It’s time for yet another Adventure Of Bucket! Not Hyacinth Bucket, nor the Lolrus Bucket. This bucket.
This bucket has a lot of work to do. Here’s an example. Look! It’s a book cover, brought to my attention by sharp-eyed reader DL!
Quite a lovely photograph, really. It’s not bad. But NOT FOR BUCKET. Bucket Must Make Change!
read more »Reader Cate alerted me to the differences in Elizabeth Hoyt’s covers between the US and UK versions. Have a look. This is the UK version:
And this is the US version:
Cate went out of her way to order the US copy even though she’s in the UK, because she really, really dislikes the historical inaccuracy of the cover: “This is a book set in 1737 - I know that because it says so on the first page(!).So why then have Piatkus given the book a set of cover models who look like they’ve just walked off the set of Pride & Prejudice? Or does one historical era fit all ? - a bit like a kaftan!”
I confess to not being as savvy as Cate, but I’m also not sure which cover I’d prefer. On one hand, the US cover very clearly says historical romance - but the UK cover, and the title as listed in Amazon.co.uk, seems to market it as a mystery/romance, particularly the additional reference to mystery in the title: “Notorious Pleasures: A Maiden Lane Novel: A Wesley Peterson Murder Mystery.”
Which do you like… read more »
Kay and a few others have alerted me to this Carla Kelly cover, and it’s prompted me to ask for your opinion:
Not a bad looking cover - except that the hero has a hook for his left hand. He lost his hand in an accident at war and while it doesn’t bother the heroine in the least, it’s a part of the story in a big way. That there, as Kay pointed out, is his left hand. It’s not even a plot twist - it’s in the third paragraph of chapter one!
Bright stared at his rapidly cooling cup of tea, and began to chalk up his defects. He did not think of forty-five as old, particularly since he had all of his hair, close cut though it was; all of his teeth minus one lost on the Barbary cost; and most of his parts. He had compensated nicely for the loss of his left hand with a hook, and he knew he hadn’t waved it about overmuch during his recent interview with Miss Batchthorpe. He had worn the silver one, which Starkey had polished to a fare-thee-well before his excursion into Kent.
… read more »Harlequin, you’re going to think I’m picking on you, but, well, ok, I totally am. Thanks to Lyndsey, we have a new challenge this week: Which Is Her Real Hair?
First up: The Unmasking of a Lady (could that title GET any better?) by Emily May, Kindle edition:
Next up, same title, paperback edition:
But wait, there’s MORE: thanks to eagle-eyed Lyndsey, we have His Cavalry Lady by Joanna Maitland:
Which is her real hair, the short, the long, or the other long? Is it me, or are her ears really weird-looking, like, even more than ears are normally weird-looking? And if there’s all that Photoshopping going on, why didn’t HE get a haircut?!
read more »Hi Harlequin!
You tired of me yet? I’m sure you are. But that’s ok, I still think you’re spiffy. Today’s column is all thanks to Sally, who sent this set of images in (Like how I threw you under the Harlequin bus there, Sally? Yeah, you’re welcome!).
First we have Wedding at King’s Convenience by Maureen Child
Is it me, or does “King’s Convenience” sound like a great name for a corner convenience store, and now I’m wondering if they got married while standing next to those rolling hot dog conveyors and the slushy CafPow machine?
But then, there’s this cover for Apuesta Segura by Maureen Child - the same book, only translated into Spanish:
Dios Mio! I’ve got one question: WHICH is his original HEAD?! Is this guy possessing of two faces? Does he have TWO COMPLETE HEADS?! Is that the barrier to their happy ending, that he is his own secret twin and she can’t figure out who is who?
WOW. That could make for some serious conflict.
What do you think happened in this story that this guy ended up with two… read more »
Hi Harlequin!
You know I think you are all spiffy, right? How’s things? I wanted to give you guys a heads up that there is a blonde girl who is confusing me utterly.
First, she was on Julie Cohen’s His for the Taking, which I read and really liked - and which caused me to start a Cohen-a-licious attraction to anything Julie Cohen writes. I ranted about the US Harlequin Presents cover in my review, but I’ll post it here:
Oh, my GOSH. The poor girl’s man hands and her THUMB. She’s like Sissy Hankshaw up in there. My gosh. And her SKIN. It is crying for some soothing lotion like STAT and WHOA.
But you know, girls with big thumbs, they need work. And if Tom Robbins isn’t writing a sequel to Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, at least this woman found work in the cover for the recently re-released The Outback Marriage Ransom by Emma Darcy.
No, wait, no, she didn’t. It’s the same picture.
The Darcy cover may (and likely does) predate the Cohen cover, but Harlequin! Come on now! You must know that… read more »
The ever-awesome LadyRhian did some scanning, and then Candy and I did some screaming and some rushing and some eyewashing, and now it’s your turn to feast your eyes on the retro majesty.
Don’t say we didn’t warn you. As usual, these covers are NSFW in the fuchsia sense. I mean, there is NO way you can pass off that you’re doing work if you’re caught having a look-see at these.
read more »That’s right - you win nosehair! Just kidding.
While I wish I could give away legless levitation with glowing ass powers, alas, my powers are limited to a $25 gift certificate to the bookstore of the winner’s choosing for winning the Caption That Cover: Nosehair Edition contest, featuring one of the very worst covers I’ve seen in a long time.
Honorable mentions:
redcrow for “glittery anus”
Nadia for “In a world where their love is only limited by her supply of those little Tabasco packets you get at Chick-Fil-A, together they…Wait for Dusk!”
Castiron for “She’s a rare example of the Shining Rear Vampire.”
Natalie Hart for “She wanted to go down on him, but there didn’t seem to be any *there* there ... perhaps ... his nose was so large, and so hard ... it was worth a shot.”
First runner up:
Linsalot for “He had narcolepsy, She had halitosis. They were never meant to be together, but fate intervened and one legless night in a cave was all it took to change thier lives forever.”
And the winner: Kathleen for:
She wanted a man who could find her tapeworm.
He wanted a woman… read more »
I received a copy of this book in the mail, and I stared at the cover for a good five minutes trying to figure out what in the name of potpourri was going on there. Take a look:
First, this is one of the worst Photoshopped covers I’ve seen in forever. I can’t even find a digital image that truly showcases the hatchet and machete job of cut & paste that’s going on up in here. In the actual book cover, you can see this fugly line around the couple where they were dropped in front of the rocky background, and it’s so obvious you think it’s embossing, but no, run your finger over it and it’s flat. Maybe someone got crazy with the drop shadow and outer glow tools.
Hold up, here’s a scan.
read more »Sometimes, you’re just not sure if a cover is going to work. I imagine this happens to everyone in publishing. Maybe there’s two perfect covers, or two perfect models, and you can’t pick the right one. Sometimes, it’s just a question of hair. Uber curl or long and blonde?
Which do you choose? How about both! Uber-alert reader Tracey sent me a heads-up about these two… heads.
Exhibit A: the paperback cover
Exhibit B: the ebook cover
Which do you like better?
read more »Alert reader Robin N. sent me the following collection of images, asking, “I know you talk about the butt side vs the front side on covers, and the dismembered corpse. What I want to know is, what is it with this belt? Why do I see this belt on practically every UF book?”
Belt? There’s an urban fantasy belt? Oh yes, yes there is.
I’m always fascinated by what folks do with romance novel covers on Etsy. If you have a giant pile of romances laying about the house (like sloths!) and you don’t know what to do with them (and really, who does know what to do with slothful romances?) here’s some Etsy-approved ideas for craftmaking.
Only the best covers can become pendants. But if it’s a woman’s backside, is it really gay? And if a gay tree falls in the woods, is there wood?
You can also make greetings cards out of them, though it’s always better if you (ahem) refrain from referring to them as “sleazy romance novels.” Sleazy. Wow. Haven’t heard that one deployed in awhile.
But if you’ve got a ton, and I mean a TON of romances you want to display and not nearly enough bookshelves to lovingly place each one face-out on the shelf for maximum admiration, how about…furniture?
Get your Mod Podge and Get Crazy: side tables and coffee tables everywhere are absolutely screaming for this treatment.
I have to say, that’s kind of awesome and I’d totally podge the dickens out of a bedstand with romance covers—but not as a coffee… read more »
Oh, the fun of a Caption That Cover when the cover is so completely barmy.
Here, have another look:
Ahh. Nothing like some sweet, busty WTFery in the morning, right?
So, without further ado, the honorable mentions in our cover captioning contest. The entries ranged from…
The domestic:
Kathy: “Now look, this is how we hang the sheets at my mother’s house. Are you watching? See, it’s just that easy.”
Laurie: This is the way we wash the sheets (wash the sheets, wash the sheets), this is the way we wash the sheets, so early in the morning.
The silly:
Lisa Law: Look out your window at your man. Now look at me. Now look at your man’s nipple. Now look at mine…”
Snidley Whiplash: I couldn’t help but notice, the carpet doesn’t match the drapes
Ruby Duvall:
Hello, ladies. Look at my hand, now back at my chest, now back at my hand, NOW BACK AT MY PECS. Where are you? You’re in a hot air balloon, with the man your man could smell like!!!
The breasty:
Brianna: ‘Hello, I am your lactation consultant for today.… read more »
While looking up the links for the Alexis Harrington review, I found this cover:
WOW. OH, man, what the hell is he doing? No, really, tell me: what the hell is going on in there? Caption this cover! You’ve got 24 hours to leave your best caption in the comments. I’ll pick the winner (and feel free to nudge my vote), who will receive a $25 gift card to the bookstore of his or her choice.
Really, what the hell is going on in there?!
read more »Ain’t no booty like historical booty. And Harlequin knows it, yo. Thanks to Carin, we have not one but TWO historical back-that-up covers.
But wait, there’s more!
Carin and I are both somewhat alarmed by the second cover. As Carin said, “I do think the first cover model wears it better, though I may be distracted by the green mist on the second cover, which I can ONLY see as visible fart odor….” Yes. Gaseous-looking curls emanating from a backside can only mean… something not good.
My question to you: whose historical booty reigns supreme?
read more »© 2005-2013 Smart Bitches Trashy Books, LLC • FTC disclaimer • View Mobile Site •
powered by Expression Engine & mantitty • website design by Moxie Design Studios™
