Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

S-HaBO-Day: Forget the Elevator, Love on the Pool Table, Baby!

This request comes from Kelly, who read this book a long time ago: 

First of all, I love your website, your posts on FB, and HABO in particular. Today, I am hoping that HABO can work its magic for me. I read the book in question many moons ago in high school, so between 1988 - 1991. I borrowed the book from the library, so I'm not sure how much older than that time frame the book might be, but if I were to guess, I'd say it was probably not older than from the mid 80's. The only thing I vaguely remember about the cover was that it had purple and green on it. The plot of the book was somewhat novel, in that it revolved around mining slate in England. The hero owned the slate mines, where much EVIL had occurred (bad working conditions for the miners, probably, it's hard to remember), but I don't think the hero had caused the evil, rather he had inherited it and didn't give a toss one way or the other.… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: She Remembers the Review

Maeve is looking for a book - except instead of remembering the plot, she remembers a review that discussed the plot:

Anyway, I was really hoping you or one of the community could help me find a book I'm looking for. I remember reading a review of it, I originally thought I read it on the Eloisa James' Barnes and Noble column about a year ago. I emailed her and asked if she remembered it and she's fairly certain I read the review elsewhere. It has been really bugging me so I hope you can help! I remember the reviewer commenting that the hero (I'm fairly certain it was a historical novel) was distant, aloof, a lone wolf kinda guy, who married (unwillingly?) and the heroine because of her spunkiness and/or saintliness won him over. I remember the reviewer commenting that the scene at the end of the book where the hero is in the library/study and is thinking about his wife, who I think is pregnant. He's worrying about her and the birth or maybe even worrying about the… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: A Good Grovel Fixes Everything

This request comes from Marja, who is descibing one heck of a 0_o plotline up in here.

I'm hoping the bitchery could help me relocate two books from my past. Both of these were in the first pile of Harlequins I stole from under my older sister's bed and helped to turn me into a romance novel addict. Both were propably published in the late 80's/ early 90's. Also sorry about the typos. I'm Finnish and it's quite late and I don't know how to use my Mac's spell check... The first book I remember quite well and the name of the book in Finnish was something like "10/10". I also remember that the heroine was a chef and the hero was some sort of a millionaire. In the beginning of the book they are seated together in an airplane and she happens to notice that the guy is making a list of qualities for a perfect woman, giving some poor gal a pretty low score. Hero notices the heroine's snooping and later tracks her down in order to take… read more »

HaBO: Tycoon Mindreaders!

Kavya is looking for this book - which is rather recent but a book I totally missed reading. And I want to read this - sounds kind of amazing: 

I read this book in high school, borrowed from a classmate, so it must have been around 2004-05. I don’t remember if it was new then though. I’m pretty sure it was a Harlequin Presents as the hero was a rich Italian guy (as they often are) and it begins with him tracking down the wife who had run away from him (as they often do).

The distinctive thing about this book, however, was that the heroine was psychic. She could read minds or sense feelings or something of the sort. It was this feature that had me wondering if it was indeed a Presents novel, because you don’t usually get psychic heroines in a Harlequin unless it’s a paranormal. But then recently I found a Presents with a time-travelling hero, so maybe I wasn’t wrong about the mind-reading heroine.

So, back to the book:… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: He Keeps Her Hidden in the Country

Erin is looking for this book - and has been hunting for a long time. Someone told her it was "Whitney, My Love" by Julia Quinn - HA! - but she says that's not it. 

I cannot remember much about the book accept that the hero & heroine marry when she is quite young (possibly below 18yo but I'm not 100% sure). Hero leaves and then comes back years later. Hero might be a spy or working for the Crown...?

Later on someone tells the heroine that there are/were rumors running rampant about why the hero had left her and never introduced her to society, instead he keeps/kept her "hidden" away in the country; some rumors were about her being severely deformed, etc. The person who tells her this is another "child bride" and not vindictive but somewhat naive. Anyway, heroine confronts the hero about it and he claims not to have known about the rumors. I cannot remember why but I think he may have been out of the country all those years...? I think he… read more »

S-HaBO-Day Thank You from Gwen Hayes: The Winner!

Gwen Hayes was so excited that her HaBO was solved, she wanted to give someone a $25 bookstore gift card. So I asked which book would you bring with you everywhere - prompting a really tempting list of books that you love a LOT.

The winner of the giftcard is : #50: Chris J.

Yay! Chris, please email me so I can connect you with Gwen.

Thank you to Gwen for the awesomeness, and thank you to everyone who entered - my to-read list is now about 46% longer than it was on Friday. Egads. 

S-HaBO-Day: Paris to the Desert

Chris remembers some bare details of this book she's looking for, and she thought it was a Christina Dodd novel, but her search hasn't yielded anything: 

This is starting to confound me. I want to say that I read this book back in 2005 when I was pregnant with my first. I borrowed it from the library, but it was on the regular shelves not the new ones.

It's a historical that originated in Paris, but they ended up in the desert with some sheikh. I want to say they were both English, but I'm not certain. I recall the heroine was kidnapped by the sheikh, at one point.

There was a libido increasing drug involved. It made for some sexy scenes. I think the hero was spying, but I'm not positive. I've been remembering bits and pieces and I can't even recall the author. This is driving me crazy.

I want to say it's Christina Dodd, but I've looked at all her historicals and I can't locate it. I even stopped in the… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Curious Goings On in the Wagon

E is looking for a historical she read back in the 90's that contains some ... memorable wagon action. 

I'm looking for a historical romance that was written in the early to mid-90's, during the height of romances "Indian" captive phase.

The book was about a woman who was, of course, a captive and lived with her captors for a period of time. During this time she gets pregnant. She may have been rescued, her and her child and she was either married off to the hero or something along those lines. The hero is half Native and if I'm not wrong in the military.

There's a scene that sticks out in my mind because it was quite...different. (Or at least it was to a 16 year old who was sneaking and reading romance during her AP English classes) The hero, heroine and baby are traveling to the hero's family home (I think) in a wagon and the heroine is breastfeeding. I think she was shy or worried about breast feeding and her body's… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Flowers in Her Hair

SBB is looking for a romance novel - and she remembers one key scene: 

I am looking for a book. I cannot remember the title, author or cover. I can only remember one thing, the male is a prince, king or emperor (I'm thinking emperor but am not sure). He marries a foreigner and she needs to learn about his ways. I think they wed to form an alliance but am not sure. The most memorable part was that part of the wedding was to braid her hair with flowers and the honeymoon lasts until all of the flowers fall out.

So they do a lot of talking and learning about each other. As they get closer they want to be physical but he warns that it will make the flowers fall out faster and he says he wants to take it slow since this is his first break from ruling the kingdom and he wants to spend time with his new bride. Until the flowers fall out he is on vacation and no one can bother… read more »

S-HaBO-Day Thank You from Gwen Hayes

Last week, y'all identified a HaBO from author Gwen Hayes. She is most grateful - who wouldn't be, freed from the unending job of describing a book to librarians and booksellers, watching as their faces crumple into disbelief and confusion as more outlandish and disordered plot details are revealed? So Gwen would like to offer a prize!

She wants to give one of y'all a $25 gift card to the bookstore of your choice to say a big whopping thank you. So! S-HaBO-Day Givaway time! 

To enter, please leave a comment and tell us one book you would never, ever want to lose, the one that will keep moving with you from home to home all the way to the retirement community with the incredibly good-looking grounds crew. Leave a comment and you're entered to win. I'll choose the winner at random on Monday, 25 February 2013 at 8:30am ET.   

Standard disclaimers apply: void where prohibited. Open to international residents subject to applicable law. Must be over 18 and wearing excellent socks to win. Close cover before striking. And… read more »

S-HaBO-Day: Beware the Heroine with an Arsenal

Gwen H. is looking for this book, and it sounds like a heck of a story: 

I don't remember the category line. I read it in 2001, but it was probably late '90s book. I don't remember cell phones or internet being used. A cop was being set up, he hid in heroine's car or truck, and then made her hide him out in her home while he cleared his name. He thought she was mild mannered schoolteacher type but she had a bunch of guns. Turns out she was also a famous writer of thriller/adventure novels using a male pseudonym. Ring any bells?

Surprise! She's a writer! Anyone remember this book? 

S-HaBO-Day: Revenge is Always Sweet

Mrs. J is looking for a book she can't find, and y'all, you have to read this: 

I read this historical romance YEARS ago and I can’t remember the name of it. The story starts with an older man defrauding the hero when he was a young man. In order to get revenge (years later), the hero decides to start a relationship with the man’s daughter with intentions to ruin her.

He starts by sending letters to her and she falls in love with him via the letters. IIRC over the course of their writing courtship the man realizes two things:

1) he really likes her and she really likes him

2) it would be a better revenge to marry her and take her from her father who treats her like crap

S-HaBO-Day: Holy Crap, She Cut His Arm Off

This HaBO request for book identification comes from G, who remembers a lot of details. Gory ones! 

There's a historical romance I'm looking for. I can only remember some parts of it. I read it in the early '90s. This is the book I read each time I was visiting my now ex-husband's parent's house. I had to stay in the basement--of course we couldn't sleep together--scandalous! Fortunately, there were hundreds of paperback books everywhere. I just picked this one randomly off the shelf--could have just as easily picked one out of the boxes, bags or drawers that couldn't close because of all the books. God Bless Grandma Helga. It starts out where this girl is with her father in this field (United States circa 1800s, early 1900s). Her father is some sort of researcher or scientist. They're attacked by American Indians. The dad dies, the girl gets stabbed with a spear in the chest (but not before she does some damage to some guys with a machete) She's a badass and cuts this guy's arm off.  

HaBO: Her Brother is an Asshat

This request comes from Jane, who is seeking what she thinks is an older traditional Regency: 

I am usually a pretty good web searcher, but I can't seem to come up with the right collection of terms to find this traditional (no sex) Regency: The older sister was stuck at home caring for an elderly, cranky uncle until he died. The younger brother whooped it up in town. Uncle FINALLY died, the family gathered more for the will than to mourn. Sister became, by the terms of the will, the roadblock to her brother's and cousins' ambitions as well as a decently endowed heiress. The tale takes place in the country in winter; we have the requisite beastly storm. Our Heroine escapes inept attempts on her life, a valuable triptych disappears, brother's near-sightsighted bride arrives and is appalled to discover that Dear Uncle was a knight, not a baronet, so she will not be Lady Whatever as she had anticipated. Brother (the clunch) decides he will use his bride's considerable dowry to purchase the house left to his sister. The… read more »

HaBO: Amnesia All Over the Plot

Jo is looking for one of the first romances she ever read: 

I searched all the sites I could find.. I was cleaning my book shelf and saw my old books..Read all of them ..So I missed these two books..were among the first books I read.

My sister gave it her friend and it got misplaced...frustrating !!! They were mills and boon but were thicker almost double the no of pages.. hardbound. I can't remember the author or title. Only that it was a mills and boon , again hardbound and thicker double the no of pages. I remember the plot very well.

The hero is an eccentric scientist.The story begins as the heroine has gained her memory. She doesn't remember anything about the past some months, during which she had got married to the hero, which ofcourse infuriates him. She is from a wealthy family, her grandfather running the business, no parents. She had been engaged to another young man who is her granfather's business partner before she lost her memory.