Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

The Jewel and the Crown Jewels

Dazzling Duke Dick
The Unhidden Jewel
The Seven Year Itch
Treasure Down Below
Lover Really Revealed
Drop Trou Gorgeous

I know I should be asleep. And the ver words? Southern and service. How very appropriate.

Crotch-ing Sparkle, Not-So-Hidden Wang

Oh, eccentric and awesome universe as represented by teh webnets, how I love thee! Also, puns :)

Suggested titles:

Rough Diamonds / Diamonds in the Rough
Beauty and the Bits
A Multifaceted Woman
Buried Treasure
Flying Sparks
A Very Long Enamourment (if that’s not a word, it should be)
Jewelled For His Pleasure
Crystal Meets Long John
Vajazzled

The Bedazzling Foot Long Affair

Crotch-ing Sparkle, Not-So-Hidden Wang

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!

I really, really must stop drinking coffee whilst reading SBTB.  I really must.

Sir Gawang’s Forbidden Love for the Crowned Queen

Vajazzled at the Well-Hung Swimwear Tycoon’s Command

That’s all I got.  It’s early.

The Bulging Jewel Thief’s Tempting Virgin Narcissist

The German Sausage Merchant’s Shimmering Hairless Bride

Awright, so my contribution is not romance-y. But I thought of the conjunction of little crystals and long dongs, I snorted thinking of my fav Japanese festival food.

So - The Confetti Banana?
Banana Dragee?
Passionate Jewels of the Fruits of Love!

To get a visual, check the links - one to my Flickr set, another to Japan Newb page! I think all may agree that all young J-girls enjoy these treats a lot! Mmm…choco banana. On a STICK! Even comes in your choice of phallus colors - brown, pink and green!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/crimsongriffin/4268706650/sizes/l/

http://www.japannewbie.com/2006/11/01/chocolate-banana/

Vajazzled and Exposed

Hehehe, my word verification is plant69

Dave Longjohnson Meets Virginia Discovag

The Dick and the Diamond (true 80’s style, that one)
Sparkling Love Dew ( (a bit porn-y, I guess)
Her Little Secret and His Big One
Tight and Sparkling

Holiday in Tahiti: The Norwegian Tycoon’s Sparkly Virgin Revenge

He will desparkle her in one mighty thrust and leave her in the dust.

Hung Swimstar and the Crystal Tunnel of Love

this is the well-known sequel to:

Hung Swimstar meet the Vampiress

Even though that trunk picture is worth a thousand words, here’s my contribution because I couldn’t help myself:

Size Matters But Carats Do More

Not just any girl will turn this tycoon’s head, he has to be…
“Distracted by Shiny Things”

Or some Regencies:
The Bedazzlement of Duke Peepingdong
Miss Crotchrocks and the Case of the Problematic Puss-Pearl

“Diamonds are forever…and so is the rash from the adhesive”

Need more coffee to be creative.

Long, Hard Disco Nights

The Over-The-Top Swimsuit Model and his Jewel-Encrusted Bride (well-endowed swimsuit model meets fiesty blogger and discovers that more than her wit is sparkling)

Hmmmmm…I can’t keep reading this stuff at work, my manager thinks I am crazy because I am shaking with laughter at my desk.

How about

“Swimming in Diamonds”

or

“Between a Rock and a Hard Place”

Packin’ Heat and the Sparkly Treat

The Well-Hung Swimmers’ Virgin Vajazzler

Peek-a-boo Wang and the Glittering Hoo-Hoo

Jewels of Denial

Love’s Burning Shine

Love’s Shining Burn

Dirk Turgid and the Crystal Cave

Hmmm.. I’ll throw my hat into the ring…. For some reason I am seeing a Circus in my mind….
- The Diva Circus Permformer’s Elephant Man
- How to Tame a Bedazzled Burlesque Dancer
- Shining Under the Big Top

And now… Pirates! *drum roll*
- Captain Tallywhacker and the Plundered Diamonds
- Crakken-Killer, Diamanté Damsel
- Diamond Cove

And this just popped into my head:

“...When Cassandra created her figure skating outfits, she made sure no detail was left out, and that everything matched perfectly, with no worries. But, unfortunately, she did worry about how to find an outfit for her partner that fit properly. She was always afraid of catching her skate on his ‘appendage’, and the gynormous thing wobbled when he did his throws…. it really ruined her concentration! She sighed, her thoughts interrupted as she poked her fingers through the crotch of yet another ruined pair of pantihose. They just didn’t reinforce them how they used to….”

Drowned in Diamonds, Drenched in Pearls
The Hardy Boys and the Crystal Cave
Crystal Blue Persuasion
The Lifeguard’s Guide to Love
Mouth to Mouth
Sea of Love
Diamond Head: Honeymoon in Hawaii

It’s not your Granny’s Bedazzling!

Or simply !!!!Bedazzled!!!! (jazz hands)
Visuals of the Broadway play running through my head!

I showed this to The Hubs and he voted for the bareness w/o the sparkles.

Romancing the Dong - She has a diamond-encrusted hoohaw. He has the equipment to strip mine.

Dong on a Sparkly Tin Hoochie

Diamond Hoohaws Are Forever

Vajazzled and Let Dong

A View to a Dong

Dong Up and Vajazzle Me

Okay, I’m sinking fast. Time for more coffee. However, when I saw the swimsuit picture, my first thought was: Gives whole new meaning to being able to touch your nose with your tongue…

The African Diamond Tycooness’s Turgid Pool Boy

Shaft Steele and the Penetration of the Diamond Hymen

Glitter Vajazzle and the Blooming of the Purple Manroot

spamword: cover37—you could cover a lot of hey-nanner-nanner with 37 crystals.

Twink and the Twinkle:  Over exposed

“The Jewels and the Crown”
“Sparkling ‘Gina, Winking Wang” 
“The Bedazzled Virgin and the Millionaire’s Bursting Banana Hammock”

I guess you didn’t come across this discussion:
http://lucymarch.com/?p=661

There is already so much brilliance here (and there will no doubt be more. Much more!)

My attempt:
One-eyed Jack and the Diamond Lady

Bedazzle This!

The Overly Decorated Mistress’s Olympic Champion

Vajizzled

Gloria in Nether Regions (or Neither Regions, depending on writer, of course)

spamword: lay62 No, not going there…

One more:

Mining Mons Veneris

Foreskindiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Vag

Meagan, you’re a genius.  If you don’t mind, a mashup: 

“Foreskindiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Bursting Banana Hammock”

Glitterai and the Big Bear

The Glittery Brazilians Dazzling Strip

The Big Sparkling Diamond

For some reason I keep thinking of Latin American lit.

The Incredible Story of the Bejazzled Blogger and Her Wllell Hung Hero

The Bejeweled Story of Ouch

The Dong in the Crystal

Sparkle your Wang

These are all so, so funny! I don’t know why I thought it would be a good idea to read SBTB on my iphone on the train, but at least no one was sitting next to me! Because of course I couldn’t resist clicking on the pictures. I still managed to frighten the other passengers by giggling hysterically to myself, especially when I read XandraG’s “The Bedazzlement of Duke Peepingdong.” Amazing.

My contributions:
“All That Glitters” 
“Bewitched, Bajazzled, Bewildered”
“Midnight Sun” (with my apologies to Stephenie Meyer)
“The Olympic Athlete’s Quest for the Gold” (or the silver)
“The Lonely Swimming Instructor’s Star Student”
“His Inconvenient Swim Trunks”

Oh god I can’t stop! “Peeping Tom”! No, no, enough.

I was also thinking Stephenie Meyer. Here’s mine:

Twilight Revisited: A Very Special Sparkle

Action, adventure, and va-jay-jay all in one: “Speedy Longmember & the Quest for the Lost Lap of Luxury”

Bling the Thing

I’m frightened that my titles have already been taken. We spend way too much time together guys.

The Vamp of Glitter Gulch
Lightning and Thunder Down Under
Sparkle Plenty and the Olympic Winner Go to Town
Oslo Nights Are bright

I’m still laughing over these two!!

Crotch-ing Sparkle, Not-So-Hidden Wang

Foreskindiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Vag

I could only ‘come up’ with:

Her Schlong Search for His Not-So-Buried Treasure

The Hardy Boys and the Crystal Cave

Maggie, I bow down before your title prowess. That is magnificent!

Mine:

“Snake in the Splendour Where There Should Be Grass.”

Pee-ping at your bling. ;)

Verification word: twenty- not that long, but almost!

I keep getting creeped out by the idea that someone could vajazzle herself with an Edward Cullen. 

Here’s my stab:

Cocky Corsican Vajazzelaire’s Virgin Waxing Girl

Glitter Vajayjay in Wonderwang

Now I’m straying into porno country…

Uncontainable Love… As Seen on TV

The Peeping Lord and the Rhinestone Cowgirl

And here I thought “Fun Betty” was pretty wild…

The Billionaire’s Blutwurst Bling

I googled “german words for sausage” and scrolled until inspiration struck. Hours of entertainment!

So *that’s* what Jennifer Crusie meant… :)

http://www.arghink.com/2007/04/09/the-glittery-hooha-an-analysis/

Disco Sticks on Parade.

Holy cow these are making my day. And brava to the Twilight suggestion. Edward’s skin sparkles in the sun, now we know how the effect manifests for Bella. Or maybe that’s just transference.

My humble suggestion:

The German Sausage Mogul’s Diamond Studded Swim Instructor: Skin Diving in the Crystal Cave/The Sparkling Sands of Ima ‘Gina*

* pronounced like the second and third syllables of the Lady Parts#

#not the Lady Parts that rhyme with Dolores

The Billionaire Eurotrash Lapidary’s Sexually Liberated Rhinestone Cowgirl (Part one of the Wilhung Brothers’ Brides, feat. Stafford “Speedo” Wilhung.)

oh man, that was bad…

Behung & Bejazzled
Jewels For Doctor Johnson
Diamonds & Lust

The Snatches of Sparkling Dewberries…

I don’t now why I bothered LOL

When the Tennessee Stud met the Vegas Veejay
and…
The Diamond as big as the Klitz (sorry ;-D )

Real men sparkle.

or Real big men sparkle!

Swimming in her Shine

Codename: Sparkle Shaft

Hung like a Horse goes to the Disco!

Ha!  I like the last one the best… LOL

Lisa :)

Your just so sparkley I gotta wear shades

Long Duk Dong and the Bedazzled Landing Strip

The Vajazzling Millionaire’s Untouched Virgin Landing Strip

“He had made a fortune vajazzling the rich and famous, but this former Bel Air pool boy couldn’t bedazzle the one woman whose landing strip he really wanted to ‘light up’.”

The Norwegian Sausage King’s Vajazzled Virgin

Okay, I kid you not—my word is large79!

Bright Lights, Big Kitty
Man Overboard
Speedo Limit Ahead
Lucy in the Pie with Diamonds

hard73?Why, yes.

Okay, delurking for once to add my two cents….

“The Priapatetic Norwegian Swimwear Tycoon’s Sparkly Virgin Bride”

The word might actually be “priapetic”.  Or maybe it’s not a word at all, but you know, priapism.  As in, can’t loose the wood no matter how hard he tries.

Because please, we all know some photographer wanted him to fill out those shorts and he chose NOT to go with the sock.

The Un-private Dick and the Case of the Diamond Pie

Sorry I was feeling Perry Mason-ish.

The Vagazzled Slave and the Gargantuan Peen?

shi n m e
shine on me
jewels of shimmery
shimmery of shine

dimoands are forever
shining is forever
swimming for jewels

Meet Me in Diamond Head

Bright Lights, Big Kitty
Man Overboard
Speedo Limit Ahead
Lucy in the Pie with Diamonds

Maggie, you are ON FIRE.

All I can come up with is So Much Man, So Little Swimsuit OR Is That A Bratwurst In Your Trunks, or Are You Glad To See My Jewle-Encrusted Crotch ?  Not very good, I know. Spamword is late37, as in “I’m late and 37 people already came up with better titles.”

Snatching Diamonds

Bejeweled for his Majesty

Snake on Her Sparkly Plane!
or
Coming Soon! Crystal Gal opening for Big Head Todd

ouch. sorry

I’m going a bit noir with; “The Not So Private Dick and the Dame Who Glittered Down-under”

my capatcha is meaning 37; nope i’m pretty sure be-dazzling your vaj has 1 pretty clear meaning….

Oh come on, Meagan owned this mother:

Foreskindiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Vag

That one is untoppable.

How about, “Size and Sparkleability”? And, from a guy’s perspective, my husband was reading over my shoulder and said, “Um, that’s a foot long dog in a six inch roll.” I almost died laughing!

Then he said, “How about Pricks and Stones?” Now you all know why I love him so!

Another Jewel for Her Hidden Treasure Chest

Can’t come close to those already posted, but my first thought was :
The Vaginal Chic’s Stable Sausage Boy

(verification word: shall84?  O, let’s shall!)

Vajizzled

= WIN!!

Thought of more… sorry ;-)

Poon Prisms and Winking Wangs

“Her Flare Down There” and its sequel the gay erotica novel “Coming Out on the Beach”

With a nod to Foz Meadows for the inspiration…

Unburied Treasure

A Surprise Down Under

...That’s all I got. D:

Captcha must like using 69 today of all days. far69. Sounds a tad tricky.

Eee, these are too much fun!  Here’s some of mine (and a couple of friends chipped in after I mentioned this on a forum

<3)

Backpacking Through Crystal Valley

Twinkle Lips and Don Mon Bedonkidick

This also sparked an argument about how ‘dumb’ vejazzling is.  I thought the one who said it was dumb was being uptight and dick-ish, really.  A sign of excess, perhaps, but stupid?  People are people and do crazy people things!

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who immediately thought Stephanie Meyer when I saw these two things….

And since y’all have sniped all of the titles I could come up with, here’s the first line of our romance novel: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a man in possession of a schlong too large for his speedo must be in want of a vajazzled wife.”