Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

HaBO-Thon: It Was in the High School Library?

This request comes from Keisha, who has been hunting for this book for a long time:

I'm waxing nostalgic about a romance novel published before 2007 that I read in high school and I hope you can help me. I haven't been able to find this particular novel on Amazon. I found one that I thought was the right book but it turned out to be a dud, a poorly written dud. I can remember some key plot points of the book but cannot remember the hero's name, the author's name, or the title of the book itself. Oddly enough, I do know that the cover involves a misty forest scene in shades of purple or blue.

The heroine is named Angela (or some variation of "angel") and the story plays up the whole Devil & Angel, Beauty and the Beast, Phantom of the Opera quality.

HaBO-Thon: He’ll Be There With Bells On. Really.

This Help a Bitch Out request comes from Megan, who describes a book I would swear was erotica, but she says is not: 

Hero had long hair. He may have been sent from an alternative dimension. Turns up on the heroine’s doorstep searching for some sort of artefact. He loved the taste of coffee. There was a fight in a car park when he kicked the pants of some bikers who were giving him rubbish about his hair.

He wore an anklet with bells. They (the hero and heroine) ended up travelling to search for some holy grail type artefact. This was definitely romance and not erotica, it may have even been a Harlequin which doesn’t seems very likely but stranger things have happened.

Long hair and bells. Seriously, someone has to remember this book. Anyone? 

HaBO-Thon: A Memorable Book For Many Reasons

Cleo is looking for a book that was truly memorable for her, for a number of reasons, including the context in which she read it. Honestly, this book sounds fascinating. 

I have an HaBo.  I read this book in the late ‘80s, during my freshman year at college, and of course I don't remember any names or titles.  I borrowed it from one of my roommates, who borrowed it from someone down the hall, who borrowed it from someone else in the dorm.  I’m looking for it because I think it was ahead of its time - the heroine had several lovers and no dire consequences.  She didn’t die, or get raped, or shamed, or shunned.  I’m sure you’re imagining the earnest conversations we budding feminists and young liberal arts scholars had about the ramifications of this radical plot, but no. Pretty sure everyone read it for the same reason I did – the sex.  And I’m only pretty sure, not absolutely sure, because I barely talked about it with my roommate and I was WAY too embarrassed to talk about the sex in it.  Or the social ramifications thereof.

Habo-Thon: Her Name Might be Christmas

Lillie is looking for this book, which she has been trying to find for awhile. 

I need your help! I've been searching for a book for a few months and I'm coming up empty.

It's an older Harlequin or Silhouette, and I believe it was published in the 90s. It's a Christmas reunion story. The hero is a cop (last name may be Knight?), very ba-humbug and a neat freak. The heroine loves Christmas, is a free-spirit and her name has something to do with the holiday. I think it might actually be Christmas, nicknamed Chrissy. Heroine saw her boss commit a crime, went to the police, and met the hero. They hooked up during the trial, then she disappeared.

HaBO-Thon: Mirrors, Lots of Em

It's HaBO-Thon time! HaBO stands for "Help a Bitch Out," and is a segment wherein folks write in looking for books that they cannot find, usually becuase they remember many details about the plot, but not the title or author. This is, by the way, how I remember most books. 

Our first request comes from GoldenDarter:

After the latest round of HaBOs, and another fruitless internet search, I have decided to ask the Bitchery if they might know of this book... I read it several years ago, in the infancy of my romance obsession, but I have no idea when it was actually released.

I believe it is a historical, and if I had to guess I would say it is set in England (really, where else could it be?). I am certain he is a lord of some kind or at least obscenely rich (could he be anything else?). There is really only once particular scene I remember, and it bothers me to not remember the whole story behind it. It takes place near the end of the book and the H/H have been sleeping together for a while, though I have no idea if they… read more »

HaBO: “What’s that Hymen Doing There?”

Lisa's email about the book she's seeking made me snort laugh. 

I'm trying to find the first romance novel I ever read.  I liked it enough that I kept reading romances, but I think it was probably much worse than I thought.  I want to reread it...but I can't find it! It's been bothering me for ages now.  Please, can the bitchery help?

The heroine is an orphan/thief in historical London.  She dreams of a better life and spends her time practicing a refined accent and making hats.  She also has a brother.

The hero is rich, but he works - a lawyer maybe, or a doctor?  His best friend is a layabout who is waiting on his aunt to cough up her inheritance.

HaBO: Everything But the Names

Marisa has the same problem I do: she remembers a ton of details, but not the names of the characters or the title of the book: 

I am looking for a book I got from the library forever ago and can't find. Of course, I can't remember the title or the character names, but I can remember some other details.

It's historical and in England, but I'm not sure when. It starts off with the hero at the church after a failed marriage attempt. (The girl was in love with someone else, so he let her out of the engagement, much to the annoyance of her family.) He has been trying to secure a wife for a while now. The heroine comes in and offers herself for marriage, citing some reasonable argument for why he should accept even though he doesn't know her (dowry?). He accepts, they get married and go off to live in his big house (he has some kind of title). I remember she has this little dog that she takes nearly everywhere.

HaBO: She’d Totally Read That

Ilex emailed me a HaBO query in the form of an IM conversation she had with a friend about this book. It's hilarious. 

I was wondering if HaBO could, well, HaBO. I'm your pretty standard, used-to-sneak-my-mom's-harlequins-during-highschool-algebra type. Unfortunately, my mom can't remember this particular gem, and I (and now my friend below) would kill to find this cracktastic romance now. (Okay, maybe we'd just kill bugs, but still...) It's taken me so long to get around to emailing you on this matter, however, that I've decided to just c/p our conversation for simplicity's sake. We had been discussing the re-issue of Nora Roberts' backlist when the topic came up...

<<me>> hey you might know

<<friend>> dude 1986!!!!

<<me>> there was this book i read of my mom's and i think it was one of the gold-framed covered - maybe the later silhouettes or something but it was about this executive ceo type and his assistant and he's the stereotypical cold bastard but they go to some kind of executive shindig and he gets drunk and she has to get him into his limo, where he kisses her and then they have these dreams about each… read more »

HaBO: A few scant memories

Rebecca has a few memories of a book, and she's hoping they will ring a bell for someone who remembers this book. 

I have so little to go on for this HaBo, but for some reason, I cannot forget this book entirely, so I must re-read it to figure out why. Here is what I remember:

It is a historical set in England. Not sure what period, but it is post-Renaissance. The heroine is plump - not just a little thick, but round and bouncy. I think she's blonde and has curls, but I'm not certain. She has an issue with the hero involving her father's (or late husband's) estate. Either he holds title to the land or works for/with the bank that does. She is not a woman of means, so the land is the only thing that she'd have to keep herself afloat.

HaBO: Nicholas of St. Ives?

This request comes from Kinsey Holley, who is begging for help. BEGGING I tell you. 

It's a Regency (maybe Georgian, but 19th cent. England) and the hero is a rakish Earl with a penchant for opera dancers and the heroine is a rather plain - not unattractive, just not pretty - young lass whose father is a dissolute gambler who basically wagers her with the hero and loses, and the hero finds himself with all the father's worldly goods AND his daughter to boot.

I specifically remember a phrase that pops up all through the book  - "diamond of the first water." The heroine mentions several times that her mother was a diamond of the first water - i.e., gorgeous - but she knows that she's not.

I can even recall (I think) the hero's title - Earl of St. Ives. Given name, Nicholas. You'd think I could find that with Google, right? Nope. When I Google it I get two results - St. Ives, the skin products company, and.....a comment I left in a SBTB review back in 2009.

Pllleassee?

And if it turns out that this is an easy peasy one I'll… read more »

HaBO: Mom was a Fairy with Outdated Clothes

Dark Puck is looking for a historical paranormal that sounds really interesting!

I'm trying to remember the title of a romance novel I read.

It was set during the Regency period, like most of the romances I read. The heroine, I believe, was a widow with a young son; the hero was an It's Complicated with a daughter.

The Complicated part came in whereupon his wife was a fairy. On the birth of the daughter, she was forced to return to her own realm. Since then she has been scheming for her daughter to take her place, so she can resume her whatevers in the mortal world. I don't remember what it was.

There may or may not have been a dog, but the widow was mentioned to have once been at the height of fashion, and still wearing those same clothes some few years since they had gone out of fashion. I think there may also have been a tower tour. And the widow could see the magic stuff? Or sense it, or something.

That's a really curious book - anyone remember this one? 

HaBO: WhatsHisName gets Shot

Vixenbib is looking for a book that's been plaguing her for awhile:

I'm looking for a Harlequin/Silhouette? contemporary romance which I read at least ten years ago but the book was second-hand and could've been at least a couple of years old when I picked it up. The book is one of a series. The hero (some kind of special-ops government agent, possibly named Dan or Sam or Tom - or maybe not) spends most (if not all) of the book confined to a wheelchair, as the result of an injury sustained in an undercover special-op-gone-wrong, in the first chapter or possibly even the prologue. Our hero is, I think, the agency?/bureau? chief, and he's desperately in love with a female colleague. The bullet which disables him comes just at the point where she and he are tentatively declaring their (previously suppressed in at least one earlier novel) feelings for each other. The rest of the team know that he and the heroine are in love and have been waiting for them to get their act together. Dan/Sam/Tom and the heroine declare themselves and share their first kiss on a tense 'stakeout', at the beginning of the book.… read more »

HaBO: There’s a LOT of Detail, and a Shoeless Heroine

Kathleen is looking for this book, and she remembers a LOT about it - except the title. Good thing we're here! 

I am trying to find a book that I recall quite a lot of detail about except of course that elusive title, author, and the name of the heroine.

It was published I believe sometime in the years between 2000 and 2010, and it is a Western.

It begins back East where the hero (Jason may be his name) is visiting the home of rich man for a business dinner. He is encouraged to go for a walk in the garden. When he spots the daughter of his host, he thinks that it is a setup for him to meet the girl. However, the girl is reading without her shoes on and doesn’t at first notice the hero when he walks up. She is quite embarrassed to be found shoeless, but she and the hero talk for a bit.

HaBO: Two Harlequins, One Searching Reader

Jessica writes in looking for two books she lost:

I'm looking for two books, both Harlequins. A bit of backstory: I grew up in a duplex my parents owned, and they rented out an apartment behind our house. We had the tenants from hell in 1995 (to give you an idea, they played dance music at all hours of the night and tried to sell the appliances to pay the back rent), and when my mom was finally able to evict them they left behind stacks and stacks of 1980s Harlequin romances. They were everywhere: Small piles in every corner of the apartment, behind the toilet, in the oven, on every shelf in the kitchen cupboards. We're still puzzled over why they left them; while my mom isn't big on romance, she doesn't hate Fabio or anything.

HaBO: She Found the Book, but a Page is Missing

Selene was featured in a previous HaBO and found the book she was looking for - only there's a problem, and she's asking for help:

Sally posted the answer and I got the book - It's THE BABY GIFT by DAY LECLAIRE. I bought the book but one page of it has some missing words :(

I got another copy same problem. I haven't been able to find another edition. Could you ask Sally if she has a copy of the book and she could just send me what the last paragraph on page 164 of the book says? Or could you put up a post for me asking anyone who has the book if they could just post up the words of the last paragraph on page 164 for me, please?

I'd be very grateful.

Btw, the book isn't creepy - it's very romantic and touching. I don't think I came out right abt the stick figures - they are just little decorative figures made of twigs and leaves and whatever you can get on hand - christmas decorations. like reindeer etc. Just thought I'd let you know - becoz it's a really very good book… read more »