Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

“Sam unwrapped his Christmas package early this year.”

Too on point?

Was that kiss under the mistletoe or kiss the mistletoe undies?

“My, my, aren’t those prickly briefs.”

May as well go retro with this, because 80 percent of you are probably thinking it, anyway (-:.

“Is that a candy cane in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

“Looks like Santa might be coming early this year”

“But it’s smiling at me!”

(With thanks to “A Christmas Story”.)

“Holy holly!  I’ll deck your halls, baby!”

(P.S.  Isn’t that holly with the red spots?)

Oh, Holy night!

“Reindeer antlers and baubles make for great stocking

undie fillers.”

“Gosh, that’s cute - but *I* wanted pink Teddy bears!”

“You want me to kiss under THAT mistletoe”

Upon entering the room, the Occupational Safety and Health Administration representative screamed at the sight of the man climbing the ladder with his pants around his ankles - but then he grinned, admitting that the holly-patterned briefs were much too pretty to be hidden.

“Ooh! You got me a hard lollipop to suck on!” (or off). ;)

Spamword: Natural63- Okay, he’s big, but he’s not *that* big.

“Holly berry-spangled homoerotic subtext, Batman!”

“A visitation from the spirit of Christmas yet to come”

“Was Bernard really interested in him?  The dropped trousers, the well-hung mistletoe, the sidelong looks were all suggestive, but Ben still wasn’t sure.  Perhaps that really was a candle tucked into his red-trimmed, seasonal, yet strangely seductive underwear…”

Oh god, and now I have Christmas carols to ill effect:

“Doff we now our gay apparel, fa la la, la la la, ooh, la la!”

“The holly bares a prickle, as sharp as any thorn…”

“O come, all ye faithful…” (I’m very, very sorry, truly I am)

Also, with apologies to Walter de la Mare (and I know this is too long for a caption, but I can’t resist:

Sitting under the mistletoe
(Pale-green, fairy mistletoe),
One last candle burning low,
All the sleepy dancers gone,
Just one candle burning on,
Shadows lurking everywhere:
Some one came, and kissed me *there*.

(actually, my real problem here is that so *many* Christmas carols have verses that are downright filthy if you are in the wrong frame of mind, and I have been singing Christmas carols every day for the last week…

Why settling for the lips when one can kiss a holly’s stick ?

Mr. Beau dangles

Maybe it’s because I’m a klutz, but all I keep thinking is, “With his pants trapping his legs like that, he is SO going to fall off that ladder.”

Have to go for the obvious: “Don we now our gay apparel.”

“I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s drawers underneath the mistletoe last night.”

“Talk about making the Yuletide gay.”

“Dude I’d be blushing too if I was wearing those undies”
or
“Well, It’s under the Mistletoe tradition says…”

Yet another embarrassing laundry day moment.

Is that a partrige in your pear tree?

Wowza!!!  Christmas came early!!

“Eat your heart out, Marky-Mark.”

Deck the balls?

“Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, except in my pants….......

BTW… Just wanted to let Sharon Kendrick know that “Mr Beau Dangles” nearly made me shower my screen with latte.

Note to self:  STOP BLOODY DRINKING WHEN READING SBTB!!!
(You’d think I’d have learned by now…)

Now *that* is a present I really want to unwrap, thought Bernard (loving 17catherines contribution)

It’s gonna be a hard candy Christmas!

“Do I have a package for YOU.”

Alternatively: “Is that big package for me?”

“Kiss me underwear the mistletoe, you fool!”

Josh wondered if he was being too subtle or if Dan would get the hint.

(really, nothing I can come up with [eep, pun unintended] can match Mr. Beau Dangles)

“Don we now our gay apparel.”

I love it, Mala, simple and seasonal.

Wait wait wait—this is an ADVENT CALENDAR? I need some time to rethink my caption…back later.

In a new twist on the Star Wars Christmas Special, he cried “That’s no moon!”

(sorry….my brain is gone)

Not my caption - but did anyone else notice this is an advent calendar? Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Ok, on to the captions!

“Looking over his shoulder, Craig couldn’t contain his glee. This year, it looked like being naughty was going to pay off big time.”

“Frank knew his horrible habit of forgetting to do up his fly was going to bite him in the ass one day…”

“All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth so I can nip those undies off and wish you Merry Christmas!”

“It says here in this book you’re supposed to kiss the first thing you see hung under the mistletoe…oh. Oooh.”

And the one so wrong, you know it’s right:
“Rudolph, with your cock so bright…won’t you guide my lay tonight?”

“Thank you, Santa!”

“On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…One Giaaaant Boner!”

And, it must be said….

“You’ll shoot your eye out!”

There was mistletoe, holly (underwear), and well…that’s how our new Holiday tradition was started.

“Wow, the Holly and the Ivy really *are* full grown!”

“Steve always loved it when Mark showed off his Christmas balls under the mistletoe.”

“You’ll shoot your eye out, kid…”  Or “Be careful, Rick…You’ll shoot my eye out!”  (With a nod to A Christmas Story)

“How does he always know what I want for Christmas?”

Spamword member 57…nuff said!

“Come, Frank told me, Pah rum pah YUM YUM!”

“Now there’s some berries that are safe to eat.”

“Oh Christmas Lee, O Christmas Lee, how lovely are your branches!”

“Forget about your nose…Jack Frost would rather nip on that, honey!”

“FOR ME?!”

“Looks like Santa brought me something to play with…”

“All I want for Christmas is—oh wait.”

Havin’ a holly jolly Christmas already and it’s just the start of Advent.

You bring the mistletoe—-I’ve already got the madness.

Rudolph, with your pants so bright, won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?

Peter looked over at Joe the handyman and grinned.  “Joe, are you sure that branch is strong enough to support two ornaments of that size?  Maybe I’d better double-check for you….”

“Silent night, horny night, boner’s warm, underwear’s tight.”

I couldn’t get the following tune out of my mind.

“Oh, by gosh by golly! It’s time for mistletoe and holly!”

Josh wondered if he was being too subtle or if Dan would get the hint.

I think that one is perfect!

“Have I got a Yule Log for you…”

A Visit from St. Prickolas

I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s drawers…

“Would you mind helping me? My enormous prosthetic leg has ruptured my pants.”

Shoot that would have been better as

I saw Daddy kissing Santa’s balls…

Yeah Craig, I’m pretty sure it’s not deck your balls with boughs of holly.

“Need I remind Santa that he ruined my belt last night playing all those naughty reindeer games, just before I loaded his sleigh—and sent him ‘round the world all night long?”

Yeah,  didn’t think so. . .

“No, Bruce, I didn’t say suck it in—oh .  . never mind.”

An excerpt from the book that accompanies the Mistletoe Madness Advent Calendar, Goy to the World:

It had been a tense holiday season. Chris recalled the stress of meeting Ira’s parents for the first time, how awkward he’d felt going through the motions for their Hanukkah traditions. He set his book down. His heart swelled as he watched Ira attach the mistletoe to the ceiling, returning the holiday favor. Perhaps their blended faiths could work, after all. Then Ira’s jeans dropped and something else of Chris’s swelled.
“Is that holly?” Chris asked in a hushed tone.
Ira smiled wickedly. “It is.”
“It’s hung with care,” Chris said, admiring the strapping Jew perched so dangerously before him. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you’re embracing the spirit of Christmas.”
“Ignoring its religious roots and misappropriating its traditional imagery for use on tawdry, novelty commercial items?”
“Yes,” Chris breathed, tears welling in his eyes as he took in the cheerful motif on Ira’s briefs.
“Merry Christmas,” Ira said with a wink. “Now go put on the Santa suit. Some of us have been naughty.”

“Mark looked over at Gary’s package and thought “Christmas is coming early this year!”

“Hey, Chris…I think you’re hanging that a bit low this year.”

“Billy looked down in horror as Tommy started pawing his underwear.  All he’d wanted to do was hint that he needed a new belt for Christmas!”

You promised to wait for Christmas!

My caption would be:

“Seriously, how often do any of us lose our pants and get a hard-on, while forming an almost perfectly equidistant isosceles triangle of space between another guy’s face and three lit candles—all while climbing a ladder to put up mistletoe?”

Mistletoe Madness in my Advent Calendar Balls indeed!

“Can’t you see I need a little help hanging this mistletoe?  Don’t just sit there staring as if my pants had fallen down and my holly-print underoos were showing…oh, right.”

This year kiss whatever you want under the mistletoe.

“Can I get some Eggnog to go with that Yule log?”

“Have a Holly Jolly Christmas!!”

“Can I polish those Christmas balls for you?”

Mistletoe, a simple solution for Angry Boner Man.

“A kiss under the ol’ twig and berries”

Ding Dong Merrily on High

mistletoe madness…....

when more than the stockings were hung.

Scrooge finds extra duties for Bob Cratchit at Christmas.

Xander finally quit the demon women and found someone who made him want chocolaty goodness for Christmas; he just hoped that he wasn’t being too subtle. All he knew for sure was that he was finally looking forward to being someone’s butt-monkey.

Johnny knew that now was the time to make his Christmas wish…for Fa-la-la-la-la-la-latio.

“Fundaroos in my Underoos”

“You’ve got my Yule Log burning”

“Jack Frost Nipping at my Dong.”

OMG - A Visit from St. Prickolas- BAHAHAHAHAHHAA

Fa-la-la-la-la-latio? Awesome, Edie. Could somebody get on trimming / rimming,  please? Stat.

“A Winter Vision in White (ty titghties)”

Ding Dong Merrily on High

AND

Can I get some Eggnog to go with that Yule log?

I am weeping with laughter. I have nothing to add. Nowhere else to go with this. The SB minions have outdone themselves. The collective genius represented here warms- dare I say it? Why, yes, I do. Warms my cockles.

How about this:

“It was then that Jeff realized that Doug’s offer to do his laundry had been more than just a neighborly gesture of friendship. That special brand of bleach he used really did make things whiter than white.”

Happy Hornidays,folks!:)

“Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the way!”

“Um…when I said I wanted a joy stick for Christmas, I meant for my XBox 360.”

“Here let me help you hold the holly while you hang the mistletoe.”

Spamword: through39 - I’m through cause my 39 other ideas were already taken!

He is totaly going to shoot his eye out!

THIS is what Santa brings the naughty boys…

“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged Chris away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”
(Another nod to A Christmas Story)

More junk for Christmas

“No, no, the lyrics are ‘Up on the rooftop / Click, click, click’!”

******************************************
Next comes the stocking
Of little Will
Oh, just see what
A glorious fill
Here is a hammer
And lots of tacks
Also a ball
And a whip that cracks

Ho, ho, ho!
Who wouldn’t go!
Ho, ho, ho!
Who wouldn’t go!
Up on the rooftop
Click, click, click
Down thru the chimney with
Good Saint Nick

Seriously, those are the ACTUAL LYRICS.

“If that’s holly I’d expect a lot more pricks.”

or

“Awww. Want me kiss it, make it bigger?”

Pants-less puppeteer charged with indecent exposure

(Sorry, I just read this and couldn’t resist!)

By the way, love TonyC’s “More junk for Christmas”!

Love-drops on his face
And Ira in undies
With a huge boner,
It’s time to be naughty.
Thinking of Ira all tied up in strings.
These were a few of his favorite things.

Not really a caption, but if this is an advent calendar, I can’t wait to see what you open on Christmas!

Angels, Frahm the Realms of Glory

Thanks to Stuart’s years of experience stuffing mannequins in the better men’s department at Marshall Field’s, the stockings weren’t the only thing hung with care that day.

***

“Your package?” Craig started to say. “Which one?” But his voice trailed off in surprise when he realized what Brad really meant.

“You saw Daddy kissing NO ONE.  Understand?”

“Who needs a dick in a box when you’ve got a package like that!”

Wow…I guess now would be a really awkward time to explain to that I’m his long lost twin brother ......

So that’s where the yule log went…

Though it was chilly, Gary could only be thankful for the wicked winter wind that not only pulled Adams pants down and sweater up, but brought along a convenient spotlight to highlight the best Christmas package under the tree.

See the blazing yule before us….falalalalalalala
drop your brief it’s time for coitus…falalalalalalala

“Hmm. Thanks Bill, but honestly, Jack’s candy cane was bigger….”

Steven had been searching for an in-your-face Christmas present for Michael, and that morning, while pulling on his most festive undies and planning his annual holiday decorating extravaganza, he had a sudden strike of inspiration.

Some presents just beg to be unwrapped on Christmas Eve.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!!!!

“Wow, either my best friend is gay or he’s just happy to see me.”

I know we are all having fun here, but does anybody actually find this cover attractive or erotic?

GrowlyCub—I checked out the rest of his portfolio, and I think it’s just meant to be good old fashioned cheeky fun. I’d love to see the inside of the calendar!

Chad’s Christmas lunchbox came with all the t-Rimmings

Too Funny! a classic cover caption post in the making.

All I have is the old underroos ad slogan.” The Underwear that’s fun to wear!”

When Chet’s pants slipped down, all became clear to Ted. He tried to smile and laugh it off, but it was hard. NOW he understood why everyone made little…remarks…about his roommate. What meaning everyone attached to that word. And why Chet sometimes looked at him like he was trying to figure something out, and why when they first moved in, Chet sometimes leaned on him on the couch.

GrowlyCub:

I am hetero female so I doubt I’m the target audience. That being said, Droopy Drawers Dude looks a bit worried. You can’t see his mouth so it’s hard to say if he’s surprised his britches went south on him or alarmed at having his giblets ogled. Or maybe he’s afraid of rejection?

So, in an experiment to overcome my personal proclivities and figure out if this is unsexy to me because I’m not a guy who likes guys I tried the following experiment:

Insert chick in lieu of Studly Sweater dude.

Nope, not sexy. If some man is hanging mistletoe in my house (or his) and his britches just fell I would LMAO. Especially if he was wearing those particular briefs. Whether by accident (hilarious!) or on purpose (ick! Seriously, that’s the best you can come up with?), that’s just funny.

I like the vestiges of subtlety, at the minimum.

Bah hummer.. Jack knew that he would find Cole in his stockings on Xmas morning

Sing along with me, “Do you see what I see”?

“Jingle bell time is a swell time…”

Chad realized that watching Peter decorate for Christmas was like a car wreck. . .he just couldn’t look away.

Laurel,

thanks for the feedback.  I’m female too, but I love m/m. One of my favorite books and one of the most romantic love stories I’ve ever read is between 2 guys (one older) in Jules Jones’ ‘Lord and Master’ (not BDSM).

So, the fact that there are two guys on the cover is not the issue, nor would the age difference be (my husband is 22 years older than I), but something in that pic is just terribly off to me.

My first thought was, ewww, look at Daddy looking at his half nekkid son.  No idea why it struck me that way.  I know I’m funny sometimes… :)

“I think there’s been a misunderstanding. That’s quite an impressive stocking stuffer you’ve got there, but I actually wanted the other kind of tea bags.”

Options….Options…..
Under which mistletoe should I kiss?

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and I was nonplussed,
Not a creature was stirring, including some lust!
My partner had dusted, decked halls, and gift wrapped;
Now all that he sought was a long winter’s nap.

But I wasn’t ready to go straight to bed,
But what could make “sugarplums” dance in his head?
Then, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But those Christmas briefs (got as a gag gift last year).

I entered the room, caught his eye, quirked a brow,
Then, holding some mistletoe, boldly dropped trou
There I stood before him, my pride on the shelf,
And he laughed when he saw me, in spite of himself.

More rapid than eagles, he came to my side
And said, “Here’s a present that’s too good to hide!”
But I heard him exclaim as the curtains were drawn,
“Take your Christmas briefs off, and then let’s get it on!”

The “Rudolf” Christmas Special comes to mind:

“Looky what HE can do!”

Top hilariously disturbing things about this cover:

1.  The guys look like twins.
2.  Holly berry underwear.  Just no.

(add yours)

“Why you’ve got quite a package there, do you need help unwrapping?’

3. Imminent DIY danger. Feels like the foreshadowing to a cautionary home improvement tale.

“I Can’t Believe I let you Dress Yourself”
“They Make Underoos in Grown-Up Sizes?”

Cara,

yeah; don’t they know 80% of all lethal accidents happen during household chores? :)

Will Mitch behave better this time, or is he too much of a Christmas grinch to give romance a chance?

“And what happened then…? Well…in Who-ville they say That the Mitch’s small part grew three sizes that day! And the minute his part didn’t feel quite so tight, he whizzed with his load through the bright morning light.”

-There are better places to hang that mistletoe.
-Make sure ALL the presents are wrapped first before we open them.
-Are those your Monday or Tuesday day-of-the-week underwear?
-I told you I needed a belt for Christmas.

“The Festive Interior Designer’s Virgin Bulge”

And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.

There’s a winter wonderland in your pants.

Are those jingle bells or are you just happy to see me?

Haha, know I know why Mark broke up with him. With the not-so innocent oops-my-pants-fell-take-a-look-at-my-package move, the cheesy mistletoe underwear, and the bulge, I would also dump his ass. Hmm…I wonder what would happen if I kicked the ladder out from under him…?

I love these SO much!  I don’t konw how you’ll pick a winner.  I can’t think of a caption that would even compete with any of these.  So I just say THANK YOU all of you for brightening my day!

Edie: the Fa-La-La-latio was my absolute favorite!

All afternoon this kept running through my head, not much needs changing…

“Jolly Old St. Nicholas, lean your balls this way.
Don’t you tell a single soul
What I’m going to say.
Christmas Eve will soon be here,
Now you dear old man,
Whisper what you’ll bring to me,
Tell me if you can.
When the clock is striking twelve,
When I’m fast asleep,
Down my jammies with your hand,
Softly you will creep.
Holly Undies you will find,
Hanging mistletoe,
Mine will be the hardest one,
You’ll be sure to know.

James had just been thinking about grabbing another cocktail weenie when he turned his head and saw…

I just want to know why the mistletoe is missing its berries.

Heh. plant95.

No comment here. Just confusion that his pants fell down while his leg was bent. How does that happen? Sudden gravity surge?

the thing that gets me is, he looks so excited.
“deck the balls with bows so jolly…”

A Tale Of Two Santas And One Holly, Jolly Wonder Worm.

“Is that a sugarplum fairy in your festive briefs or are you jolly to see me?”

“Looks like we’re gonna need some more tinsel to decorate that tree”

“Baby, this year, I’ll be the partridge and you can be the pear tree.”

Altho, edieharris’s fa la la la la la latio has become my new holiday ear-worm.  Too funny for words.

(To the tune of… well, you know.)

God rest ye, merry gentlemen
As “merry” as can be
John Cryer in a zippered fleece
And that’s not Charlie Sheen
The decorations “hung” so nicely
on a well-erected tree

Oh, tidings of boy-on-boy, boy-on-boy
Oh tidings of boy-on-boy

I’ve gone through every effort to make this carol “brief”
It’s otherwise quite “hard” for me to express my disbelief
Now “holly jolly” has a whole new meaning (*cough* fig leaf)

Oh, tidings of boy-on-boy, boy-on-boy
Oh tidings of boy-on-boy

“What do you think? My boy’s underwear fits me pretty good.”

“When the undies are smaller the package looks bigger.”

Ho!Ho!Ho! Want to see me shake like a bowl full of jelly?

Sam was feeling prickly when he choose his underwear….

From now on, “Have a Holly Jolly Christmas” would be their song.

“Really, Mark? Your wife never buys you gag undies for the holidays?”

“They’re supposed to glow in the dark, but they need to be exposed to sunlight first.”

In ur ass, saving Christmas.

ROFLMAO!  I don’t know if anything I can come up with will top these! 

“I thought we were decking the halls, not dicking the…”

“Don’t finish that sentence!”

“Stop me!” 

(Okay… that was lame…)

“If I unwrap that, will it be the gift that keeps on giving?” 

(Better, better…)

Later on we’ll perspire, sixty-nine by the fire
Under the mistletoe play, we’re hot and we’re gay
Smexing with a copulating man…

(I’m gonna go hide my head in shame now… that last one should get me shot from a cannon!)

*snicker*  Dudes… I said ‘top’!!!  *snicker*
Leaving me with my final entry:

“How do you want to top this!”

“From the look of things, it’s not going to be a silent night.”

hmm, can’t think why they call him the LITTLE drummer boy!

Holly-balling.

—-

‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even Santa’s Elf.

—-

Visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads.

—-

Have a holly jolly Christmas rewrite:

Ho ho the mistletoe,
Hung where you can see,
Somebody waits for you,
Kiss him once for me,

Have a holly jolly Christmas,
And in case you aren’t queer,
Oh by golly
You can still have a holly jolly Christmas this year.

With apologies to A Christmas Story…

Mrs. Parker: Oh, Randy, don’t play with your food. Eat it!
Randy: Aw, gee.
Mrs. Parker: Starving people would be happy to have that.

“Deck the halls with balls of young men, fa la la la…..”

Look I have mistletoe…go ahead and kiss the berries, they’re nice and juicy and ripe for plucking. Santa won’t care if your a little bit naughty!

Having Naughty Fun Under The Mistletoe

I’m tardy to the party.  Has anyone suggested, “Fe la la la la la llatio!” yet?

He goes all out for Christmas.

Holiday Ho, Ho Ho’s VI: The Big Boy in the Holiday Underoos and the Sugar Candy Cane Daddy Who Loved Him.

Misting Tableaux
The present that keeps coming.

Enough with the mistletoe and ho ho ho’s. You’ve already got that thing worn to a nubbin’ and we haven’t even opened my package yet!

Perhaps Mark should have been more specific when he told Steve to put the nuts out.

To the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” (and with some of the original lyrics, which fit a little too well)

I really can’t stay
(but baby it’s cold outside)
I’m not sure that I’m gay
(but baby it’s cold outside)
This evening has been
(been hoping that you’d drop in)
So bizarre
(shit! my jeans might catch on fire!)
I really should hit the hay
(that’s not what your eyes say)
But you’re between me and the door
(can’t you see my hard-on soar)
And I can’t look away
(baby, I’ve been waiting all day)
So maybe just a peek more
(just a sec, I’ll have your ass on the floor)
The neighbors might faint
(you’re under the mistletoe)
The rumors they’ll paint…
(we’ll take it nice and slow)
of our friendship
(don’t you want to grab my hips?)
But holly’s my favorite tree
(come put your mouth on me)
I ought to say “no, no, no sir”
(mind if I move in closer)
At least I’m gonna say that I tried
(what’s the sense in hurtin’ my pride)
I really can’t stay
(oh baby don’t hold out)

both: baby it’s cold out side

Hahappy Holly Days! I want to unwrap your package right here under the misteltoe!

“Honey, please tell me your mother hasn’t switched from hideous Christmas sweaters to Christmas underwear for presents because the last thing I want to think about when you’re dangling that in front of me is your mother.”

(yes, this is a tribute to my fellow Mistletoe Madness author Bethany Brown’s ‘Christmas Perfection’)

“You know, Bob, I was planning on filling your stocking... ah, to heck with it.  This works too.”

ps I love the adapted “Cold Outside” lyrics!!

“If that’s my present, I’ve been a very good boy!”

Though he had been hoping for a Red Ryder BB gun, Mitch decided that he’d much rather get his eye shot out by what Joe had in his mistletoe underoos.

“You know Bill, with a package like that, I don’t need to look under the tree for anything else.”
——-
“So, are we opening presents early then?”
——-
“Aw Bill!  For me?  You shouldn’t have.  I can’t wait to unwrap it!”
——-

Time to get my name on the naughty list….

“When Santa comes this year, let’s hope he brings a belt with him.”

John immediately knew that mistletoe underwear were the gift that kept on giving.

1. Come and trim MY Christmas tree!

2. “That’s not what I call a subtle hint!” “Aww…”

3. “The holly bears a blossom, white as the lily flower.” “Oh, great; now I’ve totally gone off the boil…”

4. “Well, at least that’s better than the clover leaf boxers for St Patrick’s day…”

“With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings” ...Its The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year

“Deck the balls with boughs of holly”

Teehee!  I’m so glad that my favorite ad is getting the cover snark treatment.  I’ve got nothing to add to the already great stuff offered so far.  But thanks for the giggles.

Whoops, could you give me a hand, hon?

This are so very awesome, but Elyssa’s made me snort my coffee (I know, I should know better by now) because it was so perfect for SBTB!

Happy holidays, and to all a good night!

Mr Mistletoe is far better than Mr Cameltoe

or

I wanna fill your stocking with this

“Wanna see if we can get our Wonder Twin powers to activate?”

Not a caption, but I can’t believe people are complaining about this cover. Doesn’t everyone hang mistletoe with their pants down around their ankles? Why it’s practically a tradition in our family!

Ah! The lost painting “Ebenezer Splooge” by Norman Cockwell.

“I hope that package isn’t just socks!”

while the wrapping may vary, good things come in all shaped and sized packages!

“Fine, I’ll do it this year if you’ll stop wearing those things. Tell me again, who kisses what exactly?”

And that’s when Bob believed that Santa Claus, was indeed real and had read his letter….

That’s Hanes® my way!

or

Jingle Bells indeed.

It just wouldn’t be Christmas without hanging ornaments.

Hot for Holly

OR

Hope your tongue sticks to this!

Those carolers outside have sung through their entire repertory thee times, and they’re still hanging around. Do you think we should close the blinds?

—God undressed you, merry gentleman.
—That’s nothing. You’re just gay.

Hey, Dennis! Where’d ya get the sucky underwear?

It’s beginning to look a lot like… well, last night… and the night before that… and the night before… and…

Wenceslas slipped down his pants. What a feast for Steven!

Shimmy down MY Chimney tonight!

I’ve always wanted to see The Nutcracker
(so lame, I know LOL)

A hard cock - The reason for the pleasin’

“you know, if you’re having a hard time with the decorating….”

Several come to mind:
musical
Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight!
.....
D/S
With a wicked glee, Rick asked Jon to decorate the house. How surprised Jon was when Rick decided to admire his prickly ivy!
——
romantic
Sometimes when the holidays felt like they were overwhelming, Stan looked around and Paul would be there, lifting his spirits. And more.

I somewhat amused but mostly alarmed that a man of your age, A) can’t seem to make his pants stay up and, B) is wearing such ridiculously adorned tighty whities.

Dont know about this cover but when my brother got married on Christmas, I bought him ho ho’s. Yes, there are men’s underwear out there that say ho ho ho on them and do indeed have holly.

couldnt 28 - and no I couldn’t explain to my seven year old daughter why the ho ho underwear was so funny.

When Darrin asked Joe to help him to put up some mistletoe he didn’t know he actually meant THEY were going to use it!

Spamword: Wanted49- For Christmas Joe wanted 49 more pairs of those tighty whities.

Butch knew all about Vishous’s cursed left (or right) hand, the one on which he always wore a leather glove to avoid incinerating anyone. What totally blew him away as they decorated a tree in the mansion’s foyer was the sight of V’s holly-festooned tighty whiteys. Would THAT light up as well?

Butch knew all about Vishous’s cursed left (or right) hand, the one on which he always wore a leather glove to avoid incinerating anyone. What totally blew him away as they decorated a tree in the mansion’s foyer was the sight of V’s holly-festooned tighty whiteys. Would THAT light up as well?

darlynne, you naughty girl LMAO!!

from Santa Baby

“Think of all the fun I’ve missed
Think of all the fellas that I haven’t kissed
Next year I could be oh so good
If you’d check off my Christmas list”

“Santa really stuffed his sack full of presents this year…”