Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

And she’s faking it.

That’s just what it looked like last night when two characters “did it” on HOUSE. *snerk* Straddle, baby, straddle.

LOLOL, Lorelie! Right on!

Well, if I were explaining it to a small child with a disapproving parent staring at me, I’d go with: “It’s her bedtime, so that’s why they’re on a bed, and she’s sitting on his lap while he tells her a story. They’re making those faces ‘cause it’s a really good story.”

Oh Yeah, she’s faking.

But look at the flush on his face!

My biggest problem with it is that, if you look closely at his back, his pants still look done up. I mean, if they were open at the front, I don’t think the back would be so… snug. I still voted yes, though.

Oh, they’re totally doing it…

Although I think maybe he’s narcoleptic and has fallen asleep on her.

That is not a good look for him.

Hey, at least she’s on top, right?

That’s just what it looked like last night when two characters “did it” on HOUSE. *snerk* Straddle, baby, straddle.

That was my second thought!!

By the look on his face, I’d say he’s already done it.  Her, not so much.

No. It’s a Fabreeze commercial.

They’re doing it. Have you ever looked at your DH’s face when you’re together? It’s not roses and sunshine. It looks painful, like he’s having a hard time breathing. Just about accurate, I’d say:)

I think they’re dry humping. So romantic, so touching.

Inside24 Its not really sex unless he’s inside 24/7.

He’s giving her a massage…yeah, that’s right a massage. At least that’s what we told our little guy when he walked in on us.

She’s thinking, more cowbell.

No need to enter me into the contest.

They are obviously members of a choir and are rehearsing their duet. The lady is helping him reach some high notes that would be difficult to attain on his own.

I agree with the napping theory. He’s already drooled down her chest.

They are totally doing it.  But she’s a master assassin.  She’ll pop his head off any moment.

I’m trying to figure out what else they could possibly be doing. Singing a duet about their love? Possibly, but why the second pose, then? Making salsa using their stomachs? That’s a little messy. Playing ponies? Well, then he’d be facing the other way… so… yes.

Doing it. Totally doing it.

I want to know where the front of her skirt went. I’m pretty sure they only make gowns with a short front and a sweeping long back to go in plastic packages to be sold as Halloween costumes/stripperwear.

Yeah I’m leaning towards singing a duet. Perhaps they were so shaken up by the death of Patrick Swayze it’s a rendition of I’ve Had the Time of My Life?

And of course they’re singing while totally doing it.

dry humping. he’s about to whip it out, though. and I agree - where’s the rest of her dress? Must be one of those that’s supposed to have an underskirt and 5 petticoats.

(spam word: know58. They know 58 ways to do the humpty-hump)

Looks like. I’m glad to see Kevin Bacon-crossed-with-a-character-from-those-weird-Christmas specials) enjoying himself.

Based on what I know of romance novels, she’s probably a virgin and thus very confused about how to “do it.” The cover image seems to be depicting what we today might describe as “backing up on it,” but of course her silly skirt is in the way so there’s no real “it” going on. Does it count as doing it if she thinks she’s doing it but she’s doing it wrong?

In the second picture, though…again I don’t think they’re “doing it,” but she is giving him one hell of a dry-hump burn on his johnson. Fire crotch strikes again!

I voted “no” because I think this is simple miscommunication.  Her mommy told her that she would not be his wife until they “slept together” and while he is trying manfully to snooze off after the other stuff to complete the ritual, she is determined to stay awake so she can remain his wife “in name only.”  She pinches his earlobe every few seconds to make sure he does not nod off.

“Son, get out, daddy’s fixing mummy’s back!”

The Earl’s housekeeper has recently invented Downy and he’s enjoying how snuggly soft and fresh her dress feels.

I want to know where the front of her skirt went. I’m pretty sure they only make gowns with a short front and a sweeping long back to go in plastic packages to be sold as Halloween costumes/stripperwear.

You know those dolls where you can “grow” and “cut” their hair? Her skirt’s like that. There’s a lever in her back.

It looks like they are doing it. They’re definitely not playing whist.

If he’s asleep, I hope he doesn’t relax his hold too much or she’s falling backwards.

His pants are still up in the back and they don’t look loose enough to be undone in the front.

I vote dry-humping.

I just came here to post the dude/duke/earl *whatever* totally looks like Thomas Jane = Ray Drekker on Hung. Which makes her one very lucky gal.

Sorry but all I can think of right now looking at the cover is that the hero looks like a clean-shaven version of Collin Firth (à la Darcy).

Pfff… they’re both clearly resting after an energetic swing dancing session.  Did they have a Regency “Dancing with the Stars?”  (Dancing with the Earls?)

(OMG, yeah, they’re absolutely doing it.  or did it.  Also, the cover man has a seriously veiny right hand.)

doing it - fortunately she has the magic skirt - on the front cover she has no front skit, on inside cover the back of her skirt has gone as well.

When are they going to make a romance cover flip book - you know - you open and close it fast enough and it’s like a movie.  this one comes close…

Totally doing it.

Although I’m a little worried about what happened to her neck?  So maybe that isn’t so much an O face as slack-jawed from having her neck snapped.

I say it looks either like they are doing it or they are dry humping. Although from the look on his face I would say in another minute or so it won’t be so dry.

Um I think he is literally staking his claim! Ha! HA! But then I realized (cause my spam word is leave77) He tried to leave like 77 times but she wouldn’t get off him! So the truth here is he is trying to get out of dodge and she is straddling him to make him stay.

Looks like she’s cleaning his sword…

Yeah, my money is that this, in actuality, is the first musical romance novel. Of course right in the throws of passion, a musical number must be sung. This of course would be the title track, “The Earl Claims His Wife” and would consists of staccato breathing, rising crescendos, and culminate in a passionate climatic key change.

Other numbers may or may not include, “So We’re Married (Where’s my Mistress)”, the ensemble number “A Virgin’s Night In Bed”, “Beg You To Surrender”, the throaty “Love Denied” and “I Must Harden (my heart)”

My word is wanted77, I wanted to make 77 more awesome musical romance song titles… but that comment would be extraordinarily long.

She said she could burp the alphabet, so he wanted to get up close and personal to hear it.

I think he’s thinking “Oh God” because he just accidentally broke her neck, and then ever so gently laid her gianormous head down on her shoulder before surrendering to remorse.

I going to agree that they are doing it. It looks as if she is bored and he is working hard….ha, hard:)

I voted for “I can’t look,” but, yeah, they are so totally getting it on in the step-back. What is intriguing me is that the front cover might be the first time i recall seeing the inner thigh of the “inner leg” (the one farther away from the viewer—on this cover, it’s the left leg). And how on earth does she have anything to sit on to support that pose, unless it’s his mighty sword of lovin’?

They’re contortionists practicing for their next performance in Cirque d’Soliel: Burning Love.  If you’ll look closely, you’ll note that this is an incredible feat for our dear heroine, as she is actually missing a leg (or at least, it doesn’t seem like that pose would be possible if she had two legs).  It was her twin sister (evil twin, of course) on the cover.  That’s how she remains his wife in Name Only—because he bonked the Ebul Twin because he’s really that dense to not notice the missing leg.  But their love of the circus and getting tangled up in ribbons in what some people call “art” and others call “creepy” brings them together, and in the end, they overcome their tragic, calliope (sp?) playing baggage and bonk like madbunnies into the sunset.  While being tangled in ribbons in what is either the hottest scene in modern romance or a creepy homage to kittens.

Sorry for the ramble, think I may have missed the point.  But I had fun with it at least!

He still has his pants on all the way up.  I definitely think he is asleep and she’s holding her breath trying to stay in his lap without falling over and waking him up.  LOL

I vote doing it, because the look on his face….  I just can’t imagine anyone would look like that without something very distracting going on…  He looks like he might drool on her any moment now.

AH!  And I’m right:  spamword is truth94.

They are totally doing it, or at least dry humping.

But I started wondering, where did her right leg go? Did they do an emergency amputation and then went right back to business? Or did the leg disappear to the same place as her skirt?

I think he’s scent marking her.  Either that or he’s giving her a wicked stubble burn.

You’re right Missy Ann, he does look like Thomas Jane ... which might explain why he didn’t have to pull his pants down as far.

Ordinary real life guys keep their socks on during sex. But heroes keep their boots on.

Totally doing it! I mean, women didn’t wear knickers then, did they? So even if his pants are still buttoned and unless we’re sticking with the Clinton definition of sexual intercourse, then there’s definitely some doing being done at least to her.

Hell yeah!! they are definitely doing it, or in the process hahaha!!!

I think the close up makes it quite clear that he is sleeping - and dreaming of her brother.

When an Earl and a Plucky, Beautiful-But-Doesn’t-Know-She’s-Beautiful-But-Totes-is-Beautiful-and-Awkward-But-Strangely-Charming Female Member of the Ton love each other very much, but don’t confess they love each other yet, but totes do love each other… want to share a special hug, they straddle each other in a special way and share The Most Glorious Holy Crap Hug Ever.  Nine months later comes Baby Earl, who will grow up and do the same thing with another Beautiful-But-Doesn’t-Know-She’s-Beautiful-But-Totes-is-Beautiful-and-Awkward-But-Strangely-Charming Female Member of the Ton in the sequel.

You know how you never forget your first time smelling Gain? Ye Olde Laundresse must have changed detergent.

Hey now—maybe this jsut started out as a platonic hug after a heavy, garlic-laden dinner.  Her brooch got tangled in his chest hair and the hand you can’t see is trying desperately to get them free—he’s obviously cursing up a storm.  And due to all that garlic, they’re turning away and trying not to breathe through their noses. 

This also explains why his chest is hairless on the cover and she’s trying to cover up the ripped place on her bodice where the brooch was.  The garlic iay or may not have dissipated—she’s still breathing through her mouth, and he looks a little like he’s holding his. . .

See?  Perfectly innocent . . .

I say the earl is definitely claiming his wife. I don’t care if they tried to make it look like his pants are all the way on.

Oh, yeah. All they need is the cheap wine and the Barry White.

Or the 19th century counterparts.

Notice you don’t see his other hand? Do you see how he still has his ridin’ boots on? Well, it was pretty chilly out there when the Earl took his morning ride, and his poor fingers were frozen stiff!

You know that feeling when you tuck a cold extremity somewhere warm? It just feels sooooo good. That’s what that face is all about.

As to the wife, she’s all scrunched up cuz “Oh my, that’s a bit tingly!”

Don’t worry, she’ll take care of his chilly willy next.

VW: method 76…yes, I’m sure there are 75 other methods of warming oneself…but few quite as fun.

You knew I had to go there, right?

Yup, doing it and I agree, she’s faking it, but he’s all there!  What else is new?  Guess it’s because he wants to claim her and she ain’t willing to be claimed…

And the magic disappearing dress…  that’s a whole ‘nother exciting concept.

I don’t think I’m a prude, that that front cover really is taking things a tad too far for my taste.  I mean, the only way to make it more explicit would have been to put a big red arrow in her crotch showing where she’s missing her underwear.

I want to know what the art department and editors are smoking lately, because there have been some seriously messed up covers in the last few months!

Spam word: personal97, yeah we are getting 97 personal views of her very personal private parts… ugh.

I chose “I can’t look” because I’m at work and I’m not leaving that image on the screen long enough to study it closely.  But when I’m too embarrassed to leave a romance novel cover on the screen in a LIBRARY, where I could undoubtedly find many questionable covers on books that it’s my job to provide to people?  That’s probably a strong indication that they are doing it.

Swallowing invisible avocados?

Bwahahaha!!!

It makes me want to take this book to the gym, open it wide up (ensuring that the stepback is face out, of course) and start reading. Aloud.

And IMHO, they are getting it on like a couple of bunnies. Or Bambi in the spring. Twitterpated. Or something-pated, anyway. Made me want to head home from work and jump on the ol’ DH.

He looks like he’s sniffing her, and is exceptionally turned on by the scent of the Bounce dryer sheets she’s been using. She looks equally enthralled that he’s discovered Scope. Finally.

It’s obvious they are yodeling.

They were discussing the story Puss n Boots, he is still wearing his boots and is getting aquainted with her puss hehe

size91 - that is a big one!

They are clearly burping each other after a heavy dinner.

It’s obvious that they’re taking a nap… but there are no pillows or even a headboard, and it’s very cold outside, and the Earl’s wife has sleep apnea, so she’s got to sleep sitting up, and the Earl is being so considerate in supporting her in this house with no walls or headboards.

OMG! I want one of those avocados!

No…they are getting there, but not yet!!!

Well, they are CLEARLY sighing in relief at the news that the economy is rebounding!

If they aren’t, then she’s faking it and he’s fantasizing about Megan Fox.

It’s obviously payday, and they’re going over the household budget. Doesn’t everyone do it this way?  Or is it just us….

She is merely asking him to see if her boobs feel like they popped - boob job trouble that’s what it is ;)

Beware of the red ghost behind her!

Yes… unless he’s checking for breath sounds before performing an impromptu tracheotomy.

NOT doing it !!
I think they must have some kind of gut infection or some spasm… Remember, no fridge back then ;-) lol

Is it me, or are her legs freakishly short on the cover?  And her arm unusually shrunken on the stepback?  Or am I just fixated on the Cirque du Cover and totally looking for Sideshow Sex everywhere now?

And yes, they’re totally dry-boning.  “Jeeves, I’ve gone and soiled my pants.  Fetch me a new pair and get the Miss a neck brace and a sham-wow.”

However…that is a hot cover.  I am intrigued and will go in search of more information and possibly an excerpt or two.

spamword: area42 - fewer aliens than area51, but perhaps more circus freaks?

Oh yeah, that’s the spot. Scratch a little harder.

I don’t know why you all can’t see that he’s just scratching an itch, only we can’t see where it’s at because it’s probably none of our business.  But you have to wonder if women got yeast infections back then. lol

spam word: further47 and I’m not going there. lol

Deidre

They’re totally doing it, but they’re both so artistically desheveled and neither is breaking out in a sweat, so. . . They aren’t doing it very well, or they’re both faking their orgasms. 

So really they shouldn’t have bothered.

I’d definitely say doing it.

But then again, maybe she’s just alleviating a cramp in his neck??  That must be it. She’s just a very hands on chiropractor who is realigning his neck. That’s all. Honest. :P

Great cover BTW

is it just me or is he lacking some serious teeth? i raised goats as a child and they didn’t have teeth in the top front; he reminds me of them. nice title too

no sex. He is just marvelling that her skin feels like the stuffed seal that he sleeps with.

Dry humping. His pants are still done up.

Really, it looks like they were trying to do it and fell asleep before they could get undressed.

But hey, narcoleptics need love too!

She’s thinking, more cowbell.

LMAO! Totally agree. That’s the “fake face” and her mind has begun to wander…

They’re scratching each other’s poison ivy rashes.  I am hard-core allergic to poison ivy, and the ecstasy on their faces looks pretty close to the ecstasy that accompanies a good scratching.  He must have it on his neck, and hers in on her shoulder.  Don’t ask me how it got there.

I voted doing it, but I’m starting to doubt it.  If she’s his wife, they would not be doing it unless it is dark and they were in the standard missionary position.  Any other position would make her a “gasp” harlot.

I believe she saw a mouse and he is checking to make sure it did not run under her skirt.  He is making the O face because he too is afraid of the itty bitty rodent.

spamword - surface52 - if she really were a harlot I bet he could find at least 52 surfaces to deliver the goods.

XandraG i noticed that too. Her legs are freakishly short. How the fuck did that get by the art department? Fail.

As I pondered this, I heard the word “impregnating” on the television.  $DEITY has spoken: they’re doing it.

(Granted, the television context was in the context of a discussion of electronics, and impregnating one material with another.  Still.)

Either they ARE doing it (through a hole in his pants, since they’re still clearly fastened), or she’s missing a leg.

He’s done it, she hasn’t…  Great call on the freakishly short legs and arm contortions.

Captcha: inside75!  75 votes for the Earl keeping it inside his pants… or did he?

they are totally doing it

OKay if you think this is bad check out Karen Hawkins’ The Laird Who Loved Me….
He has her against a window and her skirt is up and he is holding her thighs…. well you get the picture.

Oh they are definitely done! That is a his and hers post coital face if I ever made one or saw another… Men get all goofy like that, although he is a bit exaggerated in a romantic post coitus stage. She us reveling I think, naughty gal!

Totally inappropriate, but could not resist:

They are both experimenting with new ways to relieve the ‘itch’ without using their hands to actually ‘scratch’, as they are suffering from… (insert either Chickenpox or Pediculosis pubis, I wonder who gave it to whom?).
The first try is probably not as satisfying as say the second?
Hence, the gratifying relief of, “Ohhh, that’s the spot!” on their faces.

Nope, his pants are still up and her legs aren’t in quite the right position.  I like to think that @Danielle is right and that they’re Scratching the annoying Itch of whatever.

LOLOLOLOL!!!  All of the comments have me howling with laughter but I voted YES, they are doing it.

Have you people never seen the Regency pants with the falls??  They just unbutton and HELLO, Mr. Happy whips out and it’s on like Donkey Kong.  Plus, he totally looks like he’s finished and she’s still confused about what just happened.

So, YES a thousand times, yes.

Maybe they’re not really doing it…
...but as romance novel characters, these two can orgasm just from a mere hug. 

is it just me or does he look way too old for her here?

not to get all history-prissy but the back being up doesn’t mean as on the historical costume. He might have a front flap on those trousers.

Clearly he is cracking her back. Get your mind out of the gutter ;) !

I voted that they are.  But my favorite this year is Karen Hawkins’ “Sleepless in Scotland” (not “The Laird Who Loved Me”—yes, she’s on his lap but she’s too high and his kilt isn’t open far enough).  But for “Sleepless” he’s in a kilt (already a winner), it’s open so far that you can see the back of his thigh, and his knees are bent.  It totally looks like they’re doing it and I love it!  I nominated it for the two-cover category at the Cover Cafe’s annual cover contest.  And I will vote for it.

And, as someone who is 5’8” but whose height is all in her back and not in her short legs, I don’t think the model on the Maxwell cover has too short legs.  I think they’re probably about normal and we’ve just gotten used to the very unnatural, overly elongated look that fashion and other types of illustrations use.

I can’t believe my word: used59!  As of midnight, I’ve used up 59 years and start on 60 (me and the Boss)!

Oh, they’re doing it.

Do you know how hard it is to get those boots off?  After a few minutes of tussling with those things, she ended up straddling him and the rest is earl-wife-claiming history.

They’re totally doing it, though I agree that his pants seem rather…on.
Also, the dude totally looks like Lee Adama from Battlestar Galactica.
Oh yes, I am that nerdy.