Bitchin' Blog Posts
A Real Alpha Male
by SB Sarah | by SB Sarah | August 22, 2009 | Saturday at 11:17 am | 55 CommentsOn this blog entry are two voicemail messages left by a guy who is apparently an absolute legend in his own mind. You can also download an MP3 of the voicemail duo of power right here. (Right click please. Esosoft’s happy server thanks you).
Romance writers, take note. Hero material. Or, anti hero. Or something.
Filed: But...that's not really about romance novels, General Bitching
Tagged: romance, hero, asshole heroes, asshattery, asshats
Casi Nerina said on 08.22.09 at 12:57 PM • [link]
Wow. He’s ... just… wow. I don’t even know what to say to that. How does he manage to stay upright with an ego like that?
Tina C. said on 08.22.09 at 01:01 PM • [link]
Wow! I guess we know why he’s “single. Completely single.”
Terry Odell said on 08.22.09 at 01:48 PM • [link]
You could NOT write this in a book.
MB (Leah) said on 08.22.09 at 01:59 PM • [link]
Oh yeah, someone’s got issues and it isn’t the woman. Wow. What a control freak! Thanks for a good laugh and making me feel grateful that I’m not out there looking.
Lynz said on 08.22.09 at 02:27 PM • [link]
That area code is from Toronto.
I live in Toronto.
*shudder*
I wonder if the business card she handed him was for herself, because she’s a psychiatrist? That would make a lot of sense.
Shiloh Walker said on 08.22.09 at 02:32 PM • [link]
um…. wow. Yeah, he sounds like a complete catch. The question is… what sort of catch, is he?
Tiffany Clare said on 08.22.09 at 02:34 PM • [link]
HAHA, Lynz, I was just going to write that! The dude is in TO! I know lots of ppl in film here, too! LOL No Dimitri’s though. (or is that Thank God…?) he needs a white jacket with extended arms and buckles!
Aemelia said on 08.22.09 at 03:04 PM • [link]
Hi-freakin=larious!!! I spewed my coffee on my screen. Wow, am I glad NOT to be single!!! LOL
*spam filter: make32, Will he make 32 more calls
Elizabeth Wadsworth said on 08.22.09 at 04:09 PM • [link]
Hero material? Don’t think so. Serial killer/crazy stalker/whackjob ex? Definitely.
LiJuun said on 08.22.09 at 04:39 PM • [link]
I’m sorry, but a girl doesn’t give a guy her number to get rid of him. Of course, that’s her story now, but during the course of the initial conversation, she liked him enough to give him her number.
I’d really like to be as shocked as everyone else*, but my ex said some very similar things after I broke up with him. Any woman who didn’t want him was “defective” and “emotionally unstable” (even though he was the one who had a nervous breakdown and could barely function for weeks after I broke up with him - he lost his dang job and moved back in with the ‘rents). My point is that guys like this can seem pretty normal at first. They don’t always show their crazy card this soon. Thank goodness this guy did, but there are thousands more just like him that can keep a cap on the cuckoo longer than a day. Beware.
Wow, did I just ramble on for five minute? I am such a downer today. Going back into lurker mode now.
*Not that my jaw wasn’t hanging open like a freakin’ barn door in hay season.
Carrie Lofty said on 08.22.09 at 04:57 PM • [link]
OMG OMG OMG. RUN!
I would actually be very scared.
Lori said on 08.22.09 at 04:58 PM • [link]
Oh that was one of the most enjoyable moments I’ve had in ages. Absolutely freaking hilarious.
Absolutely the best catch in the ocean. Funny how he’s so amazingly single. (Although the best best best moment was him telling her that her friends were jealous because he approached her and not them.)
Dee Carney said on 08.22.09 at 05:14 PM • [link]
O. M. G.
I’m sure she was “taken aback” by his approach. Great googlymoogly that was just CREEPY.
I haven’t laughed so hard in ages. My eyes are watering!!
captcha: likely35 (if she doesn’t call you in 35 years, it’s likely she don’t wantcha dude.)
Kim said on 08.22.09 at 05:20 PM • [link]
A little farther down in the comments it’s revealed that the voicemails are viral marketing tool for a Bruno-esque movie. I almost wish it was a real douche leaving messages now. I hate marketers. Definitely never seeing that movie.
Peyton said on 08.22.09 at 05:55 PM • [link]
Sadly this guy is real. http://www.dimitrithelover.com/
DS said on 08.22.09 at 06:13 PM • [link]
He has a wikipedia page which has been around for a while—http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_N._Sears I cl.icked on the link above and didn’t get any further than the “Warning”.
ev said on 08.22.09 at 08:35 PM • [link]
OMG I DIDN"T click out after warning. Holy fucknuts. I hope this whole this is a joke, cause otherwise, this guy is a time bomb just waiting to go off….
Real Man said on 08.22.09 at 08:35 PM • [link]
Hello:
I’m a member of the “Toronto Real Men”, the world’s only anti-metrosexual organization, run by “Dimitri The Lover”, aka “The Prophet”. In the same way that John Connor fights the machines for survival of humanity in “The Terminator”, The Prophet has dedicated his life to fight “Metrosexuality” for the survival of masculinity. He is a modern-day Rasputin ... a real-life Tyler Durden.
Here is the web site for the “Toronto Real Men”: http://torontorealmen.com ... if you go to the section in the menu on the left titled “Meeting Announcements”, then click on “August”, you will understand everything he is trying to do. Also, if you click on the link on the left titled “Media Centre”, there’s both a radio interview and an appearance in a documentary so you can hear The Prophet speak.
Also, everyone knows that women in Toronto are stuck up and play games. Here is how The Prophet deals with a single woman that likes him but still refuses to cough up her number ... he hands her this flyer: http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse
Here is a link to some animations that have been banned by YouTube but give you a great indication of The Prophet’s philosophy: http://dimitrithelover.com/animation.html ... the “Crucifixion of Dimitri” represents how he has suffered for all men.
Finally, here is The Prophet’s main web site: http://dimitrithelover.com
We heard at the last meeting that his Hollywood film (the one that the producers of Borat and Bruno created) is completed and should be released in the next few months. Then the world will know the truth about what The Prophet is doing to rid the world of feminism once and for all. Oh, and the voicemails are just viral marketing for the film.
WORSHIP THE COCK !!!
J.
Elyssa Papa said on 08.22.09 at 08:38 PM • [link]
What a loser. Sheesh.
Tina C. said on 08.22.09 at 09:34 PM • [link]
That’s rather like tofu joining a club called “Toronto Real Meat”. If it was already meat, it wouldn’t need a label for others to realize it.
ev said on 08.22.09 at 11:13 PM • [link]
dear J-
go away.
thank you
ghn said on 08.22.09 at 11:44 PM • [link]
Dear J
I thought those attitudes didn’t exist outside romance novels of a certain kind. The kind where the Hero - among other things - rapes the heroine, but that is all right, since he is THE HERO and he _really_ loves her.
The Ladies of the bitchery certainly have better taste. Any woman with functioning brain would.
azteclady said on 08.23.09 at 12:10 AM • [link]
Posturing, it’s sooooo attractive!
... in a five year old.
Color me totally unimpressed.
Tammy said on 08.23.09 at 12:31 AM • [link]
You’d have to take your hand off it first. That doesn’t seem likely to happen.
Lostshadows said on 08.23.09 at 01:03 AM • [link]
Um…is that supposed to be a pair of complementary comparisons?
single95- yeah, that’s how long this guy will be single
nekobawt said on 08.23.09 at 01:38 AM • [link]
i keep thinking he said “i have no trouble beating women.”
srsly glad i don’t live in toronto. or go to bars.
Diana Peterfreund said on 08.23.09 at 02:38 AM • [link]
I think it’s cute viral marketing, myself.
SB Sarah said on 08.23.09 at 03:56 AM • [link]
Laughing hurts. Yet I do it anyway at that one. OW.
DS said on 08.23.09 at 04:57 AM • [link]
I must have missed something—when did the tacky books about How to Pick Up Women become a movement?
molly_rose said on 08.23.09 at 09:09 PM • [link]
“he offers them as a community service to horny Toronto men that want to learn the secret to quickly seducing cold, uptight, sexually repressed local sl*ts”
I put the “*” in, but really? this is just gross. I was laughing so hard when I first heard the messages, but the thing is, DON’T click on the site. It loses it taste real fast.
Quizzabella said on 08.23.09 at 10:22 PM • [link]
“he offers them as a community service to horny Toronto men that want to learn the secret to quickly seducing cold, uptight, sexually repressed local sl*ts”
Is it a dart gun?
How can you be sexually repressed and a sl*t?
Ugh.
Real Woman said on 08.23.09 at 11:24 PM • [link]
Dimitri The Lover and a very attractive lesbian that he identified as his High Priestess, approached me about a week ago while I was walking along Bloor Street in Toronto. They asked me to join “The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts”. I am still mulling over the invitation since he was quite charming and sexy, and she was stunning, though the whole premise of the “religion” makes it obvious that it is purely a sex cult;
The Church of Dimitri of Latter Day Sluts is based on the belief that one day The Prophet pelvic-thrusted a slut so hard that his cock entered a time warp, went back in time over 2000 years, appeared as an apparition to the Virgin Mary, and impregnated her. Since Jesus is therefore The Prophet’s son, and Jesus is considered the son of God, ipso facto, The Prophet is a Greek God. We call this event the “Ejaculate Conception”.
During religious ceremonies The Prophet ejaculates into our High Priestess several times, then she sits upon a throne, and sluts take turns kneeling before her and consuming his seminal sacrament out of her vaginal chalice.
Anyway, I figured you’d all get a total kick out of that!!
cate said on 08.23.09 at 11:53 PM • [link]
What a TWAT (can’t be bothered with an exclaimation mark.. he’s a plonker )
molly_rose said on 08.24.09 at 02:15 AM • [link]
“Ejaculate Conception”
OMG! this is really too much…
I’m speechless.
Although, if any writer could pull off a plot about Time-Warp Fucking, I guess that could turn into the next major paranormal scene.
Flo said on 08.24.09 at 02:56 AM • [link]
Worship the cock… I ... *looks harder*
Hang on just let me….
Maybe if you move a little to the right, yes, yes! Now arch your back and bend your knees a bit…
*squints*
I think I see it! Now I can worship yay!
Kaetrin said on 08.24.09 at 05:02 AM • [link]
Well, you know what they say - if you’ve got it flaunt it.
(I can only add that if he flaunts it at you - RUN!)
Anonymous said on 08.24.09 at 06:00 AM • [link]
His real name is James N. Sears and, unsurprisingly, he is a sex offender. You can read more here:
http://psychoticlettersfrommen.blogspot.com/2009/02/plfm-presents-james-sears-fucking.html
Sirhotspur said on 08.24.09 at 09:29 AM • [link]
This guy does a funny “Dimitri the Stud” impression/lipsync
http://www.youtube.com/brothaE#play/all/D3908B112F3A367C-all/0/dZ83use8YE8
O ho ho! said on 08.24.09 at 11:50 AM • [link]
It is extremely funny to see all you gals falling all over yourselves like this.
He who laffs last certainly laffs the hardest.
Gotta love it.
Jeff said on 08.24.09 at 04:38 PM • [link]
As other posters have noted, this is most likely a viral marketing thing done for a parody of all those pickup and “how to deal with women” sites out there.
Some of those sites actually do pass on some good information to men about how to approach women.
It’s funny/sad that a lot of women take this seriously, it speaks about how many lame guys are out there.
On the other hand, I can’t help wondering how well most of the women posters who think Dimitri is a piece of work would react to a post with real life recordings of some of the craziness that women do with men.
Cuz some ladies do…
No gender has a franchise on cheesy clueless and revolting behavior towards the other gender. Women give as well as get in that area.
Jennifer G. said on 08.24.09 at 05:21 PM • [link]
Unbelievable! I was actually interviewed for the Dimitri film last summer. I saw this tall sexy Greek guy with film crew in tow on Yonge Street near Dundas Square. They showed me some extremely offensive video footage of him spewing off and asked me to comment on camera. It was so long ago that I totally forgot about it until I saw this thread. Coincidentally, the sister of a friend of mine is dating Dimitri now and supposedly he’s the best she’s ever had, by far. So he appears from limited anecdodatal evidence to live up to all the “lover” hype. According to his web site, being bisexual, I qualify to attend “Toronto Real Men” meetings. I might just go on September 9th for a laugh. I’m sure that once he’s mega-famous, I won’t have that easy an opportunity to meet “the lover”. LOL!!!
Real Man said on 08.24.09 at 07:25 PM • [link]
Dimitri The Lover clips from YouTube:
Intro I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWmfVIC4g3s
Intro II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ0p1ekwQes
Metrosexuals I: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gi5cctfqXrU
Metrosexuals II: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JJXIUM0lZw
Feminism: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X2V8mtQPF5Q
His Dream Woman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkIE_UjIDg
Quizzabella said on 08.24.09 at 07:41 PM • [link]
A comment on one of Dmitri The Lover’s youtube videos:
“This guy is nothing like (Fred) Phelps. He’s the chosen one, a prophet sent to save heterosexual men from a life of timid metrosexuality. I attend a Toronto Real Men meeting 3 months ago and met Dimitri in? person.”
Is there a Toronto Real Women Against Asshattery movement? If not then there really should be.
shan said on 08.24.09 at 07:54 PM • [link]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWzl1fGyQhU&feature=related
hopefully this link wasnt already posted…look out ladies..put this one away!
Real Man said on 08.24.09 at 08:01 PM • [link]
I disagree wholeheartedly. Women want men to act in this arrogant fashion. For example, this flyer Dimitri hands out to women that I posted a link to further up ... http://pics.livejournal.com/suspiciouslump/pic/00001pse ... deserves its own thread. Dimitri actually pulled it out during a meeting and started bragging about how successful it had been, He showed us emails on his laptop from women literally begging to be given a “second chance” after passing up the opportunity the first time around. It just goes to show how being an aggressive, dominant man is the best way to seduce any woman.
HesAnUnfunnyLoser said on 08.24.09 at 08:37 PM • [link]
Sorry to be so alarmist or overly dramatic, but after I forwarded the rather funny (I thought) voicemails to a friend, she sent me the following link.
url=http://torontoist.com/2008/06/remember_dimitri_the_lover.php]this article[/url]
This is not “cute” viral marketing. Apparently, this guy is a former doctor who lost his license after being convicted of sexually assaulting women patients. There seems to be some evidence that this guy is potentially violent, as well. Not exactly a funny guy, particularly as he’s set himself up as some kind of dating guru. I agree with the commenter who wants to evict this guy from the human race.
Real Man said on 08.24.09 at 08:51 PM • [link]
The “Torontoist” has been badmouthing The Prophet for years. The first sentence in the above article is totally alarmist, sensationalistic, and very emotional. They are just trying to trash him because the blog is run by feminists and homocentrics. Also, that YouTube video “The Unfunny Truth ...” was posted by an ex-lover and is full of lies. When The Prophet was practicing medicine he was accused of “hugging and trying to kiss” two patients. Check the web site for the licensing body in Ontario. Period. He has no criminal record of any kind. I asked him point blank when I first attended the group. Don’t beleive everything you read. He had the opportunity to reapply for his medical license 5 years after revocation but CHOSE not to because, as he told us in a Toronto Real Men meeting, “No one tells me who I can fuck. NO ONE!” Supposedly this is dicussed in the movie. He teaches men to be non-violent and make peace with their “Inner Rapist”. According to The Prophet all men are rapists at heart and would rape if there were no laws. If you go to http://dimitrithelover.com then ,go to the section in the site titled “Courses By Dimitri”, then click on “Reboot Principle”, The Prophet explains about the “Inner Rapist”.
Lori(K) said on 08.24.09 at 11:06 PM • [link]
Oh look, our little blog is all grown up now—-we’ve been thread-jacked by trolls.
mike said on 08.25.09 at 12:12 AM • [link]
As a man, allow me to say that I am completely embarrassed by this jackass.
molly_rose said on 08.25.09 at 12:54 AM • [link]
Real Man:
telling men, possibly even brain-washing them, into believing that rape is acceptable???!!!!! This guy is done, as far as I’m concerned. I can’t see how he’ll make it far with statements like that. And by the way, why would you opt to believe what is coming out of this guy’s mouth rather than what is being written about him? Sure, some of that could be false, but of course he wouldn’t tell a paying client that he’d raped women. Then again, you’re obviously some promo dude, so of course you’d have a high opinion of him.
Librariahn said on 08.25.09 at 03:37 AM • [link]
Hmmmm…if I was an author, I’d be taking notes for warped personality characteristics for my psycho villian character. Or for the Date From Hell that the heroine goes through so she appreciates the innate decency of her hero. Might be kind of fun to put a nutter like this in a historical…the possibilities are endless!
Thank you, Real Man and Dimitri! It’s so hard to come up with dialogue for asshats…at this point, I’d normally wish you luck with your penis enlargement surgery, but it’s so gauche to make ‘tiny dick’ jokes to guys just because they won’t understand ‘tiny brain’ jokes…
Casse said on 08.25.09 at 10:05 AM • [link]
What a total loser! He sounds extremely desperate and doesn’t even know it. Actually he sounds exactly like an ex of mine. To the point of flashbacks lol I had to move and change my number. And he thinks she may have psychotic issues how funny.
The Sailor said on 08.26.09 at 05:14 PM • [link]
Umm, Did anyone else hear it as Dan Ackroyd’s voice in the ‘two sexy guys’ skit from SNL?
Just me? OK.
p.s. The dude who kept calling him a prophet needs to learn to spell, the term in this case is ‘profit.’
Julianna said on 08.26.09 at 11:01 PM • [link]
That’s terrifying. I share a metropolitan area with this guy? I found the whole thing above so confusing that I read the links and now I’m unsettled.
We Were All Fooled said on 09.13.09 at 12:44 AM • [link]
Word is just hitting the street that these “douchey voicemails” are just a VIRAL MARKETING hoax for a Hollywood documentary about “Dimitri The Lover” by some of the Borat/Bruno people. Read this link …
http://www.progressiveadvertiser.com/dimitri-the-stud-year-long-viral-sensation-is-a-hoax/
Care to comment?
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