Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

JR Ward, Jessica Anderson, Humor and Cussing

From the session with JR Ward and Jessica Anderson on Worldbuilding comes a report of an author using humility, humor and cuss words to strengthen her audience.

JR Ward acknowledged that the number of readers who contacted her after Vishous’ book was released and who were confused and upset by the story means one thing: “I didn’t do my job.”

Ward said that if readers didn’t understand the story or were upset by it, she should have explained more and added 10 more pages to the end of the book to allow for the reader to understand Vishous and Jane’s relationship (not Jane from Dear Author). A conference attendee who saw the session told me afterward that she was SO impressed with both speakers, partially because Ward owned up to the controversy and took responsibility for the uproar.

Romantic Times Day 1

I sat down at the bar this evening and wrote the following: a somewhat poetic word summary of my first six hours at Romantic Times:

beefcake mantitty more mantitty. mantitty is everywhere chocolate gauntlet of author giveaways bookmarks attached to chocolate (nom nom nom) bar! hooray bar! also, hooray bar! 1500 people?! Are you fucking kidding me? SQUEEEEEEE in the elevator as long lost friends unite 4 days of par-TAY i can has more mantitty? YES I CAN.

I’ll be honest: when I arrived I queried anyone who was sitting down (pity my captive audience) my most befuddled question: What the FUCK is going on here? There are readers, avid, dare I say rabid, romance fans, running around in costumes and formal dresses, paying to pose for pictures with the Ellora’s Cave models, squeeing left and right and getting their groove on like nothing else. What IS this place?

LOLCover Snark - A Contest!

Inspired by snarkhunter’s comment in our last cover snark, and clamored for by many, including me despite my own exceptionally poor OMG Bad Photoshop skillz (they are not uber uber l33t by a longshot), behold: a contest to kick off our new site design. I give you: LOL COVER SNARK!

The rules: add your LOLCoverSnark to the comments, and we’ll judge in the comment thread itself for the best of the group. You can .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) your vote if you don’t like to comment (Hi Lurkers! Hayadoin?). Comments will close in

24

48 hours (G’day Australia!) and winners will get books and a Romance Novel magnetic poetry set for their very own.

And now, our samples, let us show you them.

Fire the Monkeys: AI To Write Romance

Note: I meant this to run on Monday, but we were using the monkeys that normally write romance to rebuild the database that hosts our site bitty bit by bitty bit. So enjoy - a bit late.

Thanks to SonomaLass for this link that about raised my eyebrows right off my forehead: PoD publisher uses Artificial Intelligence to develop books, and the total number sold puts him among the top authors on Amazon.com.

Of course, that depends on how you define “Author.”

Philip M. Parker, according to the article, has “generated” over 200,000 books on a staggering variety of topics, some of which contain crossword puzzles in multiple languages, and some of which “collect publicly available information on a subject.” Using computers and a few programming humans, Parker prints them on demand of a customer - individuals who are looking for information and who are not familiar with the internet, or medical libraries who collect “nearly everything he produces.”

The kicker? Paragraph 7, as SonomaLass pointed out:

If this sounds like cheating to the layman’s ear, it does not to Mr. Parker, who holds some provocative — and apparently profitable — ideas on what constitutes a book. While the… read more »

Got an Hour? Wanna Read About Hillary Clinton and Feminism?

New York Magazine, which is never afraid to wrap up the lowbrow and sell it as art and vice versa (not that this article applies to that synopsis), has a long, but very thought-provoking article by Amanda Fortini about whether Clinton’s candidacy in the US represents, or has uncovered, the fourth wave of feminism.

I haven’t written much about the presidential campaign here, since this is a site about romance novels and there are few things less romantic in my opinion than the current election campaigns, but since we often deal with women’s issues, and the changing and difficult-to-pin-down definition of “feminism,” I know there are a few folks here who might find it interesting. Feel free to skip this one if such discussions turn you off.

Partially a political analysis and partially an examination of where feminism is, if it’s anywhere, the article made me sit and stare into space for a good few minutes in ponderous thought:

Got Mac? Wanna make your own Audiobooks?

Today’s MacZot is lovely interesting if you’re into hearing your own books: Narrator reads text aloud, using multiple voices if you’d like. Once you’ve selected a portion of text you want to hear, you can identify which voice reads what, and then export the whole thing to iTunes. Make your own audio books? Listen to your work in progress as an editing technique? Ask the different voices to read vaguely obscene phrases so you can giggle like a 10-year-old boy? Whatever blows your skirt up. Very cool.

A Rough-Sketch Guide to Pittsburgh Eateries

Back when I was growing up in Pittsburgh, there were scads of lunch places but few places to dine out downtown, with the exception of the theatre area near Heinz Hall, and some places in the big hotels and up on Mount Washington. Now? There’s a ton of places. Holy crap. I need a few more days to just devote to restaurant crawling. So this is a rough sketch of a few places I know of, and that have been recommended. Also, check out the comments section of the original entry for raves about varying places in and around Pittsburgh. Most folks I know of are not renting cars (parking is hideously expensive) but if you do have a car or want to hop a bus, there are great places in Oakland, Squirrel Hill (where I grew up) and the South Side.

I hear via Colleen Gleason and others that the restaurant and bar are going to be open next week (I bloody well hope so) but in case not, let’s head out.

First, a basic map I built at Google that highlights some of the places Bitchery readers highlighted in their email to me. Note - Starbucks… read more »

Welcome to Bitches 2.0

We’re still working out the little things, but the big picture is in place. Didja miss us? We missed you.

GSvSTA: Ninjas, baby! YEAH!

Bitchery reader and aspiring writer Sarah (not me) writes in with a request:

I am an aspiring writer, and am working on some of my first manuscripts after years of anime fanfiction and original fantasy shorts. Most of my readers have been saying I should get published, even if I’ve never taken one creative writing course, and am finally breaking down to maybe give it a try. Most of what I write currently is almost kitchen-sink type stories, some action-adventure, some suspense, plenty of humor, deep philosophical discussions, and lots of sex and romance. Problem is, I’ve never picked up a full-blown romance before. I’ve been a fantasy/paranormal reader for the longest time, but after getting down right pissed after reading Sara Douglass assassinating her own female characters in the Troy Game series, I gave it reading mass-market fiction of all kind . . . except the last book of Harry Potter. I’ve been working on my own stuff ever since, and want to try to get something published. Only, I don’t know if my ideas would even stand a chance of being publish since the one I’m really rooting to research and start is completely off the wall… read more »

Happy National Library Week

Bitchery reader Kerry forwarded me a most excellent video celebrating National Library Week, and highlighting a most startling statistic about American spending habits.

May I say, if there was a vending machine in my world that had Kleypas novels in it? Like a Big Red Box for books? I’d be all over that. Screw the funyuns.

Bitches Working on the Weekend

Our site may be offline this weekend, most likely on Sunday, as we host a private wrestling match with a few of our favorite parts of the site, and see who wins. I’m backing the Jell-o wrestling team, but I think Candy may be backing the team that fights using a mixture of ghee and olive oil. Either way, if you stop by and we’re not here, fear not. We’ll be back.

The Duke of Shadows by Meredith Duran

Hello. I’m here to keep you on track.

Oh, shut up. I can ruminate on whatever the hell I want.

Yeah, but someday you’re going to hog all the bandwidth on the internet.

Coooool. *starts making plans*

Hey!

*sigh* FINE.

What would be the screenplay version of Sarah Reading The Duke of Shadows?

*peeking through fingers* “oh, shit oh shit, oh no….”

*tight sensation in chest at depictions of violence* “fucking hormones….”

*train stops, people get off* “SHIT. That’s my STOP. MOVE IT you door-blocking jackass.”

*peeking through fingers* “Oh, shit oh shit this is not good….”

*trying to stop self from turning pages too quickly* “Slow down, dumbass, the pages aren’t going anywhere.”

So you liked it?

Yup.

Best historical you’ve read this year?

Nope.

Bonus Friday Videos with Harlan Ellison and Laura Kinsale

Quick update for you:

Harlan Ellison ranted in fiery fashion with a full verbal body slam about payment for writers as part of the upcoming feature documentary on Harlan Ellison, “DREAMS WITH SHARP TEETH.  Check it out: *note: CUSSING! And yelling! Be warned!*

And! Thanks to a savvy reader, I have a link to Chekov’s Mistress Laura Kinsale’s response to Ellison’s rant:

Personally, I will not write novels anymore if they have to be supported by advertising. It just breaks the bond between me and the reader. There is a bond, with a print book, with something that is bought and paid for. There’s more than exchange of filthy lucre. There’s an exchange of effort, even if it’s just the effort of lugging a book home from the library. Come to think of it, maybe this is why readers become so irrationally infuriated when a book doesn’t live up to their expectations. It’s an insult to more than their pocketbooks. It’s an insult to =them=, to their self-worth. I the author have asked for their time and their mind, and I failed them.

Conversely, if the reader takes what I wrote for free, they take… read more »

Friday Videos: Butter’s What What.

There are no words. Thanks to Shea.

What? No embedding? Damn. Watch it here. Thanks Esri Rose for the link.

D.E.A.R. - April 12 in Central Park

Whatcha doin’ tomorrow? It’s Drop Everything And Read day, and a few folks are rounding up a posse of people to head to Central Park in New York City to set aside at least 30 minutes to read. Sorry, drop everything and read. I am embarrassed to say I didn’t know this was a real program - I thought it was just part of the Ramona Quimby books, which I looooooved as a child.

Folks are going to be showing up at Central Park West between 86th and 90th street, from 8am to 6pm, and the goal is to get about 10-20,000 people to go outside and read.

Of course, there’s a 40% chance of thunderstorms on Saturday, but why let a little rain stop you? Rain is perfect weather for reading (of course, if you’re me, so is sunny, foggy, rainy, snowy, and any and all weather patterns). Bring a book and enjoy - and let me know if you see any famous New York residents out in the park reading.