Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Anything is possible in the world of Photoshop, and I’m so lame I don’t know anything about Poser. BUT, have seen the guy in person and he is of the big shoulders and muscles. Go figure.

Not so much “drawn by” as “embodies the soul-sucking evil of Poser.”  I can’t wait until his freckles reach critical mass and suck him into a black hole, much like his career.

Mommy, save me from the scary man’s shoulders!

(A FrankenTop, perhaps?)

I’ve seen that picture several times now and I keep asking the same questions: Does he think that’s attractive? How the hell is it healthy? and Is that the only shirt he owns?

Get it off me! GET IT OFF ME!

Sarah, you shall pay for this.

Oh lord.  I hate to use my first ever comment on this site for this, but… AAAAAAAHHHHH!  Why, god, why?  Clearly we must incinerate it before it spawns. o.O

I saw that when they first posted it, and all I could think was “Fuck man-pris, what the HELL is wrong with his shoulders?!” They are deeply, deeply freaky. Obviously all those deformed Poser covers we’ve been looking at used Carrot Top as their model. It explains soooo much.

i didnt notice his shoulders, i was too blinded by his key chain holder LOL
is that a carrot in his pants?

My daughter looked like that for three days after her meningitis and hep B vaccinations. She couldn’t even hold a pen.

Bleh. Even though I Xed the picture, it’s still there in my cerebral cortex. Too bad you can’t gouge out your mind’s eye…

My spaminator is arms22. How’s that for apt?

I’m sorry, but those shoulders really look like growths that he should have surgically removed.

My eyes! My eyes!

When mantitty goes wrong . . .

That… whatever it is on his left shoulder, looks like an EXTREME allergic reaction to a bee or wasp sting. I mean, the right shoulder is weird, but the left? Way weirdER.

Oh, and… is he wearing eyeliner?

Himplants, maybe?

Himplants! *SNAP* Oh you go Jaci.

Muwhahahahahah

MY EYES! MY EYES! And when I close my eyes, the image is burned into my brain. Must poke out my Mind’s Eye Now!

OK,
what IS wrong with his shoulders?

I mean, maybe I’ve been around too many BB types, but they look pretty normal for power lifting types….so OK, I’m supposed to laugh?

Now his FACE, looks odd.

I think it was just the angle of that first image. ;)

1) Why doesn’t anyone ever mention all the makeeye and eyeliner that this freak wears?

2)  I officially hate you for making me look at those pictures.  I’d write more about the terrible things you do to your readers, but I’ve got to rush off to the emergency electroshock treatments I just scheduled.

Corrected to say:  “eye makeup” not “makeeye.”  Geez, THAT’s how distraught I am.

Damn you, Smart Bitches.

Damn you.

I once ran into Carrot Top at a Manhattan gym just before my yoga class and I can say with authority: dude has tattooed eyeliner. Freaky.

Sarah, you Bitch. I was eating.

We can call it the Carrot Top diet. One look, and you’ll go off food for minimum of 2 hours.*

~~~~~
* Side effects include nausea, diarrhea and burning eyes.

(ohhhh, the irony. verword: arms93)

Damn it, I just lost my lunch.

Sadly, that may well be real and not a Poser/PhotoShop creation.  He may have decided to bulk up.

And, I have pictures of Gene Simmons from a recent KISS concert.  He should not be parading around without a shirt these days.

MEAN!!

That razor burn looks evil. He’s got to learn that being a redhead and shaving/waxing down there don’t necessarily go together.

Then again given the unicolour flamboyance of that red, maybe he’s not natural.

You will shortly begin receiving the bills for the extensive therapy that will be required for me to once again be able to live a normal life.

He has no chance of ever gettin’ with me.

(And why is no one mentioning the freaky-ass hairstyle?  What is he, a little girl?)

that is so freaky…

I’ll have nightmares for months now…

1) I may never recover
2) As horrid and freaky-ass as those shoulders are?  The true horror is the NEEDING TO PULL UP HIS FREAKIN’ PANTS because
3) I do NOT need to be seeing the brush on the top of his carrot!

I’m now off to find bleach to pour into my eyeballs.

Myriantha said <

>

I don’t know why, but this cracks me up totally.

And with his pants so low you know his whole ass is hanging out the back.

*shudder*

Is there enough brain bleach on the planet to rid of us that image seared into our brains?

Are you ladies too young to remember? Poor Carrot Top has obviously gone on the Joe Piscopo Workout Plan for Former Comedians! No doubt soon he’ll market a video. Fitness Celebrity John Basedow will have to come around and smack that lil redheaded bitch down.

I have it on good authority that he,  Tiny Tim, and Peewee Herman exchanged many hideous, dark secrets.

Gotta love the ‘rhoids.

... no, no, wait, it was HATE them, HATE THE STERIODS!  Carrot Top was freaky enough before he beefed up—I’d have crossed the street to avoid him.  But now?  Honey, I’d cross the country.  Jay-sussss!

I got to the picture with the veins and started gasping “No, no, no!” while trying to cover my eyes and scroll away at the same time. SO upsetting. And yet, I suspect it’s his hair that will give me nightmares in the long run. Carrot Top? There’s a 15 year old girl somewhere in the 80’s who wants her hairstyle back.

No, it was not good for me. Those pants drop WAY too close to the Carrot Top’s pee-pee and that IS NOT something I want to see, think about or ever mention again before the end of time.

dead13…quite appropriate

I had to create this LOLCat
http://i0005.photobucket.com/albums/0005/icanhascheezburger/2007/8/4/0/128306847096452500WTFKarottup.jpg

C’mon ya’ll!  It’s not fair to judge a person - er, being - by human standards when he’s obviously Not Of This World.  But he really should quit trying to pass for human and be True To Himself - er, Itself - oh, whatever!

Whoa. It’s like he’s sending all these conflicting signals—the hair, the clothes, eyeliner, the bludges—and each conflicting signal is also just a little bit *off* in its own way.

((shakes head)) How is it possible to be that bad at presenting oneself?

This is just not right.

Oh sweet Jesus, there was more?

The Pebbles hairdo, the slight tinge of visible carrottop manscaping.

The horror.

My eyes are bleeding.

I hate you.

I think Carrot Top is using science to lure young females.  Scientists studied fruit fly reproduction (you can’t say we’re not a fun bunch).  The juvenile fruit flies chose to mate with the more bizarre and unusual looking fruit flies.  The older fruit flies chose the more “normal” looking fruit flies. The researchers theorized that early in the reproductive cycle, the juvenile fruit flies chose for reproductive variation, which can ensure the survival of the species in an extreme environmental change.  Later in their reproductive cycles, they opted for “normal” so that their offspring would have better overall chances of survival.

Loved the study for 2 reasons—explained the appeal of Mick Jagger—previously incomprehensible to me.  And also why I found my first serious boyfriend so attractive.  Married to “normal” now—so much nicer.

When my 14-year old daughter tells me some guy is hot, I think, “Juvenile fruit flies, juvenile fruit flies.”

Sarah, I do hope you shielded your tummy with lead before looking at those pictures, you have to think of Baba O’Reilly. ;)

UMMM I think I just threw up a little. That is way more of Carrot Top then I ever wanted to see.

I’m not even sure why I clicked on it, I knew better, I knew it would be bad and yet I looked.

I think the image may be burned into my brain forever.

It’s just so very wrong.

Several here have mentioned the fear of seeing Carrot-Top’s “manhood” or “peepee”.  But one thing we must remember is that I think we will be spared that horror simply because of the ‘roids.  Don’t man parts shrink with too many ‘roids??

my word is point69.  Hmmmmmmm….

New mantra: “Juvenile fruit flies, juvenile fruit flies”

Jackie L., thank you kindly for helping me keep my perspective when dealing with the kidlets!!!

Okay, I see y’all calling Carrot Top out for taking steroids. But honestly, it looks all real, and yes, all natural, if utterly freaky, to me.

For a look at a couple guys who who REALLY did steroids and also enjoy some completely out-of-control mantitty, view this clip on YouTube featuring bodybuilding greats Ronnie Coleman and Arnold Schwarzenegger:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3GYJtxujWLw&mode=related&search=

(I apologize for being such a loser that I don’t know how to embed a link in this post.)

The Governator was oh so very hot back in the day, wasn’t he?

Plain Jane, just the testicles shrivel up, not the penis.  Told ya, us scientific types are all fun and games.

Believe it or not, I wasn’t making fun of him.  I was just surprised by that first image Sarah posted.  Hadn’t seen him in years—so I looked up proof. 

I don’t trust the media anymore after that one thing with… crap, forgot his name… sports guy on the cover with beefy arms that weren’t his… 

I’ll be back when I remember. heh heh

Dumb moment over.  It was Andy Roddick’s biceps on the cover of Men’s Fitness.  It even made him take a second look. LOL!

i’m a pro photographer and damned good photoshop artist. judging by the subtle shadow cast on the wall behind carrot top’s right shoulder, a thing very few pranksters would think to fake in this particular photo, i’d say it’s unretouched.