of these stories contain a pregnancy that happens after h/h have been together a long time. (WWHW is in the second epilogue only.)
I wish you luck! Let us know what happens.
Caitlin Getchell said on 02.07.12 at 07:27 PM • [link]
“Outlander” by Diana Gabaldon has an infertility subplot. It isn’t specifically a romance, but it does fall loosely into the category.
Becca said on 02.07.12 at 08:00 PM • [link]
<quote>That being said it would be helpful to know what you are looking for. Are looking for an ending where the couple adopts and becomes resigned to their fate </quote>
or are not “resigned” so much as embrace the idea, and the children aren’t “second best”
Flo_over said on 02.07.12 at 08:23 PM • [link]
Since I don’t know any books I’d like to toss in… adoption rules. I am adopted. I have the BEST parents on the planet. They love me fiercely, deeply, devotedly, endlessly, and have taught me what it means to be a kind and loving person. Not once, EVER, have I not felt like their daughter. Not ever. To the point where my mother even suggested I could go look for my birth mother (for health history reasons) and she wouldn’t be upset. I told her I didn’t need too. I had MY mother. In every EVERY way that counts she is my mother. The woman who cried with me, laughed with me, taught me a love of literature and music. Not some stranger who baked me for 9 months (although I am ETERNALLY grateful to her for giving me a shot at life!!!!).
I could go on but… even if you don’t have a baby of your own body, whatever person God gives you, whoever comes into your life, love them, love love love LOVE them. Even if they arrive by stork. Literally.
a9ymous said on 02.07.12 at 09:06 PM • [link]
I don’t have any reading recommendations for you, but I did want to say that I will keep you in my prayers.
Like a few of the other commenters mentioned, I have a family member who went through IVF with his wife without any luck. When they finally “gave up” trying to get pregnant, they actually did get pregnant. They now have two daughters.
I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t stress yourselves out with this process… Just pray for acceptance of wherever you’re life leads you. You just might find that it leads to parenthood.
? ? ?
Gina Lamm said on 02.07.12 at 09:10 PM • [link]
As someone who is currently dealing with infertility I am in total agreement with you, Rebekka! There needs to be more romances dealing with the emotional turmoil that trying to conceive can cause when it’s not so cut-and-dried. *makes note on to-do list: write contemporary romance with IVF plot* :)
Good luck with your journey!
Sasha said on 02.07.12 at 09:16 PM • [link]
I don’t have any great book recommendations, but one movie I remember watching with new eyes while dealing with infertility was the Coen Bros. “Raising Arizona”. After dealing with it personally, the insanity of that movie seemed to be played a lot more straight than I saw when I viewed it before infertility.
And the ending is one of the best I can remember. I still tear up since there is quite a bit of ambiguity to the HEA and how it is achieved. Highly recommend while going through treatment. I laughed and cried during the scene where the H.I. (in a voice over) says,
“Biology conspired to keep us childless…At first I could not believe it. That this woman, who looked as fertile as the Tennessee valley, could not bear children. But the doctor explained that her insides were a rocky place where my seed could find no purchase.”
Hope this helps during your journey -
willaful said on 02.07.12 at 09:53 PM • [link]
The best one I know is an old Harlequin, A Secret Sorrow by Karen van der Zee.
We had infertility on both sides, and my miracle is stomping around the house singing at the top of his lungs at this moment… I wish the same for you someday.
wascally1 said on 02.07.12 at 09:56 PM • [link]
I really enjoyed Lucy Monroe’s HP “The Scorsolini Marriage Bargain”. While it’s the last in a series, the heroine in the story is struggling with her diagnosis of endometriosis and the fertility issues that come along with it. Also, “True Confessions” by Rachel Gibson has a heroine who is post hysterectomy and has come to terms with the fact that she’ll never have children the “traditional” way.
Emily said on 02.07.12 at 10:08 PM • [link]
Sorry not trying to offend. I do think some couples go through some type of mourning period where they feel a loss for not being able to have their own children. I also know couples who were childless but chose not to adopt. Still my mom had a teacher friend who couldn’t have kids, but enjoyed being there for her nieces and nephews and her career and her husband and had a full life.
That being said the novella I recommended includes a woman who does embrace the opportunity to have adopt.
April said on 02.07.12 at 10:21 PM • [link]
I haven’t read that one in ages so that sounds about right. I think infertility is brought up in one or more of the Desperate Duchesses books, but it was probably something along similar lines so those are probably out too.
My apologies, Rebekka! I hope some of the other books work out better.
Marissa Fortin said on 02.07.12 at 10:32 PM • [link]
“Seven Years to Sin” by Sylvia Day has an infertile heroine whose infertility is NOT magically resolved by the end of the book.
Merrian Weymouth said on 02.07.12 at 11:30 PM • [link]
Sarah Morgan’s ‘Once a Ferrara Wife’ pub Mills & Boon/Harlequin has an heroine who firstly has an ectopic pregnancy, is told she is infertile due to damage, adopts, accidently becomes pregnant but she and her husband experience the pregnancy as unnerving and difficult and decide they won’t try again so any more children will be adopted. This is set against a background of required breeding of heirs.
It isn’t a story about IVF or magic ‘bits’ delivering miraculous children but of their experience as a couple working their way through their circumstances to their HEA
Ariella said on 02.07.12 at 11:43 PM • [link]
Rebekka -
It’s not infertility (but close), instead in Lorelei James’ “Shoulda been a Cowboy” the main female character is an orphan from Eastern European where she had a hysterectomy at a young age to cure cysts.
The story is filled with them adopting children. It’s quite beautiful
Theresa said on 02.08.12 at 01:34 AM • [link]
In “Married to the Viscount”, Sabrina Jeffries deals with fertility challenges and adoption. I thought of another book to but can’t remember it anymore. I’ll post it if I think of it again…
Brenna Aubrey said on 02.08.12 at 01:39 AM • [link]
*hugs* to Rebekka. The infertility years were some of the very hardest in my life. I wish you the best of luck in your journey. I don’t have any reading suggestions for you, just wanted to wish you all the best.
Amy Andrews said on 02.08.12 at 01:56 AM • [link]
http://community.harlequin.com…
This link is to the harlequin medical authors blog. A lot of medicals deal with infertility issues. I bet if you asked there you would get a tonne of recs!
Sycorax said on 02.08.12 at 04:09 AM • [link]
The only one I can think of is ‘The Time Travellor’s Wife’, where the multiple miscarriages lead to depression and marital problems.
Liz Flaherty said on 02.08.12 at 06:56 AM • [link]
That was excellent.
Lora Patten said on 02.08.12 at 10:45 AM • [link]
This topic is expounded on in Voyager and it is revealed that it was Frank (Claire’s ORIGINAL husband who was sterile). Still, not sure this would be the kind of book that you are looking for in help with coping with infertility because its not really a “feel good” type of book.
VandyJ said on 02.08.12 at 11:17 AM • [link]
There was a book from 1999 called Romeo & Julia by Annie Kimberlin where the heroine was infertile and would never be able to have children and almost gave up the hero because she thought he needed to be a father. The HEA has them both comfortable with the idea of adopting.
It’s not quite going through IVF, but coming to and understanding about what being parents really means.
jennifer said on 02.08.12 at 01:02 PM • [link]
I read Just Breathe by Susan Wiggs last year, and it’s heroine goes through fertility treatments. She eventually has twins, plus a cheating husband, so drama ensues.
Marissa Fortin said on 02.08.12 at 02:16 PM • [link]
In the STA category, “The Handmaiden’s Necklace” by Kat Martin. The heroine believe herself barren due to an accident when she was younger. The description makes absolutely no sense to begin with (disclaimer: I’m an ICU nurse, used to work in OB, so I over-analyze this stuff and it vexes me), and then towards the end she has another accident and has vaginal bleeding for some reason. The doctor determines that it was an old injury that was re-opened, and this is how the hero finds out that the heroine is barren and has been keeping this a secret. It’s completely stupid and unrealistic. Of course, the new injury heals the old injury and she gets pregnant. It’s not a very well written book to start with, but the horrible handling of infertility complete with ridiculous medical scenarios, made me wish to throw the book against the wall.
RhodaBaxter said on 02.08.12 at 04:56 PM • [link]
Not strictly a romance, Inconceivable by Ben Elton is about infertility and unsuccesful IVF (I don’t think the heroine is pregnant by the end).
There is a heartbreaking part where she describes herself as something broken down by the side of the motorway while all the other women were cars who were working and zooming past. One day, if I’m strong enough, I will write a romance about infertility and bump envy.
All the best to you Rebekka. I hope you get your miracle.
Jazzlet said on 02.08.12 at 05:09 PM • [link]
I do not wish to offend any one, that is not my intent at all, but as someone who went through the IVF process with no result and who decided not to adopt my perspective is valid. I really, really, really did not find it helpful to be told of others who had gone through IVF and then miraculousy conceived. We do not know the precise nature of Rebekahs infertility (and I wish her the very best with the IVF) but there are some who will not miraculously conceive if the IVF fails, because it just ain’t possible. It is galling in the extreme to be told of others success by someone who is clearly trying to be kind, to give you hope but who has not got a fucking clue about the reality of your situation. You do may not wish to give them the gory details of why their story is irrelevant to you. You probably do not want to tell them to STFU. But they are hurting you not helping you.
I know that you all mean well, but please think about whether the stories of your successful friends you are telling will really cheer someone in this position or whether the stories will just make them want to howl ‘NO! WHY NOT ME!’
On which note anyone know of tales of couples who made it despite not having the kids?
Brycanthe said on 02.08.12 at 07:36 PM • [link]
@Jazzlet, there’s Cal & Min in Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie, but they never went through infertility; they didn’t want to have children. I think the same is true for Agatha & Shane in Crusie/Mayers’ Agatha & The Hitman, as well as several other Crusie books, but those are two titles that jumped to mind.
There’s also Deanna Raybourne’s Lady Julia Grey series, which isn’t romance, it’s a Victorian-era detective series, although it does have a very strong romantic storyline running through the series, as it follows the relationship of Julia Grey and Nicholas Brisbane as well as the crime-solving.
{SPOILERS AHEAD}
In the latest book, Julia has an accident which is part of the climax of the storyline. It leaves her injured in a non-specific way that means she can’t have children. Nicholas is far more concerned with her health and wellbeing and while I’m still waiting for the next book, I really don’t think it’s going to become an issue for them.
I’ve read a few (although the titles escape me right at this minute) where infertile couples chose to foster children who weren’t easily placeable, i.e. children with disabilities or attitude problems. The redemptive powers of fostering trope as part of a romance or HEA are a whole other bag of doughnuts, though. Life is rarely, if ever, as simple as it is inside a book and fostering should not be entered into lightly.
Rebekka, I wish you and your husband all the best in your IVF journey.
Emily said on 02.08.12 at 07:58 PM • [link]
I understand that in many J. Crusie novels the h & h don’t want kids. But in Agnes and the Hitman it was not exactly touched upon and the couple never discusses but Shane talks about having kids.
@ Jazzlet
I know several couples in real life who didn’t have kids for reasons as you describe and made. One was a teacher friend of my mom’s. Never could have kids of her own was a devoted aunt and had a successful marriage and career. Two was an old friend of my grandmother’s who had an arranged marriage and was very happy and very in love.
I wish you the best.
Marissa Fortin said on 02.08.12 at 09:00 PM • [link]
“There is a heartbreaking part where she describes herself as something broken down by the side of the motorway while all the other women were cars who were working and zooming past.”
Damn, that resonates.
Seymourkylie said on 02.12.12 at 08:46 AM • [link]
I haven’t found a good ivf romance yet, and I am looking. I will say I liked Erin McCarthy’s handling of male infertility in the first book of her racing series, but am anticipating that something will happen as part of the ongoing series.
Julia Quinn is on my do not read list until there are children, due to miscarriage and immediate pregnancy despite “infertility” storylines. I would also strongly advise the avoidance of time travelers wife- multiple miscarriages and desperation to conceive mean that it brings up way too much angst.
There is an old Jayne Ann Krentz, when she writing as stephanie James that features an Italian village where their fertility icons were stolen, and no one has been able to conceive in the village for 5 years. The villagers resort to various tactics to fall pregnant. Very light though.
Sibilantsibyl said on 02.12.12 at 10:57 AM • [link]
Doesn’t Lisa Kleypas’s “Love in the Afternoon” deal with infertility (not the focus of the novel, but I think it’s there)? Correct me if I’m wrong - it’s the fifth book in the Hathaway series. And a good read, anyway.
mia said on 02.14.12 at 01:01 PM • [link]
Not sure if this is what you’re looking for but When You Least Expect It by Whitney Gaskell is about a couple who decide to adopt after two years of failed fertility treatments. Also, if you’re in the mood for a cute movie try Maybe Baby starring the sublime Hugh Laurie and Joely Richardson.
Meg Justus said on 02.21.12 at 10:50 PM • [link]
His, Unexpectedly by Susan Fox dealt with infertility that was decidedly the heroine, and did not end in any sort of wish-fulfillment manner. But it didn’t go so far as to deal with IVF.
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