Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Desire’s Blossom by Cassie Edwards

I’ve reviewed this book before—most recently for All About Romance—and God knows I keep bringing this book up in conversation. Why? Because it’s the Worst Book Ever. I’m not joking. You think you’ve read awful books before, books that made you wonder how they got published? Read this one. This bad book will cock-slap your bad book AND RAPE IT IN THE ASS, guaranteed.

Sarah asked me today whether I remembered the plot. The answer is: yes. Yes I do. Oh god. I wish I didn’t, but it has been seared into my brain, alas. I wish I could forget it so I could make space for useful things, cool things—things such as pi to 1000 places, or where I left my keys, or Sumerian mythology. But this was not meant to be, because remembering the travails of Lee-Lee and her erstwhile and eternally erect lover, Timothy, clearly hold precedence in my brain.

The story’s set in the mid-19th century. When she’s ten years old or so, Letitia Whatserface is shipwrecked off the coast of China; she’s the only survivor on her entire ship. She’s… read more »

The Future Scrolls by Fern Michaels

This book, it is bad.

So bad, it will induce you to commit violence against your ancestors.

I am going to write this review based on the ten or so pages I read. I didn’t buy it. I didn’t even take it out of the library. I made no effort to choose this book. It was on the shelf in the bathroom of the rental house in St. John, and I figured I’d give it a shot.

I didn’t bother to meet the hero. I am not even sure about the origin and meaning of the scrolls referred to in the title. But the heroine? And the precociously annoying little girl?

It’s a new Smart Bitch category, I think: “Slap-Your-Grandma’s-Grandma Bad.”

The Demon’s Daughter by Emma Holly

I have to give this book an F because I am so damn bored by it I don’t even want to finish it. I’m on page 135 out of 311 and I couldn’t give less of a shit about these characters. So this will have to be a half-finished review because I can’t be bothered to give a damn.

I think it speaks volumes that I am in my 2nd trimester and flush with hormones that should have responded merrily to this book, but instead were left with a feeling of, “Who in the what now?” Even my hormones were confused.