Smart Bitches, Trashy Books

Romancing the Stereotype

Kassia Krozer over at Romancing the Blog discussed her instant “No” reaction to a good many romance single titles, inspired by the oft-bitchslapped-on-this-page-and-rightfully-so Cassie Edwards. Asks Kassia, “How scary is [it] that I can buy into alien-on-human sex more readily than sheiks and Indians?”

Good question! Anyone feel the same?

Covers Gone Lindsey, Part 3

Sarah: Well, there’s no font to ridicule. It’s really a pity that this image leaves us so little to work with in terms of mockage. I mean, he’s a world-champion boxer with the belt to prove it, and a really faygala man-vest that looks to be made of some stretch velour fabric.

And she appears to be polishing the belt with her breath, or maybe trying to take it off with her teeth, while wearing scarves and a wide belt for clothing. Perhaps there was some sort of an emergency and she had to flee the scarf and chiffon section of Macy’s with just two purple cloths and a belt, and make her way in the world.

Really. So little to work with.

Candy: Yowza. I think Fabio is a bit confused there. You need to remove your pants before shoving a woman’s face to your crotch in an effort to force her to give you a hum job. Or maybe he just has a fetish for belt-buckle patterns imprinted on his girlfriends’ faces. Either way, I just wish it didn’t seem like he was slamming her into his twiddly bits with… read more »

I’m a little link-whore, short and stout….

Ohhhh, I loves it when Mrs. Giggles goes on a tear and makes fun of romance novel conventions. This time she rips romantic suspense a new one. And it’s SO entertaining. If anything or anyone could ever induce me to use that throbbing heart animated GIF in an actual blog entry, I’m thinking Mrs. Giggles would probably be it.

You know what, personally, bugs me the most about romantic suspense? (And I mean in all its forms—book, TV and movie.) That the agents stand out so much from the general population. They practically scream “HEY LOOK AT ME! I’M A COVERT AGENT! AND I’M GOOOOOD IN BED! YEAH!” I’m thinking being so conspicuous would seriously fuck up your cover, and make you an easy target for enemy agents.

The lack of muscle tone in most of the women playing secret agents/assassins in movies and TV also bothers me. Yeah, I know, I’m one to talk, Miss Lacks-biceps-so-severely-her-arms-are-almost-concave, but all those anorexic women walking around throwing unconvincing punches bothers me a LOT. What, they can’t hire women who don’t deliberately yak the two leaves of lettuce they had for lunch to play secret agents? Oh wait, it’s Hollywood. Right.

Ditto… read more »

Yeah, who the fuck needs Prozac anyway?

I’ve gone NUTS. Seriously, I have.

I’ve been having a bad couple of days, with some drama going on both at work and at home. (Don’t worry, I’m not about to lose my job, but some Bigwigs HAVE lost their jobs, hence everyone is walking on eggshells and waiting for more axes to fall as the next inevitable round of “restructuring” begins.) As a result, I’ve been much, much more snarly and cranky than usual.

Do I work my stress out by exercising? Meditating? Learning to let go of my anger? Or (most realistically) watching some old episodes of Sealab 2021 to cheer me up?

No. That’s what a sane person would’ve done, and do recollect, I have declared myself non compos mentis.

Instead, I went on Amazon, my pretties, and in a veritable spree of mouse-clicking, bought these books:

Till Next We Meet by Karen Ranney   It’s a Love Thang by Reon Laudat   Velvet Glove by Emma Holly   Menage by Emma Holly   Personal Assets by Emma Holly

Beyond Innocence by Emma Holly   Beyond Seduction by Emma Holly   Somebody Wonderful by Kate Rothwell

Somebody To Love by Kate Rothwell   With Every Breath by… read more »

References, Recommendations, and Books to be Read

Kristin, a commenter on an older entry today asked, “I like the new trend toward paranormal romance.  It poses some very interesting conflicts. But you need to be a good writer to pull it off.  Can someone suggest to me some paranormal romance authors that are worth reading???”

Pondering this question, and the many, many, other recommendations people have made on this site (thus raising Candy’s and my own TBR piles to such precarious heights that I am told I need a builder’s permit before I attempt to reduce them) has made me realize: collectively, we are among the more well-read romance readers out there, particularly when Candy or I try to stump you with a romance personal ad.

This got me thinking: we should set up a reference section of recommendations by genre and type. So here’s what we’ll do: we will request any and all author/title/series recommendations from you, our knowledgeable and clever readership (don’t ever say kissing up never gets you anywhere), for a specific genre and type of romance. Then, Candy and I will take your names, website links, and recommendations and compile them into reference pages. That way, if you’ve got a hankering for… read more »

The Champion of the World!

OK, not really, just the Champion of this week’s Guess That Lonely Heart contest. Senetra, kneel thee down and be dubbed:

Do your title proud! (And try not to think too much about James Joyce’s proclivities as you gaze upon the O-face.)

The Viscount Who Loved Me, by Julia Quinn

Among the keepers I couldn’t part with when it was time to Thin the Collection of Dusty Romances Prior to Moving were most of my Julia Quinn novels, and many of the Nora Roberts’. I did toss half the Roberts because I never go back and reread them. In fact, I suspect that much of the reason I kept them in the first place is that I often buy Robert’s books (because you know she needs the royalties, NOT) and I feel so bad about spending $7.00 or more on a freaking paperback that I figure I ought to keep it - almost like wearing a shirt you paid too much for as often as you can to “get your money’s worth.” There are a few Roberts novels I go back and reread.

But the Julia Quinns? I reread them all the freaking time. They’re the romance equivalent of chocolate chip cookies, chicken soup, macaroni and cheese, cupcakes - comfort foods of which I haven’t met a single example that I would turn down. Quinn’s books, particularly the early Bridgertons, are light, funny, friendly books,… read more »

The Doctor’s In the House

Another Friday, another Personal ad! As always: guess the name of the character (it’s a hero this time), the name of the novel and the author, and win yourself an “exclusive” and “hand-made” aristocratic “title.” Go on, “take” a “guess.”

SWM, Ivy League graduate, served in Cuba under the First U.S. Volunteer Cavalry, own small country medical practice. Have a soft spot for dogs. Looking for quiet, gentle, animal-loving girl for sweet, sweet lovin’, maybe more.

May-December Plot Devices

The age debate going on downaways on this page has made me ponder. And that’s pretty much the pattern here -Candy fires off with opinion, but as I am a hormonal mess of emotions, I sit and ponder - ruminate, even! But I may make an opinionated pronouncement. Be wary!

In terms of age and difference, I know it’s the norm for historicals, particularly Regencies, to have a good amount of age difference between the hero and the heroine. Usually the hero is older, in his 30’s, and has sown his wild oats, served as a lordly rake in said oats, and experienced the world, gone on the Grand Tour, etc. The heroine is usually much younger, and is often a recent deb who has just had her first, or second, or maybe fourth season. I am well aware that this is the standard - and I was surprised to re-read a Julia Quinn recently wherein the hero was 29. That’s my age! What?! He’s supposed to be much older than that!

But I do know that when I’m reading, unless there’s some significant disparity in experience that reminds me constantly of the differences in age, I tend to… read more »

Smuggler’s Bride by Darlene Marshall

Lady Julia Delerue is going over the accounts for the Florida branch of Delerue-Sanders shipping after the death of her uncle when she discovers that somebody is stealing cargo right from their ships. In an effort to find the culprits, she decides to disguise herself as a grubby cleaning woman and work at Ganymede’s Cup, a local tavern belonging to Richard and Robin, two former pirate cohorts of her mother’s. (Ganymede’s Cup is also known locally as the Greek Boy, and given the kinds of pirates Julia’s mom had on her ship, you KNOW what sort of Mediterranean lad they’re referring to.) With its strategic location and less-than-savory clientele, Julia hopes to overhear enough to figure out what’s going on. Her only lead so far is a name but nothing else: Rand Washburn.

Then a couple of dimwits nab her, toss her onto a wagon and drop her off in the middle of nowhere. In the middle of nowhere with possibly the only backwoodsman around with all his teeth and nose left. (Apparently Cracker fights involved a lot of nose-biting. How cool is that little… read more »

Race and Character Identification

I was re-reading the “What’s Hot in Black Romance” entry on Monica’s blog when this line in the interview with author Maureen Smith caught my eye:

“SMITH: Unfortunately, there are many people who won’t read multicultural romances because they don’t think they can identify with the protagonists.”

If this is true, that’s pretty damn sad because many romance readers enjoy historicals, and I think the average middle-class white (or in my case, light khaki) woman has a hell of a lot more in common with the average middle-class black woman than an aristocratic English girl living in 1811. People snapped up Memoirs of a Geisha when it came out, and man, talk about immersing yourself in a foreign culture, right? And The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time is told from the perspective of somebody with Asperger’s Syndrome, ferchrissakes. And let’s not even get into how popular SF/F is, with its preponderance of characters who aren’t even HUMAN.

So the whole “I won’t read black romances because I won’t be able to identify with the characters” excuse doesn’t sound quite right to me.

I wonder why black genre fiction tends to be invisible? Actually, why is genre fiction… read more »

You call this a decent plot device? PAH! I SPIT ON THAT PLOT DEVICE!

Yesterday was all about the wonderfulness of lovin’ the virgin heroes and friends who eventually boink, so today I’m back to bitching and moaning. Here are the plot devices that, in my opinion, suck muchos cojones de los burros.

Get Your Nuptial Bliss On

I’m re-reading Julia Quinn’s The Viscount Who Loved Me, which is the 2nd of the Bridgerton series, and among my favorite of the Quinns. And I noticed as I read, mild spoiler alert, that the marriage element of the happily ever after happens almost midway through the book - leaving the characters to resolve whatever conflicts they have to address as a married couple.

I’ll Take That Cliché With a Steaming Side of Cheesy Plot Device, Please

Beth’s Smart Bitches Day post this week discusses which romance novel clichés she particularly likes. I think it’s funny that we enjoy many of the same ones, like pirates, cross-dressing heroines, Forbidden Attraction and smarty-mcsmart heroines who actually are intelligent and not total airheads who manage to quote the occasional dead Greek man. Man, we have such excellent taste in cheesy plot devices. Here are some other romance novel plot devices I really, really like:

Covers Gone Lindsey, Part 2

Sarah: This is one of the most memorable Lindsey covers for me. She looks uncomfortable, like he stopped her from leaning over the port side and hurling into the sea. The ocean behind them looks pretty rough, and she does not look particularly well. See that sick expression on her face?

“Please, put me down, I’m going to boof.”

And as for you, Mr. Hunkadunk, I see that you’ve tucked your shirt into your massively thick and uncomfortable looking belt. Perhaps if your shirt blowing around is a nusiance, you might try buttoning it!

Also, I keep misreading the lettering as “Gentile Rogue.”

Candy: Oh, how I weep that bad eyeshadow colors were inflicted upon hapless maidens even hundreds of years ago. Aquamarine eyeshadow is the true abomination, not sodomy. When will people learn?

And Sarah, I didn’t think her expression looks so much seasick as… pained. As if Fabulous slid a buttplug into Miss Thang without bothering to use lube. See, she embodies two abominations in one! Four if you count her lipstick and foundation as two separate items.

As for Fabio: as always, he renders me speechless. Like you said, I… read more »