Bitchin' Blog Posts
A Year of Vampires: The Haiku Contest
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | October 25, 2007 | Thursday at 8:00 pm | 58 CommentsVampire haiku:
It’s like man-titty haiku
with sharper nipples.
I have dragged author Jennifer Rardin over to this here site, probably kicking and screaming but it’s virtual so maybe she’s got a big flamethrower aimed at me or something, in order to announce a really kickass contest. Originally I suggested that I’d give away a shiny new copy of Once Bitten, Twice Shy since I have two, but then Alex, Jennifer’s publicist, sweetened the pot and said, ‘How about a Year of Vampires?’ And I exploded with jealousy and said, ‘Hell yeah!’
Here’s the deal: in the comments to this entry today until 4:00 pm Pacific Time, post a haiku (up to two 5-7-5 stanzas, please) of your own creation about vampire heroes. Hate them? Love them? Feel the need for raunchy vamp haiku? Bring it on, and post it here.
Jennifer will judge the best one, and Orbit books will send that lucky winner A Year of Vampires - every book in Rardin’s series as they come out for the next year. That would be Once Bitten, Twice Shy
So - bring it on! Post your poetic tributes to the vampire hero here, and Jennifer will be judging your creative efforts.
Thanks and graceful curtsies to Alex Lencicki, Orbit Books, Jennifer Rardin, and vampire heroes for being every-damn-where.
Filed: Go Ahead, Win Some Shit
Vix626 said on 10.25.07 at 08:11 PM • [link]
Vampries have parts
That are long and very white
And I don’t mean teeth
smartass bitchipants said on 10.25.07 at 08:20 PM • [link]
I am a vampire
My big part is not so white
You want to taste it?
Katie Dickson said on 10.25.07 at 08:22 PM • [link]
Stop staring at
That juicy young thing and
Bite me already
Undead you may be
But I bet I have enough
Blood for both of us
SamG said on 10.25.07 at 08:25 PM • [link]
A vampire bites me
I come twice as he does it
Come back, I have more
Damn, now I’m one too
I want a man titty slave
Where shall I bite him?
Gwynnyd said on 10.25.07 at 08:37 PM • [link]
Fiends? Fangs nibble necks
Head turned, long soft throat exposed
Skin broken to bliss
Friends? Futile struggle
Hot, vile eyes gloat as blood drains
A sneer, mocking life
Gwynnyd
djh said on 10.25.07 at 08:39 PM • [link]
Bite me in moonlight
Sorry I just ate garlic
To bad hungry again
HeatherK said on 10.25.07 at 08:42 PM • [link]
Fangs erupt
In carnal anticipation
Eternal embrace
~ * ~
Joined as one
Two souls collide
Crimson ties
Cori said on 10.25.07 at 08:45 PM • [link]
“Come get bit!” they said
Endless sex, days free for soaps
Plus no morning breath.
Hickies getting bad
Anemia as STD?
Damn your eyes, Anne Rice.
Teddy Pig said on 10.25.07 at 08:46 PM • [link]
Must think emo… Dark Dark, I call upon the power of Goth… yes! yes! Black Lipstick! I feel like Robert Smith! Fassssscccccinaaaaation Streeeeeet…
Dark lovers passion
Fangs pierce deep into my soul
All is fading now
smartass bitchipants said on 10.25.07 at 08:59 PM • [link]
so sick of vampires
i just might puke puke puke puke
i just want to puke
~~~
(all the same, teddy’s poem is beautiful…)
Amy said on 10.25.07 at 09:08 PM • [link]
Spikey Fangs
Ripped abs and hard cocks
Suck what?
Sarah Frantz said on 10.25.07 at 09:09 PM • [link]
Big bad vampire males
Angsty emo tears, oh my!
Gotta love ‘em, true?
Teddy Pig said on 10.25.07 at 09:12 PM • [link]
LKH no more
Remember Anita Blake
The sound of sucking
Kaite said on 10.25.07 at 09:17 PM • [link]
I’m horrible with Haiku, but here are my efforts:
Blood all around me,
Waiting for sweet surrender
I lie in his arms.
**********
Vampire lover boy—
Anita Blake, who’s that b*tch?
Forget her, take me!
Rachel B. said on 10.25.07 at 09:24 PM • [link]
Oh, golly! What a field of contenders! Let’s see. . .
Stalking silly girls
In darkness, ending their lives
I miss eating fruit
Should have worked out more
Now deathless and eternal
doughy midsection
Chelsea said on 10.25.07 at 09:26 PM • [link]
Sex with the undead
Makes for pleasure all night long
And tastes like iron
Darlene Marshall said on 10.25.07 at 09:26 PM • [link]
Vampire mantitty
Cold white flesh makes me quiver
Like type A? Bite me!
Stephanie said on 10.25.07 at 09:27 PM • [link]
You bit me, so hot
Now we’re bound—eternally
Fuckity fuck fuck
You kiss my bite, baby
Now let’s go find some dinner
Tasty tots, perhaps?
lisabea said on 10.25.07 at 09:31 PM • [link]
Hard drinking lover
with sharp pointy teeth and black
leather pants, you dig?
scigirl2525 said on 10.25.07 at 09:35 PM • [link]
My neck he doth prick
But I am juicy elsewhere
Come, I want some dick!
Jaci Burton said on 10.25.07 at 09:41 PM • [link]
Picky about vamps
Before I sink into them
They gotta have teeth
Jackie said on 10.25.07 at 09:57 PM • [link]
What I want to know
Is when the vampire men
Said “Emo is cool”?
If my bloodsucker
Always cries more than I do,
Pass me the garlic.
Sam said on 10.25.07 at 10:01 PM • [link]
Immortal villian
Bite clouds your mind with darkness
Blood drips down neck
Invisigoth said on 10.25.07 at 10:04 PM • [link]
Fingers entwined and
Legs wrapped ‘round your waist. Teeth at
Your throat. Impale me!
Jackie said on 10.25.07 at 10:07 PM • [link]
((Can we post more than one entry? If so…))
The sexy male vamp
Falls for the all-powerful
Magic va-jay-jay.
Much sexxin’ ensues
The blood and man-juice are thick:
All hail the true mate!
Carrie Lofty said on 10.25.07 at 10:07 PM • [link]
My vampire lover,
Afraid I’ll never see you—
I work the day shift.
Angelina said on 10.25.07 at 10:09 PM • [link]
ok my poetry sucks (lol)!
Darkness falls, I wait
My vampire will soon be here
I can has hickey?
Vix626 said on 10.25.07 at 10:17 PM • [link]
I’ve got another one, a series even.
Cheer up emo kid
Fake vampire fangs aren’t cool
Real deal is better
Black clothes and make-up
Do not make you a vampire
You must be undead
The angst and dark pain
Is a very good start though
Next step, blood sucking
I like this game.
Stephanie said on 10.25.07 at 10:19 PM • [link]
Dracula, Jean-Claude
Edward, Vayl, Nick Knight, Kisten—
All are sexy beasts.
Cathy in AK said on 10.25.07 at 10:26 PM • [link]
Oh, blood sucking man
Your angst is a real downer
Please, go get some sun
Emeline Green said on 10.25.07 at 10:35 PM • [link]
His eyes speak “Undeadâ€;
His mouth is crimson; his pants—
Nosferatu Lives!
Castiron said on 10.25.07 at 10:41 PM • [link]
If I loved undead,
I would lose my best heat source;
Undead skin is cold.
I don’t have to fear
When my boyfriend bites my neck;
He ain’t got no fangs.
Adler said on 10.25.07 at 10:41 PM • [link]
Whoa, these came out more emo than I anticipated!
**
He is old pennies
and undead dust in my mouth:
Haemovore fetish.
**
Moonlight birthed your sin,
sunshine immolates my shame:
Liminal outcasts.
**
And an extra for the lols, not to be judged . . .
Vampire boyfriend,
please find an undead dentist.
I’m sick of “love bites.”
Emeline Green said on 10.25.07 at 10:45 PM • [link]
Cowboys, shieks and Dukes
Are antique heros. Give me
Wang Everlasting.
::longer38! OMG
::
bam said on 10.25.07 at 10:54 PM • [link]
Oh lame emo boy
Trent Reznor would kick your ass
Don’t wear manliner.
my spamcatcher is: COLD83
cold… like a vampire’s undead flesh.
Darlene Marshall said on 10.25.07 at 10:55 PM • [link]
Dang, I don’t envy the judges of this contest! Too many wonderful entries!
E.D'Trix said on 10.25.07 at 11:02 PM • [link]
Oh hey, sweet thang, I
got your wooden stake right here…
Get lost. Vampires suck.
bettie said on 10.25.07 at 11:03 PM • [link]
When it comes to international poetic styles with high potential for satire, and limited syllable counts, I prefer limericks to haiku (it’s so much easier to write about Nantucket). But I’ll do anything for free books. Here’s my stab at haiku:
Mate!” “Fate!” “I’m a beast”
Vampire conversation is
Limited, at least.
Sure, he is high strung
But his great salvation is
He’s rich and well hung.
________________________
And, here’s an extra written in my preferred mode of poetic expression:
There once was a moody young fellow
Who wore black and was never mellow
He got bit by a vamp,
Then sucked blood like a champ
Shouting “Mate!” when a girl waved hello.
SonjaRose said on 10.25.07 at 11:11 PM • [link]
Poetry was never a stong suit.
ma petite, ma petite, ugh
words that make me look for a stake
Angel was way hot, though
Charlene said on 10.25.07 at 11:15 PM • [link]
Broody, moody, pale,
Half a pound of eyeliner?
That ain’t no vampire.
Vampires are kick-ass.
They crave blood, not attention.
(They crave virgins too.)
Virgins, listen up:
Perhaps if you’re fortunate
You’ll get sucked by one.
Vampires like the blood.
Equal opportunity
suckers too. Oh yes.
Oh, Mr. Vampire!
Please, show us your long white - fangs.
We all love long things.
Dayle said on 10.25.07 at 11:24 PM • [link]
One is a vampire
The other is a slayer
Whedon did it best.
AElfwyn said on 10.25.07 at 11:24 PM • [link]
Gold eyes gleam darkness
I wait to breathe death, throat bared
In you I see light
+++++++++++++++++
Soul-less wanderer
I give you my blood, my life
you make me your own
cap said on 10.25.07 at 11:27 PM • [link]
I wait, Constantine
For your return. …Now where’s
The bloody sequel?
*
Eric, Edward, Con –
Why can’t real men be like them?
Such pesky details.
*
But answer me this:
Must you really bite my neck?
I gush blood each month!
*
(The first one is a response to Robin McKinley’s [brilliant] novel, Sunshine.)
Rosemary said on 10.25.07 at 11:31 PM • [link]
Blood, love, lust, fear, sex.
Black and white words on a page.
Makes me feel naughty.
Holly said on 10.25.07 at 11:34 PM • [link]
I’m fair-skinned Irish
You’re Un-dead and pasty white
Which one needs a tan?
I never thought I’d
Learn to love the benefits
of garlic powder
Old cliche story
Same old characters written
Vampires get old
Kristin said on 10.25.07 at 11:38 PM • [link]
Much better to have
A hot hero who sucks blood
Than one who just sucks
darlynne said on 10.25.07 at 11:45 PM • [link]
Haven’t done this since high school and, well, here are my official entries:
A pulse, one beat more
Mine, sweet lover of dark blood
Good to the last drop
~~~~~
I see you, lover,
At dusk, not dawn, when you strike
With your teeth for blood
~~~~~
But this, THIS, has taken on a life of its own:
Awash in anguish
Too many rabid fan girls
Mourn sullen vampires
Only two stanzas
Must follow bitchery rules
I am stuck on suck
Bitches, I can’t stop
The rest of my days spent in
Vampire haiku hell!
Cat Marsters said on 10.25.07 at 11:53 PM • [link]
I like vampires
Especially when
They fight back a bit
Ann M. said on 10.26.07 at 12:10 AM • [link]
A Haiku I wrote while waiting for Lover Unbound to be released:
Vampires – Family
Bound together by honor
Black Dagger Brothers
darlynne said on 10.26.07 at 12:13 AM • [link]
Watch death unfold as
Its own act of creation.
Your blood is now mine.
~~~~~
I thought you were cool.
What is that stuck in your teeth?
Vampires need floss, too.
~~~~~
Srsly, I’m trying to cut back, but there’s still 47 minutes until curtain call. This contest has triggered a latent or heretofore unknown jones for haiku. I may have to start my own 12-step program.
iffygenia said on 10.26.07 at 12:16 AM • [link]
Hey! It’s so not 4:00pm Pacific Time yet!
Tom Cruise is so much
Better with fangs and evil
Grin - bring it back, please!
Bela Lugosi
Was cool even in capes, and
Occult, not a cult.
wendy said on 10.26.07 at 12:18 AM • [link]
I wanna vote!
Can I say lovelysalome and Angelina made me guffaw? I can has hickey?
Special mention for the rebel Bettie and her limerick.
KarenF said on 10.26.07 at 12:25 AM • [link]
Ack! My mother schemed,
Found “nice†Jewish boy for me:
Schlomo, the vampire.
No crucifix-up,
This deathless schmuck won’t go. Must
be staken, not Star’d.
Shannon said on 10.26.07 at 12:41 AM • [link]
Not exactly a poetry master, but I figured I’d try
Everything with vamps -
Teeth, Problems, love staff, ego, emo -
Is ginormous. Ouch.
alia said on 10.26.07 at 12:43 AM • [link]
(12 minutes! 12 minutes until 4 pm pacific time!)
I just want the prize:
Sink my teeth into a book,
Much better than flesh.
Abney Wells said on 10.26.07 at 12:45 AM • [link]
Desire draws me near
Ravished by moonlit cold hands
Liberated wish
alia said on 10.26.07 at 12:46 AM • [link]
ergh. i can do maths, too. *smacks head* sorry. (18 minutes. it was 18 minutes when i started. curses.)
Michelle, the Diva said on 10.26.07 at 12:46 AM • [link]
Blood bathing a tongue
Better than rich, dark Merlot
Scarlet drunkenness
Biting thirst that kills
Or brings the life eternal
Which one will it be?
Care to comment?
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