Bitchin' Blog Posts
Caption That Cover: Turkey!
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | November 17, 2008 | Monday at 12:18 pm | 90 CommentsIt’s soon to Turkey Day here in the United States of Carbs, and we’re happy to inspire your appetite, or perhaps drive it deep into the earth to hide until Groundhog’s Day, by allowing you to view and caption the following cover. What are they saying? What are they thinking? Dear GOD won’t someone think of the children? The blank eyed, oddly staring creepy children?
Best caption as chosen by me gets a $20 gift certificate to Amazon or Powell’s, your choice. Feel free to nudge my voting by telling me which in the comments is your fave.
And now… the cover. Feast (hur) your eyes on this!
[Thanks to Sharon and many others for the link.]
FD said on 11.17.08 at 12:46 PM • [link]
By the expression on her face, her joy was not unconfined. LMAO
“American Dads do it at the table!”
“Surprise?
Oh yeah, he surprised her alright…”
“Jim held onto her for dear life… any minute now the news that he’d broken the dishwasher was going to sink in.”
Lisa Hendrix said on 11.17.08 at 01:03 PM • [link]
“It’s Shake and Bake…and I helped!”
eaeaea said on 11.17.08 at 01:30 PM • [link]
‘Stuff the Turkey’
nkkingston said on 11.17.08 at 01:35 PM • [link]
Talk to the Turkey because the Face ain’t watching.
Manda said on 11.17.08 at 01:44 PM • [link]
Little Cindy once again tried to cope with her parents’ love of kitchen sex by staring blankly at her handicrafts.
“call21”—- maybe its her therapist’s number.
Sharron McClellan said on 11.17.08 at 02:00 PM • [link]
Mmmm….giblets
Sheila said on 11.17.08 at 02:12 PM • [link]
They’re making me eat raw pumpkin?
Staring at the paper turkey should put me into a trance…I hope
They always tell me no tickling at the table…hypocrites.
Lindz said on 11.17.08 at 02:22 PM • [link]
Bad Photoshop brings the family together for Thanksgiving!
Alternate title: Cannibal Holocaust Thanksgiving Special
Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat
“able63”- I am patently unable to come up with something clever before my 63rd cup of coffee, which is why these are all rather lame.
Lorelie said on 11.17.08 at 02:25 PM • [link]
What-what in the butt-butt, Thanksgiving style!
“Not at the table, Jack!”
Danielle said on 11.17.08 at 02:53 PM • [link]
“Guess what, my little princess? We’re going to eat your new Mommy for Thanksgiving!”
“Yay!”
(My captcha is hour19. Guess dinner starts at 7pm!)
isidri said on 11.17.08 at 02:54 PM • [link]
“Don’t be scared, Mr. Paper-Plate Turkey. Sometimes when a daddy loves a mommy very much, he gives her a special kind of hug. And when he hugs her from behind like that, it’s a VERY special kind of hug.”
Adler said on 11.17.08 at 03:07 PM • [link]
“The Heimlich Maneuver Has Never Been This Fun!”
“American Zombie Girls and the Sex Addict Parents who Love Them”
“Surprise Backdoor Lovin’: It’s What’s For Dinner”
“Good Thing Our Kid Is Deaf, You’re Screaming Kind Of Loud Honey”
“Not On The Good China!”
“.xV1agR4_BUYNOW_H0Tx4m3r1cN_MUMZ bast3_teh_TURKEYxxxNEWPR3SCR1PTIONS”
...and I’m out.
Katherine said on 11.17.08 at 03:07 PM • [link]
I can’t caption that! When I clicked below the fold saw….it, I actually had a convulsive, full-body shudder of revulsion and horror! Oh, my stars!! It is beyond going from bad into good…it’s swung round back into bad, BAD.
How can someone buy that?! Must be blurbs at work…
Egads!
Rainbow Tea said on 11.17.08 at 03:10 PM • [link]
The Paper Turkey God and its American Sex Show.
(For the price of a pumpkin pie, the zombie child will eat their brains afterward!)
I am so sorry, Miss Jacobs. No one deserves that cover.
(Aaaah! Verification word: children58. The zombie children are multiplying!)
Teddypig said on 11.17.08 at 03:45 PM • [link]
Butterballin
Jenyfer Matthews said on 11.17.08 at 03:46 PM • [link]
No clever captions here. Is it just me or does that look like it could be the teenage babysitter from next door??
Shiloh Walker said on 11.17.08 at 03:52 PM • [link]
Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Tina M. said on 11.17.08 at 03:58 PM • [link]
Daddy says, it pops when it’s ready!
Lori S. said on 11.17.08 at 04:01 PM • [link]
The TURKERY! You’re Supposed To Stuff The TURKEY!
Becky A. said on 11.17.08 at 04:08 PM • [link]
Stuffing the turkey, saving its life!
Susan G said on 11.17.08 at 04:18 PM • [link]
Look away, paper turkey friend, look away!!
Good news, Mr. Turkey! This never lasts longer than 2 minutes and then they let me have extra dessert.
Elizabeth Wadsworth said on 11.17.08 at 04:23 PM • [link]
“Sam, honey, I thought you said Lilith was dead.” (for Supernatural fans only)
Carrie Lofty said on 11.17.08 at 04:26 PM • [link]
This just reminds me of the best dirty joke I was ever told in grade school. A Thanksgiving-based narrative, the joke wasn’t good coz it was funny—not by any adult standard—but because it had cussing, which is the hallmark of fine humor when you’re eight.
And now I won’t tell it. I’m enigmatic that way.
Gin said on 11.17.08 at 04:29 PM • [link]
Here’s One I Made Earlier- The Billionaire Taxidermist’s Virgin Wife’s Thanksgiving Surprise
LoriSusan said on 11.17.08 at 04:47 PM • [link]
LOL Teddy!!!!!
And that cover is frightening! So sorry for the author of that one.
AnimeJune said on 11.17.08 at 04:57 PM • [link]
Child: White meat or dark meat, Daddy?
Daddy: Oh, I think I’m a breast man, myself.
theladyferris said on 11.17.08 at 04:57 PM • [link]
Do I Have To Wear This Dumb ‘American Dads’ Badge All Day?
I Think We Are Going To Need More Napkins
ev said on 11.17.08 at 05:04 PM • [link]
“Where’s the whipped cream Daddy?”
“Coming right up sweetheart!”
SamG said on 11.17.08 at 05:20 PM • [link]
The kids table will never be quite the same
So that’s what ‘horn of plenty’ means.
Sam
Bren said on 11.17.08 at 05:25 PM • [link]
“I gave Daddy one of the blue M&M;‘s out of my table favor because it had a “V” on it instead of an “M” - yeah, I found it right here, in this one.”
Gin said on 11.17.08 at 05:29 PM • [link]
Single Mom whose biological clock was ticking a few years ago: “I think I preferred Thanksgiving when it was just me and the turkey basterâ€
Jody W. said on 11.17.08 at 05:33 PM • [link]
Turfucken for dinner again??
karmelrio said on 11.17.08 at 05:35 PM • [link]
“Pssst. Susie. Down here, on your hand! Yeah, it’s me, your friend Mr. Gobble. See that big carving knife over there? Could you be a good girl and bring it to me? What? What am I going to do with it? Um…I’m going to help Daddy finish up some breast meat.”
AbbyT said on 11.17.08 at 05:38 PM • [link]
I’m still mopping up tea from the keyboard. Lorelie started it with the “what-what in the butt” and Teddypig finished it with “Butterballin”.
Can’t think of a better way to start off my Monday with some tableside Thanksgiving buttsecks.
Silver James said on 11.17.08 at 05:41 PM • [link]
Lisa Hendrix FTW!!!! (Even though I don’t get to vote.)
MamaNice said on 11.17.08 at 05:44 PM • [link]
1. American Dads Watch Football on Thanksgiving While Their Skeezy Bachelor Buddy Bum Rushes the Mrs.
2. “Thanks for bringing the appetizer honey.”
“Yay! Cocktail Weenies are my favorite!”
3. Hmmm, I guess pork is the other white meat.
evabaruk said on 11.17.08 at 05:50 PM • [link]
Thank God the Turkey leg is greasy or Clare wouldn’t be able to sit properly until Christmas.
Jessica D said on 11.17.08 at 06:02 PM • [link]
“...can’t look to the left can’t look to the left can’t look to the left never ever ever ever look to the left can’t look to the left…”
(But methinks Teddy’s “Butterballin’” wins.)
KimmieB said on 11.17.08 at 06:11 PM • [link]
I can’t caption it. I can’t top “Butterballin” or “Stuffing the Turkey, Savin’ ur life!”
Ocy said on 11.17.08 at 06:13 PM • [link]
Cindy realized with dismay that the dead bird on the table wasn’t the only turkey attending Thanksgiving that year.
Chris said on 11.17.08 at 06:27 PM • [link]
Stepford Family chooses paper turkey for Thanksgiving!
JenB said on 11.17.08 at 06:37 PM • [link]
I’m not sure what’s funnier—the cover itself, or the fact that I’m actually reading this book right now.
captcha is “comes76”...I’m not even goin’ there
Jessica Andersen said on 11.17.08 at 06:38 PM • [link]
I can haz wishbone?
M E 2 said on 11.17.08 at 06:39 PM • [link]
Unfortunately for me, I can’t relate to most of these entries because :
1) there are 4 children in the book
B) the guy on the cover isn’t the “Daddy”
Sorry
J.C. Wilder said on 11.17.08 at 06:39 PM • [link]
Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
Jennie said on 11.17.08 at 06:40 PM • [link]
Turkey turned out kind of dry?
Like colored construction paper you cry?
Housewives need despair no more –
Backdoor loving, holidays galore,
There’s nothing this miracle elixir can’t do
Happy Thanksgiving from us to you
Burma Sauce!
Susan G said on 11.17.08 at 07:18 PM • [link]
My husband’s contributions:
Garlic Breath, Paper Turkeys and Other Repressed Thanksgiving Memories
Humpin’ at the Kids’ Table
“Stare at Mr. Turkey Until I Say You Can Stopâ€
Darlene Marshall said on 11.17.08 at 07:23 PM • [link]
Teddypig, you’re brilliant.
Gail said on 11.17.08 at 07:26 PM • [link]
If I wish upon this turkey my real parents will come and take me away.
plainjane said on 11.17.08 at 07:31 PM • [link]
I love Lindz’ “Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat”...that one literally made me laugh out loud.
Butterballin is a close second for me.
Eunice said on 11.17.08 at 07:33 PM • [link]
Darn you Becky for taking “stuffing the turkey, saving its life”! *shakes fist*
Susie had been in a glass eyed state of shock ever since the grown ups started playing the “sit on my lap” game.
——
“Would you like some drippings with your stuffing?”
——
Little did they know that the child ghost that haunted their new home was a total perv.
——
“What’s that, Turkey? You want me to wish them into the cornfield?”
Bev Stephans said on 11.17.08 at 07:33 PM • [link]
I can’t top TeddyPig’s “Butterballin”. I’m not even going to try!
Cate said on 11.17.08 at 07:45 PM • [link]
Now THAT’s a unique place to put the drumstick!
Sarah said on 11.17.08 at 07:55 PM • [link]
Honey, has anyone ever told you that you smell like .... turkey? Delicious, delicious turkey?
American Dad puts the pumpkin in her pie for Thanksgiving!
Robin L said on 11.17.08 at 07:58 PM • [link]
Benny! You never told me you had a kid when you were 12! It would explain the umm…oddness, with you not being fully umm… developed. oh, she isn’t yours. Is that why she looks photoshopped? (said in the stereotipical head chearleader ditzy voice, to go with the smile)
Lara said on 11.17.08 at 08:23 PM • [link]
A Very Alien Thanksgiving
Dirk hoped that surprise buttsex would distract Lenora from the aliens stealing the pumpkin pie and the centerpiece…but he was wrong!
cc said on 11.17.08 at 08:51 PM • [link]
Between the tryptofane in the turkey and the magic mushrooms in the stuffing this was going to be one heckuva Thanksgiving.
The Discriminating Fangirl said on 11.17.08 at 08:54 PM • [link]
Nothing says Thanksgiving like a nice grope in front of the kid!
Zara said on 11.17.08 at 09:05 PM • [link]
“And yet they wonder why a disembodied turkey head is my best friend.”
Leslie H said on 11.17.08 at 09:13 PM • [link]
Questions, questions, always the questions!
1. Why is there no actual Food in the picture?
2. What is the child’s right hand doing?
3. Why are they having obviously faux pumpkin?
No, II am wrong, there is butter on the table! So it is, in fact, Teddypig FTW! “Butterballin’”!!!!!
Chrissy said on 11.17.08 at 09:23 PM • [link]
Um… what’s with the Pirate Shirt sleeves on daddums? And mom looks like she’s wearing a unitard.
It’s a vegetarian ballerina holiday! Just pumpkins, pumpkin… the only meat at this table is hidden up mommy’s tutu.
Zumie said on 11.17.08 at 09:34 PM • [link]
Everything would be all right, Dr. Turkey Head assured her. Just a bludgeon from the handy gourds on the table and all the noises during the night would stop…
k-chan said on 11.17.08 at 09:58 PM • [link]
Little did her parents know but Cindy-Lu had decided to take matters into her own hands. . .
Sarah said on 11.17.08 at 10:09 PM • [link]
Honey, I don’t think it’s a good idea…yes, I know she’s blind, but still….
Kristen said on 11.17.08 at 10:12 PM • [link]
“In this house, we like the stuffin’ in the turkey, hon.”
“You bad boy, you!”
“They’re at it again? Go to my happy place. Go to my happy place…”
Carol said on 11.17.08 at 10:22 PM • [link]
For this Thanksgiving, I’m thankful that I can photoshop better than the people that made this cover!
Dorilys said on 11.17.08 at 10:38 PM • [link]
Giblets! Not only do they make wonderful gravy, they also look like silly man bits!
Dorilys said on 11.17.08 at 10:40 PM • [link]
Just a follow up to that comment, my aunt thought for years (into her 50s) that the neck of the turkey that they include in the giblet bag was actually the turkey’s penis. She had these notes on her recipe card that had a drawing of the neck labeled “penis.”
She’s really conservative, which makes the whole thing hi-larious.
appomattoxco said on 11.17.08 at 11:10 PM • [link]
Celebrating their first Thanksgiving on as Americans with the traditional turkey might not have been a good idea. The chemical in it that makes human men fall asleep watching football has a very different effect on their species.
Or my favorite Buffy quote: Happy ritual sacrifice with pie!
CourtneyLee said on 11.17.08 at 11:42 PM • [link]
I’m horrible at captioning, so I’m just going to list my favorites: Teddy pig’s “Butterballinâ€, Shiloh’s “Is that a drumstick in your pocket or are you just happy to see me†(very Mae West), and Jessica Anderson’s “I can haz wishbone?”
spam word: piece28 He’s certainly getting a piece and maybe on the 28th he’ll want leftovers
Ciar Cullen said on 11.18.08 at 12:43 AM • [link]
“I’m so glad mommy didn’t have to work at the strip club this Thanksgiving! But who is that guy?”
Courtney S said on 11.18.08 at 12:45 AM • [link]
“Honey, I told you that is not the correct use for the turkey baster!”
And a more *cough* serious caption…“He’s getting ready to gobble up a special thanksgiving dinner.” Okay it wasn’t serious.
Kaetrin said on 11.18.08 at 12:57 AM • [link]
“Just a little while longer….I can just see the headline ‘the Texas Turkey Baster Massacre’ - the cops will never suspect a sweet little girl like me….”
willaful said on 11.18.08 at 01:03 AM • [link]
My mind immediately went to cannibalism rather than sex, so I’m voting for “Daddy’s Girlfriend: The Other White Meat,” which is much better than my own lame attempt, “Yes honey, this year we’re stuffing Mommy!”
Beau said on 11.18.08 at 01:19 AM • [link]
Teddy’s my fav, but I’m gonna try anyway…
“Daddy’s got the big prize, but I still have 7 more chances to win!”
Karibelle said on 11.18.08 at 02:40 AM • [link]
Yeah, Teddypig has got this one wrapped up but I still have to put my two cents in.
Daddy has a Thanksgiving surprise for both of his girls this year. For little Sally it is a paper turkey, for Mommy…BUTTSECKS!!!
Kelly W. said on 11.18.08 at 02:43 AM • [link]
My first thought upon seeing this was the same as Lorelie’s “What-what in the butt”
Becky A’s “Stuffing the turkey, saving its life!” made me lol.
I vote that Teddypig wins hands down with “butterballin”
Gram said on 11.18.08 at 02:50 AM • [link]
And Geronimo strikes again…
My word is can84, but I don’t think I even want to…
ev said on 11.18.08 at 03:19 AM • [link]
Between that and Butterballin, I will never be able to keep a straight face at T-day dinner.
April said on 11.18.08 at 03:27 AM • [link]
Child: “Uh oh Mr. Turkey! Mommy’s Boyfriend is gonna play Hide The Giblets again!”
Man: Mwah! Holidays make me hornky!
Woman: Yay! X-rated groping in front of a child!
Turkey: Officer, THEY DID IT!!!
Maureen said on 11.18.08 at 03:51 AM • [link]
Thinking the kid is happily playing with her toy turkey they are unaware that there is actually a hidden camera in the toy and they will later be on You Tube.
Berni said on 11.18.08 at 04:14 AM • [link]
Poor, blind Emily—little did she guess how big sis and brother celebrated Thanksgiving!
Amie Stuart said on 11.18.08 at 06:02 AM • [link]
Funny…looks like she’s showing her paper turkey to someone. Maybe the other tree kids—or the aunts and uncles?
deep6 said on 11.18.08 at 06:23 AM • [link]
“Hey! You invited the Waltons to our anal sex shoot!”
“I do not make sounds like a turkey when we have sex!”
“Holly’s show-and-tell project on turkeys is so much better than her condom demonstration!”
Amy S. said on 11.18.08 at 06:30 AM • [link]
Pumpkins- $15
Paper turkey - $5
Turkey- $25
Sex before dinner- Priceless
Caffey said on 11.18.08 at 06:45 AM • [link]
“Little Girl: My picture was taken off a Little Golden Book cover!”
“Dad came home and all I got was this paper turkey, I didn’t even get a t-shirt!”
“Mmm mmm good, mmm mmm good, thats what paper turkeys are, mmm mmm good!”
quichepup said on 11.18.08 at 07:28 AM • [link]
Butterballin’
We’re having ham at my house and I thought that was suggestive…
Ulrike said on 11.18.08 at 07:41 AM • [link]
“Save a turkey.Stuff a housewife.”
LadyRhian said on 11.18.08 at 07:41 AM • [link]
Jeremy misheard when Miranda told him to “de-bone the tail” As “bone my tail”, and Dayna told him he won the “boner prize”!
Bone Appetit!
“Why is there pork in my tail? and other stories of Thanksgiving Horror!”
“Tom gets ready to produce his special sauce for the table”
“Bone In Turkey- Yer Doin it Wrong!”
kh said on 11.18.08 at 10:00 AM • [link]
get your hands off my mom u big turkey
Care to comment?
Comments are now closed for this post.
Subscribe to These Comments