Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Wow, the dude on Linda Needham’s cover is freaking huge!

Yes, he is exceptionally large. And I can’t get over the fact that while the cover says “Lady of the Night” the person depicted is a man (although a rather pretty one). It just looks odd.

The girl on Linda Kay’s cover is Nicole Kidman. That may explain why she’s so hungry that she’s contemplating a mantitty meal.

I’m recalling the Foamy cartoon where a spell is cast on the goth chick that makes her boobs grow gradually huge. ‘Tis the fate of these fine gentlemen.

Though I’d love some of whatever they’re using—I never went through puberty myself.

I don’t think it’s odd that a guy is on the cover of “Lady of the Knight,” cause apparently he’s the knight… but where’s the lady? And did knights dress like they’re going to a toga party?

‘Lamesauce’ is now my favourite word.

I have a question - shurely letting one’s hair down to blow around in the wind whilst rubbing up against a Knight in shining chainmail is A Bad Idea that will only lead to pain and eventual baldness?

So Heather Graham liked Lady of the Knight?  You’re telling me she can read?

Personally, I’m a bit confused by the chainmail design for To Charm A Knight. Wasn’t chainmail created to stop swords, arrows, etc. from poking into vital places? If this is so, chainmail that leaves the sternum, chest and much of the abdomen bare is really not going to work very well. Unless, of course, he’s planning to use her as a shield.

Of course! That’s it. He’s getting ready to suction her on there. That look of intense concentration on his face is all about assuring the proper placement.

All the “Special value $3.99” thing means is that this book is part of the Zebra Debut program. My book has—will have?—the same thing on it, and my guy is buck naked (which I’m ok with, as it means his clothes can’t be wrong, LOL!).

hantavirus

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Haven’t any of those guys ever heard of sheats? Criminal neglect, carrying an expensive piece of hardware, like swords were, around with no protection. That’ll ruin them!

Not to mention what bare steel will do to their skins.

Good thing I wasn’t drinking my morning milk when I read Sarah’s comment on “To Charm A Knight”.  I’d defintely have snorted it out my nose. :)

I also liked the He-Man bit.  Hubby used to watch that show, and he agrees with her about the dude’s sword.  It’s stolen from a cartoon!

Hey, I’d pay $3.99 for that dude on the “Lady of the Night” cover.  Sure he’s missing a nipple or two, but what do you want for under five bucks?

I share your enthusiasm, Darlene.  Yeah, I’d say $3.99 is a VERY “special value” for that pritty, pritty man.  Don’t care if he doesn’t have nipples…as long as his equipment is present and in good working order.  It’s kind of like finding a Tiffany lamp with a missing finial at a resale shop run by really dumbass people.

Gotta love the cover reviews. They’re the only thing that irks me about buying romance novels, really. Half-naked men and women in awkward poses earn you odd looks when you’re young and not unattractive.

Strangely, I can only seem to access this site every once in a while, at varying times of day. The rest of the time it tells me it can’t find the site. Maybe internet explorer hates me, and tries to deny me my regular dose of smart bitchery and man-titty.

Ha, at least the guy on the Linda Kay cover is wearing something under the chain mail.  The guy on the Needham cover is probably smooth chested due to all of his chest hair getting caught in the links and being pulled out.

Sir Arnulf of Manlichester furrowed his brow as he contemplated his castle silhouetted against the night sky, like a lonely albatross seeking its mate. He could not bear to look into the large, pond-like eyes of beautiful ward, Marie de Curie. Not now. Not when this private burden had brought home to him the callousness of his behaviour towards this dainty woman.

Inwardly, he cringed at his harsh words; the way he had sullied her sweet innocence by flaunting his leman in the north tower and also in the south tower when the mood struck; how he had bruised her gentle soul with his abuse of her pet sheep, Sheepy. His voice was oddly harsh as he asked her quietly, “Prithee, maiden. I know that thou hast some skill as a healer. I have a complaint.”

Hope kindled a warm glow in Marie’s very core as she heard the raw emotion threaded through the steely warrior’s voice. Perhaps he would now recognise her gifts and see her as more than a sheep-bothering annoyance. “What ails thee, Sir Knight?”

“Marry, my chest… Pray tell me, is this odd bump a tumour or mayhap some pustule that harbingers doom?”

As Marie bent forward to examine him, Sir Arnulf studied her nose intently. The lanolin made it shine in the moonlight, as if it were lit from within and the wind silenced to a hush, although their hair continued to move, disturbed by strange currents.

“Nay, sir. ‘Tis no wart or blemish. ‘Tis… ‘tis… thy third nipple!”

HA
HAHAHAHA
*wipes eyes*
Oh, Evil Auntie Peril, you win at the internet!

Retitle the last one—To Charm A Really Butt Fugly Knight… that man is NOT attractive.  That’s the most windblown mullet I’ve ever had the misfortune to see!

and it is disturbingly spiky- look at the one lock dangling over the similarly windblown chick’s hair.