It’s that time again! Cover Snark time! This is where we gaze upon book covers that don’t seem quite right. Let’s have at it, shall we?
From Karen: Well, I’m not sure this will seem icky to everybody or just me, but here’s another possible entry for Cover Snark. Anyway, what bothers me is the positioning of his wing. I know that it’s gotta be connected somewhere but where the cover illustrator put it is kind of creepy to me. Maybe if it wasn’t partially skin before becoming feathered, but it just looks like a bad deformity. Actually, it looks like a skinny arm coming off his shoulder. So, ewww.
The other issue, of course, is whether the positioning would actually allow him to fly. Doesn’t seem so to me. Maybe someone with aerodynamics experience will know that.
Amanda: His face says it all.
Sarah: I feel sad for his chiropractor.
Redheadedgirl: That’s not…why.
WHY
Elyse: That looks like something you should have biopsied.
Sarah: A little late now.
Elyse: Can you imagine that doctor’s day? “Good morning Mr. Smith. I see you’re here about–HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!”
Redheadedgirl: I mean….okay…. I guess in terms of wing position on birds, and chordates that actually fly…. maybe? but you’re not taking into account the surrounding muscular development that would be required for those things to work
Also since humanoids don’t have keelbones and the chest shape that birds have evolved and…. am I overthinking this?
Elyse: Yes.
Redheadedgirl: I just feel like those wing supporting a body weight from the shoulders isn’t going to work.
Sarah: I’ve seen a ton of intricate drawings of how wings would fit and work on humans, and how existing muscles would have adapted or grown. This wasn’t one of the designs.
Redheadedgirl: Also how did he get that tank top on?
Doe she have a valet to sew him into his muscle tanks every morning?
Elyse: How does he go to the bathroom? Where do the wings go?
Redheadedgirl: Wheelchair accessible stall, I guess.
Sarah: Imagine what his car must look like. Forget moving the seat back. He has to be in the trunk.
Maybe he can steer with his wings?
Redheadedgirl: Sarah, he doesn’t need a car. He can fly.
Sarah: Even he has to obey no fly zones, righ?
Right? Like, if he lives in a metro area with a bunch of airports, he’d have to drive or take the train.
Redheadedgirl: I don’t think the FAA had regs on angels.
Sarah: Imagine that guy on a bus. That’s a whole other realm of manspreading right there.
I bet they do. I mean, Sandra Hill has Vampire Viking Angel Navy SEALs. you’d think if there were angel SEALs the FAA would have to be at least aware.
Amanda: The face placement is jarring.
Sarah: I’m curious what ink she’s concealing.
Elyse: She has no legs
Art dept: I feel like we forgot something here… Nah. I bet it’s fine
Carrie: I loathe both of them on sight.
Amanda: Never trust a dude with a tribal tattoo.
Sarah: I keep thinking the curl next to the title is toilet paper. She has to run and get more because he used the last of the roll and rock stars don’t replace the paper roll, no, ma’am.
Elyse: Is he trying to steal her heart by biting through her ribcage to get at it?
Amanda: I feel like with the way her dress is sitting, we should have seen some nip by now.
Sarah: Amanda, the thumbnail image! It’s the best part of this cover.
Amanda: Feast yer eyes!
Amanda: It’s like one of those Magic Eye posters.
“My life is Rock n Roll not Toilet Roll!”
With those tan britches, it looks like the viscount is wearing a loincloth on first glance. Her dress is less than 1/4″ from wardrobe malfunction.
The last time I saw someone bend over backwards like that, it was a figure skater in a layback position.
She does have legs on the next to last one. They’re just visible below the tp.
Neither of their positions makes any sense to the blurry concert crowd in the background, unless, maybe, the crowd is there to see a completely different act.
In the second image, the only context that makes sense is that he’s really obnoxiously mansplaining country music to her and she’s gearing up to punch him in the face.
What is that Frankenfolly?! Dude drank red bull even though he was allergic?
PS Any chance of a link to more realistic pics mentioned? Antidote would be much appreciated.
Disturbed by the crosshatched yellow wall behind the reclining lady. If that’s acres of hay bordering a city, it’s a wildfire waiting to happen.
A wider range of specs, please. Because I will never find the kind my parents wear sexy. Eyewear incest taboo.
And don’t hold your guitar that way, mate, it makes your back look bulgy.
The trousers on the guy in the acrobatic clinch…the uni printers used a similar shade of cardboard for covers once. It was called buff something. The lecturer told us about this “pantone pornstar name”, to much hilarity.
Those wings seem to be two-tone, black and white, which is a new one on me. Do they signify moral ambiguity? Gannet genes? Who knows.
Fall into Darkness…just-what? Those wings are never going to work like that. It looks like it’s just that one wing, though? I don’t know, but that ain’t right.
Concealed-I’m fine with heavy ink, but damn. Concealed is an understatement. Is his whole body from the ears down tatted? Maybe the book explores the fascination or reasoning behind it in depth? I feel like there’s definite opportunity for psychological character study here. And truckloads of angst. Which he’s concealing with the tattoos, of course.
Interlude looks like he’s being scolded by a kindergarten teacher, or an irate librarian and any second now, he’s going to be a douche and humiliate her over it in front of that “crowd.”
Random thoughts while scrolling: 1) Keanu Reeves is *not* happy with what that photoshopper did to him; 2) Since when did Adam Levine become a cover model? 3) I didn’t know Tom Hardy played guitar, or that Liz Lemon was infatuated with him; and 4) Gotta say, Lou Ferrigno looks pretty good for his age.
This was…quite a batch. (But then, they all are.) 🙂
For Concealed, she’s concealing the password to the Photoshop computer after drawing tattoos all over underwear model Jose Parra’s body. Everyone thinks she got a little carried away with the faux ink. Okay, maybe just me ….
The highway man’s breeches are not bespoke. He ordered them from Lands End’s Sport Knit collection. (Best work-from-home pants ever!)
@Zyva – maybe Mellow Buff? Back when I worked in graphic design we stayed away from those fleshy tones.
Terrible wings? I’ve got an old cover that can top that: http://images.gr-assets.com/books/1343509702l/15774864.jpg
The publisher sent it to me while I was out of the country and emailless, then called my silence automatic approval and refused to change it.
@LauraL: I think it was something pretty egregious, like Buff Buckskin. (May have been a tryhard ersatz cardboard imitation of yellowed leather. If so, epic gravitas fail.)
Interlude–Isn’t that the late great Emily Latella displaying the humongous zit on her collarbone to the captive musician? Clearly it’s HIS fault too. Never mind. . .
@Olivia
I feel your pain. I guess you just can’t feed a demon (no matter how cute) cabbage.
Nooooo, someone found a picture of me white girl dancing back in the 80s!!!
RHG you are not overthinking the wing position at all, this kind of thing is very worrying to some of us, and how does he get that vest (UK – vest, US – tank both words mean different clothes in the other country) on?
Sarah, please do you know where you saw the drawings?
Glad I’m not the only one who saw Keanu Reeves in that first cover.
@Zyva: http://uzlo.deviantart.com/art/Thoughts-on-Wings-180464319 is one of the best things, very in-depth and interesting.
I honestly thought the last guy was wearing a gold lamé thong. And Interlude lady looks a lot like Sarah Palin to me. I feel like this is not a good way to start out a week.
“Vampire Viking Angel Navy SEALs”?!?
Ding Ding Ding, I think somebody just won PNR Bingo!!
Yup – those are the ones I saw. Thanks, Kael!
Cover-art Snark Jeopardy:
Answer: Keanu and Harry Connick, Jr. mate and have a baby who becomes a can-can dancer at Chippendales’.
Question: What is the final creative idea of the “Fall Into Darkness” cover artist before s/he is dragged – kicking, screaming, and spitting feathers – into cover-artist rehab, Alex…
Interlude lady looks like she still has her curlers in
*whispers* The rock star guy on the interlude cover looks waaaay too much like my husband when we started dating (his tattoos are very different, though! More Snoopy, less tribal.)
@MirandaB
With those tan britches, it looks like the viscount is wearing a loincloth on first glance.
Well, damn and blast. Until I scrolled down to the comments, I thought the guy was very nearly nekkid, and was going to give the cover a bit of applause for departing from the cliché of fully dressed man + nearly-unclad woman.
Phooey.
Vampire Viking Angel Navy SEALS? Was this written on a dare? Because it totally sounds like crackfic written on a dare.
(I did once come across a book called The Virgin Cowboy Billionaire’s Secret Baby. I have the same suspicion regarding that one.)
MoonJewel, I saw Sarah Palin, too!
Thanks for a fun post.
I thought the angel dude looked like a cross between Keanu Reeves and Brendan Frasier. A CROSS THAT SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN.
Falling into the Sky… aside from everything else, those wings are too small to support an adult male in the air.
Concealed… this is clearly a story about a giantess and a heavily (and unattractively) tattooed ordinary human male who is without hands.
Interlude… At first glance, I thought the woman was Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Only A Viscount Will Do… THgis title begs the question, what is that only a viscount will do? Especially one who seems to be a bit hefty around the middle. This woman is deformed because as far down as the dress is, where are the nipples?
In concealed I think her head is growing inside an oversized thigh.
Interesting on the Viscount book that the author’s name (complete with pendant) takes up a third of the cover, while the title’s almost an after thought.
And what’s that line running across the woman’s shoulders? Looks like the crease you get when you wear something with a too-tight elastic band. Or maybe a high tide mark?
The skin on the angel wings is so freaking creepy. Also in Interlude, why is she dressed like a librarian at a rock/country concert? is she trying to tell him they are playing in front of the library without permission and their noise is disturbing the readers, and to get the hell away from the library? (If that’s the case, she’s my favorite character ever.)
P.S. I read the summary for Interlude. Cover makes less sense now.
Is it just me, or does the woman in the rock&roll cover look like Tina Fey doing a skit about mom-dancing at a club?
I may be showing my age here, but that Interlude cover makes me think they were trying to recreate Courtney Cox and Bruce Springsteen in his Dancing in the Dark video and failing miserably!
The rock & roll one looks like the heroine is about to punch the hero. Look how her hand is clenched into a fist. So is the other, but I think she’s trying to hold her sweater on.
And, yes, @Cameron, it does look like Tina Fey.
Still have not recovered from the thing sticking out of the angel’s shoulder. Nightmares ensue.
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For some reason, Concealed to me looks like he just murdered her and dropped he body. It’s the placement of the face, his expression, the whole setup.
I keep staring a her clenched fists and jaw on the Interlude cover. Is she holding in a shart?