Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

I will monitor this site continually from my work computer, ignoring any and all work that hits my desk until the giveaway is complete.

Wait…I’m doing that anyway.

I will do all this without drinking any coffee.

...

Oh no! I am not doing this again!
I faced and conquered Photoshop for an Ann Aguirre (Ava Gray) ARC but don’t think I could do it again so I will quietly retreat in a corner and watch and see what everyone else is willing to do for an Anna Campbell book!

Must admit I have all the Anna Campbell books but they are still on the TBR-mountain…and yes Captive Sin is already on the order-list (I know, I am a crazy, book-obsessed woman)

I must admit that I’ve never read her before, but I love historicals and I love emotionally charged historicals. I read the excerpt and wanted to keep reading. I’d love to be considered.

I would dress up in a historical dress, wait- I don’t wear dresses. Too hot for them.

I would travel back in time to convince her to give the ARC to me….yeah, that sounds way more realistic.

Working on the time travel machine now…

OK, I will plan a library program that involves a local romance author ... wait, I did that.

I will walk across a bridge, not on the topside, but underneath using the steel girders to support me… wait, I did that too.

I will go skinnydipping with 5 of my closest friends ... damn, did that.

Public humiliation ... wait, that wedding where I ... Crap! I already did that.

Hmmm, I think I may have already maxed out on my stupid human tricks. Perhaps I could just dress up like one of the characters for Halloween?

I would booktalk this book like no tomorrow: on blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook, in person, behind a desk, under a desk, over a desk. I would book talk it to people who think War and Peace is exciting to read, to those who enjoy Westerns, or even avid Clive Cussler fans. On top of mountains, and in caves ... I would book talk it. Can I have the ARC, please?

I’ve been meaning to read Anna Campbell for awhile. This one looks great!

As for what I would do for an ARC… hmmmm.

I would marry Fabio, live in his Kitchen of Love (I can’t believe they took that site down), and lavishly and unironically praise his novels every evening. While sneaking away as often as humanly possible to save my sanity and read from my new ARC!

For this prize I would act out the fantasies of the most depraved rake imaginable - and submit to his every debauched whim EVEN if he was not actually an heir but only a mere second son ... provided he was wearing a big floppy white shirt which made him look like a cross between Mr Darcy and Adam Ant. Wouldn’t you?

I’ll hold my breath until I turn blue. 

x x
(}&{ )    <————(me, holding my breath)

I’ve never read Anna Campbell before,but for my amazing feat of daring do in order to get this ARC,I would combine the talents of two of my favorite Mad Men characters,Joan and Peggy. I’d whip out an accordion and do an imitation of Ann-Margaret singing “Bye,Bye,Birdie ” and maybe for an encore,a tribute to Pete Campbell by doing The Charleston. My partner would have to be Eric from True Blood-bet he can cut a mean rug there:)

For this ARC, I will overcome my life-long fear of bees and early death.
For this ARC, I will find the secret traitor (who looks oddly like me…who could it be?).
For this ARC, I will be governess to three unruly moppets who will come to love me, before a horrible secret forces me to flee.
For this ARC, I will go through with the marriage in spite of the crazy lady in the attic - bigamy, shmigamy!
For this ARC, I will overcome my distaste for womanizing rakes and, with trembling limbs, succumb to the skilled touch of….oh, wait, maybe a little carried away.

For this ARC I will enter this giveaway and look really boring compared to all the other entrants, because I don’t have any imagination or voices in my head (I’d be an author after all, if I did have voices in my head and imagination, grin).

I really loved all three of her books and can’t wait for this one.  Oct. 27 seems an awfully long time away, so I should get this ARC now! ;)

Oh.  Oh.  I’ll plug the book on my blog.  Yes.  Yes.

Though (full disclosure)  I’ll do that anyway, probably.

What stunt would I do to win and read this book early? I would read ALL of Cassie Edwards’ books. ALL of them. I am willing to suffer for the chance to read a good book!

I haven’t read Anna Campbell before, but I’m always up for a challenge.

To win the ARC, I would read and review Pregnesia.

I will rearrange my tbr pile so I can get the review to you before the book comes out!

Though I’d likely go through life-threatening withdrawals, I’d give up my Kindle for a month.

Sounds great, please enter me in the draw :)

I will challenge the Grand Sophy to a shooting contest/phaeton race.

I will bid against Jessica Trent in an auction of antique Russian artifacts.

I will spend a month as an au pair at Wuthering Heights.

I will gift Mr Darcy with an “I’m With Stupid” t-shirt to wear to his next social function.

I will name my firstborn after a JR Ward hero.

I will drink tea in the British fashion while reading my book!!

(tea in the British fashion means with warm/hot cream & sugar)

I will sing (and God help anyone within earshot)!

I would drink the beer in my slug trap. Seriously. A can of beer in a pie plate put out in the yard overnight. I have about fifteen bloated floating slugs.

Grovel…flatter…worship…I’m flexible. ;)

I’ll have a tantrum my seven year old daughter would be proud of.

To gain my ARC, I would take tea with Mrs. Bennett, promise to dance with Mr. Collins, and sit quietly through Caroline Bingley’s acidic insults.

No, no not even for an ARC would I name even my DOG after an JR Ward character (though my cat might strangely quality for one or two of those names).  I might consider renaming my Bootsy to Bhootsi or similar.  And Elizabeth, would you REALLY rename one of your kids Fbill or similar?

I will bake a chocolate cake with raspberry filling and chocolate ganache frosting, and eat it in your honor. And I’ll try not to get any on the ARC, should I win. ( ‘Cause you know I’m baking the cake anyway. Ahem.)

I would definitely crack open a bottle of merlot, run a bubble bath and enjoy reading a new book.  The author is new to me, but she sounds fantastic!

I’ll skip work to read it and send you an early review!

I’ll bribe you with a hand-tatted snowflake.

I would serenade you, violin included.  Even at my workplace (I work in a library).

The things I would do for an ARC of the wonderfully talented Ms. Campbell!  F

  For instance I would make the 1500+ mile drive to the Pacific Ocean, then kayak the roughly 3900 miles to Japan, take a short rest & restock my supplies (I’m only human after all), then continue to kayak an additional 3400 miles to Australia, hitchhike the 1000+ mileage across the Australian continent, til reaching Anna’s town and then proceed to knock at every door til I find her so that I can humbly throw myself at her feet and beg for an ARC.  She can torture an historical hottie like nobody else! :)

I’ll offer a historically accurate crochet’d snood AND dress up in period costume!

I will reform a rake, endure the annual Smythe-Smith musical, astound Beau Brummel with my acidic wit, earn a voucher to Almack’s despite my scandalous past, and go on a wild spending spree that, strangely enough, won’t come close to using up all of my pin money because the duke is ever so generous.

I will sit around in my underwear reading Kinsale’s The Shadow and the Star while drinking my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I may also pause from time to time to pet my grey Maine Coon cat when he’s curled in my lap.

It will be tough, but we must make sacrifices for what we love.

I would sit here, telecommuting from home, which in this case translates to reading this blog and drinking beer. On work time.

Darn my conscience - off to adjust my hours..

I will (with my two very very left feet) join “Mr. Darcy” in freestyle disco.

I will even endure several hours with “The Beautiful Miss Wield” (from Heyer’s The Nonesuch) and not slap her silly.

I will stop having (or at least enjoying) sex until I find my own Hero and his Magical Staff of Love.
I will seek therapy to learn healthy ways to express my anger, and to understand when and how to let go.
I will get rid of my red nail polish.

I would read all of Cassie Edward’s books.

I realize that everyone else has taken up all the good stuff—time travel, attending the Smythe-Smith annual musicale, driving to Australia… This means I will have to wield the ultimate weapon.

I want to read Anna Campbell’s new historical SO BADLY that I will send a box of Fran’s Chocolates to Sarah if she picks me! That’s right. I’m not above bribery. Plus, these chocolates are so good they’re practically a sexual experience. Yes, it’s true.

So, Sarah, pick me, and the gray salt chocolate-covered caramels are on their way!

-S

For the last eight months, I have been living in Jerusalem where my chances of finding a half decent romance selection is about as good as my chances of finding a kosher cheeseburger.

My last supply of romance novels came from my hubby who arrived with some second-hand store treasure from the mother country. Sadly, he is not a discriminating romance reader, so I got four novels of dreck. Complete dreck. The worst of which was The Welshman’s Way (ca 1995), complete with beefy man wearing leather and wielding sword cover.

With that long set-up, for a copy of Ms. Campbell’s finest showing up at my door, I would find one of those serious looking used bookstores in Jerusalem that only seem to buy and sell leather bound Hebrew tomes. Then I would try and sell them my prized copy of the Welshman’s Way.

For you my friend, special price!

I would find, scan and post a picture of me during my 1988-89 blue spiked mohawk phase.

I am still here.

Staring longingly at my coffee cup and dutifully ignoring the stacks of files and emails that desperately need my attention.

captch: weeks66…why yes, it DOES feel like 66 weeks without my coffee.

What would I do ??? well I have two future amazing men at home to give away. They’re both smart, loving, loyal and particularly handsome. Of course they’re now 3 and 9 so patience is very much needed ;-)
But honestly they’re my most valuable possession and I’m willing to give them away for this advance copy !!!!

I hereby promise to provide an accurate review of the Cornish aspects of the book, possibly including a trip to “Penrhyn”.  Unless it’s the Penrhyn in Wales rather than the Penryn in Cornwall, because in that case, no deal.

Or possibly it’s the JR Ward version of the Cornwall Penryn?

Down here the name “Trevithick” is strongly associated with steam engines, which could be interesting.

I will strap myself into a corset and a huge poofy dress and wander around downtown calling every man I meet a scoundrel and a rake while fluttering my eyelashes at them.

For an Anna Campbell ARC I would pick my blog back up and try to find something meaningful to do with it.

Of course, not in a Smart Bitches romancy kind of way. There is no way I could compete with such awesome bitchitude.

Here’s what I’d do:

I’d swim to Australia with my arm in a sling, wearing a newly ripped bodice and waterproof backpack containing a fresh batch of Cornish pasties.  I’d drive my phaeton and matched greys to the coast, but I sold them on Craig’s List last week.

And Elizabeth, would you REALLY rename one of your kids Fbill or similar?

It’s a joke.  (And since the SO had The Operation some years ago, a moot point anyway.  :-D)  But I still would like one of these ARCs!  An author I’ve never heard of, but I do looove me some historical angst!

For an Anna Campbell ARC, I will promise to help the next five of my friends to move!  I won’t even complain if they’re not packing yet.

For an AC ARC, I would be willing to wear a corset, which is like the 19th C. version of medieval torture.

For an Anna Campbell ARC, I would strap my husband to a padded table in Lord Sheene’s Compound of Crazy and pretend to steal his virtue using my never-been-orgasmed widowhood wiles.

I have previously read Anna Campbell’s books Untouched and Claiming the Courtesan and really enjoyed both. She is a wonderful author. I had already put Captive Sin on my wish list at Amazon and can not wait for it to be released.

I will eat a bowl of white soup—even though no one can seem to agree what exactly it is, or what the ingredients are—while sitting next to Caroline Bingley, and acutally refrain from telling her to “shut the f%$@ up.”

I would leave my legs unshaven for a long period of time, as the heroine would have done, until my leg hair is long enough to be classified as “silky” and “soft.”

/shudder

I would give up Dr. Pepper (my drug of choice) for a week. I would really miss my Dr. Pepper though. I don’t have to actually give it up if I win, right? =P

I cannot tell you what I will do. I’ll tell you what I have done. My copy of Claiming the Courtesan has its spine broken and its pages all akimbo, because I have pressed it into the hands of every romance-reading friend I have, with the words, “Read this, you have to tell me what you think.”

I never grew up with the bodice-rippers of the 70s and 80s - I slid into romance through Heyer and then a chance, very fortunate, pick up of Anne Gracie at a university book sale.

I was shocked, disturbed and bewildered by Claiming the Courtesan. I thought it was very brave and bold. I felt drawn to cheer on Verity and Kylemore, almost against my will, which I had thought would be impossible.

I have read all of Campbell’s other books, fascinated with her and the types of dark, noir stories she tells. I am tickled that she’s writing a marriage of convenience plot, because they hit by buttons like wow. Even if I don’t get to read this before it’s printed, you can bet I’ll be reading it after.

Ms. Campbell very kindly shared with me some of her thoughts about romance settings and length (hur!) a couple of months ago.  If I win this ARC, I will tell you what she said.

I will disguise myself as a man and sneak into White’s.

If any of you had seen me before, you’d know how impossible this would be (I’m 5’3 and cuuuuuuurvy), but it’s at least as possible as any romance-novel heroine.

I’m going to buy this anyway because I have Anna’s first three novels and they are so engrossing and the writing is top notch.

Good luck everyone!

Oh, I’ve never read this author before and would love an ARC!

So, for this ARC I will read all the hawt parts out loud to my DH and ask him to re-enact them with me, paying particular attention to historical accuracy.

Heh. Double bonus for me, huh?  ;)

Weeeell, first of all I would grab my hero’s hessians, unhook one of the matching bays (for a contemporary, I would grab the ‘her’ Porsche from the ‘his’ and ‘her’ Porsches we own) and ride, hell for lather, to Gunther’s (or Selfridges) and travel across the pond in a rat infested ship (or in luxury via virgin airlines) to give you a Klondike bar ;p oh wise and noble SB Sarah will thy random computation not swerve ever so gently my way?

My 5th attempt - darn iPhone

I would rip my bodice open and submit to a flogging in the public square for all to see.

Deidre

Hm. I have never read any of Anna Campbell’s previous novels, so I would bring a complete clear slate and no previous bias. I love historicals and I would love this ARC.

Plus, I would also compose the whole review in rhyming couplet.

Weeee,eeell, I would do just about anything for Her Majesty, romance royalty, Ms Campbell’s ARC…

I’m feeling particularly violent this morning for some reason…

I was thinking a duel should do it. Then no one will need to worry about their fear of bees, or kayaking (where did you pull Japan from?). I’ll get someone to feed the dog, now called JR Ward, and you won’t need to worry about abstaining from sex or the joy of it because you’ll be mortally wounded. And if I had to grow my leg hair for twelve months,  I would challenge myself to a duel.

Just one decision to make now…

Rapiers or pistols?

=) Bronwyn
Anna’s biggest fan!

One more thing… Why are there so many people out there who haven’t got their hands on Claiming the Courtesan or Untouched or my personal fave, Tempt the Devil? If you like ‘em dark and emotional and intense, open a new tab, go to amazon or somewhere they sell awesome books, and have one delivered to your door!

And no, I’m not getting a kickback. I just love the new style Anna has introduced to the market.

Bronwyn.

I have no imagination, used it all up trying to win a different Anna Campbell book with a dirty limerick.. and I soo lost.
So I think I may just have to give in and buy the darn thing, gotta support the aussies anyway.

A historical marriage of convenience? Dastardly relatives? Painful past? Sounds like a perfect trifecta to me! I plan on reading it whether or not I win the ARC.

Hmmm…. I will pop the copy of the other Anna Campbell book I just read (Untouched) into the mail for the first person on here who wants to read it and revel in the angsty, tortured hero.

I’d wear a ostentatious hat (with plumes!) inside.

I suppose I would make a comment on your blog for a chance to read this book lol.

In real historical fashion, I would risk death and bathe for this ARC.

I think if I offered Richard Armitage on a silver platter, dressed in period costume (of course), Anna would probably give me the ARC. Or maybe I could hold him to ransom? Hmm :-)

I would shave a mountain man’s private bits and perform surgery on the dining room table of a southern plantation.

Then offer klondike bars for dessert.

I’d do almost anything for this book!!  I shall of course read and post about it all over (my reading blog, amazon, etc) and too tell others in chat that I’ve read it. 

I too will read parts to my hubby. Its the most I can get him to do of reading :)

I would read Decadent by Shayla Black, the whole book without skimming or until my eyes bleed. Then I would admit to it if asked.

I would walk into Raleys (our local grocery store) that has Diet Coke on sale this week “NAKED” and request 20 cases to go along with a copy of your new book….It’s got to back there somewhere in a box??? 

mitzihinkey at sbclobal dot net

great idea….but my hubby won’t let me do it. We live in a small town and can’t afford the rumors!!! Hehehe.

Thanks for the contest!!
Mitzi

The hero’s name is Trevithick?  I’ve got to bite my tongue to keep the childish puns from spilling forth.  “Gideon looked deep into Charis’ eyes and felt his little Trevi-thicken…”  Woops, I didn’t bite hard enough.  My apologies, I’ve actually never read Ms. Campbell, so I’m probably being unfair.  But I love a good historical romance and would enjoy the opportunity to read and review this ARC.

To get a chance to read this book early *I* would dress up in a corset and the hoopy things that went under the skirt, walk around my very small town (where I’m thought of as a freak already) and dance an imaginary waltz in the middle of the plaza…while eating a delicious klondike bar.

I would travel by ship from Australia (sorry, the colony) to America to get this ARC. It would have to be by ship because there are no planes in historicals, and I like to keep an eye on the details!

Will reform/persuade/make sure my husband realizes that Mr. Darcy is my ideal and he better try to be a bit more like him or else!!!

I love historical romances and have never read this author but would be more than willing to try.

Please count me in.

Mystica

I would ply her with donuts. Big chocolate ones. And a Tim Tam slam on the side. Plus Monte Carlos and Honey Jumbles. Until she submits. Until she becomes a Captive Of Sin

I will read every mis-spelt, uninspired virgin blood smearing, man rod throbbing (which is not neccessarily a bad thing), dastardly cousin killing book published to date in order to get a chance read a gem that is the brain child of ARC….

phew! thats a long sentence *breathe, breathe*

okay, this is serious…. I’ve had to dig deep…. but…. I’ll give up chocolate for the chance of winning an Anna Campbell ARC.  Can’t say more than that!
:)
Sharon