Bitchin' Blog Posts
Creationism: A Smart Bitch Photoshop Contest
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | May 31, 2007 | Thursday at 6:11 pm | 19 CommentsIt’s time we had some more fun with Photoshop, right? I mean, it’s been awhile since we’ve Gone Too Far!
So! Behold: the Smart Bitch Inspirational Cover Art Contest.
Verily, you taketh the image below, or another image of the Adam & Eve diorama at the Creation Museum in Kentucky, and you maketh a Inspirational Romance cover out of it.
Title of your choosing, author name of your choosing - and oh, the blurb of your choosing. Just make sure that uber mantitty Adam and strategically-placed-hair-over-her-breasts-omg-think-of-the-children Eve are on the cover.
Send it in to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)& .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)by June 7, and we’ll post them for voting and vitriol on June 8. Voting will commence then and end June 12, and we’ll announce the winners June 13.
Winners get a $25 gift certificate to Amazon, a Smart Bitch Title, and if you want, a nightlight in the shape of Jesus. He’s iridescent. Yes, I am absolutely sure Jesus was and is iridescent. I hath seen it with my own eyes.
Go forth in peace to love and serve the Lord, by which we mean the Man-titty.
EDITED TO ADD: And behold, a two-part contest! Let we rely to heavily on the power of the Photoshop, once we select the winner, a cover copy writing contest will follow. Stay tuned!
Filed: Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Laree said on 05.31.07 at 06:51 PM • [link]
I don’t have any talent for Photoshop, but I’m looking forward to the entries.
Good luck bitches!
Teddy Pig said on 05.31.07 at 07:50 PM • [link]
Everybody needs Astronaut Jesus…
http://www.myplasticheart.com/c/ASTRONAUTJ/Astronaut+Jesus.html
SB Sarah said on 05.31.07 at 07:51 PM • [link]
If it were still available, you know I’d offer this one as a prize.
It FOLLOWS YOU around the ROOM.
Darlene Marshall said on 05.31.07 at 07:53 PM • [link]
Too bad the Threat Alert Jesus:
http://threatalertjesus.com/
was fake. It would have made one heck of a prize.
Teddy Pig said on 05.31.07 at 08:28 PM • [link]
Oh that night light! No way!
I do not want Jesus watching me in bed.
Bella said on 05.31.07 at 10:22 PM • [link]
i’d be more scared of beheaded jesus following me around the room with his gaze than any other boogies. guh. anybody see “8 heads in a Dufflebag”?
Katie Dickson said on 05.31.07 at 10:48 PM • [link]
Nowhere in Genesis did I read about Adam and Eve swimming with the lily pads.
Not to mention: ew. “Hey honey, we’re naked! Let’s go swim in the stagnant pool and touch each other!”
Creationism, my foot. Or shall I say, Creationism, my prehensile tail.
DS said on 05.31.07 at 10:51 PM • [link]
Bring me the head of Alfredo Garcia!
I would think that night light would be more appropriate for St. John the Baptist. It would be even better on a silver platter with a ceramic Salome holding it out.
Lisa said on 06.01.07 at 01:10 AM • [link]
::rubs hands together gleefully::
Oh, this is going to be way more fun than it should be :)
Arethusa said on 06.01.07 at 01:26 AM • [link]
Oh god, that night light is going to give me nightmares. :(
marfil said on 06.01.07 at 02:14 AM • [link]
Am I the only one who thinks Adam looks a lot like Pan? Under the water, you just know there are goat feet…
Tierney said on 06.01.07 at 03:10 AM • [link]
Adam has no clothes…or feet.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7489629@N06/515026539/
lillipilli said on 06.01.07 at 09:29 AM • [link]
Dang! Someone has got to use this Creation Museum display for the back cover, surely.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/7489629@N06/514967950/in/set-72157600269342444/
It’s the gates of heaven (snicker). I particularly like the way it’s labelled “Thou Shalt Not Touch! Please”. Apparently Mother Earth’s a prude.
dillene said on 06.01.07 at 04:28 PM • [link]
What is Eve looking at? And why is she smirking?
Miri said on 06.01.07 at 04:39 PM • [link]
Why do they resemble Victoria “Posh” Beckham and Randolf Mantooth?
Brandi said on 06.02.07 at 08:15 AM • [link]
It FOLLOWS YOU around the ROOM.
Religious iconography should not be based on stuff you see in Disneyland’s Haunted Mansion.
Ishie said on 06.02.07 at 08:32 AM • [link]
Wait… I thought Alanis Morrisette was GOD, not Eve. Now I’m so confused, I may have a crisis of faith!
And hmmm, she’s keeping her arms down and won’t come out of the water. Methinks God has not yet invented depilatory cream, also indicated by Adam’s kickin’ poet beard.
And what a darling little caucasoid couple for the originators of humanity. Or is the fact that they’ve saved the blonde-haired/blue-eyed look for Jesus in favor of giving Adam and Eve brown hair supposed to be a nod to ethnic ambiguity?
I just wanna see the diorama where they show Abram’s/Abraham’s circumcision. That should be fun for the whole family.
Jenyfer said on 06.02.07 at 10:35 AM • [link]
I really, really liked the link above to Adam and Eve in transition (posted by Tierney) where they are covered in plastic bags. Looked like some sort of alien birth scene…
Suisan said on 06.04.07 at 11:16 AM • [link]
If they are without Orignial Sin in the garden, and therefore unclothed and unaware of the shame of nakedness, then why is her hair covering her breasts? It shouldn’t matter to her or to Adam.
Oh. Forgot. Logic need not apply.
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