Bitchin' Blog Posts
Friday Videos Need This Ending, Stat
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | January 08, 2010 | Friday at 12:42 pm | 59 CommentsFrom Anna:
When I saw this, I made that noise where you scream and laugh at the same time. Someone needs to write that ending to a romance, STAT.
Filed: Friday Videos, General Bitching
Tagged: wtfery, romance, make the burning stop
Pangolin said on 01.08.10 at 01:35 PM • [link]
It will take up all of my time…to research untraceable poisons while I plot your demise. Oops, did I just say that aloud?
Moth said on 01.08.10 at 01:45 PM • [link]
Oh. My. God.
Katherine B. said on 01.08.10 at 02:10 PM • [link]
Oh, the smugness in his voice!
Oh, the twittery brainless pleasure in hers!
I think in some way, shape or form this has been done many times in romances.
Reminds me a bit of You’ve Got Mail.
“Oh, sweetey, it’s OK that you and your corporation destroyed my family’s wholesome business - let’s move in together!”
That whole idea really killed my pleasure in that movie.
My, what is that taste in my mouth? Bitterness?
MamaNice said on 01.08.10 at 03:14 PM • [link]
You sir, deserve a good cock punch.
But I don’t want to break a nail.
Claire said on 01.08.10 at 04:13 PM • [link]
“Even if i wanted to say no I couldn’t. You’re not supposed to say no to a detective.”
He could be asking her to marry him, or to become the bottom bitch in his new prostitution ring. Either way, you’re not supposed to say no to a detective!
joanneL said on 01.08.10 at 04:34 PM • [link]
Aw, she played him, plain and simple.
He’s obviously not a very good detective since he can’t figure out that he just promised to support her while she stays home with the pool boy.
Beth Charette said on 01.08.10 at 04:58 PM • [link]
Although this fellow meant well, obviously he would be executed by any American woman in the US today.
For example, my Mom was a homemaker, and a really dedicated one. And, she loved my father dearly.
However, had he ever been so presumptuous to get her fired from anything without a full discussion, she would have been very upset and angry and even perhaps throw a wet sock his way.
She demanded equality in the relationship. She also handled the family budget.
She wanted no part of a man who would not believe in his heart she was his equal or even better.
She was a great lady, and I loved her to the day she passed.
Las said on 01.08.10 at 05:13 PM • [link]
That’s the exact same premise of, like, 82% of Harlequin Presents.
Awesome!
Wendy said on 01.08.10 at 05:49 PM • [link]
Yes. The Laugh/Scream. And then some sputtering. Wowee. One of my grandmamas stopped working to be Mum, but it was her choice…and not just because she was getting married. It was the impending arrival of my mother than made up her mind. hmmmm….50s, you blow my mind yet again.
Cara McKenna / Meg Maguire said on 01.08.10 at 05:58 PM • [link]
The Presumptuous Investigator’s Chirpily Unemployed Virgin Bride
Laurel said on 01.08.10 at 06:03 PM • [link]
I am weeping with laughter.
BeckyAnn said on 01.08.10 at 06:26 PM • [link]
Every time a guy says something stupid a BOB gets it’s batteries.
—- Ahhh, listen to the mechanical hum sing.
ready29- Now I am!
TaraL said on 01.08.10 at 06:48 PM • [link]
I’m not sure which of them I want to slap more…
Julia Spencer-Fleming said on 01.08.10 at 06:52 PM • [link]
This is exactly how I’m going to have the hero propose to the heroine in my series! Thanks, 1956, for helping me see the light!
Tamara Hogan said on 01.08.10 at 06:54 PM • [link]
Cara McKenna said:
If I may be so presumptuous as to hop on:
The Presumptuous Investigator’s Chirpily Unemployed Virgin Bride Blows the Poolboy.
Cara McKenna / Meg Maguire said on 01.08.10 at 07:00 PM • [link]
Only if the pool boy is Greek or Italian, please, Tamara.
MelB said on 01.08.10 at 07:01 PM • [link]
rotflmbfao!!! This reminds me of my grandfather’s manager handbook from the steel mill. It’s from 1943 or so talks about how to deal with women in the workplace. For example: 1. Always be sure to compliment her appearance. They are working an ugly job in a tough environment and need to feel pretty. 2. Watch your language, women are very sensitive to cursing and other crude talk. 3. Refrain from yelling or raising your voice to them. It will make them cry. A crying employee is an inefficient one.
My sisters and I laughed til our ribs hurt. MamaNice: Love the cock punch comment. Made my morning.
bounababe said on 01.08.10 at 07:09 PM • [link]
Had to come out of lurkdom to comment on this wtfery. My boyfriend looked so shocked then laughed so hard at this that he is definitely getting the good sexxin’ tonight. This would be the ending to the epic known as:
The heavily insured asshat detective’s future virgin widow
teshara said on 01.08.10 at 07:18 PM • [link]
I’m still interested in what her job was.
If she was the president of a company, buster would have some explaining to do.
If she’s a toilet cleaner in a blind man’s prison I’d hug him too.
Word:
asked54
Darlene Marshall said on 01.08.10 at 07:43 PM • [link]
I got nothing, but I’m sniggering over the awesomeness of the bitchery, especially the book titles. Keep ‘em coming!
Cara McKenna / Meg Maguire said on 01.08.10 at 07:48 PM • [link]
The Delighted Virgin Housewife’s Smarmy Private Dick
Gwynnyd said on 01.08.10 at 07:51 PM • [link]
OK - that one made me LOL so loud I scared the dog into barking.
molly_rose said on 01.08.10 at 07:51 PM • [link]
I don’t have my headphones with me, so I listened to this one aloud in my small town’s local coffee shop, then proceeded to laugh at every single comment for about 8 minutes. Now I’m probably known as the town freak.
Lori said on 01.08.10 at 08:04 PM • [link]
I would argue that the ending of YGM is actually perfect for the movie it actually was, although not for the movie is claimed to be. The film is disingenuous pretty much from the first frame. It’s supposedly about how sad it is the The Shop Around the Corner is going out of business, but it’s actually pro-huge corporation pretty much from start to finish. No amount of Ryan/Hanks charm could make me feel anything but annoyed with it.
After all, the movie starts with Meg Ryan complaining about how her indie bookstore is struggling—-while getting her coffee from Starbucks for craps sake. There’s so much product placement in the movie that the Starbucks cup should have gotten a cast credit.
Madd said on 01.08.10 at 08:14 PM • [link]
The Former Secretary’s Dead Dick?
darlynne said on 01.08.10 at 08:18 PM • [link]
This clip is right up there with Where the Boys Are for its combination of WTF-ery and train-collision fascination. Because OF COURSE, what man would want Yvette Mimieux after what that Yalie did to her on Spring break? And Paula Prentiss was too tall for anyone except Jim Hutton. And Delores Hart was too much of an egghead Russian language major to ever go on a date, except with George Hamilton. Grrrhhh.
The ‘50s and ‘60s: Can’t stand ‘em, can’t shoot ‘em.
Nice play on the pool boy, Joanne. We’ll have the last laugh.
JenB said on 01.08.10 at 08:48 PM • [link]
Secretary or typist, naturally. It suits a woman’s sensibilities, you know.
HelenB said on 01.08.10 at 09:16 PM • [link]
For more laughes click on future fashions predictions, the man of 2000 will have a phone and radio on him, so far so good and then small pockets for “candies for cuties” OMFG - now that is sexism.
SheaLuna said on 01.08.10 at 09:42 PM • [link]
I swear to god, several of my brain cells just died in horror at the she WTFery.
Cara McKenna:
Of COURSE the pool boys must be Greek or Italian. Are there any other kind?
SheaLuna said on 01.08.10 at 09:43 PM • [link]
That’s “sheer” by the way.
Rachel said on 01.08.10 at 09:52 PM • [link]
OMG, I recognize that clip. Mystery Science Theater 3000 riffed on that movie back in the day. It’s a terrible ending to a freaking terrible movie. (And the not-terrible MST3K version’s streaming on Netflix right now: http://instantwatcher.com/titles/48170)
JamiSings said on 01.08.10 at 10:31 PM • [link]
There’s still some women who would think that romantic and sweet. Just saying.
Not that I’m one of those. I would be willing to work - part time. But he’d have to understand that music comes before everything, including him. And if I ever got a full time music career going he’d have to play 2nd fiddle to it or take a hike.
Tina C. said on 01.08.10 at 11:06 PM • [link]
LOL!! That’s too funny!
When I read that, I instantly saw Tom Hanks yelling at that hapless blond in “League of their Own” before the ump comes over and tells him that he shouldn’t yell at the “girls” because they’re sensitive. (Or, you know, a crying ballplayer is an inefficient one.)
“Are you crying?? You are! You’re crying! There’s no crying in baseball!”
ghn said on 01.08.10 at 11:37 PM • [link]
This gave me itchy fingers - and I am sure other Bitches may also start to get creative here. Do a screen capture of both the asshat’s and the silly bubblehead’s faces. Print out and affix to a darts target. For additional inspiration and more target practice, print out picture of asshat’s block and tackle ;-)
Loved Pangolin’s comment about untraciable poisons. Accidentally adding a bit of Amanita to a stew might also work.
ocelott said on 01.09.10 at 12:18 AM • [link]
And this is a prime example why I laugh at people who talk about how it’s such a shame we’ve moved away from the simplicity and traditional values of days of yore. No thanks, I’ll take my modern sensibilities any time.
JamiSings said on 01.09.10 at 12:38 AM • [link]
@Ocelott
Now I think it’s a shame we moved away from SOME of them. For instance, I’m sick and tired of men who tell me “real women make the first move.” I find men who won’t make the first move a total turn off. What the heck makes me less “real” then any other woman just because I like a man who isn’t too cowardly to say “I find you attractive and I’d like to get to know you better”? Considering how many have said to me instead “You’re a nice person, Jami, but you’re too fat to be seen with in public” I think they owe me a come on line already.
@SheaLuna
AND continuing with my completely off topic rant here - what is it with HQ and it’s Greek/Italian/Sheik obsessions? I want my “The Jewish Musician’s Sexually Repressed Bride” already! You’d think that because it’s actually considered a law that the husband sexually satisfy his wife and Rabbis have sat down and figured out according to career how many times a year a Jewish husband should pleasure his wife that romance novels would be all over that!
MichelleR said on 01.09.10 at 02:00 AM • [link]
I’ve never bought one of the HP titles. I understand they must be working, and trust they have a reason for giving them these names, but I’ll never purchase them.
I’ve never been all that embarrassed by clinch covers—not the way some folks are—but I’ll be damned if I’d want people to see me with a title that defines self-parody, and screams: hey, these things have a short shelf-life, and we have to come up with new titles for next month—you don’t really expect us to try, do you?
I find the whole thing degrading and embarrassing and, while I’m sure authors are mostly fine with it, I cringe at the thought that people who work hard end up with their story packaged in this manner.
Oh, er, great clip.
RebeccaJ said on 01.09.10 at 03:19 AM • [link]
I’m Detecting A Bimbo
teshara said on 01.09.10 at 03:28 AM • [link]
I think I’d rather spend some dumb guy’s money…
word: better67
Kristin said on 01.09.10 at 03:59 AM • [link]
This clip is absolute fucknuttery! Y’all have given me many laughs with your comments and book titles.
henofthewoods said on 01.09.10 at 04:22 AM • [link]
If you have ever had a really bad job, you know there is a joy to quitting.
Even if they had agreed beforehand that 1. they were getting married and 2. that meant she would stay home, she deserved the chance to turn in her final notice. (In this kind of scene, I’m picturing her bragging to all of the other young women in the typing pool.)
Even “An Officer and A Gentleman” gives Debra Winger the moment at work for the last time, with the other women stuck in the crappy job looking on.
and her team of multi-ethnic pool boys?
teshara said on 01.09.10 at 04:30 AM • [link]
The Detective’s House wife and Her Veranda of Man-Flesh
together88
Aroihkin said on 01.09.10 at 05:04 AM • [link]
Reminds me disconcertingly of my grandmother, who was born in 1902, and her views on things.
One time when my parents were hanging out with her, before I was born, my grandmother told my mother to go get my dad a cup of coffee. My dad told her very politely that if wanted a cup of coffee he could go pour one himself.
She had no idea how to handle that, haha.
The Caustic Git said on 01.09.10 at 05:36 AM • [link]
HOLD UP. Wikipedia says the job she was fired from… was STRIPPING. It sounds like a pretty farked up horro film anyway, but here’s the relevant bit:
“He sets out ... to contact his stripper-girlfriend who has gone straight and begun dating the detective who brought Benton to justice.”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indestructible_Man
I don’t know whether I’m supposed to laugh or cry at this train wreck.
RebeccaJ said on 01.09.10 at 05:41 AM • [link]
Who gave her permission to strip?!!;)
Nancy Bristow said on 01.09.10 at 05:47 AM • [link]
I want to hurl. I want to put my hands around her neck and choke her to death. I want to call her vile names. I want to remove his dick and stuff it in his asshat mouth.
I lived in this era, as you might have guessed, and it was exactly the way things were including “fetching” coffee and dusting the office. WTF moments were a daily part of the job. I never played well when I got patted on the head…nor would I tolerate anybody speaking for me. It was an uphill battle all the way. Would I want to return to the “good old days”? Not a freaking chance in hell.
Once I got my head back to 2010, I could appreciate all the humorous comments and titles:)
Brooks*belle said on 01.09.10 at 06:12 AM • [link]
And the lecherous quality to his proud announcement. Shiver. Gag.
For karma’s sake, I hope his character went on to have an affair with an ice-pick wielding Sharon Stone type…
The Duchess said on 01.09.10 at 08:53 AM • [link]
“Even if I wanted to say no I couldn’t.”
Is it just me, or is there some twisted irony to that?
Sarah W said on 01.09.10 at 06:03 PM • [link]
The family watched Annie Get Your Gun on New Year’s Eve, and I was squicked by the pandering that Annie did to Frank’s ego, just because he was ‘purty.’^ I love Howard Keel, but even that magificent voice doesn’t make Frank any more of a keeper.
I kept hoping she would run off with Buffalo Bill’s business manager—-he wasn’t exactly altruistic, but at least he knew when he was being a jerk, and he wouldn’t have expected Annie to give up something she was good at.
My 7-year old loves this movie, and we had a serious (on my side) discussion about how she should never date or marry someone who belittles her accomplishments.
^As well as the appalling way the Indians are portrayed . . .I know it’s typical of the time in which it was written, but Holy Cats . .
Nancy Bristow said on 01.10.10 at 12:02 AM • [link]
Very twisted. He already said “no” for her which is beyond bearing. She’s TSTL (too stupid to live) as she buys into his chauvinist pig macho bull shit. Like she doesn’t have a damn brain in her head. I need to scream, NOW!
act 22: HA! I’ve seen more spine in females half the age of our “heroine.”
Nancy Bristow said on 01.10.10 at 12:10 AM • [link]
Sarah W…You give me hope and make my heart happy. For any of us that don’t suffer with serious self esteem issues, I think we owe our mothers or some other strong female influence. Keep on, keeping on:)
robinjn said on 01.10.10 at 04:38 AM • [link]
I just want to throw a bit of a provocative thought in here. I mean obviously gag-a-rific on this film quote, but the various made me think of the mother of a friend of mine. She’s a rural woman who has lived on a small farm her entire life and has been married to the same man for over 60 years. It’s a very “traditional” marriage in that she stays home and keeps the house and thinks he’s the boss and defers to him in all decisions. If he wants something, it’s her job to get it. She does the dishes, she cleans the house, he does the farming.
I’d commit suicide in a similar situation. But she’s happy, and bewildered and upset when people try to tell her she’s somehow oppressed or repressed. In her mind she’s not. So as uncomfortable as it makes me personally, do I have the right to judge her?
Vicki said on 01.10.10 at 05:30 AM • [link]
Wait, wait, wait! Jewish husbands are required to give their wife pleasure a certain number of times a year? How many times? And where can I find an observant (next) husband? OMG, no wonder some of my Jewish women friends are so into being observant.
Nancy Bristow said on 01.10.10 at 07:30 AM • [link]
robinjn…You have offered some provocative thoughts. All I can say is that any man or woman who doesn’t want to open their minds to a real partnership or more equality in that partnership will not do so no matter who says what. As friends, we can offer information and a different viewpoint. Whether it’s accepted or not is up to that person. At best, we can hope that it’s given some thought. Change is entirely up to the individuals involved.
I’d like to ask you what will happen in this “traditional” marriage when the “boss” dies before the non-decision making wife who’s only “job” in life is fetching for her husband, doing dishes, cleaning and cooking? The likelihood of a husband dying before a wife is extremely high. How has she prepared herself to handle the finances, run the farm and acquire all the other necessary skills to support and look after herself?
Women have a choice…remain ignorant and hold on to the delusion that somebody will always be around to make decisions for them or acquire the necessary skills to do it on their own.
If she’s entirely happy with not being able to look after herself, then that’s her choice. My choice is entirely different as it appears is yours. I hate to see women make decisions that are not in their best interest but that will not prevent it from happening. Such is life.
teshara said on 01.10.10 at 08:49 AM • [link]
To quote My Big Fat Greek Wedding:
The man may be the head of the house, but the woman is the neck and she can turn the head any way she wants to.
My parents are traditional and my mom does do all that for my pop, but dear God, he knows she’s the boss.
After that many years you know where you stand.
deal84
robinjn said on 01.10.10 at 04:43 PM • [link]
@nancy bristow, you have made a judgment that because my friend’s mother is in a traditional marriage and takes the subordinate role that she cannot be a true partner to her husband. That would perhaps be my view, but, and this is extremely important, IT IS NOT HERS. She feels a true partner to her husband. They’ve had a marriage that has endured for over 60 years. Who are you, or I, to judge her or sneer at her for her way of life?
In truth, in marriages such as this the partner who cannot cope is the husband if the wife dies early. He does not know how to deal with the everyday of living; laundry, food, cleaning. The wife in these roles is often in charge of finances; and indeed Lillian is.
Let’s put it this way. A couple of years ago when he had some serious heart issues then had to have a knee replacement it was difficult for her. Last year when she had a small stroke, things fell completely apart for him.
I’m just saying that we should not point fingers as you have done and say that a relationship like this can’t be a happy and fulfilling partnership for the woman. And of course it’s not equal. There’s no such thing as EQUAL partnership in any marriage.
Katherine B. said on 01.10.10 at 07:42 PM • [link]
Robinjn, those are some great thoughts. My younger self would have been totally judgemental, but my older self (way to go Older Self!), while not ever wanting to be in such a relationship, acknowledges that what works, works. After all, who was it who said that noone really knows what goes on inside a marriage? Aside from the principal characters.
I married a nice modern guy, who is totally unable to see when things are dirty and need cleaning. Reminding helps for a while, but I still wish he was ‘modern’ enough to figure it out himself, and not throw the burden of responsibility on me. After all, who wants to be the shrill wifey demanding he clean the damn kitchen for once WITHOUT being told?
Part of the perspective was gained having lived in Japan so long. I started out despising the Japanese way, which is still very much 1950’s housewifey (when the husband can afford to have a wife at home, which is most of the time) and grew to - not respect it, but understand. It works for them. Who am I to say the women are unhappy or repressed? They are happy. The housewives study English and take Flamenco lessons.
Mantra number 1 for Japan - they have a thriving culture, that has survived for thousands of years, and they still continue to be happy.
Mantra Number two I save for when I (still) get culture shock.
But this is getting away from the whole video thing. My goodness, I still want to hammer that guy. How high handed is that? At least in Japan a guy is more likely to get his way with a girl concerning quitting a job if he’s ahem, already purchased the milk cow.
Nadia said on 01.10.10 at 08:55 PM • [link]
Ah, if only we lived in the 2058 of Eve Dallas, then we could be Professional Mothers instead of downtrodden housewives. ;) I don’t cater to my husband any more or less than he caters to me, but I am a stay-at-home mom with all the laundry, mopping, and dishwashing that entails. This is a choice that I made after receiving a college degree and with ten years as a banking professional under my belt. We weighed the pros and cons and determined that this was how we wanted to structure lives once the children arrived. It was my choice as much as his, as would be going back to work if and when the time comes. Never assume subordination just because “traditional” roles are in play.
Not to say that the dude in the video isn’t an asshat. ‘Cause, seriously.
spamword: reason23 There are at least 23 reasons to stay at home, and at least 23 reasons to go back to work.
Casse said on 01.16.10 at 10:20 PM • [link]
Oh dear God. “I figured that being my wife would take up all of your time.” Huh? Is that romantic cause if so thank goodness my hubby is doing it wrong.
Care to comment?
Comments are now closed for this post.
Subscribe to These Comments