Bitchin' Blog Posts
Christmas Party, Part One
by SB Sarah | December 27, 2007 | Thursday at 11:36 am | 18 CommentsIt’s that holiday season of beautifully-wrapped gifts, alcohol-drenched company parties, buffets of snacks on everyone’s cubicle - and a crop of Christmas-themed romances to bring sugar to your plums and mistle to your toes.
Sarah: Based on where he’s got his left hand, that Santa better hide where no one can seek him, is all I’m sayin’. “Kids ‘n kisses” is kraptastically kreepy.
Candy: Nothing says “Have a Sexy Christmas” like a puffy shirt tucked into Mom jeans and a Santa suit.
Sarah: I know that many women are not gifted in the mammary department, but I’m not sure that this woman is, well, a woman. Looks like her falsie slipped a bit southward. It might be Christmas at Blue Ball Ranch, if you know what I mean.
Candy: “All I want for Christmas is…an insufferably smug expression. And the grace to not be caught in the middle of a freakin’ hurricane while attempting to make out with this drunk sorority girl I picked up from Texas A&M.”
Sarah: Given the coked out expression on that man’s face, the paltry chip pile and the limp billfold - let alone that shirt - if I were that woman, I’d be betting on Santa, too.
Candy: Santa needs a royal flush, a cowboy shirt that’s not made from polyester and a shower—not necessarily in that order.
Remember, kids: gambling during the holidays is sexy!
Marnie "Sugar Walls" Yeager said on 12.27.07 at 03:18 PM • [comment link]
The second one: Okay, I will agree with you that the girl on the fence is a man in drag, but bear in mind that some women do have lopsided breasts [where one is bigger than the other]. And how do I know this? I’m one of them! (I know, I know, TMI, but it had to be said).
I liked Candy’s comment on how it looks like they’re about to be blown away by a hurricane.
And the woman in the first one is wearing Mom Jeans (the unflattering jeans turned into a joke courtesy of “Saturday Night Live”)
SB Sarah said on 12.27.07 at 04:05 PM • [comment link]
Don’t worry - I’m acquainted with lopsided breasts. But that woman at the Blue Moon Ranch - the little curve of breast is both very very low and to the outside. If that were a pitch, it’d be a ball. Which is why I thought, “Dude!”
And while I’m looking at it again, how great is it that the image composition invites you to stare at the cowboy’s overly large chest pocket?
Jackie L. said on 12.27.07 at 04:44 PM • [comment link]
As somebody over-endowed by nature with mammary tissue that has now moved south permanently, I was pleased to note that the fake (er, implanted) bosoms are also subject to Cooper’s Droop. They are still perky, but way further south than they ought to be. Glad I didn’t have to pay good money to look like this.
Hard to imagine the woman in number 2 saying to her surgeon, “Just make me an A-cup, ok?”
MaryKate said on 12.27.07 at 05:36 PM • [comment link]
Did anyone else notice that apparently there is only one “cowboy” shirt employed by Harlequin? Both fella #2 and fella #3 are wearing it.
And what a shirt it is.
Amelia "Fuckheady Bitchipants" Elias said on 12.27.07 at 06:31 PM • [comment link]
Sadly, the guy in #3 looks enough like Capt Mal Reynolds from Firefly to give me pause. C’mon, Mal, you can’t be THAT hard up for work!
Stephani Hecht said on 12.27.07 at 06:58 PM • [comment link]
I can’t believe that nobody has noticed that big-ass headband on girl #3.
Marnie "Sugar Walls" Yeager said on 12.27.07 at 07:45 PM • [comment link]
That looks like the headband Britney Spears had on when she wore that black wig.
Becs said on 12.27.07 at 08:01 PM • [comment link]
Guy #3 is holding too many cards to be playing Texas Hold ‘Em. Just sayin’.
MaryKate said on 12.27.07 at 08:04 PM • [comment link]
I can’t believe that nobody has noticed that big-ass headband on girl #3.
And she seems to have some very strange female pattern balding going on. It’s time to reach for the Rogaine.
MaryKate said on 12.27.07 at 08:05 PM • [comment link]
Damn it. Shoulda hit the preview button. Sorry to the weird quote thingy.
Kim said on 12.27.07 at 08:22 PM • [comment link]
My son is a junior at A&M, he says if the girl has fake boobs, she is from UT and he is pretty sure he saw her crawling out of Bevo’s pen at the last UT v A&M game.
Yvonne said on 12.27.07 at 09:40 PM • [comment link]
For some reason I read “Beating on Santa” and I wondered if it was a euphemism for something, if ya know what I mean.
Thats what too much cough medicine does for ya.
Chicklet said on 12.28.07 at 12:02 AM • [comment link]
Remember, kids: gambling during the holidays is sexy!
C’mon, baby—Jesus needs a new pair of shoes!
Tessa said on 12.28.07 at 01:34 AM • [comment link]
The way the shirt on dude #3 is drawn, it looks like his sleeve is permanently attached to his lapel (via the random-ass black lines). o.O
smartmensab-tch said on 12.28.07 at 03:19 AM • [comment link]
Y’all just kill me! Especially MaryKate and Chicklit. I laughed so hard my dogs were scared.
And don’t worry about the guy from Firefly. He has a gig on Desperate Housewives.
Soni said on 12.28.07 at 06:23 AM • [comment link]
Erm…is it just me, or is that Chris Kattan playing cards in #3? It would certainly explain the shirt.
Jenyfer Matthews said on 12.28.07 at 09:57 AM • [comment link]
Cover #1 - does Santa seem to have an unusually WIDE arm reach or is that just me? I know it’s the back of Santa’s chair but it also looked at first like Mom was wearing a sombrero with her frumpy outfit.
I can’t bring myself to make too much sport of the chick on the fence in #2 because I suspect that’s how I’d look if I wore a spaghetti strap top with no support band inside (ahem!). But what’s up with the radioactive pocket on cowboy’s shirt??
Cover #3 - Is she holding him up? Because he looks like he’s just clinging to consciousness. My most hated ex used to get an expression like that on his face after a long night…
Charlene said on 12.31.07 at 10:04 AM • [comment link]
Guy #3 is holding too much booze in his stomach to be vertical. If he were famous (and real), the Fug Girls would be calling a Celebrity Skeeve Watch on him. I swear I can smell him from here.
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