Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

The DaVinci code revealed- The nights Templar protecting Princess octopussy

Three hands are better than one…..or two.

He has his mother’s hands

or one, at least.

“My mother did tell me to look for a woman who was handy in the kitchen… “
or
“Now that I have you, might I suggest what you could do with that free hand of yours…?”

“Yes, you may have my hand in marriage… as long as the other two are free to roam!”

It’s not a disability, darling. You’re differently abled. But I told you not to bowl with that hand, okay?

“Can I give you a hand?”

“Let me lend you a hand.”

“Need a hand? I’m not using it for anything.”

It’s got to be said, I can’t help myself:

“I wanna hold your ha-a-a-a-and, I wanna hold your hand!”

“He thought he’d found the woman of his dreams; little did he know that under her lovely, unassuming exterior lurked…Shiva The Destroyer.”

Now darling don’t be self-concious…I’ve got plans for that extra hand!

LOLcaptions:

My mutant hands, let me show you them.

I can haz xtra hands???

The Handmaid’s Trilogy

Neither nuclear disaster nor subsequent deformation could stand in the way of their love…

I had to flee when they discovered my secret!

Doing the “wave” was never so much fun!!

two74:  All about numbers today.

Mai forth hand? In my pantz!

Hey Lady!  No need to be handsy!

I’z hung like horse, you needs 3 hands…..

Me 2 penis, you 3 hand…we made for each other

Pinch my nipple, slap my ass and choke my chicken, I’ve found the perfect woman

Sam

“Is that a hand growing out of your shoulder or are you just happy to see me?”

KarenD for the win, IMO!

Finally, he’d found a woman who could handle all of him.  At once.

and…

She was more than he’d ever imagined.

At first he loved her despite her handicap - then he loved her for it.

I forget which code works here…

Trying this..

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OMGZ!!1! HANDZ MAKE KITTEH SCARED!

I found myself purchasing this book from e-bay after I lampooned it on Judge A Booy by its Cover.  What a great book!

Speaking of great books, I think DocTurtle is still waiting for his romance reading challenge.  Don’t tell me y’all have chickened out!

“Stop trying to cheat, darling. You can only use ONE hand to play rock, paper, scissors.”

Jazz Handz.  Ur doin it wrong.

“Someone else has come between us!”

“Forth hand in ur ass, savin ur life.”

Okay. Mary beat me to it! She gets my vote. Jazz Handz FTW!

Not an entry, but a chuckle that the cover spontaneously includes the word Priceless….

Having failed twice our Knight and his lady discovered that three was a charm…

Darling, I think now is the time I need to tell you about my symbiotic siamese twin, Lola…

“Once,  Twice, Three Hands a-Lady”

“He was also a handhandhandsome devil”

No, pls. Can’t handle no moar.

Just in case the image doesn’t load, there’s the link.

oh, yay…it worked…

“Oh, so you don’t have a dwarf hidden in you in your skirts, huh? Well what’s this?!”

Her cousin Zaphod was right.  That third hand really comes in handy when undressing.

Too late, she discovered why property was so cheap on Three Mile Island.

Kali would devour him in seconds, and not a moment too soon—her disguise was wearing off.

3rd Hand?  Made fur plezur!

Ur won hand-som womn!

After being proud for his making her moan and gasp in pleasure, he idly wondered what was that smell…

Not an entry…but the Amazon product description includes the line “What man would have her once he discovered her secret?”

If it ain’t the extra hand…what could it be?! Let your mind run with that one!

“Polly.  What a nice name.  Is it short for Polymelia? “

Wit dis hand
Iz thee wed.
Wit dis hand…
Huh? WTF?

I vote for KarenD’s:
Mai forth hand? In my pantz!

I vote for rebyj‘s vajayjay cover - I LOL’d.

I getz gud grades in sckool because I count to 15!

I suck at linking, so let’s hope this works.

I am not suggesting a caption here (there have been some great ones posted), but I can’t resist mentioning that the song that came into my mind was Tom Lehrer’s I hold your hand in mine, dear.   Definitely a lot more gruesome than the cover!

And another point:  no less an artist than Rembrandt van Rijn once drew a woman with three arms - and in an erotic context.  Perhaps because of the tendency for male brains to get addled when thinking of copulation?  Rembrandt’s contribution to the three-hand genre is in an etching of a very fully-clothed couple making love on a large four-poster bed:  the woman has two arms clasping her partner around the waist, and a second left arm lying along her side on the mattress.  I have not been able to find the etching online, but it appears regularly in general books on Western erotic art.

I was only one hand short of being the reincarnation of Saraswati!!

SEE I TOLD YOU….It does look like a baby’s arm holding an apple….GIGGITY GIGGITY GIGGITY.

I vote Karen’s Once, Twice, Three Hands a-Lady FTW             I can totally picture sopmeone singing that song.

He’d heard the rumors, but never truly believed until it happened to him. Heroines of the 21st century were fighting back against their ‘ripped bodice’ portrayal. When she sprouted athird limb in order to support herself, he knew he was out of job.

OH NOES!!1!! Zombie kitteh gurl lose hand. No worry. Iz found!

“I heard you were the queen’s handmaid, but apparently I didn’t take it quite literally enough.”

I like Mary’s “Jazz Hands”  Too damn funny.

“This little piggy went to the market, this little piggy…..wait, r u saying that doesn’t apply to fingers?”

“So many digits, so little time!” Moohahahaha

His life was given in service to the Knights Templar. Her parents were brother and sister. Their love would break all the rules.

Menage a Addams

M/F/Thing

The closely guarded secret of the knights Templar? Princess Magdalene’s holy hand.

You put your right hand in, you put your right hand out.. Ha! I knew you were cheating!

Vote: Rebyj’s vajayjay lol, followed closely by Karen D’s forth hand.

Otherwise:  Does anyone have a very high res scan/copy of this cover?  Because I swear when I blow up the standard versions it looks like their hands are melting together.  Which is a whole new type of creepy.

This gives “magic fingers” a whole new meaning.

Meanwhile, I think I read this book.  Aren’t the main characters blind?  That might be why he never noticed her third hand…and why she doesn’t know she’s a freak.

Never mind.  The book with the blind characters is Candle in the Window, also by Dodd.  I was close; architecture was being exposed to an element.

rebyj’s vajayjay just about killed me, I think.  Brilliant!

A knight in one hand in worth two in the bush. No wait…

That’s IS worth… yeesh. I need sleep. Sorry ladies.

um do u waant to s ee if the carpet matches the drapes

Artz. Yur doin’ it wrong.

He was in love with her—Unfortunately, she was a conjoined twin and only her hand was hers and hers alone. Would her sister stand aside and let them be together?

I haz one hand in ur pocket, steelin ur change