Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Beloved Betrayal by Carol Finch - A Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

It’s time to get back to my roots- a hot pink (HOT. PINK. With bonus rearing horse!) Zebra romance I picked up, oh, ages ago- somewhere between my high school heydays of romance, and coming back to the fold a couple years ago.  It was clearly from a free pile somewhere, and it’s everything you’d expect from a late 1980’s Zebra romance and MORE.  No Texan Viscount, though- I feel like that stays in it’s own category of crazysauce.

I think I picked this up something like seven years ago, and read it, and (apparently) liked it enough to keep it and cart it around to four different houses and three moves.  Now I'm wondering what the hell was in my head, except that I'd gone through a years long phase where I hadn't read any romance at all, because I was trying to be an adult (overrated).  So any water tastes good to the parched girl in the desert?  And it's been sitting on my shelf in all of its hot pink glory, and I remembered the disguises being awesome?  But… read more »

Impostress by Lisa Jackson: A Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

This was a HABO that Laura asked about back last spring, and I ordered it back then and didn’t even open the package until this week.

(This semester is even crazier than last spring, I’m doing an internship that’s 15-20 hours a week, plus 4 other classes and it’s kind of insane.)

Okay.  So.  This is full of whatthefuckery.  Really.  With a side dish of anachronism stew.  (I’m also writing this while watching the pilot of Ringer which involves a twin-switch scenario, and it’s actually pretty good.  If you like film noir-y drama, give it a shot.)

So our story begins in Wales in 12-something or other, with Kiera, our heroine, out for a ride on daddy’s prize stallion (who, like all prize stallions, is a giant black horse). She’s disguised herself as a stableboy to avoid trouble, but naturally the black stallion is a lot of horse and dumps her, basically into the arms of a ruffian who makes like you expect ruffians to act when a woman who is disguised as a boy lands in his arms- not honorably.  Kiera’s older sister Elyn happens to be out running around at… read more »

Forbidden Desires by Rebecca Sinclair, a Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

RedHeadedGirl is back, reading wayback romances of crazysauce so you don’t have to!

This was a request- this was Maggie’s first romance, and I got it, and read it, and I think I’m in the midst of finals induced delirium, because this read kind of like a post-modern play.

    So the story goes that Emilee is on the run for people thinking she murdered her husband.  Cade is both the dead guy’s brother and a bounty hunter AND the supplier of the $2500 price on Emilee’s head (but…wants the kill himself, so…. Why would he post a price on her head?  The logic escapes me.)

    Anyway, Cade is hunting down Emilee (“you killed my brother, prepare to die” and all that), and has become totally obsessed with the ink drawing of her on the Wanted poster.  He finds her in a town in Nebraska where she’s managed to land a job as the schoolteacher, and is about to snipe her, but just can’t pull the trigger.  So he tracks her to her house on the edge of civilized Nebraska and busts in and finds… read more »

The Snooki Snex Scene Contest: The Entries!

Ok, folks, get ready. It’s time for the Snooki Snex Scene entries. Voting is below, so make sure to read and pick your favorite. The winner gets a copy of the book and $25 to a bookstore of the winner’s choosing.

The poll is below and the entries are below the fold. Are you ready? Grab a beverage and help us pick the winning Snooki Snex Scene!

Adora by Bertrice Small, A Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

RedHeadedGirl is back, this time with a book reviewed by request: Bertrice Small’s 1981 book, Adora. Small is one of my absolute favorite old-skool authors. I have a soft spot for “Blaze Wyndham” like you wouldn’t believe. But I’ve never read this one.

I tried, you guys.  I really tried.  It doesn’t help that the copy I got smells to high heaven (It must have been owned by a smoker and it is moldy) and I have an aversion to bad smells, especially in books.  (Seriously, the first time I read Watchmen, the copy I borrowed was ever so slightly moldy, and the mold smell while reading the Tales of the Black Freighter?  I can’t even read that part now, in my new, ink-y smelling copy.  The associations are just so intense and gag-inducing.)

Anyway, this is the second Small book I’ve read and I’m not too terribly inclined to read more. I know this is “I read this shit so you don’t have to” but honestly.  Limits, I has them.

Adora is Theadora C-something, the daughter of the Arch Duke/Chamberlain/Grand Vizier (I don’t remember… read more »

Purity’s Passion by Janette Seymour, a Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

Well.  That was…unpleasant.

I’m done with the 1970s-early 1980s OG Old School.  That was one of the most unpleasant reading experiences I’ve ever had, and I read The Phantom of Manhattan.  I finished it because I was kind of interested in where this story would end (and how much shit can be heaped upon the head of the heroine), and I have a finely developed case of trainwreck syndrome.  (Also, my copy didn’t stink, so that helped.)

I’m having a really hard time coming up with a Letter Grade, because I’ve read worse, and I’ve read better. I had a more entertaining time reading Passion’s Bold Fire than this, but Purity’s Passion wasn’t badly written, not by a long shot. I just hated reading it.  But it doesn’t deserve an F.  I’m going to call it a qualified C-.

The heroine is Purity, whose beauty and fine young body drive men wild.  She is born in France on the eve of the French revolution, the daughter of the bailiff on the estate of the Marquis de Fayelle. When she is about 8 or so, the French… read more »

Passion’s Bold Fire by Rosalyn Alsobrook, a Guest Review by RedHeadedGirl

>RedHeadedGirl is back, this time with a review of a romance from so far back, and so far gone in the WTF department, she calls it “Love’s Passion’s Flaming Bag of Poo.” It was an epic adventure. In pain.

Most of the time, reviews are written after you have finished the book.  I admit for Season of the SunI started it before I even got the book delivered, but I’d read it so many times before, I could do that, and the hook wasn’t really that relevant to the specific book anyway.

This is not one of those reviews.

It’s really tempting to do this review just as transcripts of IMs and emails I sent while slogging through this bag of poo.  But that wouldn’t really cover all the shitasticness of this book.

The day after I started reading this book, I sent Sarah this email:

“Oh my god, Sarah.  Oh my god.  I may have a bone fide “F” grade, old school 1992 romance.  It certainly falls into “I read this shit so you don’t have to.”  I think I’ve sprained my eyes from rolling them so… read more »

Season of the Sun by Catherine Coulter - A Guest review by R.

R., better known as RedHeadedGirl, is back with another wayback-when old-skool romance review, with plenty of layered WTFery to go around. Enjoy!

You never forget your first. 

You don’t forget your first kiss (Mike, and I had to guilt him into kissing me, because he was too much of wuss to try, and I was too much of a girly-wuss to kiss first), your first flower (Dave, whose great moments were always involving flowers but didn’t have a lot to back that up), your first Doctor (Oh, Nine.  Your time was too short.  But fantastic!). 

This was my first romance.  Again, around the age of 12 or 13.  Picked it up because it was about Vikings, and my family is Scandinavian therefore Vikings are AWESOME, and I found the whole “slave/master” thing to be very…. intriguing (oh god, I hope my mother doesn’t EVER track these reviews down). 

And, um, the guy on the original cover? Fabio. Yeah.

Surrender to the Night by Evelyn Rogers: A Guest Review by R

[This is a guest review from reader R. who found her long-lost romance thanks to the Bitchery and a HaBO that was SO funny I laughed so hard I could barely speak. Read on for more adventure in way-back romance!]

Surrender to the Night

(Or that book I ran into 18 years ago when I was 13, and finally got 3 days ago, thanks to the Smart Bitches and the Bitchery)

For real, guys, I can’t thank you enough.  I feel like a niggling mystery from my early teenagerhood has finally been solved.  I suppose it feels that way because that’s exactly what happened. 

And oh!  I HAVE SO MANY WORDS ABOUT THIS BOOK.  So pull up a chair, I brought some cinnamon rolls and some coffee (but not that weak shit they actually sell at Toby’s.  Oh god, I can’t do that to you.  Last time we drove up there, Christmas 2009, I got a cup of coffee, and nearly spit it out and looked at my mother with HORROR and demanded to know if all Toby’s coffee was always this bad, or was this a particularly thriftful… read more »