Bitchin' Blog Posts
Book Rant: Makeovers? Come On Now.
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | August 08, 2012 | Wednesday at 3:33 am | 79 Comments
This Book Rant is from Sarah (no, not me, a more different Sarah) who read a book with A Makeover Scene. One that was so preposterous she had to email me about it. She wrote me this a few months ago, but it's never too late to discuss absurd makeovers, right? Right.
I just finished a book and I have a rant. I've never posted on here before, though I lurk all the time, so I hope you don't mind. I'm sure people have commented on this problem before - but this was such an egregious case that I needed to vent to someone, somewhere. I hope it's not an imposition.
Nevertheless: what's up with romance heroes doing makeovers for their heroines? Is this supposed to show their sensitive side? I've seen this before (quite a bit) in regencies and westerns, and I guess I kind of bought it - or at least past over it without too much thought - in those settings (it's potentially a lot more believable in times/places where a) there's not much variety in available clothing anyway and/or b) women had serious sewing skills and could have re-sized and reworked the dresses for themselves off-screen or something) but I just encountered an extremely ridiculous variation on this theme in a contemporary. It completely soured me on a book that was pretty good up until that point.
The book is Lori Foster's Jude's Law. Here's the gist: May is living with Jude for protection until stuff with the bad guy gets sorted out. She came to his house in a borrowed outfit that doesn't fit, because she was on the run, and Jude won't go get her stuff from her house because a) it might be dangerous and b) he doesn't like her usual wardrobe.
Oh, and May is very pointedly a "larger" heroine, with boobs and a butt. She usually wears business suits to try to hide all that, but we're told from the very beginning that Jude isn't sold on her fashion sense. So, over May's protests, Jude does some online shopping and has a whole new wardrobe shipped to his place overnight (while she's asleep). In the morning, when the stuff arrives, May - reasonably enough, in my opinion - is dubious and thinks the clothes won't fit.
Jude shoves a pair of jeans and a cami at her and tells her to change. May takes the clothes into the bathroom, falls in love with the fabric, and... you already knew that the clothes fit her to a tee, right? May is delighted, because of course SHE'S never been able to find clothing that fits properly, and proceeds to model everything Jude bought - which is a lot - for him.
Now, there are so very many things wrong with this, I don't even know where to begin. For one thing, Jude doesn't know May's size. There's no way he could even have sneaked away and checked it or something at night, since she comes to his house in an outfit borrowed from a (skinnier) friend and had previously refused his offer of buying her clothing, so obviously she hadn't told him that info. Heck, Jude makes a point of being nervous about it before she comes out of the bathroom, since he knows that if he screwed it up then May won't give him another chance to dress her (is she a doll, or something?). Ok, so Jude's a famous actor, so maybe he knows style, and he's been with a lot of women (though skinner ones), so maybe he knows women's sizing?
Or maybe he's been hanging out with Clinton Kelly? EXCEPT THAT HE CAN'T, BECAUSE AS CLINTON KELLY WOULD TELL YOU NOT EVERY BRAND'S SIZING IS THE SAME.
Heck, even within the same store, you don't have a guarantee that everything that's the same size will fit! That's the awesomeness (and endless frustration) of women's clothing! So how could Jude possibly pick out clothing that would fit a woman - a curvy woman, mind you - whose size he doesn't know? And then, to get them ON THE INTERNET? I wouldn't get clothes for *myself* on the internet, not unless I could get a guaranteed return, and even then I'd call it more of a longshot than its worth. I *certainly* wouldn't trust my husband anywhere near a store (I highly doubt he knows my size... hm, does that mean he's not sensitive?), much less the internet, to buy me clothes!
Second of all, there's no way that Jude's picks actually worked. Because we're told - repeatedly - that May is busty. And the first thing he asks her to try on is a cami. As in, a cami SANS BRA. This, people, does not work. Not on any planet, not with any kind of planetary gravity. Physics is against you. If you have big boobs - or even moderately sized boobs - you need a bra with that cami. Period, full stop. Or hey, maybe Jude's mansion is in a specially gravitated zone where boobs don't droop without special help? Can I have one of those???
I don't read many contemporaries - in fact, I generally avoid them - but this one particularly pained me because I was feeling great about it. And then... well, Jude bought May clothes and not only did the jeans miraculously fit (seriously?) but a cami defied gravity. Maybe now at least I've figured out what the book's title is all about. Jude's Law: the law that says that if a romance hero buys you clothes, BY GOLLY BUT THEY WILL FIT, COME HELL OR HEFTY BOOBS.
I could go on. I ranted at my husband, but he (like any proper male) laughed but obviously didn't quite get why a cami is so ridiculous in this situation. Why on earth would a female romance novel author write such a silly scene???
Oh, girl, sing it, sing it loud. As I wrote to Sarah, isn't that the BEST, when the hero can magically outfit the heroine in clothing that magically fits and flatters and is something she'd never have thought to try herself but is effortlessly chic? COME ON NOW.
This has happened in so many books, historical, contemporary, you name it. It's hilarious. I think my husband would be horrified if he were charged with the task of buying me an entire wardrobe of clothing. Women's clothing sizes don't make any sense to me, much less him.
I think this is one of the ultimate women's fantasyland elements of romance: a man who can shop for us without fear and who buys us things we'd never think to try ourselves. Amazing.
Filed: General Bitching, Ranty McRant
Tagged: wtfery, makeover, make the burning stop, book rant
Alex said on 08.08.12 at 04:01 AM • [link]
So, the Hero’s a famous actor named Jude, and the book’s called Jude’s Law? Are you SURE this isn’t a celebrity fanfic?
Tina said on 08.08.12 at 05:49 AM • [link]
“Second of all, there’s no way that Jude’s picks actually worked. Because we’re told - repeatedly - that May is busty. And the first thing he asks her to try on is a cami. As in, a cami SANS BRA. This, people, does not work. Not on any planet, not with any kind of planetary gravity. Physics is against you. If you have big boobs - or even moderately sized boobs - you need a bra with that cami. Period, full stop. Or hey, maybe Jude’s mansion is in a specially gravitated zone where boobs don’t droop without special help? Can I have one of those???”
I want one of those, too. The other day, I was trying to think of the last time I willingly went without a bra in an article of clothing. The last time I can think of, it was in one of those then-popular tank dresses, circa 1987. In that long ago time, due to youth and size, gravity wasn’t quite the bitch that it is now. These days? No way would I even consider wearing clothes without my dear friend, underwire.
FairyKat said on 08.08.12 at 06:10 AM • [link]
What I want to know is, who the hell never thought to try to buy jeans? I mean, totally failed to buy jeans because you went all over town and tried all the shops and all the denims and it made you feel like seven kinds of sausage, so you gave up and bought a dress? Absolutely. (Some of my favourite dresses were bought at the end of a fruitless hunt for jeans). I might, in a couple of years, give up on trying to buy jeans for this reason.
But I am NOT waiting for someone to come along and say, ‘Hey, how about jeans and a cami? I got them off the internetz!’
Ankaret Wells said on 08.08.12 at 06:25 AM • [link]
Jude spent a lot of time creepily measuring her in her sleep, and then contacted an internet friend whose hobby is tinkering with 3D printers to get them to produce high-end denim?
Also, if she’s on the run, why is she living with a famous actor who probably has paparazzi on his case all the time? One snap of ‘Jude Not-Law-In-Any-Way Shops With Mystery Female’ and the bad guys will have a good idea where she is.
LG said on 08.08.12 at 06:36 AM • [link]
I’m amused that a book I can barely remember has the power to inspire a rant from someone else, and I’m kind of embarrassed that, only the other day, I recommended this book to someone in a comment (because I remembered that the hero was a MMA fighter, but still). I totally did not remember the “hey, I know your size AND can find clothes that magically work for you on the Internet!” moment.
Patricia Eimer said on 08.08.12 at 06:40 AM • [link]
This is a hero that needs kicked in the balls. Repeatedly. I hate this trope. I really, really hate it.
Mary Anne Graham said on 08.08.12 at 07:00 AM • [link]
First - I hope Sarah will read more contemporaries because a lot of ‘em are awesome to the max.
Second - can someone get me the GPS coordinates to that specially gravitated happy boobage zone? I can have a bra-free bag packed in nothing flat:D
Ankaret Wells said on 08.08.12 at 07:11 AM • [link]
I want the coordinates to the specially gravitated happy boobage zone too. I’m just thinking about how much I spend a year on bras, and what kind of a book-buying splurge that would translate to.
Isabel C. said on 08.08.12 at 07:46 AM • [link]
Ha!
I confess to loving makeover scenes, a bit, but they have to be done right: I’m fond of the historical trope where the hero takes her to his sister’s/friend’s/mistress’s favorite dressmaker and gives her an unlimited budget, myself. Of course, there the heroine’s problem is typically that her budget was previously *very* limited, or that her evil Puritan uncle would only let her wear high-necked dresses, or whatever.
When it’s just “...you don’t know how to dress yourself, honey,” I’m less enthused.
Shelly Ellis said on 08.08.12 at 07:59 AM • [link]
I can believe a well-meaning (and slightly deluded) guy would do a gesture like that, but agreed… I wouldn’t believe that all the clothes would magically fit. It probably would have been more realistic and funnier scene in the book if some or most of his picks were horrific. Personally, i’ll buy clothes online occasionally (if I know the designer) but speaking as a curvy girl I would never EVER buy jeans online. That might require alot of holding in of breath and a can of Crisco to get me into those. Definitely a no-no.
Hydecat said on 08.08.12 at 08:29 AM • [link]
I’m not bothered by make-over suggestion scenes, but the “I bought a whole closet of clothes for you while you were sleeping” thing is kind of creepy. My favorite example of it is actually in a mystery novel with romantic elements (Aunt Dimity’s Death). The hero buys the down-on-her-luck heroine a closet of fancy clothes the day that he meets her and she chews him out for it because it’s condescending and embarrassing to her, and makes him take them back. Then she talks to the hero’s dad, who basically says “Yeah, that was a terrible idea on his part. I hope he apologized.” And then she gets to pick out her own new stuff, which is exactly how it should be.
Ren said on 08.08.12 at 08:30 AM • [link]
Good jeans require exhaustive evaluation, diagnosis, and a prescription. If you accept jeans dispensed by any random idiot off the street, you may experience muffintop, cameltoe, saddlebags, thass (a malignant condition caused by rear-pocket placement that makes one’s ass appear to start at mid thigh), fugliness, public humiliation, and death. You should not use jeans dispensed by any random idiot off the street if you have a functioning brain and/or a shred of self-awareness.
If you or a loved one has been the victim of jeans dispensed by any random idiot off the street, you may be entitled to compensation. Call 1-800-SUEHISASS to see if you qualify for participation in a class action lawsuit.
SB Sarah said on 08.08.12 at 08:40 AM • [link]
“thass (a malignant condition caused by rear-pocket placement that makes one’s ass appear to start at mid thigh)”
Choked on my water, thanks. HA!
Ses822 said on 08.08.12 at 08:43 AM • [link]
I think if someone suggested to my husband to randomly buy clothes, one time out of 20 I might end up with something that fits. Every woman (and clinton) knows sizing varies and fit within the sizing varies. Some stores I am an 8, a 6 or even a 4(I love you New York and Co.) depending on the cut of the thighs. On top I am small (but not small enough to go bra less in a cami) so it’s an entirely different sizing issue based on waist and neckline style (I completely fall out of low plunge/ cowl styles).
The we take the age old issue I have been fighting with. I’m back to running and tried one of my “skinny” pairs of jeans on… no go. But my boobs shrank. Sigh
Sam said on 08.08.12 at 09:26 AM • [link]
The sizing thing is silly, yeah, but I’m hung up on the whole…idea. I find the thought of a guy going “I don’t like how you dress…so now you will become MY DOLL! MUAHAHAHAHA!” totally creepy. Sounds more like something a serial killer would do when he’s got you trapped in the basement than the behavior of the “hero.”
At the very least I find it jerkish to tell someone, unless they ask, that you dislike how they dress. But I guess that’s just me.
Liz Talley said on 08.08.12 at 09:32 AM • [link]
My husband is allowed to buy me cute pajamas…and that’s it. Okay, accessories are fine, too, as long as they are from approved stores and aided by a knowledgable sales person. Otherwise, a gift card is expected.
Honestly, I think what my husband might pick out for me would be navy blue, buttoned up to my chin and very tailored. I suspect he has secret service fantasies. It takes me a good month to prepare for jean shopping because as mentioned earlier, it’s traumatizing. No way my husband (who is uber familiar with my body) would know my size or style best suited, and if he did, I’d be a little worried.
That being said, I love make over stories :)
Throwmearope said on 08.08.12 at 09:51 AM • [link]
My husband buys clothes for a much thinner woman than I. Alas. I can’t decide whether to be flattered or look for evidence of a girlfriend.
Julieinduvall said on 08.08.12 at 09:52 AM • [link]
I can barely dress myself without professional assistance. (Thanks to the nice salesperson at Nordstrom who saves me from myself on a regular basis.) My husband has bought clothes for me before, but he’s smart enough to go to the aforementioned store, ask for the same salesperson, and let her choose whatever it is he’s buying.
An alpha male romance hero that dabbles in women’s fashion? Uh, no.
TMS said on 08.08.12 at 09:57 AM • [link]
My husband would not even know where to start as far as sizing goes! All he knows is that because of my boobs, I wear an XL top. No matter how much weight I loose, those stay an XL, so yeah, the cami without a bra? hahahahahahahahahahahaha
I don’t mind the trope where the heroine is a larger gal and wears baggy/unflattering clothes to hide that fact and the hero encourages her to wear better fitting clothes b/c he thinks she’s hot even if the “world” doesn’t. That I like. Buying her a whole wardrobe while she sleeps? Nope.
Darlene Marshall said on 08.08.12 at 10:06 AM • [link]
Look at the bright side—the scene spared us the “Sassy Gay Friend” trope.
Mirandaflynn said on 08.08.12 at 11:14 AM • [link]
Given that he thinks short pink frilly sundresses would look awesome on me, my husband thinks that I’m still the 17-year-old that he met 30 years ago. Which is terribly sweet, but it means I buy my own clothes.
Miranda
cleo said on 08.08.12 at 11:20 AM • [link]
That reminds me of The Reasons for Marriage - an early Stephanie Laurens. The (intentionally unfashionable) heroine discovers that the hero, and her fiance, ordered her a whole new wardrobe without her input, doesn’t care for his high handedness, and orders a second (fashionable) wardrobe in her own style, with his money. I loved that scene. Especially because once he saw her, he realized that her taste looked better on her than his.
cleo said on 08.08.12 at 11:31 AM • [link]
I do get the fantasy of someone looking at me and really “knowing” me well enough to buy flattering clothing, but the whole buy-a-new-wardrobe-overnight thing is beyond creepy.
A friend of mine did once announce that she was wearing jeans her husband bought for her (and they were cute). The rest of us just stared at her in shock and launched into stories of “things my husband bought for me that I had to return”. My husband does know me and my body very well, but he can’t shop for me at all (with the exception of one rockin’ pair of loose pink silk jammies). I think part of the problem is that when I try to explain my figure and what looks good on it, I sound neurotic instead of realistic.
Heather said on 08.08.12 at 11:47 AM • [link]
The “Sassy Gay Friend” would have been more fun. And really, ordering the clothes that night and them arriving first thing in the morning? Nope. You place the order, then the company has to ship it—given post office hours, those things wouldn’t have arrived for over 24 hours.
DesLivres said on 08.08.12 at 11:56 AM • [link]
Ah. Sarah clearly missed the bit in the earlier paragraphs where it was revealed that Jude was a master pattern-maker, and could thus extrapolate her precise dimensions from just looking at her, and due to his intimate knowledge of the entire garment/fashion industry, he could intuit the perfect fitting collection of garments including a camisole with a perfectly shaped shelf bra.
Janelovering said on 08.08.12 at 12:11 PM • [link]
Solution is easy - he *is* the gay best friend. Watch out, May…
Hannah E. said on 08.08.12 at 12:11 PM • [link]
My husband used to critique my fashion sense all the time, and he would suggest that I try styles that were wildly inappropriate for my curvy figure. I eventually figured out that “I don’t like your style” was actually code for “I don’t like your body type.” Needless to say, I’m sensitive to novels in which the hero tries to make over the heroine. But when it’s the heroine herself who decides to make a change, maybe with the assistance of some of her gal friends, I don’t mind it.
Beccah W. said on 08.08.12 at 12:25 PM • [link]
I’d be really creeped out if a guy bought be a whole new wardrobe this that…and especially creeped out if it fit perfectly! The author could have gone more believable and had him buy say one wrap dress.
I agree that this is a very annoying trope. I mostly read historicals, so what always bothers me is when the hero gives the heroine a dress that was his sisters say, and it fits perfectly because he could just size her up with his eyeballs. I know the hero has been with a lot of women, but I don’t believe that he was looking too closely at their clothing. Whenever a man cares too much about clothing in these books I ALWAYS picture him as a dandy, and it’s not terribly attractive to me.
jmv said on 08.08.12 at 01:20 PM • [link]
I would be creeped out by a guy who could buy me a new perfect fitting wardrobe. Heck - i would be creeped out if one of my bff’s could buy me perfect fitting jeans.
kkw said on 08.08.12 at 01:42 PM • [link]
Maybe she wore a bra with the cami, and had never previously thought to do so because a lot of women don’t like to show their bra straps, and she’d always assumed the style would be too revealing? Best I can do. The jeans thing I can’t even work with. My guy *has* bought me jeans that fit - because he got the same brand, style, and size I always do.
The bit I object to is not that the hero knows better than she does what would suit her, although I’m not crazy about that. It’s this myth that clothes off the rack are going to fit anyone without tailoring. You know how milk, and cotton, and pork have all had ad campaigns to boost their public image? Tailors need to get on that. It’s like people don’t even know.
Ladyof Lostshadows said on 08.08.12 at 01:54 PM • [link]
I’ve never owned a cami, but I do have a tank top with a built in “boob shelf” so I have less problem picturing that working.
The only hero dresses the heroine scene I remember from a book, he was trying to disguise her as a man, but accidentally bought pants in a boy size. I guess I find it more memorable when he screws up.
sam. said on 08.08.12 at 02:58 PM • [link]
we inherited a sewing machine from my mom, which was broken. because it is, above all, a *machine,* my husband fixed it… and learned to use it. now when i shop, i get to do so with imagination and i can purposefully buy things that need to be shortened, gathered, or taken in. i suggest everyone acquire a personal tailor.
SB Sarah said on 08.08.12 at 03:09 PM • [link]
That might be the most awesome thing I have read all day. Your husband TAILORS. OMG. I may have just swooned.
Steph said on 08.08.12 at 04:00 PM • [link]
Okay, I’m probably one of the only few people who don’t mind this scene. Why? Because it did happen to me, sort of.
While my husband and I were dating, he did go out and buy me a full evening ensemble, from the bra and panties, to the dress, jewelry, high heeled shoes, makeup, and matching handbag. Everything matched and everything fit.
Has he done it since? No. This was just while we were dating. Now that we’re married, I do my own shopping.
I guess my point is, it IS possible for some men to be aware of fashion and to choose correctly. Though they’re very few and far between.
Olivia Waite said on 08.08.12 at 04:11 PM • [link]
Not only is it creepy that he greets her in the morning with “Here is your new wardrobe, Talking Real Doll,” but it’s a missed opportunity for a shopping scene with the hero and the heroine.
I love h/h shopping scenes—what clothes work, what clothes don’t, who chooses what, banter and arguing and awkwardness and attraction all tumbling over one another. You can add bitchy shop assistants, sympathetic fellow customers, fake French dressmakers if we’re talking historical shopping ... It’s a total romance goldmine!
But no, instead we get magical nighttime package delivery. (Which ... also kind of sounds like a romance goldmine, come to think of it.)
DreadPirateRachel said on 08.08.12 at 04:41 PM • [link]
“
The bit I object to is not that the hero knows better than she does what would suit her, although I’m not crazy about that.”
That is the bit I object to. It’s the idea that a grown woman cannot be trusted to make her own decisions about something as superficial as fashion. It’s not like we’re told she has terrible taste in clothes or lives in sweatpants or something—no, according to the OP, she wears business suits.
My God, a woman dressing professionally in a way that makes her feel comfortable? We can’t have that! We must immediately strip her down and pour her into a camisole! Because boobies, she has them, so she must share them with the world! Boobies for everyone!
Note: I’m actually quite fond of boobies, personally, and I have no problem with women displaying them if they want to. What’s important is that people respect women’s boundaries and choices. [/end rant]
Jewel said on 08.08.12 at 04:51 PM • [link]
Oh please - don’t even talk to me about buying jeans over the intertubes and they fit first try. HA! I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for werewolves, vampires, various other paranormal folks, AND Harvey the 6 foot rabbit, but jeans that fit first try? No way.
kkw said on 08.08.12 at 05:36 PM • [link]
Yeah, not trusting folks to make their own decisions is problematic, except…every time I go out in the world I think how much better off it would be if I were in charge. I promise you, when I rule the universe you won’t have to worry about this kind of douchbaggery. Only, if I ship all the alpha control freaks off to cannibal island or ice flow retirement or something, doesn’t that make me just as…huh. Until I sort that out, I’m going to focus on problems that can be solved. Like clothing alterations.
Bnbsrose said on 08.08.12 at 06:08 PM • [link]
I heard (NPR) a report on this study wherein they asked men to describe their wives. Invariably they describe the woman they married - when they married her. There’s something in the male brain that apparently fixes their mental image of you at the point where they develop affection for you. Explains why those guys you see at reunions say you haven’t changed a bit and your husband buys you things two sizes too small. So, let’s forgive them for remembering us at a time in life when we were probably at our best instead of the women we’ve… grown… to become.
persnickety said on 08.09.12 at 01:48 AM • [link]
I do have my husband choose my clothese/outfit on occassion (he likes to, saves me time) and I do tend to get more compliments on those days, BUT they are clothes that I have bought previously. And his strike rate at picking clothes in shops is not great- although he has learned to find the right size at some stores.
The only thing he is allowed to order on the internet is t shirts- it is safer all around.
I have read that book recently- the makeover scene floated right past, there were many other things that annoyed me more
Ann Somerville said on 08.09.12 at 01:49 AM • [link]
Does Jude do housecalls? Because I *hate* clothes shopping for my fat arse.
The ‘but, miss X – you’re beautiful without your glasses’ trope (eg http://boards.straightdope.com… ) is in fun in a movie because you can see it all work but it still assumes that women are children or dolls to be played with by men. In a book where you have time to stop, think, and go ‘WTF?’ it just can’t work because the author has to keep *telling* you about the amazing change. You won’t see it like you do in a movie, and the hero gushing over his transformed Pygmalion isn’t an adequate substitute.
Perfectly fitting jeans and a big backside? Never seen it. Jeans aren’t kind to the bootilicious or the morbidly obese.
Flo_over said on 08.09.12 at 06:44 AM • [link]
I recall another story by Lori Foster wherein the hero notices the plus sized heroine AFTER she quits as his mother’s secretary. He only notices her after he catches his cheating fiancee and the heroine is caught out in the rain and soooo her normally baggy ugly sweater is STUCK to her body. He makes a point to wax poetic how her curvy figure looks great in tight clothing.
OK. That’s just a damned lie. Unless you are a plus sized model (and are wearing Spanx) or have the damned luck of the Irish, curvy/pudgy is going to fall in various places and NONE of those places look good with WET WOOL ATTACHED TO THEM. Sweet Lawdy! Bulky sweaters don’t magically wet down and iron out love handles!
Moving on… heroine then gets a job at a diner. One owned by the hero’s brother (I’m already skeeved). The uniform dress is tight. So tight that the heroine has to try it on in FRONT of the hero and there is this supposed to be sexy scene in front of the mirror but turns out really creepy because he’s all “I love your camel toe.” And she’s all “Noooooo I’m fat!” And he responds with “Yeah, but I love it when you put tight clothing over your fat, look I have a boner because of it.”
At this point no one. NO ONE. N. O. O. N. E. Is in the moment. There is no moment. It is obliterated in time.
So perhaps this is a particular kink or writing quirk of Lori Foster.
Jamarleo said on 08.09.12 at 06:53 AM • [link]
This reminds me of an awesome mystery called ‘Little Stranger’. You knew that the nominal hero was starting his merry descent into crazy when he started shopping for a whole new wardrobe for his fiancee.
Jeannie S. said on 08.09.12 at 07:26 AM • [link]
Hey, I’m not well endowed and I still would not be caught without a bra. It’s kind of a trashy look, so many elements of wrong. These days though, women do wear bras under camis as sort of a fashion statement (sometimes they’re prettier than the top). Maybe she did that?
Ellie Ashe said on 08.09.12 at 09:26 AM • [link]
I had a boyfriend in the mid-1990a who helped me pick out a style of jeans that looked just awesome on me and saved me from a decade of mom jeans. Year later, I ran into that guy and his boyfriend. So, yeah. I have lived through two of my own most hated tropes. The make-over and the sassy gay friend.
Necromommycon said on 08.09.12 at 09:31 AM • [link]
Isn’t there a scene in Fifty Shades of Grey where the heroine wakes up to find new clothes courtesy of what’s-his-name’s manservant? Which is even creepier than the guy somehow magically knowing her size, in my opinion. He had his *employee* look her over carefully enough to buy her clothes that fit? Eww.
Courttani said on 08.09.12 at 10:45 AM • [link]
I remember reading this book and thinking the same thing about the cami! I work at a thrift store and one of the things I love about working there is, when you try on a pair of jeans, you know they will fit because they have already been washed and won’t shrink! When Jude gave her the pants and clothes that’s what I was thinking, “Well, they may fit now but once you wash them, they are not going to fit anymore.”
ReadinginAK said on 08.09.12 at 10:54 AM • [link]
My own prince (so to speak) once went to buy sheets for a double bed and came back with twin size, because “twins are double people, right”? Um… Thus, my confidence in his ability to pick my size without one of us feeling badly… Is non-existent.
CarrieS said on 08.09.12 at 11:15 AM • [link]
OK, I thought of one time, and one time only, when a similiar scene worked great - Bond and Vesper buying each other seductive spy outfits in Casino Royale - the banter was great. but the scene worked because of the underlying understanding that it was an intrusion for them to buy each other makeover clothes. Daniel Craig’s look of bafflement when he says, “This is tailored!” is made of win. Otherwise, nope not buying it.
MissB2U said on 08.09.12 at 11:49 AM • [link]
“...nothing flat…” Snort!!!
ksattler said on 08.09.12 at 01:16 PM • [link]
I have read this book. I remember this very scene. It and a few others were highly fantastical and over the top.
cleo said on 08.09.12 at 01:19 PM • [link]
Yeah, I do think this is a Lori Foster thing - I remember a short story of hers where the hero talks the heroine into one night together for some reason (oh, wait - it’s coming back to me - they work together at the FBI, they hate each other, but then he realizes that he’s secretly hot for her so he promises to transfer to another city if she’ll spend one night with him - as one does). She shows up for their night together in her baggy “ugly” clothes, and he’s bought a bra, dress and shoes for her to wear - and they all fit magically, including the bra. That’s where my suspension of disbelief snapped (so to speak).
Isabel C. said on 08.09.12 at 04:08 PM • [link]
Down to personal taste, I guess. I’m relatively small and don’t wear one: it’s more comfortable that way. I don’t *think* I look trashy, but I haven’t taken a poll or anything. ;)
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 08.09.12 at 04:14 PM • [link]
Heck, I haven’t gone braless since I started getting boobs, even in a bathing suit I need a bra!
Granted, I’ve always had a fantasy about someone buying me a whole new flattering wardrobe, but they’d also have to pay for a lot of plastic surgery first. And internet buying? Does not work unless you’re buying a replacement piece you already know will fit.
Are we sure Lori is really a woman and that’s not just the pen name for a man writing romance novels?
Rebecca said on 08.09.12 at 05:28 PM • [link]
I agree it’s not the most plausible scenario in the world, but it wouldn’t send me into a rant. I haven’t read the book in question, but I think if I read “cami” without bra I would assume one of those with a built-in shelf bra, like the kind I use for yoga. They’re pretty common, and since they’re stretchy they come in basically “small” “medium” and “large” sizes, which would work under the circumstances. Maybe the jeans are using European sizes (i.e. in centimeters, which is actually an objective measure that someone could probably guess at pretty easily). Maybe it’s just a wildly lucky guess. No more implausible than the invariable multiple orgasms for virgins, and equally a wishful fantasy.
As far as the bra thing goes…meh. I don’t need one for support except if I’m running. The major issue is nipple show-through, and that’s something that would be more of an issue for work or formal situations. Modeling something indoors for a guy I was attracted to it wouldn’t bother me. (Which is where we get into the controlling/creepy thing, because from the summary it’s not clear she’s attracted to him at this stage, but that’s a separate issue.)
I do totally understand the “this is weird/creepy/controlling” complaint, but I’m a little puzzled/uncomfortable with the “all straight men are buffoons who can’t buy clothes” generalizations. Completely true about some men. I know others who take more care with their wardrobe than I do, and I’ve been sort of squirming on their behalf. I hate the stunning woman/clueless man shtick beloved of sitcoms because it seems so demeaning to BOTH sexes.
Unimaginative said on 08.09.12 at 05:31 PM • [link]
I vaguely remember a category romance (back in the 80’s I think) in which the hero gave the heroine a makeover. (It was set in Texas.) They trotted through a mall, and he bought her something new in each store, and it all came together SO WELL. As I recall, it featured white short-shorts, red thigh-high stockings, cowboy boots & hat, and a vest (possibly all white, as well, but I really only remember the thigh-highs being red). Gosh, what excellent taste Mr. Hero had.
(To be honest, a LOT of men in real life have better judgement about clothing than I do, but not men in romance novels.)
Anne Tenino said on 08.09.12 at 05:50 PM • [link]
IMO, it would have been a much better book if the jerk had learned to like her despite what she wore.
Anne Tenino said on 08.09.12 at 05:52 PM • [link]
And also, I think NASA could solve it’s budgetary woes if they created an anti-gravity bra.
Ann Somerville said on 08.09.12 at 06:30 PM • [link]
“It’s kind of a trashy look”
Thanks for letting me know. I haven’t worn a bra for 20 years except for some special occasions. I don’t like the feel. But the bonus ‘slut’ look is always good, don’t you think?
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 08.09.12 at 06:44 PM • [link]
Well, even then it depends on how big your boobs are and how much they stand up on their own. I’m a 38 DDD and even tops with built in bras I have to wear a bra with due to my boobs being too big and too saggy to be supported well otherwise. (Hence my crack about plastic surgery, though I mostly want a reduction because I’m in pain all the time from my damn breasts.)
On a boob related note, I had a nightmare last night that I magically grew a third breast between the other two. *shudders*
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 08.09.12 at 06:53 PM • [link]
Olivia - you forgot the “quiet but hot & intense sex in the dressing room” scenes.
Rebecca said on 08.09.12 at 08:42 PM • [link]
Yes, I do know women with your shape, and I can imagine where it would be necessary. But if I were reading a novel which just said that a heroine was “curvy” or something similar I don’t know that I’d immediately *assume* DDD. It all depends on your mental image, which is determined by a lot of factors, including personal experience and surroundings. The same person may be “thin” in the US, “tall” in Asia, and neither of the above in northern Europe. That’s why what readers make of their reading is so interesting to authors. I was just getting a little twitchy with the “OMG women MUST wear a bra because they are NECESSARY” feel of some of the comments. I’m sure a lot of women felt the same way about corsets 150 years ago, or pantyhose thirty years ago.
TMS said on 08.09.12 at 08:57 PM • [link]
The problem is, it is mentioned that she is busty. Those shelf bras are completely USELESS if you are busty. Trust me. ;o)
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 08.09.12 at 09:02 PM • [link]
I still think pantyhose are necessary if you’re wearing a dress. Yes, even with open toed shoes. It just doesn’t look right or like a complete look without hose or stockings. I don’t care if others think I’m stupid/old fashioned/repressed. Besides, I have ugly legs.
I frankly hate the term curvy when they refer to a plus size woman. A woman can be average size and still be curvy depending on how her body is shaped. Heck, the girls at Hooters are curvy but wear way smaller size shirts and pants than me. But since in romance land it seems curvy is code for fat and I am fat I always assume they have big huge butts and painfully huge boobs like mine.
TMS said on 08.09.12 at 09:02 PM • [link]
Good point. I replied to you above, before I got to this comment. When I read “busty” I automatically assume a D cup or larger. I’ve been a D and a DD and neither worked with the shelf bra! lol However, someone else could be thinking C cup and that might work (camis were not in style when I was a C so I wouldn’t know…lol).
Nadia said on 08.09.12 at 11:07 PM • [link]
Hell, I’m barely a B and I wear a bra under my cami. Gravity and babies have taken their toll, the girls need a lift these days. But if shelf-cami’s had been in back in my 20s when perkiness abounded, I’d have been all over the no-bra thing in the TX summer heat.
I read this book, but don’t remember this scene. I’m sure I laughed long and hard about buying jeans over the internet for someone else. I’ve known my husband for 18 years and he would never dare. He’s been shopping with me, he’s seen the dressing room carnage. He’s got good taste and fashion sense, though - he buys me lovely sweaters at Christmas.
Psychbucket said on 08.09.12 at 11:56 PM • [link]
What I want to know is does he have a Magic Wang to go along with that Magic Fashion Sense.
And a cami and jeans just fitting perfectly? Please. If it was yoga pants and a t shirt, I might buy it.
Rei Hab said on 08.10.12 at 12:30 AM • [link]
I agree with DreadPirateRachel. The trope of “heroine is not displaying her beauty to its full advantage, gets made over, suddenly IS the beauty she deserves to be!” makes me gag.
Why? Look, if somebody comes to you for fashion advice because they think they’ll be able to dress better for it, that’s one thing. But if a prospective partner one day handed me a floaty, frilly dress and said “here, this will really bring out your inner beauty!” then my response would be to stare at them until they backed slowly away. I don’t understand why a heroine can only really play the part of heroine when she’s not wearing jeans and a t-shirt. So what if you think a ballgown shows off her body better? It is not your body and you do not get to decide what looks best on it.
Ahem. Sorry. Kind of a sore spot with me, because my mother still tries to get me to buy a particular shape of dresses with lace on them even though she knows I’m not comfortable in anything I can’t wear with combat boots. (Also, I’m twenty-two. I think I’ve earned the right to make my own fashion choices.)
Marina said on 08.10.12 at 01:56 AM • [link]
Also they are spies. The details about their sizes and measurements is probably on record somewhere; they just just read the other’s personel file.
Marina said on 08.10.12 at 01:57 AM • [link]
Also they are spies. The details about their sizes and measurements is probably on record somewhere; they just just read the other’s personel file.
Marina said on 08.10.12 at 02:30 AM • [link]
Let me get this straight: she wears business suits to try and hide the fact that she is not thin? Business suits in America do that? Because where I come from all they manage to achieve is a) make you look professional (as in fit in with certain work environments and accepted by the people who judge based on clothing) and b) make your working life easier (in my expierience, they actually do tend be one of the more convienient ways to dress for office work).
I don’t think it is so unbelievable that he would know what she would look good in. What boggles the inagination is that he could buy her clothes that fit in a flattering way on the intenet, even if he somehow knew her size. I mean, a piece of clothing may fit in the sense that it is the right size and the person can get into it, but stil not look flattering on the actual person. There is a reason people try clothes on before they buy them instead of just buying the right size and it’s not just that sizes vary with brands, it’s also that it is a bit of a gamble to try and visualize how a person will look in a certain piece of clothing.
I am seriously annoyed by the “plus size person wears baggy clothes to hide their body” thing. I am and have always been overweight and, though I have little fashion sense and not much interest in clothes, I found out soon enough that a) both tight and baggy clothes look equally unflattering. And I see nothing wrong with being a conservative dresser; if you don’t want to spend much time and effort on shopping, buying classic stuff is the safest, easiest way to have a working wardrobe.
The thing is, this scene could have been very sweet. When my sister comes shopping with me, she always manages to talk me into trying things I wouldn’t have on my own; but by making genlte “this would look nice on you, it is such a great color, what have you got to lose if you try it on” comments, not arbitrarily buying me stuff. The guy has a woman with zero clothes in his house, hiding from the bad guy. If he, say, bought her one outfit, something that comes in one-size or S-M-L to make sure it fits, and said “See, that looks great on you. Why don’t you try buying things in a different style, so that it will be more difficult for the bad guy to recognise you?” it would have worked much better.
Layla said on 08.10.12 at 09:59 AM • [link]
I hate this trope, too. It always reminds me of that scene in Jane Eyre where Mr. Rochester is like ALL THE CLOTHES!!!!111!! and Jane is like, um, about that…
Blodeuedd said on 08.11.12 at 01:09 AM • [link]
Good rant cos yes that would not work! I hate online shopping, I might order the same size but there is always something too big, too small. I do not wear the same size on top as down. My boobs have a mind of their own, arghh, silly
Melissa Bradley said on 08.13.12 at 04:54 PM • [link]
I know that book. And I was like “come on.” Is he for real? Then I love how the diner job makes her the sexiest woman in town. Sounds like a male fantasy to me.
Kinsey Holley said on 08.13.12 at 09:06 PM • [link]
Many years ago, when I was a word processor for a large law firm, I worked with a middle aged gay guy from Bumf*k, (north) Louisiana - his daddy was an Assembly of God pastor. And Don used to say, in his slow, twangy drawl, “I don’t know shit about home decoratin’. I don’t give a shit about hairstyles and I can’t help you find a goddamned dress. I fuck guys. Otherwise, I’m just a guy, leave me alone.” I would’ve loved to have him as a sassy gay friend but his boyfriend was one of the creepiest people I ever met.
I recall a romance someone lent me about a small town librarian - 30something, drab and mousy, yada yada. Then she gets reacquainted with the town’s new Yankee sheriff. Another guy she assumes is gay (but who we discover isn’t, because he doesn’t realize “puce” is an actual color) takes her to a hair salon and, I think, turns her over to a lady in a dress shop a la Pretty Woman. It was a fun read. But the sheriff never tried to remake her - he just liked her self-imposed remake.
Darlene Marshall said on 08.14.12 at 08:20 AM • [link]
You’re thinking of the Linda Howard novel Open Season. The heroine is Daisy Miner, a librarian in Alabama. I remember quite well the sheriff saying he was attracted to her before her makeover, and could back that up with his actions. It’s a cute book.
Jami JoAnne Russell said on 08.14.12 at 09:44 AM • [link]
See, I’m of two minds. Part of me likes makeover scenes in books, part of me hates them and here’s why -
On one hand I’d love to have a full blown My Fair Lady type makeover. My family is always on my case. Because I’m obese I wear my tops a size or two too big. (I don’t care if this makes me look fatter. I’d rather look heavier in baggy tops than have clothing that fits to every lump and bulge of extra flesh.) And how I’m too loud, too outspoken, not lady-like, etc. I know being made over in such a way would make my parents & brothers happy and might make me feel better about myself. Make me see myself as attractive instead of ugly and worthless.
On the other hand to me clothing should have an emotional fit as well as a physical fit. And whenever someone else picks clothing for me it always what fits THEM emotionally, not me. (Actually, that’s the way it is with all gifts people give me. No one ever gives me something I want or have been begging for, they get me things they like thinking they can force me to like them.) So I feel my fragile self esteem breaking even more.
And as for my personality, I hate it when people try to change who I am. Nothing gets me more ticked off more than someone trying to force me to be “more lady-like” or more “hip and with it” when it comes to my personal tastes. I try to tell people “Don’t try to convert me, I won’t try to convert you” and they see that as an invitation to attack me on everything from religion to the music I listen to.
So in the end, the only makeover scenes that really work for me are the ones where the woman enters willingly. Like in those Fairy Godmothers books by Donna Kauffman. (Side note, none of the romances in those books work for me. I hated every single pairing though Sleeping With Beauty was the worse. Passive aggressive jerk who can’t admit he’s in love with the heroine and is angry at her for getting a makeover instead of being supportive of her doing something to help her improve her self esteem and heal from years of being bullied. I just read them because I loved the Godmothers so damn much.) And even then I wish the heroines would fight against some of the changes more. Like when the makeover artist insists on her getting a Brazilian wax. Or forces her into clothing she feels is too small. You can’t just change something like that and expect her to automatically accept it. There needs to be tears and a big emotional breakdown.
In the end - I wish someone would try to force me on What Not To Wear so I could tell Clinton and Stacy they’re idiots and that their hair “stylist” is a moron. Dude gives every single woman a soccer mom haircut. He needs to go back to school to learn some new styles.
Shal said on 08.23.12 at 11:37 PM • [link]
My FAV Line- Jude’s Law: the law that says that if a romance hero buys you clothes, BY GOLLY BUT THEY WILL FIT, COME HELL OR HEFTY BOOBS.
I like the makeover scenes where the H takes the h to a store and she models the clothes (chosen by an experienced sales person) for him and he picks his favorites (Obviously the slutty ones) and he’s attracted to her in some dress and sparks fly and he kisses her and tells her she’s beautiful…blah blah blah. Essential elements in a romance novel.
What i HATE is the fact that all they are buying are ballgowns and see-through lingerie. But I thought you didn’t like her everyday clothes…she looks likes a bag lady…isn’t she supposed to throw away the hateful clothes? So what is she supposed to wear during the day?
Oh I can so see her now mopping the floor in a floor length gown….probably in 6” heels! HA HA HA.
Get realistic…its OK for the H to buy a few pieces of clothes as gifts or on impulse or whatever but not an entire wardrobe. Plus which man would gladly do that? Have you ever taken your bf/hubby clothes shopping? He never has a proper input.
ME: Honey what about this? Do you like it?
HE: Its OK.
(Still waiting for a plausible answer, can see the annoyance on my face)
HE:If you like it, buy it.
WTF! WHY DID YOU EVEN COME SHOPPING WITH ME!
Its pure torture for the guys! My bf once told me: “If you don’t know what you want or like how am I supposed to?” LOL
Shal
Upstart1 said on 09.15.12 at 10:14 PM • [link]
...And he responds with “Yeah, but I love it when you put tight clothing over your fat, look I have a boner because of it.”
I am crying - real tears have formed - with laughter. You made me cry!
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