Bitchin' Blog Posts
Have y’all seen the award Monica created for me in honor of my C- review of In My Dreams? If you haven’t seen it yet, please, for the love of tacos, go check it out. It’s hilarious. A big ole throbbing heart to Monica for having an evil sense of humor.
The award was also inspiring, specifically the bit that says the it will be inflicted on me should I neglect to use “sheer literary genius” in my next review of Monica’s work. That got me thinking, oh, I COULD, but the words won’t necessarily be close together.
Anyway, have you ever seen cover quotes just peppered with ellipses and wondered what those unedited raves would actually read like? (Come to think of it, movies are much, much worse than books when it comes to this.) Well, here’s your chance to create one yourself. In 55 words or less, create a review excerpt that an exceptionally creative author/editor/publicist/agent/WHOEVER is in charge of this sort of thing will be able to trim into the following accolades:
“Heartbreaking work of staggering genius”
“Fantastic, witty romp”
“Must-read book of the year”
“A potent and satisfying read”
“Richly nuanced and beautifully written”
1. Entry cannot mention any specific authors or books, unless you want to create one using our Title Generator, featuring our patented Bitchenatin’Â® Technology.
2. The review must be scathing.
3. The words must appear in order, e.g. for “Fantastic, witty romp” the words “fantastic” and “witty” must appear before “romp” in the review excerpt.
4. Get your entries in by Tuesday, May 17 2005. I’ll post all the eligible entries on Wednesday, and you have until Saturday, May 21 to e-mail either Sarah or me the vote for your favorite. The one with the most votes wins. Results will be posted Sunday, May 22.
Here are some examples Sarah and I came up with for “sheer literary genius”:
“‘Sheer, mind-numbing idiocy’ are the words that ran through my mind as I read this author’s latest literary attempt. The genius who greenlighted this novel’s publication deserves to be shot, hung, quartered, burned and then have the ashes fed to hungry pigs.”
“Sheer bravery was the only force that allowed me to finish this literary effort, and genius, sadly, is a long way off.”
OK, enough blathering, fool. What about the prizes?
Lo, the prize is three-fold!
1. A custom Smart Bitch title which you can proudly sport on your website! Yes, you KNOW you want to announce to the world that you are Countess Balloonne-Knotte. (Actual prize title may vary from showroom model.)
2. Guest Bitchery! (If you want. No pressure if you prefer to stay mum.)
3. Your choice of up to three books from the following list, all in mint condition unless otherwise noted (yes, I’m one of those horribly anal-retentive readers whose books look brand-new even after multiple re-reads):
Where’s My Hero?, an anthology featuring Julia Quinn, Lisa Kleypas and Kinley MacGregor
Only in My Dreams by Eve Byron (cracks in spine, pages yellowed, edgewear)
The Gentleman Caller by Megan Chance
The Perfect Scandal by Kit Garland
In My Dreams by Monica Jackson
Duchess in Love by Eloisa James
The Naked Duke by Sally MacKenzie
The Rake and the Reformer by Mary Jo Putney (pretty beat up—lots of creases everywhere)
One Man’s Love (Book 1 of the Highland Lords) by Karen Ranney
When the Laird Returns (Book 2 of the Highland Lords) by Karen Ranney
The Irresistible MacRae (Book 3 of the Highland Lords) by Karen Ranney
To Love a Scottish Lord (Book 4 of the Highland Lords) by Karen Ranney
Single, Sexy… and Sold! by Vicki Lewis Thompson, Harlequin Temptation 721
Filed: Go Ahead, Win Some Shit