Bitchin' Blog Posts
Dirty quantum mechanics jokes done right
by Candy | by Candy | September 26, 2007 | Wednesday at 7:35 pm | 31 CommentsToday’s Questionable Content made me laugh so hard, I’m pretty sure I herniated something—but then, I’m a sucker for stupid quips involving Schrödinger’s cat.
(Any of you who want to write a romance novel with a geek hero and need research on how nerds think and operate, but don’t happen to have live specimens handy, you could do worse than check out the archives of Questionable Content. Also, XKCD.)
Some title ideas for nerd
porn
erotic romance:
Physics
The G-String Theory
The Rake’s Superpositioned Eigenstates
Entangled Beast
Collapsing the Virgin Mistress’ Wavefunction
His Supercollider
Biology
Unnatural Selection
Descending His Manhood
Chemistry
His Latent Heat
Mathematics
Populating Her Null Set
General Scientific Principles
Shaving with Occam’s Razor
Karl’s Popper
Damn, I can’t believe I’m not coming up with more for chemistry and biology. Updates as they’re warranted, and post your best (for certain values of “best,” anyway) efforts in the comments.
Filed: Fun And Games, The Link-O-Lator
Jules Jones said on 09.26.07 at 08:23 PM • [link]
[snickers]
I’m tempted to steal some of those titles…
security word: perform12—no further comment necessary
Lucinda Betts said on 09.26.07 at 08:31 PM • [link]
Gene Poole wrote Originating the Species…
--E said on 09.26.07 at 09:40 PM • [link]
Avagadro’s Laboratory Adventure—an orgy of 6.02 x 10^23 strippers and the man who loves them.
Planck’s Constant Love—Energy isn’t the only thing that comes in discrete packets.
Apparently I’m better at coming up with pun-related plot descriptions than actual titles. This is how you know I’m an actual geek.
plainjane said on 09.26.07 at 09:43 PM • [link]
Weird…this is the 2nd time this week that I’ve run across Schrodinger’s Cat. First was on the I Can Has Cheezburger site and now here. My two favorite sites!
EAP said on 09.26.07 at 10:09 PM • [link]
The Billionaire Boss§s Big Bang
Sweet Savagë Plate Tectonics - Their earth moved, in slooooow time.
Rotordynamics from the Heart
The Virgin Sheikh§s Archimedes Screw
(apologies for wonky punctuation—+Äžř/(! Czech keyboards)
Joanna said on 09.26.07 at 10:17 PM • [link]
What about “Dawrin’s Damsel: Ape Misbehavin’”?
*snert*
Joanna said on 09.26.07 at 10:19 PM • [link]
I meant DARWIN, not Dawrin…stupid keyboard on the stupid ancient computer at school!
KeiraSoleore said on 09.26.07 at 10:44 PM • [link]
Loved, loved those quantum physics comics. What a hoot. And your romantica titles? Har, har, har.
Kay Webb Harrison said on 09.26.07 at 11:06 PM • [link]
Um, there is a book called “Unnatural Selection.” It’s a mystery by Aaron Elkins, part of his Gideon Oliver, the Bone Doctor, series.
Kay
Becca said on 09.26.07 at 11:27 PM • [link]
Have you seen LOLTheorists?
http://community.livejournal.com/loltheorists
make sure you page through the archives: some of the best ones are hidden on interior pages.
Sara said on 09.26.07 at 11:42 PM • [link]
Well, there’s this nerdy, NERDY Biochem joke: If I were and enzyme, I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes
Cell Bio: Is that an actin filiment in your cytosol, or are you just happy to see me?
Math: I wish I was your derivitive, so I could lie tangent to your curves
Organic Chem: Allosteric inhibitors do it from behind
Annnd… that’s all I can remember right now. As for titles, they would take more work for me to think of right now, and I need to go study pharmacology!
A *great* nerd comic: http://www.phdcomics.com
Teddy Pig said on 09.26.07 at 11:43 PM • [link]
Confessions of a Möbius Stripease
Vienna Mars said on 09.27.07 at 12:12 AM • [link]
I’m an astronomy buff, so…
Hydrogen-alpha Males
Aureola Borealis
Oh Be A Fine Girl, Kiss Me (this one just writes itself!)
A Degenerate Matter
Gravitons of Fun
The Duke’s Excited State
Ann Bruce said on 09.27.07 at 01:22 AM • [link]
Hey, come there’s nothing about slave and master servers? How about the dongles? C’mon, people!
memorycharm said on 09.27.07 at 02:38 AM • [link]
Don’t forget astronomy! His Very Large Array...
Yvonne said on 09.27.07 at 02:42 AM • [link]
Oh Becca! LOLTheorists!
Sparkles, balloons and stars, you made my sad day better!
kthxs,
Yvonne
Guppy06 said on 09.27.07 at 02:53 AM • [link]
You mean nobody’s mentioned “quantum tunneling” yet?
chur said on 09.27.07 at 03:08 AM • [link]
Well, these actually are titles from my Chemistry textbooks and my friends and I always thought themn naughty:
Heat and Mass Transfer
Mecanica de fluidos (sounds better in Spanish)
can’t remember the others right now, I’ll consult with my pals…
chur
Jenny said on 09.27.07 at 03:37 AM • [link]
Oh. My. Word.
I am very glad I wasn’t drinking anything, because it would have come OUT MY NOSE.
Now I’m trying desperately to come up with my own…
There are always the standard “do it” jokes:
Physicists do it a quantum at a time.
Physicists do it at the speed of light.
Cosmologists do it in the first three minutes.
Mathematical physicists understand the theory of how to do it, but have difficulty obtaining practical results.
Quantum physicists can either know how fast they do it, or where they do it, but not both.
Particle physicists do it energetically.
Particle physicists to it with charm.
Aerodynamicists do it in drag.
Astrophysicists do it with a Big Bang.
Astronomers do it all night.
Astronomers do it in clusters.
Astronomers do it on mountain tops.
Astronomers do it with white dwarfs and red giants.
I’ll add:
Medical physicists do it in fractions.
Medical physicists do it on the table.
Medical physicists do it with doctors, nurses, therapists, dosimetrists…
(Word ver: for68 - so close, yet so far!)
Jenny said on 09.27.07 at 04:05 AM • [link]
And, oh, this comic kills me:
http://www.angryflower.com/schrod.gif
Jenny said on 09.27.07 at 04:06 AM • [link]
Oops, that was just supposed to be the URL to the comic. Weird.
It’s from http://www.angryflower.com/
Wry Hag said on 09.27.07 at 06:46 AM • [link]
* Foucault’s Swingin’ Pendulum
* Tomita and the Testicle Accelerator (I think this is manga yaoi BDSM, but don’t quote me on that.)
Sally said on 09.27.07 at 07:20 AM • [link]
A few chemistry (more specifically, spectroscopy) titles:
-Stimulated Emissions
-In Her Excited State
-Vibrational Relaxation
You missed a major source for research into nerds: http://www.phdcomics.com
This qualifies as the lifeline of dejected graduate students everywhere.
Although XKCD comic # 289 does qualify as the best comic on nerd romance I’ve ever seen…
Sally said on 09.27.07 at 07:29 AM • [link]
Oops; I see that Sara had already given the phdcomics link-sorry!
BTW, Catherine Asaro, who is trained in chemical physics and writes SF/romance, has a whole bunch of chemistry terms woven into “Quantum Rose”. And she provides a commentary at the end to explain them. I wasn’t personally thrilled with how it worked out in that book, but it was an interesting effort.
Sally said on 09.27.07 at 07:53 AM • [link]
Also,
Electric Attraction
Bound States (Love in the Potential Well)
Charged Interactions
Rainbows and Glory: A Rotational Romance
Hot Fusion
Hmmm. Better go now; I’m enjoying this far too much…
Sally said on 09.27.07 at 08:55 AM • [link]
Erk; I can’t help myself.
His Dominant Genes
Flash Point: Their explosive chemistry
Triple Point (menage a trois)
State of Confinement (The lover in the box problem)
Top and Bottom: A quarky romance
Lucinda Betts said on 09.27.07 at 02:56 PM • [link]
The Sexual Lives of Savages. Oh, wait. That’s already taken.
Manon said on 09.27.07 at 04:14 PM • [link]
Nobody’s mentioned combustion yet?
Wikipedia lists a whole series: Complete Combustion, Turbulent Combustion, Smoldering Combustion…
Charis said on 09.27.07 at 04:21 PM • [link]
For math: Taylor Expanded
jocelynnesimone said on 09.27.07 at 10:42 PM • [link]
How about for linguistics? Afterall, we are all ‘cunning linguists’... har har
Voicing her Fricatives
Grimes’ Lay
And… drum rol…
Sin Tactics
jocelynnesimone said on 09.27.07 at 10:51 PM • [link]
And one more because I can’t help myself…
His Underlying Form
Care to comment?
Comments are now closed for this post.
Subscribe to These Comments