Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

The Dark Heroine by Abigail Gibbs:  A Guest Review by CarrieS

The Dark Heroine reads exactly as though it was written by a very talented teenage Twilight fan.  That's because it was, in fact, written by a very talented teenaged Twilight fan.  As an adult, I found the content to be almost unbearably bad, but the technical quality of the writing was good and my fifteen-year-old self would have snarfed it down quicker than a pan of brownies.  Spoilers ahead, but not for anything, including every facet of the ending, that you won't be able to predict from the first page.

Violet is a seventeen-year-old London girl who witnesses a group of pale, fanged men kill a group of tanned, normal-teethed men at Trafalgar Square in the middle of the night.  The fanged people kidnap Violet because she is a witness to the attack.  Violet has a hard time grasping the concept that a bunch of pale, super-strong, super fast, fanged guys that bite people to death in the dead of night might be vampires, but eventually she manages to comprehend that they are.  The vampires are all gorgeous, very rich, and… read more »

Nightfire by Lisa Marie Rice

Susan's guest review made me wonder if maybe this book would work for me. The fact that I didn't like it and didn't finish it is entirely my fault. I should have known better. I was made more curious by the solid reviews on GoodReads, and the number of people who say that Rice is among their "crack" authors. Also, it was on sale very recently for $1.99.

But I should have known that despite all those things combining to tempt me, this was not a book I would enjoy. All the signs were there, and I ignored them. This DNF is my fault, but I also read enough to understand Rice's crack appeal. So while this is a DNF review, if you like romantic suspense with a lot of overt sexual tension, extreme alpha males, and some up and down over the top emotional tempo, you might really like this book.

For me, the over sexed alpha male… read more »

Asher’s Invention

I thought I would love Asher's Invention.  It's a steampunk romance with an enigmatic scientist hero.  It has a great cover and a clockwork dog. 

But, alas, it suffers from boring characters and a lack of plot, and I have Things to Do, so this was a "did not finish" for me.

Tempest in Time by Eugenia Riley

So after we tore apart Fabio’s Viking, I decided to see what his ghostwriter, Eugenia Riley, could do when not hampered by Fabio’s weird cholesterol fetish.  The result was… not pretty. 

But I couldn’t do this review on my own, so I called in some help.

Jeremy Renner.  BECAUSE HIS FACE.

You’re WELCOME, Bitchery.

Audrey’s Guide to Witchcraft by Jody Gehrman

I kept reading this book even though I wanted to stop reading because I wanted to know what happened in the plot. I didn't care much about the characters. I found some of them completely ridiculous, and I didn't much relate to the heroine, but I remained mildly curious as to what crazy thing would happen next. So I kept going.

I think there needs to be a term for this, when you read to find out what happened, not because you connected and care about the characters. You know, when a book is all plot, no real characters? Sort of the book variation of "all hat, no cattle:" all plot, no heart.

I found a point to stop reading when the plot bored me as much as the characters did. Once the same sequence of events happened three times - heroine notices something ODD! Heroine is alarmed by ODDNESS. Heroine decides NOT TO TELL ANYONE about oddness, because… read more »

RITA Reader Challenge: Donovan’s Child by Christine Rimmer

This review was written by Carrie S. This story was nominated in the Best Contemporary Series Romance category.

The summary:     

The first time, it was a tumble down a mountain that threatened Donovan McRae's very survival. And though he had once been the Man Who Had Everything, at that point he thought he had nothing left to lose.

Until Abilene Bravo walked into his life—and he realized he was wrong. Because though he thought he'd lost his heart years ago, he found himself losing it again as he fell fast…for the feisty woman who wouldn't take no for an answer.

And here is Carrie S's review:

One of the first books I reviewed for Smart Bitches involved a couple who realized that they were experiencing a zombie apocalypse when they found their marriage counselor eating another client.  That story was more plausible than anything that happens in Donovan's Child.

A Few Good Men by Cat Johnson

I picked up this book because the premise was TOTALLY kick ass. The heroine and hero are pen pals while he's on deployment, and get to know one another via email. When he returns home, they are already emotionally connected, but haven't ever met.

The book suffered from a few problems that bothered me enough to stop reading:

First, the heroine, Maureen, is idealistic to the point where I couldn't believe she was real. She's a secretary at a publishing company with an evil boss -- who in the first nearly-half of the book is never seen, but we're told she's evil so when the heroine is checking her personal email at work she is very furtive about it… and yet Maureen always gets caught by her nebby and noxious coworker, Tiffany.

If you guessed that Tiffany is blonde, gorgeous, and shallow, you win. I do not know what you win but you win something.

Sterling Redmond by Kim Nathan

I was initially fascinated by the plot synopsis for this book, the opportunity to read historical romance in a setting that was unfamiliar, and the characters. But the book suffers from such poor editing that I couldn't finish it, and had to stop reading.

This is the synopsis, provided by the author: 

Set in Gilded Age America, a young woman must choose between circumstance and destiny. Orphaned as small children, Sterling Redmond and her older sister Charlotte are raised by their grandfather at the family’s Maryland country estate of Northampton. Charlotte blossoms into a famed Baltimore beauty, but Sterling is more interested in books and horseback riding than feminine pursuits. Concerned that her niece will never find a suitable husband among the local Baltimore gentry, Madame De Chant whisks Sterling away to Belle Époque Paris in search of a gentleman who can understand her. In their absence, Nicholas Pembroke, the son of an English earl, takes up residence in the manor bordering Northampton. When Sterling and her aunt return to America for Charlotte’s wedding, Sterling finds that her perfect husband is… read more »

50 Shades of Grey by E.L. James

So many readers have recommended this book to me. SO MANY. It has a 4.49 average after 1,728 ratings on GoodReads and 4.5 stars after 100 reviews on Amazon. Readers on Twitter have told me how much they adore this book, how they love the hero, love the story, love every one of the 200k pages of this book (which ends on a cliffhanger and continues in volume two, Fifty Shades Darker).

Alas, this book didn't work for me. I kept trying, and going back to it more than I normally would because of the number of people who adore this book and talk about it so reverently. Unfortunately for me, I found it to be melancholy and meandering, and the heroine narrator is so maudlin and wimpy I grew more and more irritated with her and with the story and had to stop. It's amazing how powerful a first-person narrator can be - and… read more »

RITA Reader Challenge Review: The Moon That Night by Helen Brenna

This RITA® Reader Challenge review was written by Emily, who did not finish (DNF) the book. This novel finaled in the Contemporary Series Romance: Suspense/Adventure category.

Plot Summary: Kate Dillon has never met a man worth his weight in packing peanuts. Maybe she’s simply too stubborn, too independent and too much of everything men don’t want. Just when she’s decided that Mr. Right doesn’t exist, James Riley crashes back into her life.

Ten years ago Riley barely noticed her, but she was certainly aware of him! Body like a Greek god. Mind like a steel trap. Heart of stone. And nothing has changed. Or so this professional soldier would like her to believe. As Kate is pulled into a crazy adventure with Riley and his daughter, she sees he’s more than a heartless fighting machine. He’s denied himself everything—and has everything to give. Now to make him admit it!

And here is Emily’s review:

RITA Reader Challenge Review: The Wedding Garden by Linda Goodnight

This is a new one for the RITA® Reader Challenge: Reina tried to read it, and couldn’t get through the book. So it’s a DNF/ Did Not Finish for her. But the description and her review might signal that it’s a book that may appeal to you.

Plot Summary: “Are You My Dad?”

The young boy’s question shocks Sloan Hawkins. Until Sloan realizes he is this child’s father. Years ago, the former bad boy was run out of Redemption, Oklahoma, where, ironically, he was thought unredeemable. The only people who believed in him were his beloved aunt and Annie Markham, the girl he loved and left behind. Now Sloan is back to face his past and help keep his aunt’s cherished garden thriving. But when he discovers his secret child—and that single mother Annie never stopped loving him—he’s determined that a wedding will take place in the garden nurtured by faith and love.

And here… read more »

Rushed to the Altar by Jane Feather: A Book Rant from Dora

Every now and again, I receive an epic rant about a book that not only displeased the reader but set her off in a truly hilarious fit of rage. I call them ‘Book Rants,’ because sometimes ranting about a book that made you furious is the only way to squeeze a little good out of an altogether horrific reading experience. Today’s Book Rant comes from Dora, who was not pleased by this book.

This book just got me so angry I started typing this, and before I knew it… well, I thought maybe you might be interested in hearing what I thought about it. Here’s the review with my admittedly shameful grade of DNF.

Whenever I dislike a romance novel, I always have to try to temper my reaction with the knowledge that it probably wasn’t for me. I’m an intermittent bodice-ripper gal at best, and a lot of my purchases in the genre tend to be made on impulse on the “Best Seller” wall in the local supermarket, a stop I usually make on my way for kitty litter and inappropriate carbohydrates. Rushed to the Altar by Jane Feather was one… read more »

The Prodigal Son by Beth Andrews

I started reading this book because it contained some tropes I like, and a setting I thought I would enjoy. Vineyards! A winery! A small town/small community setting with a character returning home for whatever reason - I usually enjoy this kind of story.

The problem here is that most of the characters go too far into negative territory and I was afraid that the author wouldn’t be able to get them out. About halfway through I was worried enough that I went seeking a review to see if the story would have a happier resolution than I thought would happen. Nope: it doesn’t. So I stopped reading.

The book opens with Matt Sheppard, the hero, facing down his father and mother on graduation day. He’s not planning to work at the family vineyard alongside his two brothers, Brady and Aidan, the poorly-named “Diamond Dust.” (Yes. Dust. Just what I want to think of when I read about wine. *cough cough*) He’s going west, to UC Davis and plans to work at another vineyard instead of the family business. His rebellion and decision to… read more »

Walkin’ Dusty Roads of Metaphor

Here at Smart Bitches, I am not one to shrink away from a metaphor. In the past few years, both Candy and I have employed a metaphor, and by “employed” I do mean “beaten into the ground with overuse and obviousness.” Our use of metaphor is completely, and utterly lame compared to some of the opening lines of this novella.

Here, have the plot summary provided by the publisher in the opening pages:

Dusty Roads is a drifter whose down-to-earth cowboy work ethic has landed him a job in a Carolina power plant. Honey Barnes is the plant’s lone but feisty female boss fighting to succeed despite resistance in a male-dominated workplace. Both are tormented by tragedies from their past…tragedies they were helpless to stop. When a workplace situation evolves into what both recognize as a potential catastrophe, they are thrown together by the chance to avert disaster and find redemption. In the process, their irresistible attraction for one another turns into the passionate love that has long eluded them.

That’s right, Dusty Roads and Honey Barnes.

I receive a good many submissions to read and review, from novellas to… read more »

Goodnight Tweetheart by Teresa Medeiros

I wanted to like this book. I like epistolary novels, and I really like epistolary novels involving technology. I liked Meg Cabot’s “The Boy Next Door,” which is largely told via email, even with the weird part where the villain is running down the stairs and the heroine is on her laptop in the stairwell typing that the villain is running down the stairs. OMG… pick your laptop up and run, girl!

I also have a major soft spot for the section at the back of Dave Barry’s “Dave Barry in Cyberspace,” where he wrote what I presume is a fictional chat encounter that leads to romance—after a woman creates an AOL chat room called “Can Actually Spell.” The romance in chat lines between MsPtato and RayAdverb is one of my favorites, even though it’s jokey and short and deals with infidelity. The format was as much a part of the developing story as the chat dialogue itself.

I like Teresa Medeiros’ books, as a rule. Some of them are among my most-favoritest-ever, which is another reason why I kept giving this book another try, over and over and over.… read more »