Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Smart Bitches on the Powell’s Interblag!

Check it out, motherfuckers: I talk at length about the romance ghetto, why it’s a ghetto, how I got there and why I love it, and Sarah and I tackle disdain for romance novels and give recommendations. (Side note: that first sentence for the Ghetto article? Should read “Welcome to the romance ghetto.” Gahhhhhhhhhh I hate it when I omit words that way and don’t catch it.)

Anyway, we are on the Powell’s Book Blog, eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Smart Bitches in Doylestown

If you’re seriously hankering for antiques, really good food, and farmy awesomeness (and those stomach-dropping windy roads that I love so much), head on over to Doylestown Bookshop tomorrow, Saturday 18 April, at 1:00 pm, for a reading and signing of Beyond Heaving Bosoms.

I’ll be reading from the book, signing copies, and looking forward to meeting the Bitchery members who have told me they plan to stop by. See you tomorrow!

A recap of the Powell’s Reading

Last night’s reading at Powell’s was my first public reading of any sort, barring the Bad Poetry Contests I used to help organize back at the University of Portland, and it couldn’t have gone any better—not even if a horde of My Little Ponies had descended from the heavens and pooped rainbows all over the crowd. The introduction included a warning about blue language and a recommendation that anybody within hearing distance who might be offended to go to the Christian supply store across the street. Many friends and website regulars showed up, including Lilith Saintcrow, Meljean Brook and fiveandfour. There was heckling, and hilarity, and many silly hand-gestures and facial expressions on my part. To see the last in action, please enjoy this video of me attempting to explain what man-titty means to the uninitiated-to-romance (turn the volume up—my digital camera’s microphone isn’t the biggest or best):

The Hunt for Heaving Bosoms: Pictures!

Behold: the Heaving Bosoms Hunt Photographs! After we challenged the Bitchery to find the Bosoms in the wild, oh boy, did you deliver.

There are so many pictures of Bosoms it’s a long, long entry, so enjoy. The winner of the $100 bookstore giftcard for finding the first evidence of the Bosoms in a bookstore will be announced at the end. But! But but! Everyone’s a winnah! If your pics are here (or if you sent ‘em and I missed them, please nudge!) please .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) with the subject line “Bosom Sighting Prize” (I can’t even tell you what the inbox looks like OMG). Bosom hunters get prize booty, though. We’re going crazy here in Bitchery HQ.

First: international Bosoms! Bhetti has her Bosoms overlooking the Canary Wharf. Whoo hoo!

Western Bosoms? Riding High!

Barb Ferrer found the bosoms.

In WESTERNS.

I shit you not:

Okay, so I decided to torture the poor salesclerk who couldn’t spell Trotsky.  I asked him to find me the Bosoms.  He asked me three times for the book title—each time I repeated it, I said it louder.  I had already looked in Literary Criticism, which, in most… read more »

Brenda Janowitz Hosts Excerpts from ICH Handbook

Over at Brenda Janowitz’ blog, we have a special, sneaky treat. A copy of the The International Consortium of Heroes’ supah-sekret Handbook (really, more like guidelines) of Romantic Hero Conduct has mysteriously found its way into Smart Bitch Candy’s hands, and behold, there art excerpts and funny bits to be read:

Thanks to an Anonymous Source, we here at Smart Bitch Central have in our hot little hands the International Consortium of Heroes’ Manly Handbook to Heroic Behavior, the official ICH Guidebook for all things manly and heroic. Previously kept secret and circulated only among member heroes, this guide details what it takes to be a romance hero; some of the recommendations are nothing less than shocking. In a series of articles, Smart Bitches are publishing several different portions of the ICH Handbook; our purpose is to shine a light on the monopolistic practices of the ICH and to bring transparency to the hero-making process. None of the text has been edited; omissions are indicated by [. . .].

Have a look-see.

Thanks to Brenda for hosting us, and to Candy for braving the imminent legal action by bringing the ICH’s Handbook to light for the betterment of romance… read more »

Bosoms Road Trip to Boonsboro MD and Doylestown PA

Bright and early tomorrow morning, I’ll be hopping in the Prius (gets better gas milage than my car) and heading southwest to the fine, windy roads of Boonsboro, Maryland, to take part in the Turn the Page Bookstore WRW Pre-Retreat Signing from 11 am until 2pm. I’ll be signing copies of the Bosoms (the book, not my own), along with Nora Roberts, J D Robb, P. C. & Kristin Cast, Susan Donovan, Mary Blayney, Darlene Gardner, Donna Kauffman, Sally MacKenzie, Michelle Monkou, Sophia Nash, Carla Neggers, Kathleen Gilles Seidel, Michelle Willingham & Rebecca York.

Stay tuned all day Friday for much Twittering as I road trip across New Jersey and Pennsylvania into Maryland. I’m still looking for an mp3 of a book to listen to, since I know that north of Harrisburg there’s a distinct lack of good radio stations that stay well-tuned for more than an hour. I’ll try to answer your burning questions like, ‘How many people will show up to have Nora sign their book?’ and ‘Is it really warm in the bookstore with that many people inside?’

That night, I’ll be staying - and this literally makes me squee like you have NO idea… read more »

“What if he’s… the bad guy?” A Bosoms Outtake

Over at Sara Reports, the blog of Sara J. Henry, there’s an outtake from the Bosoms, wherein I talk about the trifecta of evil that makes up an old skool villain:

So how do you know when the bad guy – or girl – is the villain? Use our handy dandy litmus test – The Trifecta of Evil. Note: most commonly applicable to old skool historical romances of the 1980s.

Now, no fair cheating by reading the back cover copy. Sometimes the copywriters give away the whole mystery of Who Is Evil by telling you: “And will their new love survive the cold machinations of Lord Bumphuckerton?” This is for when you’ve read a few pages, and realize – perhaps you’re not sure, but that creepy guy who keeps showing up over near the docks and tends to cause children and horses to tremble in fear … maybe he’s the bad guy.

Thank you to Sara for having us visit with our heaving outtakes.

ETA: not sure what happened to the link - working on it! In the meantime: evil trifecta of villain, the Google Cache version.

Kevyn Burger, WFMP and Smart Bitches

Last minute notice! Tune into the Kevyn Burger show on WFMP in Minneapolis/St. Paul - or online via their website - to hear me chat about Beyond Heaving Bosoms, romance novels, and, if I’m lucky, how much I really, truly love Minnesota.

Oh, yah, you betcha!

ETA: That was a TON of fun. I hope romance fans in the twin cities enjoyed it, too. Now off to Connecticut to film Toni Andrews’ “Too Many Books” show. Whee!

SB Sarah at In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series

Get this - I’m part of Virgin Night tomorrow, 16 April, at the In the Flesh Erotic Reading Series. I will have to work extra hard to hide my stretch marks that reveal I am Most Definitely Not a Virgin. And keep the kids at home. That’s ok - more cupcakes for me!

Just kidding - Virgin Night is for first-time authors/readers, and I’ll be appearing with Jenny Block, who will be reading from Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage, Kyria Abrahams, Emily Farris, Megan Hart, Gideon Levy, Sinclair Sexsmith, and Nicolette Dixon.

All the fun starts at 8:00 pm at the Happy Ending Lounge, 302 Broome Street (B/D to Grand, J/M/Z to Bowery, F to Delancey or F/V to 2nd Avenue). Admission is free, cheezy bread, free! Rumor has it my mother in law might be attending. That alone may be worth the trip, right? (Oy gevalt.)

Carolyn Jewel hosts Smart Bitches

Carolyn Jewel, whose book Scandal I pimped to both KatieBabs and Jane, hosted me on her blog as part of our Crazy Wackass Blog Tour. Jewel hosts a mean interview, which is only fair, since we made her get up at the crack of the morning to be part of the Dear Bitches, Smart Authors podcast.

Favorite part:

Q: Do you have a favorite section of your book? Funniest line?

A: Favorite section? Oh, boy. Probably the sexual mythology of romance novels, in which I discuss all the things that happen in sex scenes in romance novels that can’t possibly happen in real life. And my favorite line: the last line of the book itself.

Carolyn here: OK, I peeked at the last line. Yeah, me, too.

Thank you Carolyn!

Happy Bosoms Day!!

It’s here, it’s here! Commence bosom-heaving, because our book, Beyond Heaving Bosoms is officially launched today - even though folks who ordered it online have already received it, and a few people have found it in various locations in their local bookstore. I’ve got sighting pictures and posed images of the book here, there, and everywhere, but more than that, I have serious ants in my pants. I didn’t think 14 April would ever get here. (I am guessing a few accountants have had this thought, too).

If you’re thinking about buying the book, here’s a special gift from the nice people at Books on Board.

As part of their Daily Steal campaign. from April 14 11am EST/10am CST to April 15 11am EST/10am CST, Beyond Heaving Bosoms is 25% off at Books on Board. WOOT! 25% off the Bosoms? Plastic surgeons charge a LOT for that.

Plus, they’re giving a 20% list price coupon to all the titles they have in stock by the following authors, all of whom are mentioned in the Bosoms: Stephanie Laurens, JD Robb/ Nora Roberts, Jude Deveraux, Kelley Armstrong, and Patricia Briggs.

Just… read more »

Book Excerpt:

When Candy started drafting the “Choose Your Own Man-Titty” section, she wrote this hilarious section about vampires, and how consent is sexy, even when you’re a vampire.

She posted the whole of it, which didn’t make it into the book, over in the “Book: Extras” section. Enjoy!

We are #1! In Movements! and Periods!

Behold, there is great rejoicing, as Beyond Heaving Bosoms is now #1 in “Movements and Periods” on Amazon.com, edging out both J. R. Ward and Charles Dickens.

I didn’t think we’d move up from our solid and heavy position as #2, and #2 is certainly a respectable position. Many a baseball player, for example, likes it in the 2 hole. Many a batter finds the #2 position comfortable and tends to linger there awhile.

But let’s be honest: reaching the streaming apex of #1 is something to be very, very proud of.

OK. I’m done now.

Sean’s Ramblings Interivews SB Sarah

Candy and I are about to embark on a Hella Big Blog Tour, but before that starts, I was asked to do an interview by someone who actually knows me and who has his own niche blog. While we talk hot pink, romance and heuristic discussions of man-titty over here, Sean talks about Pittsburgh sports (we’re both from Pixburg), free burritos, and Kevin Pittsnogle. So when Sean asked if he could interview me, I figured, hell yeah! Sean is one of the genuinely nicest guys I know - the type of guy who is a perfect hero, romance or otherwise.

That said, Sean, as of today, you’re in 3rd place and I’m in 10th in our rotisserie league. Watch out, dude, we coming after you.

Saturday Videos Shatter Sexual Myths

Thanks to the Awesome Rob from RT, there is nine whole minutes, or, about 90% of my reading from this Monday’s Lady Jane’s Salon. It is nine minutes, which is a lot, but if you’re looking for a video preview of what I sound like after 2 glasses of wine and a cigar, or what the book contains, have a looksee. Enjoy!

Lady Jane’s Salon was, as usual, a slapping good time. Ron Hogan and I emceed the evening, which was even more crowded than the last one in March. Of course, March’s LJS had a snowstorm; the April edition had massive rains. I predict hail for May.

Alisa Sheckley aka Alisa Kwitney, author of The Better To Hold You read and also spoke about her writing process a bit, and Maya Rodale,author of The Rogue And The Rival, read in tandem with her boyfriend. If you’re in NYC the first Monday of the month, definitely make Lady Jane’s Salon a stop on your itinerary. It’s among the best of the romance-positive events I’ve attended.